


Just Another Name

by Anotherdumblonde



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, Assassins, F/M, Genetically Engineered Beings, secret government facility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 169,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherdumblonde/pseuds/Anotherdumblonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hetty vets a new agent and brings her onto the team, they are expected to accept her no questions asked. But she is running from her past, and it's about to catch up with her. Can the team trust her? And can she let herself trust them? Because eventually, one of their lives will depend on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fic, (written back in 2011) so please bear with the first chapters. The writing gets much better as I find my voice.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this, as much as I did writing it. Please bear with me as I introduce a new agent and establish her relationship with each team member. It's needed to get the story started and once it is it will move much faster.
> 
> Most of my writing has a soundtrack that I listen to as I write. The story isn't written for the songs but the songs go along with the writing like a movie soundtrack. As the soundtrack changes I'll make sure I post the new song. So please try and listen to each while you're reading.

…Well bless my soul, you’re a lonely soul, cause you won’t let go, of anything you hold 

Well all I need, is the air I breathe, and a place to rest my head…

:OneRepublic – Say (All I need):

 

::Chapter One::

Two point three seconds – that was the amount of time it took for anything she saw to imprint itself in her brain in perfect detail. One point seven seconds – the amount of time it took for her to perfectly recall any specific part of that image. 15 years – the time took the government to exploit her 'talent'.

The government had kept her close for many years, making her disappear, and keeping her well hidden in secure black sites. And she hadn't fought their decisions, she had done her duty for her country, just as her parents would have expected. But at twenty-eight she began to test the boundaries, and the more she pushed, the more the restraints were tightened. Until she knew she had t get out.

It had taken her years to put everything in place, but she had to have all her i's dotted and her t's crossed. She knew there was no where she could run that they wouldn't find her, unless she had everything in order, and planned to the minutest detail. But that's what she did. That's what they trained her to do. And when the time came, she was able to disappear without a trace. 

And now here she was in sunny California, sitting in the middle of the room staring at a smart board covered in almost 50 images at a time scanning each for something that might have been missed by the other members of the team.

“Find anything Miss Faraday,” a gravelly woman’s voice came from behind her suddenly.

Although it would have startled most people to have someone suddenly speak to them in an otherwise almost empty room, Reagan had heard her stealthy entrance.

She shook her head, “Not yet, but I still have twenty-five images still to go through.”

“Twenty-five? You mean you've screened the other 475 photos?”

Reagan shrugged, “I've been sitting here about twenty minutes.”

Hetty smiled, “Eighteen point two to be exact.’

Reagan finally turned to look at her, “You’re timing me?” she asked incredulously.

“Checking to see if I really got my money’s worth, or if it was just all piss and wind.”

Reagan laughed, “And?”

“So far, my dear, you’re the real deal. But the real test is when you have to face them.”

Hetty turned slightly and nodding to the four special agents clustered together outside the room. Reagan felt the sweat begin to bead on her brow. She was surprised at her response to the interrogation that she would soon sit through with the four agents. She had done this before. She’d been interrogated by much worse than this, but none of them had ever mattered before. None of them had been what she wanted and work for.

“Relax Miss Faraday. They may look tough but remember, each one of them was the new agent at one time,” Hetty placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Yes and each one of them is remembering that right now and planning on giving better than he got!” Reagan mumbled, but her eyes and mind were scanning the last twenty-five images.

“There!” she whispered, surprised, “Image number 493. That officer off to the left of the photo, he hasn't appeared once in any of the previous images and he’s not sweating. Every other officer and agent has appeared in a number of other images and each by the end photos is tired, disheveled, and sweating. They were at the crime scene for hours in the hot sun. That officer looks too perfect, like he just arrived, and at this point officers were starting to leave. Better chance of being overlooked and no one questioning you.”

Hetty enlarged that area of the image, “Are you sure? Could you have missed him in an image earlier?”

Reagan sat back and closed her eyes and mentally scanned through the images in her mind. She shook her head.

“No, this is the first image he appeared in, and he is in only one other. There – image 497. Look he’s putting something in his pocket.”

Hetty put a hand to her ear, “Eric, take this image and I.D. this man. And as for you my dear, it’s time for trial by fire.”

Reagan took a deep breath and stood, nervously straightening her pencil skirt and adjusting her glasses. Hetty opened the door and the four agents walked in. She studied them, trying to read each as they entered to room.

The four of them stood clustered together watching the girl in the ops room scan through images at an unheard of rate.

“Anyone know who she is,” Marty look at each of the other three.

“Not a clue. Tried to call in some favors to get her file but apparently she’s top level security.” Callen said.

“Eric hasn't found a thing on her. She’s completely off the grid. No aliases or anything.” Sam offered.

“So basically she doesn't exist,” Kensi sighed.

“Reagan Jace Faraday. Born April 7th of 1983. Parents: father - Jace William Faraday – 4 star Admiral Navy Seal – Mother – Lauren Regina (Holt) Faraday – leading US geneticist – both deceased (murdered June 27, 1998) never solved.” Nate began quoting from a file he held in his hands as he joined the group.

“Okay so you have about as much information as the rest of us. Tell us that file has something that we can go on to get some idea who this girl is?” Sam tried to glance at it.

“No, nada, I even asked Hetty for the file she has, but it was no deal. The few times I had the pleasure to meet Miss Faraday she was perfectly vague and sweet. It appears she knew I was a psychologist, and managed to appear professional without doing anything that might have given me something to go on.

“No siblings, she was the sole heir of her parents sizable estate but hasn't touched a dime of it. She set up a foundation for orphans of military parents with the interest the estate collects for a year. She was recruited by the government at the age of 17 and has worked with every military branch and agency except for us. Coming to NCIS was the only move that seems to have been her choice.”

“Seventeen, what the hell would the government want with a seventeen year old?” Sam asked looking at her through the plantation shades of the room.

“And what would make her want that?” Marty Deeks asked.

“She’s alone, no family, no friends, not really sure of who she is or where she belongs. Working here gives her a chance to try on different identities, see if one fits,” Callen said to no one in particular.

“She lost her parents and their murders were never solved. Going under cover gives her a chance to possibly find her parent’s murderers and to hide from them if she was a missed target,” Kensi mused.

“Her dad was a Seal. She was raised with a stringent code of honor. She may feel that it’s her duty to her father to work NCIS,” Sam offered.

Deeks shrugged, “Or she’s completely off her rocker just like the rest of us!”

“Or that,” Callen agreed, with Sam and Kensi nodding their agreement.

Nate just stood back and listened to them banter with a look of contentment on his face. He watched their demeanor changed as Hetty opened the door of the ops center and invite them in. He looked at Reagan and felt that physical jolt all men must experience when they first see her. She was truly exquisite to look at, and her mind was just as fascinating. She was a dangerous combination. 

The few times Nate had met her she had worn the tortoise shell glasses and her hair pulled back in a severe bun, but something didn't resonate comfortably for him. He felt it was almost as though she used them as a barrier between herself and the rest of the world.

“Holy shit,” he heard Deeks whisper as they walked into the room.

Nate tried not to laugh, thinking that had been his same reaction. About a second later he heard a soft whistle from Sam and a slight “damn” from Callen. Kensi got one look at her and visibly stiffened.

“Miss Faraday, I would like to introduce the team to you; Agent G. Callen, Agent Sam Hanna, Agent Kensi Blye, and LAPD Liaison Marty Deeks. Everyone this is Miss Reagan Faraday.

“Miss Faraday has reviewed all of the images from the Hassan case. She has found some new things that Eric is checking into as we speak. I am sure you have some questions for her so I will leave you all to it. Nate if you would come with me,” Hetty announced.

“But I –“

“Nate, with me please,” Hetty responded.

He looked at Reagan who smiled confidently and watched him leave. As the doors closed behind him he turned to Hetty.

“You should have let me stay. They’re going to eat her alive,” he started.

Hetty looked at him, “If that is the case Mr. Getz, then Miss Faraday doesn’t belong in that room. Despite Miss Faraday looking like a breakable porcelain doll, she is very capable of holding her own with anyone of them in them in that room. And since you have read her file you know that.”

“Actually there is nothing of use in the file I have. Her personal information, parent’s births and deaths. But you knew that already.”

“Come on Nate, Miss Faraday will be fine. Trust me.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. I am going to try and post every two days. Please leave your comments and thoughts. They are food for my writers soul.

Chapter Two

            Reagan stared at the four agents who stood together across from her.  She might have been extremely intimidated if she had been someone else.  If she hadn’t grown up with a Navy Seal father who trained his little girl to act like a grown Navy Seal.  If she hadn’t grown up with a geneticist mother who trained her little girl to think like a scientist.  If she hadn’t come home from a swim meet to a house full of NCIS agents and murdered parents.

            “So, Miss Faraday, Hetty say’s you’ve found new information on the Hassan case?” Callen spoke up.

            “Yes, and please... call me, Reagan.  If you could pull up the images for me?”  She directed the question to Eric sitting at his computer.

            They all looked to Eric, waiting patiently.  It took him a moment to realize anyone had spoken to him, as he stared at Reagan.  He had the decency to look sheepish as he pulled up the images and displayed them on the smart board for Reagan.

            Again she explained what she had told Hetty about the man in the image.  Eric informed them that they were scanning facial recognition for a match and that Nell was going through a number of different programs to find any information on this guy.

            “So everything is being done that can be,” Callen stated.

            Eric agreed.

            “Good.  Eric, if you would excuse us for a moment.  We have some questions that we want to discuss with Miss Faraday.  Alone.”  Callen asked never taking his eyes off of Reagan.

            Eric looked to Reagan.  She smiled sweetly at him just, as she did Nate, and turned back to the team.  She knew that this would happen and hoped she was prepared for what was to come. 

            “Please sit, Miss Faraday,” Sam offered. 

            “If it’s all the same to you, I would prefer to stand,” Reagan responded.

            Never compromise your position, she could hear the echo of her father's words.  If you’re standing, you appear more confidant, in control.  It's easier to get out of a situation, when you are ready to move, than if you’re sitting.

            “If that’s what you would prefer,” he nodded.

            “Miss Faraday…” Sam began.

            “Please... call me Reagan.  I’m not use to such formal... interrogations.”

            “Why would you use that term, Miss – Reagan,” Kensi asked.

            Reagan turned to Kensi and gave a small smile, “I don't think any of us are under the illusion that this is a chat between friends." 

            Reagan shrugged, "I understand that you need to ask me your questions, just as I need to answer them to the best of my ability.”

            “As you will,” Kensi acquiesced.

            “What exactly do you do, Reagan?” Callen asked.

            “I clean,” she answered vaguely.

            “What exactly does that mean?” Sam frowned at her.

            Out of all of them he was the only one who really made her uneasy.  There was something about him that reminded her of her father.

            “You’re a SEAL aren’t you Agent Hanna,” Reagan stated bluntly ignoring his question.

            Sam looked slightly taken back but nodded.

            “How…” he started to ask.

            “My father was a SEAL, and therefore many of my “uncles” were SEALs also,” she used air quotes when she mentioned uncles.

            “You all have a certain way about you, your demeanor, a way of carrying yourself, your presence in a room.  But I see this because I grew up in that world.  I was taught to notice things like that.  My father once told me, that being observant would save my life one day.”

            Sam made a hmmphing noise and crossed his arms across his broad chest.

            “So you noticed Sam’s a SEAL.  Anyone with a military background could pick a Seal out of a line up.”  Deeks stuck his neck out.

            “Perhaps you’re right Detective Deeks.  I can also tell you that Agent Blye has a nervous habit of pushing her nail beds back, and you had strawberries for breakfast?”

            Now Deeks was mildly shocked, “How could you know that?”

          "It's my job to know, Detective Deeks. To some it may seem like intuition, or a sixth sense, but in actuality, it is simple observation.

          “Each SEAL Team has their own way about them.  Almost like a distinctive signature.  I’ve met some SEALs from Team Six and they read just as Agent Hanna does.  My father was SEAL Team Six.

          "When Agent Blye shook my hand, I noticed the shininess of her fingers nails that was not attributed to polish, and also noticed the beds of her nails were slightly irritated.  Giving that she did not just have a manicure, and that the nails appear as shiny as they do, I deduced that this is a habit that has been going on for a while.”

            Reagan watched as Kensi turned her hand over and glanced at her nails, then quickly stuffed it in her jeans pocket.  She then looked at Reagan with wary eyes.

            “But how could you possibly know what I ate for breakfast, hours ago?” Deeks pushed.

            “You’re smile,” she stated plainly.

            “My smi-  What?”

            “Yes.  When you shook my hand, you smiled.  I noticed that there were strawberry seeds stuck in your bottom tooth,” she shrugged, as if it were common place to notice these things.

            Deeks immediately turned to the window and studied his transparent reflection, to try and find the seeds.

“And now that we all know who Sam is, how about you tell us who you are,” Callen interrupted.

            “You know who I am, you’ve all read my file,” Reagan looked to each one of them daring someone to say something.

            And Kensi didn’t disappoint, “Your file tells us nothing we couldn’t find by Googling you.  What can you tell us that we don’t already know?  Like how you found something new in photographs we’ve gone over for days”

            “I have hyperthymesia.”

            “Hyper- what?” Deeks asked.

            “Hyperthymesia.  Total recall of autobiographical information.  Or information that I have come across personally.”

            “So you remember everything?” Deeks asked intrigued

            “Not exactly.  I remember every day of my life from about the age of 4.  Anything that I have personally experienced or encountered I can recall perfectly.

            “So for instance when I saw the man in image 493 all I had to do was go back through the catalogue I had and see if he showed up in any of the other images.  He didn’t.”

            “Why NCIS?” Sam asked.

            “My parents were killed and their case never solved.  My father was a Navy Seal.  I want to be able to do for other people what was unable to be done for me.  Put the murderers in jail.”

            “Why OSP?” Kensi grilled her.

            “I’ve lived under cover for almost my whole life.  Because of whom my father was and what he had done in his military career the government faked my death and gave me an alias so I could go live with my aunt and uncle in Italy.  But every time I wanted to make a change in my life my alias needed to be changed.  They thought that it would make it harder to find me if I was someone else every so many years.”

            “Yeah, about that,” Deeks spoke up, “Why exactly would the government recruit a 17 year old?  What do you actually do for the government?”

            Reagan knew this question would come up sooner or later and she had debated on what exactly to say.  Because of her agreement in order to come to NCIS there were some things that were off the table.  But just how much did she want these complete strangers to know.

            “I already told you.  I cleaned."

            "And yet, you've failed to give us an explanation on what exactly that means."  Callen challenged her.

            "That's classified.All I can tell you is that I was what they call a Cleaner.  I was sent in when an op went bad.  I was there to clean up the mess.”

            “What kind of operations are you talking about? Intelligence?  Espionage?  Unsanctioned assassinations?  What?  And where did these assignments take place?” Deeks grilled her.

            “All of that information is classified.  But I was overseas, for most of the assignments.”

            “ _Most_ of the assignments were overseas?  So some of them were here in the States?” Sam asked, taking over the questioning.

            “I’m not at liberty to disclose exactly where I was, but you can safely say I was pretty much everywhere."

            “You were 17, how could you possibly have the training needed to do this ‘highly classified’ job?” Sam continued questioning.

            “Trust me Agent Hanna, the agency I worked for made sure I had the training I needed… and then some.”

            “And what was your cover?” G finally spoke up.

            “I’m not at liberty to say, and honestly it’s something I happily left behind.”

            “So you’re saying you have been living under an alias since you were 15 years old?” Kensi asked, in slight disbelief.

            “My parents worked very closely on a government genetics project.  They knew things that were considered completely confidential.  When they were murdered, the government felt that I would be targeted next, and they had no idea what my parents had disclosed to me about their work, or even if they did.  So they faked the death of, Reagan Faraday, and smuggling me out of the country."

            “How many aliases have you had?” G asked.

            “Are we all going to share, or just me?  Because if not, I’m done with this game.  Covers are revealed on a need to know basis.  When I think you need to know, I will tell you.”

Deeks smiled, “Feisty!  I like that in a girl.”

            Reagan shot him a withering look, “Please, every man says that about a woman, and then they try to change her once they’ve got her.  Don’t be so cliché, Agent Deeks.”  

            “I… wha…” he stumbled over his words.

            Callen smiled, “Never expected to be shot down by the new girl, did you?”

            “And she can give as good as she gets!” Sam punched Deeks in the arm.

            “Well then Reagan Faraday, welcome to The Office of Special Projects, NCIS.” Callen held out his hand to her.

            She smiled at his stoic face, “Thank you very much G. Callen.”

            Reagan reached for his hand, and when they touched, the electricity that shot between the two of them had both of them pulling their hands back a little too quickly.  Their eyes met and acknowledged the contact and connection but remained silent.  She shook everyone else’s hands, none of them giving her anything like the jolt Callen did. 

            Actually Kensi barely acknowledged the shake.  Reagan looked hard at the agent’s back as Kensi walked out.  She was going to be the biggest stumbling block, and Reagan had to take that down first.  There was no way Kensi was going to let another woman usurp her place in the pack order, and right now she was on edge about it happening.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  
The following week found them without a lot to do and a lot of time for Reagan to get an idea of what kind of dynamic this group had. So sitting around the ‘bull pen’ she was able to observe in a casual manner.

Being the new agent, and the odd man out Reagan didn’t have a desk, and that suited her just fine. She was happier to curl up on the couch and watch the interactions between these new acquaintances of hers.

It was obvious from the get go that Callen and Sam were the leaders of the group. More like big brothers to Kensi and Deeks than senior agents. And their relationship brought to mind an old married couple. They bickered and picked until one or both were threatening the other’s life. Reagan did her best not to laugh out loud as she listened to them argue over some trivial matter.

“You really need a way to unwind ‘G’,” Sam was saying.

“I unwind,” Callen argued.

“Really? How?”

“I practice my Russian,” he offered.

“You practice Russian. You take apart a toaster and put it back together. You shoot something. ‘G’ that’s not relaxing, that’s evading.

“Relaxing is meditation, reading a good book, listening to music, or watching TV. I hear yoga is good for relaxing right Deeks?” Sam pushed the issue.

Reagan heard Kensi snort at Sam’s last comment and hazarded a glance in her direction. She caught her punching Deeks’ arm and him frowning at her and mouthing ‘what?’. Hmmm, some back story there Reagan filed that away for later.

“Meditation is ridiculous, reading would require me to buy book shelves, music would require a radio, watching TV would require a TV.” Callen check off the list.

Sam rolled his eyes and addressed Reagan, “What’s your take on relaxing Reagan?”

She blinked and opened her mouth only to shut it quickly. This was a test, and she needed to answer the question without any casualties.

“I um, well a lot can be said for all kinds of relaxation techniques. I’m a firm believer that meditation and yoga are very helpful with relaxation,” she began.

Sam was nudging Callen’s arm when she continued, “On the other hand, I have been known to go the range and shoot some rounds to blow off steam and relax. I know some people find puzzles relaxing which is similar to disassembling a toaster and putting it back together. Um, the Russian thing though, not sure where that falls into relaxing but to each his own.” She shrugged.

Sam laughed and Deeks held his hand out to Kensi, “Pay up my sweet. She managed to evade answering another question and I win.”

Kensi growled at him standing, slapped money in his hand and stormed out of the ‘bull pen’. Deeks, still laughing, rose to follow her.

“Aww, come on Princess, it’s all in fun! You’re just a sore loser!” they heard him call to Kensi as he went after her into the gym.

“I’m not a sore loser!” came Kensi’s retort.

Reagan with a look of concern turned back to Sam and Callen only to turn back as Kensi and Deeks left the gym and headed to the doors to leave still arguing. Again she looked back at Sam and Callen with concern.

“Are they…” she started.

“Don’t worry Kensi’s a sore loser but she’ll get over it.”

Reagan blinked, before she smiled at Sam, “Oh I wasn’t worried about Kensi. I was worried about what she might do to Deeks if he doesn’t stop calling her Princess?”

Even Callen, usually so stoic, laughed at that one. Reagan turned back once again to where Deeks and Kensi had just left the building and sat with her chin in her hand going over something in her head. When she finally worked it out she spoke up again.

“Are they always like that?”

Sam laughed and Callen smiled.

“Like what?” Callen asked, “Always arguing? Yeah, welcome to having a partner.”

“No, not the arguing, I mean all the sexual tension and frustration crackling around them.”

Callen and Sam gave her blank stares.

“Tell me you don’t see it.”

Again, blank stares.

Reagan had to laugh this time, “You don’t see it! My God, it’s so strong you can almost touch it!”

This time she determined the stare was slightly shocked and blank. Reagan laughed again as Hetty walked in.

“Miss Faraday, you have been here only a week and already you have managed to do what I have tried to for years. Render Messer’s Callen and Hanna speechless. Please divulge your tactics so we can have more moments of peace and quiet.”

Reagan smiled, “I think I shocked them by asking about the sexual tension between Agent Blye and Agent Deeks. I’m not sure they can handle the thought.”

Hetty looked at the two men, “You are two of my best agents, and this comes as a surprise to you?”

“In their defense though, it very well could be that they were blind to it because they look upon Kensi as a little sister. And you don’t really want to think about your little sister and sex.”

Callen and Sam groaned and mumbled some excuse as the rose and left the area.

Hetty chuckled as the moved on, and then turned back to Reagan.

“So Miss Faraday, how are you fitting in to our little family?”

Reagan shrugged and thought about what she had learned in only the last week about the agents she had joined. Hetty was right they were a family. They were close and argued, and annoyed, and loved each other in equal measures. They actually liked each other and enjoyed being together after hours also. They had relationships outside of work and they looked out for each other.

Reagan hadn’t experienced something like that since her parents died. Even when she was living with her aunt and uncle she was on her own, fending for herself, protecting herself. She knew the only one who had her back was herself. But here with this team, they each knew they could count on each other, that the others had their backs. There was a trust among them that Reagan barely understood, coming from where she did in her life.

“I don’t really know if I fit in here Hetty. I’ve been alone for so long that I don’t remember how to trust, and they trust each other implicitly. No questions, they know that the other will be there to help them out.

“In my line of work I learned to rely on myself. There was no one to protect my back, to lean on if a job went bad. If a job went bad I had to get myself out. For 13 years I’ve been alone. I’m not sure I know how to trust someone like they do.”

“Miss Faraday, Reagan, if I may, I would not have allowed you to remain here if I didn’t think you were able to handle the job. You, my dear, are able to adapt to any situation that is thrown at you. Just perceive this as another assignment. You need to infiltrate the team and learn how to trust them and get them to trust you. Pretty cut and dry to me.”

Reagan nodded. If she looked at it that way it really was simple. But she also knew that some things were easier said than done. Sure they had accepted her as an agent, but it was a whole different story getting them to trust her as a partner. As Hetty walked back to her office Reagan began laying out a tactical plan in her head as to how she was going to begin to trust these people she now called her team. It wasn’t going to be easy, more like having your teeth pulled without any Novocain, but it had to be done, and she always did the job.

A few moments later Reagan found herself alone in the gym. She really didn’t feel like whaling on something today so she sat in the middle of the sparing mat stretching and doing some Pilates. With no one around to see she decided to throw her earbuds in and do some basic ballet stretches and steps. She stood in the center of the mat and punched in the music for Swan Lake. She began some plies to loosen the muscles in her legs, and then some developes. But as she stretched and moved the music took hold and the steps began to answer the music, taking her back to New York and her first time dancing as Odette/Odile. It had always been her dream to become a dancer. Her father had wanted her to become a world famous swimmer, and though she loved the water and swimming, dance called to her. Her mother had let her take lessons and when they had realized how good she was they let her continue. Even when she was in Italy with her aunt and uncle she took lessons. And finally, when it was time to move on and they told her the next assignment would be in New York she had jumped at the chance.

She had become Evangeline Scott, and had auditioned for the NYC Ballet. She knew she was going to get in, the government had arranged that. And she had become a member of the corps. But her talent was not overlooked for long. The longer she was there the more prominent she became in the company until she was doing solos, and then dancing the lead. Evangeline had been thrilled. It was a dream come true, the first time she danced Swan Lake as Odette and Odile. And then she had gotten the coveted roll as Giselle and couldn’t have been happier. But that happiness was short lived when she received her assignment. One of the male dancers was a Russian spy posing as a dancer and it was her mission to get rid of him.

But the fact of the job couldn’t take away from the triumph of being on the stage. The gloriousness of the audience, the thrill of the music, the one time she was able to be in the spotlight and not fear it. Unfortunately, it had to end and unfortunately during a dress rehearsal for the Nutcracker. The Russian was cast as the lead and when it was time for him to fly across the stage in the reindeer drawn sleigh with Clara next to him, there was a malfunction of the ropes that lifted the sleigh and it came crashing to the ground with the Russian and Evangeline in it. ‘Somehow’ the rigging had gotten caught around his neck, and he was hanged, his neck snapped and was dead before they hit the ground, and Evangeline came crashing to the stage with the sleigh causing a knee injury that ended her career as a dancer for the NYC Ballet. The incident had been labeled an accident due to faulty wires and no one ever suspected Evangeline since her career had been so promising and was now over in a matter of 2 years.

As Reagan danced she never noticed Sam come into the gym. As the music swirled inside her head, her eyes were closed and her body moved of its own volition. She pirouetted, and bourreed, her body fluid and grace. Her arms long and supple stretched and flowed like silk floating. Sam watched completely taken in by the peace and joy he saw on her face. Yes there was definitely more to Reagan Faraday than any of them knew or could even imagine, and he could respect that, could even understand that, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed to know more and the only way to do that was to get her to trust him.

When Reagan finished she was in a deep curtsy facing away from him and had no idea where the applause came from. Spinning immediately, she was in a crouched position facing him with a wicked knife in her hand that he had never seen her remove.

“Whoa, easy there,” he threw his hands up in surrender.

She stood and pulled the earbuds out, brushing some escaped hair back from her face. “I thought I was alone.”

“You were, until I walked in. That was pretty impressive,” he was offering her an olive branch, now it was up to her to either take it or ignore it as she had been doing so far.

She bowed her head and he saw her tuck the knife somewhere back on her person before she looked up at him again.

“Thank you. It’s my one great love,” she smiled.

Sam felt as if he’d been blasted with sunlight. This smile wasn’t one of the calculated, sweet smiles she had been passing off so far as real. This was a smile of pure joy, so blindingly bright and pure that it lit up the whole room. The realness of it took his breath away because Reagan alone was beautiful to behold, but Reagan happy was almost otherworldly.

“You must really love it. You looked utterly at peace while you danced,” he offered her a towel, and leaned against the wall as she wiped her face and neck.

“I am. When I dance, nothing is wrong with the world. I’m not an agent, I’m not an orphan, I’m not alone, and I’m just the dance. It’s me, and the music, and the steps and everything else just fades away.”

“I know what you mean. I feel the same way when I’m swimming. It’s just me and the ocean, and the waves.”

“Right, and even with those sounds, you can still hear your own heartbeat, hear yourself breathing, and your soul is set free!”

Bingo, he thought. But he wasn’t smug about it, hearing her put his passion into words made him realize that she was still just a girl looking for some peace in a world that had been turned upside down by her parents deaths. He looked at her face, washed of makeup and saw a girl who had been brought into this world of deceit and lies too early, her innocence taken before she was old enough to understand.

“I would have thought you would have been a world class swimmer, you know with your dad being a SEAL and all.”

Reagan chuckled, the blinding light gone from her face, “I was on my way to being a world class swimmer. I actually had just won my meet the day I came home to my house full of NCIS agents. My parents were supposed to meet me at school and watch the meet, but they never arrived.

She gave a short laugh, “I was so angry at them for not being there. I thought one of them had been called to a meeting or something else and that they went to that instead. I was on my way home ready for a fight.

“It seems so trivial when I look back now. My parents were murdered while I was winning a stupid race.”

“You can’t beat yourself up forever over it. You were 15 what did you know. They had promised to be there and they weren’t. You were pissed, any kid would have been. Give yourself a break Reagan.”

She rubbed her face with her hands, and then looked at him again, “I know you’re right. It’s what they would have wanted, and my head tells me that’s what I should do, but my heart doesn’t always listen to my head. And I’ve never been able to forgive myself that my last thoughts of my parents were anger and resentment.”

Sam reached out and put a large hand on her slender shoulder, “Well there’s never a better time than the present to start. You’re here to start a new life for yourself. You chose NCIS: Office of Special Project’s and you can choose to leave that baggage behind.”

Reagan nodded, “How did you become my guru already?”

Sam smiled, “Practice. Lots of practice.”

“Yeah I guess with Callen as your partner you need to be the voice of reason,” she laughed.

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Sam joined in.

“Thanks Sam. I never thought I needed to talk about what happened, but now that I have I feel better.”

“Hey, that’s what teams are for. Sounding boards, shoulders, ears. You’re part of the team now baby girl, you better get use to the rest of us butting our noses in when it’s the last thing you want but the first thing you need,” he gave her shoulder a squeeze.

Reagan thought about that comment for a minute, “Might be nice to have someone butting in and making waves. It will remind me that there is someone out there who cares.

“I’m going to get cleaned up. Thanks again Sam. I really needed that today.”

“My pleasure,” he watched her as she headed into the locker room.

As he turned to leave he found Kensi standing in the doorway watching them. He waved and walked over to her.

“Hey, you going to work out?”

Kensi shook her head and turned, leaving the gym. Confused at her surliness, Sam followed her out into the empty ‘bullpen’.

“What’s crawled up your ass?” he asked as she threw her gloves down on her desk.

“Nothing,” she growled at him.

“Nothing, really cause I’m not used to being growled at by normal Kensi, so I’m assuming that something’s got your hairs up and I want to know what it is.”

“I said it was nothing,” she tried to bite back the growl this time.

“Oh come on Kensi cut the crap, something is wrong and if you won’t tell me I’m calling in Nate. And then you’ll have him hounding you until it comes out. So which is it going to be, hmm? Me or Nate?”

She glared at him, and if looks could kill, Sam would definitely have not survived that one. Throwing up her hands she caved.

“Alright, fine, I’ll talk to you.”

“Don’t let me twist your arm or anything.”

“Forget it, I don’t…”

“Kens, I was kidding, where’s your sense of humor?”

“I guess it disappeared when she arrived.” Kensi finally said.

“When you say ‘she’ I take it you mean Reagan.”

It wasn’t a question because they both knew she meant Reagan. Kensi had been like a baited bear since Hetty mentioned bringing in another female agent. And after meeting her Kensi had compared herself to the new agent and found herself wanting, but couldn’t figure out why.

“What exactly about Reagan has you so upset?” Sam tried to start small.

“Why didn’t you guys treat me the way you treat Reagan?” she blurted out.

Damn it! She thought, that was not how she wanted to come across. She really had a problem with the new agent, she hated to even say her name, and sounding like a whiny kid was not going to look good for her case.

Sam frowned at Kensi, “Really? That’s your problem?”

“You all treat her like she’s going to break. How come you never treated me like that when I was the new agent?”

Sam actually laughed out loud right in Kensi’s face, “Come on Kensi, you’re one of the smartest girls I know. Would you have let us treat you like we treat Reagan? You were looking to prove yourself the minute you stepped through the door! If we had tried the soft approach with you we would have gotten our asses handed back to us.

“You were ready for a trial by fire. You were up to the task. Reagan, not so much I think. I think she needs to be eased in, more like Dom did.”

The mention of Kensi’s dead partner had her flinching. He had been killed in the line of duty 2 years ago and it still was a sore subject for them all.

“Well then we don’t need another liability,” Kensi still wouldn’t let up.

“It’s not our decision Kens. Hetty made the choice and so far she’s been right about each agent she’s brought in. Remember how you felt about Deeks when Hetty first brought him in as LAPD liaison?”

A wry smile lifted Kensi’s mouth. She had wanted nothing to do with Marty when he had first arrived. He had really rubbed her the wrong way, but there had been a reason for that. One she wasn’t willing to discuss with Sam, but it was something she had finally admitted to herself.

“But Deeks was already a good cop. We know nothing about what Reagan did before she came here. She just evaded answers when we asked them, and…”

Reagan’s arrival had her stopping short. Again, looking at the blonde woman Kensi had this feeling of not measuring up, and she hated that feeling. She had always done everything to make sure that she measured up, for her father, for Jack, for the job and this feeling of inadequacy when it came to Reagan was totally unacceptable.

Walking over to them Reagan seemed to glide across the floor making no sound as she moved. Kensi screamed internally, I’m simply – she knew exactly what word would have come to mind if she hadn’t squashed it down before it could make her feel even worse.

Reagan gave her a tentative smile that she couldn’t return even if she wanted to. Her face felt frozen into a perpetual frown at the moment.

“Night Kensi,” Reagan said and waited a beat for her response.

Able to give her only a nod, Kensi turned and went to her desk. Reagan watched her back, and her features hardened slightly.

Looking over to Sam she smiled that blindingly beautiful smile,” Thanks again Sam. See you tomorrow.”

“Catch you later Reagan!”

Once Reagan had left the building Sam rounded on Kensi.

“Listen Kensi, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but that was just rude and I never thought of you as someone who was rude. This is not going to fly with Callen and especially not with Hetty so you need to reign in the temper. Cause it just seems like jealousy to me.

At that word Kensi felt like he has slapped her in the face. Her head jerked back and she felt her cheeks turning red. No, that was not it! She was not jealous, she would never let herself get jealous!

“Get it together Kensi. See you tomorrow.”

And with that Sam shouldered his bag and walked out leaving her alone with her thoughts. Jealous, no that wasn’t it, she refused to allow it to be true. But the more she thought about it the more it seemed that it was as simple as that, and that was simply unacceptable!

Maybe she was being unreasonable. After all Reagan hadn’t done anything to cause this feeling. She had barely said two words to anyone unless asked a question. Her conversation with Sam earlier had been the most Kensi had heard her say in the week and a half she had been with the team unless she was helping out with a case. Shaking her head she tried to clear her thoughts, but it still all came back to jealousy.

“Okay, okay, so I’m jealous. I’m jealous that she walked in here and so easily was able to sink her sweet little claws into the guys. I’m jealous that she doesn’t feel the need to prove herself to them. I’m jealous that she looks like a fucken’ fairy princess! (That one made her roll her eyes at herself). I’m jealous that she out shines me. And that just pisses me off even more because I’ve never cared about shit like this before!” Kensi tried to reason out loud.

Slamming her fist down on the table she cursed. Okay, she thought I will give her the benefit of the doubt. I will really try to get to get to know her and… it just sounded so condescending to her as she thought all of it out. Sighing she stood knowing that she wasn’t’ going to get anywhere with this monologue right then, and that with no one on her side about this she was feeling stuck out in left field.

Then she had a thought. Nell. Nell had to understand what she was talking about. There was no way Nell could like the way Eric drooled over Reagan the way he did. After all in their own way Nell and Eric were partners. That was it. She would talk to Nell in the morning. Right then she was going home to a pint of Ben-n-Jerry’s and a comfy couch.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tension between Reagan and Kensi, in this chapter.

:: Chapter Five ::

Kensi walked in to the ops room, hoping to find an ally in Nell, only to find her red head bent together with Reagan’s blonde and the two of them thick as thieves.  She could feel the hope she had for an ally pop like a balloon, the pieces flying every which way.  Both girls looked up when she entered and smiled.  Damn it why does she have to be so sweet?!  In her mind the word sounded like a curse.

“Morning, Kensi!” Nell chirped.

Kensi had never felt this kind of raw emotional junk when Nell had come to OSP.  Nell was sweet and unassuming, and was nowhere near usurping her place on the team.  She was like their little sister who they protected and teased in equal measures.  But that was not the case with Reagan.

“Morning, Kensi,” Reagan’s soft voice jerked her from her thoughts.

Kensi looked at both of them and knew she had to try.  If Hetty planned on keeping her new toy then she had to find a way to coexist with her.

“Morning,” she looked at them both.

Reagan stood, and excused herself from the little group.  It had been a start but she wasn’t going to push her luck with Kensi.  Baby steps, she thought.  As she left she heard Nell begin to chatter about some show she had seen last night.  

Reagan made her way down to the ‘bull pen’ which happened to be empty.  Looking at the 4 seats, she felt like Goldilocks trying to judge which one she should commandeer.  Finally settling on Deeks’ she dropped into it and laid her forehead on the desk her hands hanging almost to the floor.  She closed her eyes and tried to breathe deeply.  These past two weeks had been stressful, with Kensi’s open hostility.  She had known it wasn’t going to be easy simply infiltrating the team as an outsider, but to have this extra antagonism in the mix had just been draining.

She heard him cough and then give a short laugh when he finally got a good look at her position, “Um, are you lost?”

Not moving from her position Reagan rolled her head on the desk saying no.

“Did Kensi glue your head to the desk?”

Again she rolled her head, but this comment elicited a smile.

“Your ass to the seat?”

Reagan let out a laugh and sat up rubbing her forehead and smiling at Deeks.

“Did she do that to you?”

Deeks smiled at the hopeful expression on her face, but shook his head.  Seeing the light die he laughed again.

“Nah, it was duct tape on the forehead, and a taser to the arm.  Yeah, she’s a little blood thirsty.”

“A little?  She’d tear out my throat, and eat my heart for lunch if she had the chance.” Reagan dropped her head back on the desk causing a loud thump.

Deeks made a face and rubbed his own forehead.

“Trouble with the Alpha Female?”

“She refuses to talk to me.”

“Mmm, yeah, Kensi can be scary. She wasn’t a big fan of mine when I started as LAPD Liaison here.”

Reagan rolled her head putting her cheek down on the desk and looked at him, “Really?”

“Yeah, well saying she wasn’t a big fan is an understatement.  She kind of hated me.”

“Really!  So it’s not just me?”

“What, you hate me too?”  He gave a smile that lifted one cheek higher than the other which Reagan found very endearing.

She laughed, “No, I meant that she hates me too.”

“Ahhh, come on she doesn’t hate you.”

“That is such a typical guy response,” Reagan sighed.

“What!  Now I’m just a typical guy!  Come on, Sunshine, let’s escape for an hour or two.  I’ll show you some of LA,”  He held out his hand to her.

Reagan looked at it like it was going to bite her if she touched it.

“I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he teased.

Reagan tried to suppress a smile, “The she-wolf isn’t going to come after me because I touched some territory she already marked, is she?”

Deeks smiled, dropping his head back and let out a small laugh, “Yeah, you’ve got her pegged don’t you.  And thanks for making me feel like a piece meat.”

Reagan laughed, “I thought guys liked feeling like that.  They’re always making women feel that way.”

“Well, that’s okay for guys to do, we’re guys, but when a girl does it I just feel cheapened!” he teased.

Reagan lifted an eyebrow and gave him a wicked smile, “So did she lift her leg when she peed on you?”

“Classy,” Deeks laughter could be heard at they left the mission followed by Reagan’s, “Shush!” and then Deeks crying, “Ouch!”

He drove her around LA, letting her take in the sights.  They kept their banter light and Reagan began to shed the gloom and doom of the morning run in with Kensi.  At least she acknowledged my ‘hello’, she thought.

As they drove along the 10, he headed to Santa Monica Pier.

“You hungry?”

“I guess I could eat something,” she agreed.

“Good let’s go,” Deeks parked and hopped out of the car, opening the door as Reagan reached for it.  Surprised she looked at him for a second but didn’t say anything.  She followed him around the back of the car, and waited for him to remove the surfboard from the roof racks.

“I thought we were getting something to eat?”

“We are, but that’s no reason for wasting a perfectly good day sitting in the Mission afterwards.”

“But I don’t have a bathing suit, and you don’t have a board for me.”

“You surf?” he asked surprised.

“No,” Regan shook her head, “but I can swim and balance on my toes, so how hard can it be?”

“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight,” Deeks dragged out the word, “Well, if you’re serious let’s get you a bathing suit and a board, and I’ll teach you.”

After a quick lunch, Deeks took her to the shop he always went to, and started looking at boards while she went to find a suit.  Absorbed in his conversation with the manager he jumped as Reagan’s voice came from behind him.

“I want a pink one.”  Her sultry voice said from behind him, when he tried to pay for the orange and aqua board propped on the counter.

Turning quickly he and the manager both exhaled at the same time and apparently ‘shit’ was their word of choice today.  Reagan stood before them in her choice of bathing suit, and blew them away.  The top was a triangle top, and was covered by a matching rash guard with a scene of Hawaii on it.  The bottoms were cut low but covered everything it should, and neither guy could take his eyes off of her.  It wasn’t the lack of clothing, but the way the amount of clothing she did have on hugged her curves accenting in all the right places.  And then her hair, she had taken it out of its normal knot on the top of her head and it hung like a fall of sunshine.

“Close your mouth, you look like a trout,” she moved closer and lifted his chin with her hand.

Coming back to his senses, he turned to the manager and blinked for a moment unsure of what had just happened.  A smile spread on Reagan’s lips.  She was so used to this from me.  It’s what made her so good at what she did.  

“A pink one, please.”  Reagan pointed at the offensive aqua and orange board.

After purchasing a ‘pink’ surf board, the two of them headed to the water.

“It had to be pink?”  He eyed the board like it had teeth.

“Yes,” she answered simply.

“Okay, but don’t blame me if you get made fun of,” he retorted.

Reagan just smiled and placed the board on the sand.  Deeks took time to show her how to stand, where to place her feet, and where to center her balance.

“Surfing tends to be easier for women because their center of gravity is lower,” he tried to impart some wisdom.

“Mmhm.”  She ignored his obvious statement.  “Now, are we going to get in the water?  Or am I going to stand on the board in the sand for the rest of the day?”

“Well, okay Sunshine; let’s go, but remember…”

“I know, I know, if I get made fun of for the pink board I can’t yell at you.  I got it.”

Picking up his surfboard he headed into the water.  Reaching the breaking surf, he realized that Reagan hadn’t followed him.  Turning around he saw her removing her rash guard, revealing tight abs, a tiny waist, and amazing curves.  And he also saw every guy within a fifty yard radius turn and stare at her.

“Really?!  I’ve got friggin Malibu Barbie with me.”

“Hey, Sunshine, are you coming?” he called to her.

She smiled, and sauntered up to him with her pink board, “I don’t think anyone is going to be looking at the board anymore, do you?”

Deeks stared at her for a moment and then laughed his ass off.  She was good, he had to admit, and no, no one was going to be looking at her board.  He found her to be a natural in the water, and a faster swimmer than even he was.  Once she got the hang of it all, she was able to ride a few waves in, but over all for her first time she did great.  And after an hour they found themselves sitting on their boards just floating.

“You did great.”

“Thanks, it’s not as hard as it looks.”

“That’s because you’re a natural.  You should have seen Kensi the first time I took her out.  I think she came home with at least 6 bruises, in various places.  She won’t come out with me anymore.  She sits on the sand while I’m out here.”

“Kensi watches you surf?  Wow, that’s pretty big.”

“Yeah, wait, what?  What’s pretty big?”

“That Kensi would actually sit, and let you do this.  I mean she’s an A-type personality.  The last thing they do is waste time, minute has to be spent wisely, and yet she’ll sit here so you can surf even when you’re not supposed to be.”

“So?”

God, men could be thick, she thought.

“So, when a woman is willing to do something for a guy that is so out of the norm for them, it usually means there’s more than just friendship there.”

“What?!  No.  Me and Kensi?  No way, we’re partners sure but, that’s it.  There’s no ‘thing’.  I mean its Kensi, she doesn’t even like me most of the time!”

Reagan laughed at how fluster he was.  “You’re cute when you get nervous!”

He frowned at her.  “Are you hitting on me?”

The face Reagan made was comical, “Please, I’d more likely drown you than hit on you!  You made fun of my pink board!”

They both laughed.  In companionable silence they paddled back to shore and headed back to Deeks car. Deeks was surprised that Reagan just wrapped a towel around herself and stripped off her bathing suit, pulling her clothing back on.  

“Really, not even a glimpse of flesh?  Seriously, how did you manage that one?”

“Are you really such a perv or do you just think you’re funny?”

Deeks grinned at her and with a wicked smile she flipped her hair over her shoulder grabbed her shirt to her chest and dropped the towel, exposing her back to just above her ass since her jeans weren’t pulled up all the way.  He had just caught a glimpse of tattoos before she had flipped her hair back and glanced over her shoulder.

“Now grab the towel and hold it over the car window so I can put my top on.  And no peeking!”

Deeks laughed, but was a perfect gentleman and let her get dressed without fooling around.  Once they were both back in the car and on their way back to the mission, Deeks decided to finally ask the question that had been bugging him.

“So... how many aliases have you had?”

Reagan didn’t answer for a while, contemplating what she wanted to reveal to him and what she didn’t.  Deeks assumed that he had hit a nerve, and berated himself for losing what opening he had found with her.  Until, she finally answered.

“Honestly, I have no idea.  I only kept track of the ones that were deep covers, for more than a few months.  Otherwise, it was just another name, another skin to slip on.”

“I hear you,” he nodded, “So then how many deep covers have you done?”

“Are we talking covers for over a year or more or just a couple of months?”

“A year or more?”  He was totally surprised to hear that.

“Yes, well there were three, no four that were over a year. And then, God, I lost track of the ones that were just a couple of months.

“How about you?”

“Just one that was over a year; the rest were just a couple months at a time.  Some I still use when I work for LAPD.  And there was only one that I never wanted to revisit.”

“I never want to revisit any of them, one especially.  But for me, they are all still there, lurking in the shadows and darkness.  Who was it that you never wanted to see again?”

Deeks sighed, “Max Gentry.  Real asshole, and of course that’s the one I needed to slip on again. How about you?”

“My alias from when the government faked my death and moved me to a facility in Italy to protect me.  She was what I needed at the time, but now I would be thrilled if she had never been a part of me.”

“What no name?”

“No.  She’s like a demon.  Any time I think of her, she begins to lurk just outside my consciousness, and then it’s too easy for her to take over.  And trust me, no one wants that.”

“I hear you.  It’s a difficult thing we do.”

Reagan nodded, “It was a bad time in my life.  I was running be had no where to go.  I used her as my escape from reality.  And they are all still a part of me.  People who don’t live this life, don’t understand.  They are not created out of thin air.  They have to be based in some form of reality.  Each one of them was a little bit of me, and how can you get rid of yourself?  How can you throw a piece of yourself away?”

“You’re right.  Sometimes they are just another name and then sometimes they never leave.  I’ve never thought of it before, but Max is always there.”

Pulling up to the Mission their conversation steered to a less intimate topic.  And as they walked into the Mission laughing and joking they didn’t have any inkling that danger lurked just around the corner.  Reaching the ‘bull pen’ Deeks sat at his desk, while Reagan occupied the couch once again.  They both looked up to see a very irate Kensi walk in.  She pointedly looked at the trail of sand they had left on the floor, and their wet hair that could not be concealed for obvious reasons.  The emotion emanating from her was palpable.

“Where were you?”  She ignored Reagan and asked Deeks.

“We went for a drive around LA.  She needed some time away from the stress around here.”

“She can see LA in her off hours.  Hetty’s been looking for you both!”

“Okay, Kens.  We’ll go find her.  Lay off the caffeine, Kensalina.”

Reagan rose, trying to disappear before Kensi could start on her.  But as Deeks left to find Hetty, Kensi rounded on her.

“Don’t think that just because he took you surfing that he trusts you.  No one does.”

Reagan’s eyes grew wide and she physically felt as if she had been punched.  She went to respond but Kensi cut her off.

“That’s his thing.  Loosen someone up, have some lunch, hit the beach, all while he is getting you to relax so he can get information from you.”

Finally Reagan found her voice, and it dripped with sugary sweetness. “That’s sweet, that you’re concerned about me.  But in reality, he did all the talking… and it was all about you.”

Reagan slid past Kensi and headed up stairs.  Kensi stood eyes wide and a look of surprise on her face as she watched Reagan disappear into the ops center.  They had talked about her?  Deeks was gone for two hours, and spoke of nothing but her?   Stupid idiot, this was the perfect opportunity to get something on Reagan.    But she couldn’t help being secretly pleased.  And suddenly Deeks was back, standing in front of her with that smile and his hands on his hips pose and she just wanted to hit him.

“So, fun day with Malibu Barbie?  Didn’t think she had a suit with her when she came to work this morning?”

In typical guy fashion he didn’t hear the underlying menace in her voice, “Ha, that’s what I called her today and she didn’t.”

And then she struck like a coiled snake, “Then what the hell did she wear to surf?  You must have loved that whole scene.  That tight little body snuggled up close to you all helpless and confused?  ‘Oh Deeks, how do I balance on here?’ ‘Oh Deeks, I don’t think I can stand without your help!’” Kensi badly mimicked Reagan’s voice.

“Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah, you know I’ve never felt skin as soft as Reagan’s.  It was like touching silk.  And God, that girls got curves in all the right places.  We even found a place to have a quickie before we headed back here.”

“I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”

“Classy.  Jesus Kensi, what kind of guy do you think I am?  Seriously, I took a team member for a ride around LA.  We grabbed some lunch at a cart near the Pier, and then she bought a bathing suit and board and I taught her how to surf.  She was actually pretty good.

“You’re going to accuse me of wanting her?  You sound like you're jealous.  Come on Kens, it’s Reagan.  I mean she’s gorgeous, but she’s not accessible.  She’s like a slowly melting block of ice.  I just wanted to help her feel like part of this team she was thrust into.  Sex?  Really?  That’s just creepy!”

There was that word again and she so didn’t like it.  She dropped her head totally unsure where this was coming from.

“Look, forget I said anything.  Okay?”

“Well, yeah, but you need to get a grip.  I think there are some Twinkie’s in the top drawer of your desk.  Why don’t you have one and calm down.”

She looked at him and threw a punch at his arm.  He smiled at her and pulled her in for a hug, breathing in the flowery scent of her shampoo.  She pushed him away, and went into the ‘bull pen’ where she sat for a while at her desk.

Deeks mounted the stairs to find Reagan.  Yes, Reagan was stunning, but then again so was Kensi.  And where Kensi was more of a casual, throw her hair up in a ponytail with no makeup, kind of girl, Reagan was always polished and highlighted with a little bit of makeup.  But no matter how beautiful and sweet Reagan was, she would never be Kensi.  And for him there was just no comparison, not that he would tell anyone about that… except possibly Reagan.

____________________________________________

Reagan found her way into the ops center, and folded herself into an unused chair, resting her head back with her eyes closed.  Nell and Eric just looked at her for a moment.  They looked at each other exchanging a look and then looked back at her.

“Um, Reagan?  Are you okay?” Nell asked from her chair next to her computer station.

She shook her head not answering

She and Eric exchanged another glance.  Nell rose and went over to her, and that’s when she noticed.  “Rae?  Why is your hair soaking wet?  And where are your shoes?”

Eric gasped, “You and Deeks went surfing without me!”

“Aaaaaaagh!”  She had leaned back, to peer at them over the top of the chair, but the old chair didn’t hold up.  It tipped backwards, dropping her unceremoniously to the floor.

“REAGAN!” they both cried, jumping from their chairs

She laid on the floor as if she had been shot, her hair fanned out around her.  She blinked up at them.

“You did, didn’t you?” Eric accused, and Nell punched him in the arm.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Reagan stared up at them and nodded.  “He just should have just drowned me out there.”

At that point Deeks walked in, finding Reagan lying on the floor, with Eric and Nell over her.

“What the hell happened?”  He rushed over to them.

As he leaned over Reagan her hand shot up and pointed her finger in his face.  “This is all your fault.  You had to take me out didn’t you.  How could I have been so stupid?  Why did I listen to you? Let’s go for a ride, he says.  What you should have said was ‘Come with me so we can piss off Kensi, and then I’ll leave you alone with her so she can murder you with no witnesses’.”

“You really are a drama queen, Reagan.  Get up,” he laughed.

“Don’t you start calling me names!  Do you know what she thinks?!  Do you!?!  She thinks I’m trying to get in your bed!  She basically said all you want is to get down my pants!  I think I just threw up in my mouth,”and just for good measure she pretended to.

Eric and Nell just sat back and watched the exchange between the two of them.  They had no idea what was going on, but Reagan and Deeks were quite entertaining.

“Classy, really classy Drama.  You sound just like her.”

That comment elicited a glare from Reagan.

“And why does the thought make you gag?  I’m an attractive guy, you can’t imagine…”

“Stop, stop talking.  Don’t even finish that sentence.”  She waved her hand for him to help her up.

As Deeks bent over to lift her, Callen and Sam walked in the room.

“Do you ever feel like we’re running a nursery school?” Sam asked Callen, as they walked past the two of them on the floor.

“I don’t know who is worse Deeks, you and Kensi, or you and Reagan.  Get up both of you,” Callen glanced down at the two of them.

They stood and straightened their clothes, moving far away from each other.  By the time Kensi arrived they were standing on opposite sides of the table and making no eye contact.  At that point Callen started to brief them.

“We got a lead in the Stark case.  Apparently there is going to be a meeting today between Stark and a buyer.  They’re supposed to be meeting tonight at Murmur, a club in downtown LA.  I’m thinking that we’ll all be going in”  

“Wait, all of us?” Reagan asked.

“Yes.  If something goes wrong, I don’t want to deal with a shoot out in the middle of the club.  It’s fair enough to say that with all of us there, it will be easier to extract Stark and the buyer without any casualties.”

“Deeks, Reagan you’re going in as…”

“No,” they both said at the same time, not even sure of what Callen was going to say.

Everyone looked at them, slightly startled.

“I um, I’ve got this…”

“Mr. Deeks will be removing himself to LAPD for the rest of the week, to work an undercover case for them.  So someone else will have to partner with Miss Faraday. Detective Deeks, if you will.” Hetty arrived and pointed him towards the door.

As he walked by her he mouthed the words ‘thank you’, and just before he left he caught Reagan’s eye, and gave her a little wink to show her everything between them was alright.

 

 


	5. Chapter Five

And I'd give up forever to touch you , Cause I know that you feel me somehow   
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be , And I don't want to go home right now   
And all I can taste is this moment , And all I can breathe is your life   
Cause sooner or later it's over , I just don't want to miss you tonight   
And I don't want the world to see me , Cause I don't think that they'd understand   
When everything's made to be broken , I just want you to know who I am…

{Goo Goo Dolls – Iris}

 

:: Chapter Six ::

After a long trying day they had come to a decision to go for drinks.  Their informant had disappeared and without him the trail had run cold.  For Reagan it had been doubly stressful.  Although Kensi’s hostility had lessened a little after 3 weeks, it was by no means gone, and she felt like she should know something about this case and she just couldn’t put her finger on it.

And after a number of rounds, and losing Eric and Nell at some point, it was down to the five of them, and Deeks and Kensi were headed out.

“Come on Fern, I’ll drive you home.”

“Like hell you will.  My car, I drive Deeks.  You get shotgun,” she lunged for the keys.

He pulled them away, evading her tipsy fingers.

“Kensi, you’ve got a nice buzz going and it would be a shame to waste it by wrapping yourself around a tree, so I’ll drive.”

She glared at him but agreed to his superior reasoning skills at that moment.  With a hand on the small of her back, Deeks guided her out of the bar leaving Sam, Callen, and Reagan with a table covered in beer bottles and shot glasses.

“I’m going to head out too.  Gotta get home at a reasonable hour,” Sam said, “You need a ride, Reagan?”

She looked at him clear eyed and smiled, “No, I’m good.  I only had this glass.  But thanks.”

“Alright Baby Girl, see you tomorrow.  And be careful around this guy, he’ll get you in trouble.” Sam gave Callen’s shoulders a squeeze.

Reagan smiled at Sam, something she didn’t do much of, Callen thought.  At least not that he saw.

“Thanks,” she joked, “but I think I can handle him.”

Smiling Sam walked out leaving Callen and Reagan alone, something they had never been before.  There was usually another team member around and it was enough to quell the anxiety they both felt around each other, but being alone together, even in a bar full of people had them both on edge.  It wasn’t like he was the most gorgeous man she had ever seen, living in Europe had given her a glimpse of some beautiful men, but there was something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on what had her pulse racing, and not in a good way.  But he was her team captain and she needed to find some common ground with him.  So here goes, she thought.

“Did I do something to upset you?” she blurted out.

Callen who had been deep in his own thoughts about Reagan blinked at her for a moment.  He tried to wrap his mind around the question but every time he looked at her it went completely blank and this was not something he was use to at all.  He couldn’t understand it, sure she was stunning, but so was Kensi and Kensi didn’t make him lose all thought like Reagan did.  He had worked with a number of women who were beautiful and accomplished in their fields, but not one made him want to forget who he was for a little while just so he could be someone else for her.

“Callen?” he had taken too long to answer her.

He took a sip of his beer, and took another minute to make it look like he was thinking.

“Can’t think of anything, why?”

“Well, you barely speak to me, and I’ve been here for almost a month now.  I was just wondering if I did something that offended you or if like Kensi you just don’t like me.”

“Kensi likes you Reagan,” he tried to choose the less personal topic.

“Yeah, like she likes a toothache or sunburn!” Reagan frowned at him; did he really not see it?

“I’m…” he started.

“Listen, let’s not talk about Kensi, then you won’t have to defend her.  And don’t worry, I’m still working on her.  She’ll like me eventually, even if it kills me. Which it just might,” she added the last quietly.

“I asked why you don’t like me,”

“I do like you.  You’re a great agent, you’ve got a different point of view than the rest of us being the new girl, and you seem to fit here for the most part.”

“So then why don’t you talk to me unless I direct a question at you?” Reagan pushed.

“Honestly, I didn’t notice that I was doing that,” he lied smoothly but hated himself for it.

Reagan smiled, “You know for someone very good at his job which requires you to lie for a living, you’re really bad at lying when it comes to stuff like this.”

Callen smiled too, “Okay, the truth?”

“That would be a nice start.”

“Fine.  You make me nervous,” there he said it.

“Funny, cause you make me nervous too.  I don’t know I just can’t explain it.”

Callen nodded, “Yeah me either, and I just figured that if I stayed away then the feeling would go away, but it hasn’t.  I mean you’ve become close to Sam and Deeks, and even Eric and Nell, so I just can’t understand why I have this anxiety when I’m around you.

“I mean what’s not to like about you, you’re smart, athletic, funny, sweet, and quite obviously beautiful.  And when I say it like that you sound pretty amazing!”

Taking a chance she leaned in closer to him, and gave a heart stopping smile, “And I am!”

He looked at her, his eyes a little wide, and he didn’t move.  His heart was somewhere down around his knees and a rock had been dropped into his stomach.

Reagan sat back and laughed, hitting his arm, “God Callen, don’t look so terrified!  I was just kidding!  You know trying to lighten things up.”

Little did he know her laughter covered up her own rapid heartbeat and shallow breathing.

“You know, you’re a little scary,” he tried to sound normal.

She took a sip of her drink, “Mmm, so I’ve been told.  Guess it adds to the mystery,” she shrugged.

“Well it does something,” he agreed.

She just laughed and they sat in silence for another moment.

“So do you think you were ready?” he asked her.

“Sure, it was just a job after all.”

“I just meant that it’s your first in the field with us.  Didn’t know if you might have been nervous.”

Reagan shook her head, “There isn’t much that makes me nervous.  And going under cover isn’t one of those things.”

“You sound a little cocky.”

“No don’t mistake confidence for cockiness.  Trust me I won’t do anything to blow the job.  No matter what, I’m a professional and I’m here to do the job.”

“You’ll do the job, no matter what?  No matter what is asked of you?  No matter whom you need to step on or over to do it?”

“That’s what makes me so good Mr. Callen,” she said softly to him, “You know there was something about the case today that doesn’t sit right with me.  I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s like a piece of the picture was removed.  Almost as if we were deliberately led in the wrong direction,” Reagan began wiping the sweat off the outside of her glass.

“What do you mean?  It seemed pretty straight forward to me.  A Marine murdered, not enough forensic evidence to go on, so case goes cold.  We see it all the time.  The only strange thing was the flower left on the body.  I’ve never seen that before.  But again not enough evidence to go on.”

Reagan blinked, but it’s the flower that is all the evidence, she thought, and now realized why she was uncomfortable about the case.  

“Yeah, because oleander is a very common domestically grown plant even though it almost more deadly than Belladonna; when I was little my parents use to have it as a border around our yard.  The suspect could have picked it from any of a million places including the freeways,” she said, trying to wipe away the thoughts she just had.

“You really notice things don’t you.  I have driven past those bushes every day I’ve lived here, and would have never put two and two together.”

“Part of my condition, my curse really, I can’t forget anything I see, and since I drive past them every day they are stored in my memory.”

“Must be difficult in our line of work, to see what we do and never be able to forget it.” Callen finally looked at her again.

She seemed sad to him, as if the bright laughing girl he saw with Sam and Deeks was just another cover. A ruse so people wouldn’t look too deep and see the truth of the matter.

“When it comes to work, it’s not easy, I won’t lie to you, but there is an upside to it.  I get to remember all the good things too.  Even though my parents have been gone for 13 years I still have their faces imbedded in my memory.  I know exactly what they looked like, what they sounded like; every little detail is stored in my memory.”

“You’re lucky to remember them.”

Reagan’s brow wrinkled, “Don’t you remember your parents?”

Callen shook his head, “I’m an orphan.  Don’t remember anything about my parents.”

“Oh,” was all she said and dropped the subject.

“Listen, I’m gonna head out since I have managed completely ruin your night.”

“You didn’t, and you know you’re the first not to ask,” he said.

“Well I figure that it’s a need to know basis, and when I need to know you’ll tell me.  Otherwise we should stick to safer subjects,” she shrugged.

“That sounds like a plan,” he smiled.

“But in all seriousness I need to get to sleep or I’ll be passing out on the table and you’ll have to carry me to my hotel!”

“Come on, let’s go.”

Callen rose and pulled out Reagan’s chair helping her up.  Their hands touched and had them jerking away as the electricity coursed through them.  Reagan looked up at him as she rubbed her hand on her jeans.  Callen had his fisted tightly as he watched her reaction. With a smile Reagan moved to leave, grabbing her bag and throwing it over her shoulder.  Callen followed and flexed his hand as he walked behind her.  The bouncer opened the door for her and smiled as Reagan passed through, but didn’t acknowledge Callen.  

“Jeez, does everyone have that same reaction around you?” he whispered quietly.

“Hmm?”

Only hearing him mutter, Reagan turned and Callen nearly knocked her over in his headlong pace to the parking lot.  He grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her tightly to him.  Her hands were flattened on his chest and her head was tilted back to look up at him.  Her lips parted as her breath rushed out.  

He looked down into her eyes and could feel her heart pounding against his chest.  Her eyes were dilated from the dark, and her lips full and looking quite kissable.  He could feel his heart beat faster, but was frozen.  This was not happening.  It couldn’t be happening.  He didn’t do this kind of thing.  He had nothing to offer any woman, let alone one who was his team member.  And yet the only thing he wanted to do was shove his hands in the cascade of hair she now had been wearing down sometimes, and kiss those lips that were so invitingly close.

“You can let me go now, I’m okay.”

He released her as if he has been burnt, and stepped away.

“I’m sorry, I thought I heard you say something and turned to ask you to repeat it.  I didn’t realize you were right there.”

“No, it’s my fault; I was moving too fast and not paying attention.  I almost ran you over.”

“How about we both agree it was an accident and that we’re both sorry?” she smiled.

He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Well, good night.  Hopefully the rest of it will be uneventful.”

Reagan opened her door and then stopped and looked over at Callen who was headed to his car.

“That was three times!” she called to him.

He turned back to her and knew exactly what she was talking about and nodded.  He had no words and wasn’t sure he wanted to delve into exactly what ‘it’ was.

“I’m not one for believing in signs and portents, but three times…  Makes you wonder,” she cocked her head to the side waiting for his take on the touches.

He smiled, “That it does.”

With that she slid into her car, started the engine, and hooked up her iPod.  Pulling out on to the freeway she pressed play and Goo Goo Dolls sang out ‘Iris’.  Although she wanted to think about what those electric touches meant, her thoughts were pulled away to the oleander branch found on the dead Marine and the thoughts about the case that had been bothering her.

_______________________________________________

 

Callen drove back to his place, his mind completely taken up with what had happened with Reagan, and he couldn’t understand why.  And yet he drove along and couldn’t get her out of his head.  And trying to analyze the situation wasn’t any help either.  Sure he was physically attracted to her; any guy with a pulse had to be in some way.  But this was something more, something he couldn’t explain away as just physical attraction.  No, he had a feeling that simply having sex with her to get her out of his system would not work.  That instead she would become his drug of choice, because every morning he found himself looking forward to going to work.  He found her smile, even if it wasn’t the 1000 kilowatt one she gave the others made his heart lighter. He found that thinking about her made him think less about a past that he couldn’t change and more about a future he could.

You stupid ass, he thought suddenly to himself, you raging moron!  You totally fell for her and didn’t even realize it!  His hands gripped the steering wheel as the realization knocked into him like a tsunami.  And he felt like he was drowning, floundering with his head just below the surface unable to take a breath.

His head was telling him that it would never work, that he had to end it, but his heart told another story.  One he felt inclined to listen to at the moment.  Why run, it asked?  What are you so afraid of?  Will you continue running for the rest of your life?  Will you end up old and alone with nothing but bitter memories as your companions?  And he had no answer.  He hadn’t ever thought about the future about where he would be at the end of it all.  Well, there was no time like the present to start changing that future he wasn’t sure he even wanted to think about.

Coming to a light he turned around, and headed in the other direction.  He really didn’t want to go home to an empty house.  Why was he going to waste another minute?  Just how many more would he be given?  Life was only so long and everyday was a step closer to the last, and didn’t he know that well?  Driving along he tried to remember if she had mentioned the new hotel she was staying at.  She had been good about moving every so often from one hotel to another while trying to find a place of her own, but it didn’t make it easy for him to find her.  

“Fuck,” he sighed as he dialed the phone number he was not thrilled to be calling.

“Yeah?”

“Sam, where did Reagan say she was staying now?” he asked without preamble.

“What wrong?” immediately Sam went on the defensive.

“No nothing, I just wanted to make sure she got there alright and can’t remember,” he lied to his best friend and didn’t feel guilty at all.

“Oh, think she said she was staying at the Hilton, or was it the W, yeah the W this time, room 423.”

“Thanks,” Callen said and hung up.

He was only a few miles from the hotel, and made it there within 5 minutes, but sat in his car arguing with himself for another ten.  Finally getting out of the car he headed in and took the elevator to the 4th floor.  Finding her door he stood outside for another 5 minutes before he knocked.  But he finally he did and waited.

_______________________________________________________

 

Who the hell could be knocking on her door?  ‘They’ would never dare, and no one else besides the team knew where she was.  She pulled her knife from her leg holster and held it out of sight as she looked through the peep hole.

Seeing Callen on the other side of the door had her completely in shock.  She couldn’t imagine why he could possibly be here.  She slowly opened the door still holding the knife out of sight.

“Callen?” she asked, looking at him confused.

“Hey,” was all he could think of saying.

“What’s up?” she was beginning to feel that adrenaline rush she always felt when he was around.

“I thought you might like to have a drink and maybe get to know each other since you thought I didn’t like you and we didn’t really quell that thought process with our last conversation,” he ran his sentences together.

“Um, sure.  The drive home kind of woke me up and I could go for a nightcap.  Just let me get dressed again.”

She opened the door wider and he saw she was in sweats and a tee-shirt and holding a wicked looking knife.  He raised an eyebrow at the knife and she smiled.

“A girl can’t be too careful.”

He waited outside for her to change and when she came out in a pair of tight jeans, an embroidered, Greek style, linen tunic and heels with her hair down and just a little makeup on he just took her in.  They headed down to the pool bar and found a comfy couch area that was pretty private at this time of the night.  After ordering two drinks Reagan curled her legs up onto the couch and leaned back looking at Callen.

She couldn’t understand why her heart raced like this when he was around, but she was beginning to believe that it was something exclusive to just him.  Having never been in love before or even infatuated she didn’t have any basis for comparison.

“So what do you want to know?  There are so many things that are classified about my life,” she looked down and rubbed her bare arms.

“Okay, we’re even there, so let’s keep it to superficial things.  Like… what’s your favorite color?”

Still looking down she laughed, “Could you have picked a harder question?”

“What you don’t know your favorite color?” he joked.

“No, I do.  It’s just I never thought about it before, never had a reason to. I could tell you some of my aliases favorite colors but mine doesn’t come to me as quickly, and you’re just going to think it’s so cliché.”

“Come on, I promise not to laugh.”

“Okay, it’s pink. Yes, it’s super girly but it’s also a mixture of red and white, the color of passion and the color of solitude.  My life in a nutshell.”

“Never thought of that before, interesting.”

“Okay so how about you?  And don’t you dare say black!”

He chuckled, “No, it’s not black. Hetty started making me wear black because I was always getting blood on my clothes and black is the only color it doesn’t show up on!  No, my favorite color is blue, but not light blue I like a deeper blue, like the blue of Pacific Ocean.  Kind of like your eyes.”

Reagan blinked and wondered if he realized what he had just said.  He didn’t react so she decided he either didn’t realize it, or he did and wanted to see her reaction.  Unsure of where this was going she decided to jump in with both feet.

“You like my eyes?” she looked up at him and gave him a heart stopping smile.

He didn’t miss a beat, “They’re fascinating. They make me forget where I am when I stare into them,” he leaned closer with a goofy grin.

Reagan smiled and punched him in the arm much the way she would have Sam or Deeks, “Who are you kidding?  You’re lucky you’ve looked at me let alone in my eyes!  Jerk!”

He laughed with her, “Okay so you like pink.  Favorite food?”

“Ahhh, pizza margarita! And it has to be from this little pizzeria in Naples!  Mmmmm, to die for!” she closed her eyes and a look of ecstasy came over her face.

Callen swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled at her.

“What about you?” she asked.

“In and Out Double Double,” he smiled.

“Blech! Really? They are just so nasty!  That’s your favorite?” she laughed.

“Well excuse me Miss World Traveler that my palate isn’t as discerning as yours!  I’m surprise you don’t fly to china for your tea!”

“Oh I have, but not China, India.  I love Chai!”

Callen looked at her in disbelief.

“Hahahaha, hello, Navy brat. Where wasn’t my dad stationed at one time or another?  But no I’ve never just flown to India to buy tea.”

“Okay my turn, what’s your favorite movie?” Reagan reached for the glass of tequila the waiter had put down on the table in front of them.

“Heat, I’m a huge Al Pacino fan.  And yours?”

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s or My Fair Lady, I just love Audrey Hepburn. She had this otherworldly elegance about her without being flashy or showy.  She just was simply beautiful.  I got to meet her once, I was nine and my parents were volunteering for UNICEF.  I was already a huge fan because I use to watch her movies with my mother.  That was a moment I actually was thrilled that I would remember forever!”

“So what about your favorite book?”

“Oh that’s easy, Pride and Prejudice.  The most romantic story ever written!  Mr. Darcy tried so hard to not fall in love with Lizzie, but he just couldn’t help it.  And what about you?”

“I’m not much of a reader, books are too heavy to carry around with you when you’re on the move all the time.  But if pressed I would have to say Catcher in the Rye.”

Reagan nodded, “I could totally see that.  Protector of the innocent and all.”

Tipping back the glass again she realized it was empty and signaled the waiter for another round.  Leaning her arm on the back of the couch she rested her head in her hand and smiled at Callen, “Okay if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

Without thinking he just answered, “Home.”

Reagan looked at him curious, “And where is that?”

“Don’t know, I haven’t found it yet,” he looked directly into her eyes.

“Mmm, me either,” she agreed.

Her arm was so close and the satin skin that was exposed from her wrist to her elbow was just begging for him to touch it, but he tried to refrain.  As he studied her arm he noticed how tiny her hands were.

“Wow, you’re hands are small!” he exclaimed as he moved to take it in his much larger one.

She held it out and shrugged, “I’ve got my mom’s hands.”

The electricity ran through them again when his hand enclosed hers but neither moved to pull away this time.  He turned it over and brushed his thumb over the soft skin and measured their fingers against each others.  He reveled in just touching her, in being able to hold her in some way.

She breathed in deeply when he touched her.  She was becoming use to the jolt and was actually beginning to like it.  And the way his hands glided over her skin, the sweet torment it was causing made her realize that she had completely misjudged those feelings she had when he was around.  As his thumb brushed back and forth on her palm she wanted it to go on forever.

When the waiter came back with their second round, he didn’t let go.  They both reached for their glasses at the same time and came within inches of the others face.  Her eyes were down cast as she studied her.  Her dusky lashes lay on pink cheeks and her pouty lips were parted.

“What will you do if I kiss you right now?” he whispered.

Raising her eyes to meet his he swore she moved a hair closer.

“Why would you want to do that?” her voice was as low as his.

“Because if I don’t I’ll never know what you would have done.”

As he closed the tiny distance between them he watched as her eyes fluttered closed.  As his lips met hers the jolt that went through them both had Reagan gasping in air and Callen sliding an arm around her and pulling her closer.  They stayed like that for a moment, kissing softly almost chastely until he pulled back for air.

“What was that?” she asked softly.

“That was you, reacting exactly how I imagined,” he rested his forehead against hers.

She smiled and relaxed in his arms.  She didn’t feel contrived there as she had with so many others, and for good reason. With him holding her she was able to forget for a moment who she was.  She was able to forget what she had done in her past.  She was able to forget that she was not supposed to think about a future for herself.

“I’m not exactly sure this is the best idea for either of us,” she whispered hoping he would argue the point.

“And sometimes the worst ideas turn out to have the best endings,” he leaned in for another kiss.

The part of her mind she usually listened to, the one that made sense and usually kept her away from danger, told her to back away and not continue this course of action.  But the other part of her mind, the one that liked a little chaos and urged her to do things that didn’t always seem right, told her to lean in and taste the forbidden fruit one more time.

Reagan closed her eyes as he brushed his lips tenderly across hers.

“You taste like candy,” he chuckled.

“And you taste like tequila!  It’s my lipgloss,” she laughed.

“Mmmm, both taste good, but I think the tequila will get me more kisses,” he joked.

Reagan pushed at him, and sat back, “Listen, it’s obvious that we have chemistry, but isn’t there some NCIS rule about dating co workers?”

Callen chuckled, “No, and if there were, Gibbs has broken all of them so I wouldn’t worry.”

“Gibbs?” she asked.

“Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, a mentor of sorts from D.C.”

“Okay, well although I do have rules they don’t seem to apply in this case and at this point so that is moot.  Don’t you have rules about dating?”

“I do, but I just seem to keep breaking them where you’re concerned.”

“Alright, then let’s set up some rules.  This, whatever this is will not be taken into the workplace.  We can hang out as friends but anything other than that is off limits.  No hand holding, touching, kissing, staring, etc. in front of the team.  My position is tenuous at best and I don’t need anything to jeopardize that.” Reagan began to lay down the law.

“And if I don’t agree?”

“Then you’re shit out of luck ‘G’, cause this is the way it’s going to be whether you like it or not.”

“So basically we pretend we don’t know each other at work and off of work we’re allowed to be friends.”

Reagan rolled her eyes.  Men, way to simplify it to the point where it no longer resembled the original item!

“All I’m saying is that I think it would be best for us if we became friends first before we tried for something more.  I don’t want to have to change my job because I had to dump you and you can’t get over me!” she laughed and winked at him.

“Cocky.”

“That time, yes.”

“Alright Princess, we’ll play it your way and see how it works.  And when it doesn’t, we’ll play it my way!”

After finishing their drinks, Callen walked her back up to her room, and waited as she opened her door.

“Thank you for a really nice evening,” Reagan stepped into the room with her hand on the door knob.

“You’re welcome.  And thank you for agreeing to join me for a drink,” he stepped closer.

Reagan knew he was going to kiss her, knew she should start to shut the door to deter him but wanted to feel his lips on her one more time before her forced friendship rules took effect tomorrow, and as their lips touched that jolt of electricity shot through both of them.

Taking a deep breath Reagan began to shut the door, “Good night Callen.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night Reagan.  I’m looking forward to it,” he smiled, turned and left.

Reagan shut the door and leaned her back against it.  She closed her eyes and savored the memory of his kisses.  This is one of the reasons I love my ‘curse’ she thought and the memory and feelings washed over her once again.  As she walked down the little hall she began to discard her clothes.  Just as she reached the room she pulled her tunic over her head and tossed it on to the chair near the window.  Standing at the window in a camisole and panties she smiled into the night.  As she turned something on the bed caught her eye.  She had walked across the room without glancing at the king size bed since she had been discarding clothing, but now it held her attention completely.

Her mind reeled as she stared.  Nestled in the center of the white comforter was a sprig of bright pink oleander.

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

With the lights out it's a little less dangerous

Even with a stranger never gets painless, Don't be afraid

  
Every time I think I'm gonna change it, It's driving me insane   
  
Do you live, do you die, do you bleed, For the fantasy  
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see, It's the fantasy  
  
Maybe tonight we can forget about it all, It could be just like heaven  
I am a machine, No longer living, just a shell of what I dreamed

 

30 Seconds to Mars – The Fantasy

 

:: Chapter 7::

Leaving the flower where it lay, she quickly grabbed the few things she had unpacked and shoved them into her suitcase.  Pulling back on her recently discarded clothes, she fished the card key out of her back pocket and laid it on the dresser.  Shouldering her bag she threw on some wide Jackie ‘O’ sunglasses and shoved her hair up under a floppy wide brimmed hat.

She took the stairs to avoid any direct cameras and exited the hotel through the fire door.  Gotta love those kids whose parents don’t supervise and let them run wild all over the hotel, she thought.  Most hotels don’t engage the alarms on the doors because it costs too much money to have the fire department coming five times a day.  Once out of the hotel she dialed the front desk number.  When someone answered she asked them to check her out using the credit card on file and told them that they would find the card key inside the room on the dresser.

“Is there something wrong with the service Miss Lawson?  Was something not to your liking?” the concierge asked.

“Everything was wonderful.  There is nothing wrong.  A friend came back into town early and I’m going to stay with her.  Trust me I had a wonderful time at your hotel,” she thought of Callen.

While still on the phone she located her car in the garage and felt better as she pulled out of the parking deck.  After getting everything taken care of she finally hung up, only to dial the phone once again.  It was three o’clock in the morning but she knew this was the only call she could make.  The phone was picked up on the second ring.

“This had better be damn good,” the gravelly voice said without sounding the least bit tired.

“They found me,” was all Reagan said.

There was silence on the other end for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

Reagan closed her eyes momentarily, tightening her grip on the steering wheel.

“Absolutely.  They left a sprig of oleander in my hotel room to let me know,”

There was a sigh, “I thought they were supposed to…”

“They were, but obviously that didn’t get followed through.”

“You need to come here,” there was no room for argument in the order.

“But I can’t…”

“That was not a choice.  That was an order.  You will come here.”

Reagan knew there would be no further arguments.  It was pointless to resist and besides she had nowhere else to go, at least there she would be able to regroup and plan her next move.

“I’ll be there in ten.  I’m not being followed,” she checked her rearview mirror for the hundredth time.

“Very good.  I’ll see you then,” and with that the line went dead.

As she drove, she went over the last couple of weeks in her head and could not find any one mistake or slip that could have given her away.  They weren’t all that bright after all.  She had done everything right, and they had just gotten lucky (finally).  She sighed; she really thought she would have had more time, that she would maybe be forgotten, that she would be left alone for once in her life.

____________________________________________________

 

:April 1996:

“You will have exactly one hour to complete this exam.  Any questions not answered will be marked wrong.  Do you all understand?”

Reagan looked around as the other children, six in all including her, nodded at the woman clad in the white lab coat.  But she didn’t.  She couldn’t understand why she was sitting in this room, with these children she had gone to summer camp with for her whole life, taking an hour long exam.

“Reagan, is something wrong?” Lab Coat, as Reagan thought of her, asked.

Reagan saw five heads simultaneously turn to look at her.  Their faces showed no question.  She looked back at Lab Coat.

“Well I was just wondering why I need to take an hour long exam, during my spring break, for my doctor?” she asked.

She looked to the others to see if they were wondering the same thing.  Not one of them showed any kind of support.  Great, she thought even at thirteen, a bunch of lemmings.

“You know, Reagan, it’s really not well mannered to question adults in authority.  After all everything we do is in your best interest.  Your parents would not have agreed to the testing if it would harm you in any way,” Lab Coat intoned as if she were reciting a learned lesson.

Reagan looked at her, “But you didn’t answer my question Ma’am.”

She watched as the muscles around her eyes tightened, but her face otherwise stayed the same.

“You are taking a cognition test my dear.  It determines your cognitive ability.”

She turned back to the other five and Reagan looked down at the test booklet and #2 pencil.

“And you still didn’t answer my question,” she said under her breath.

“You have exactly one hour.  You may begin,” Lab Coat announced.

Once again Reagan glanced at the other 5 children and then at Lab Coat, who was staring pointedly at her.  With a sigh she opened the booklet and skimmed through all of the questions.  Seriously?  Einstein’s theory of relativity, Hawking’s theories of quantum mechanics, literature, culture, language, this test was ridiculous, she had learned all of this stuff years ago!

Feeling rebellious, and sullen she started to answer the questions.  Within a half an hour she was finished and handing in her test.  Lab Coat frowned as she took the booklet but said nothing.  Reagan smiled at her and then left the room, noting the others were at varying stages of test taking.  Outside she met her father and they drove home, him asking her questions about her day and her giving him sullen answers.

As they walked in the door, the phone was ringing.  Her father picked up the hall extension and headed to his office.  As she headed to the kitchen she could hear him talking.

“Yes, we just got in from there,” he said.

“No, she didn’t say anything why?”

“She did what?” his voice grew louder.

Reagan stopped in her tracks. Shit, she thought.  Shit, shit, shit!  Why didn’t I think they would call my parents?  Tiptoeing back to his office door she listened.

“And how exactly did she manage to do that?”

“She asked a question?  Why shouldn’t she do that?”

“Well I teach my daughter that it is not wrong to question authority.  What did she ask?”

“Well that’s a reasonable question, and the answer that was given?”

“Well that’s not an answer! “

“And you’re sure the test score is accurate?”

“Every single one?  Not one?”

“Thank you for letting me know.”

And with that he hung up.  Reagan went to tiptoe upstairs before he found her.

“Reagan! Get your ass in here!”

Not having had a chance to move, she looked around the door into the office.

“Yes Dad?”

“Get in here now.”

Stepping into the office she stood at attention waiting for the speech and then the grounding.

“What happened at Dr. Wilson’s clinic today?”

“They sat the 6 of us down for an exam.  I asked Lab Coat why I had to take an exam at my doctor’s office.   Then Lab Coat gave me this line and doesn’t answer the question and talks to me like I’m a 2 year old.  I swear Dad, I wasn’t rude, I just wanted to know.  The rest of them sit there like lemmings and do whatever they are told without question.  I wasn’t trying to cause a problem.”

“Excuse me, Lab Coat?” he asked.

“That’s what I named her.  She never even told us who she was.  Real bit-“ she cut herself off.

“And the test?” he stood behind his desk staring her down.

She dropped her head back and sighed.

“Seriously Reagan!  Every one, every single question wrong?!”

“I’m sorry.  I was wrong.”

“Damn right you were wrong.  Did you think Mom and I wouldn’t find out about this childish prank?  You’re smarter than that!  But what I really want to know is how you managed to do it?  Do you know how difficult it is to get every answer on a test wrong?”

Reagan looked at him, “Yes, in order to get every answer wrong you need to know the correct answer for each question.”

She said it so matter-of-factly that her father didn’t know what to say for a minute.

“So you’re saying, that you knew every answer, to every question, on the test?”

“Yes.”

She wasn’t being cocky, just honest.  It was just part of who she was.  She absorbed information at an unbelievable rate and could understand concepts most adults couldn’t grasp.  She had always assumed that it was because her parents were so smart but recently she was beginning to wonder if it was something else.  

She had been having so many blood tests, and genetic tests that she was beginning to question why.  She was healthy, intelligent, athletic, well adjusted, yet she was getting blood work and DNA testing done every week.

“But why did you have to get them wrong Reagan?  What did you prove?”

This time she shrugged, “That I could.”

____________________________________________________________

 

That memory came back to her suddenly, unbidden.  She could remember her parents talking that night about the test and then never hearing about it again.  The blood and DNA tests continued but she never had to take another one of those exams again.  She never knew if the others did or not because that she never went to camp that summer.  From that day on anything she learned came from her parents.

She hadn’t thought about them in a long time.  She wondered if they would have approved of the life she led or if they had raised her the way they did because they knew what her life would be like.  It was so hard to think of them without some resentment.  She would never understand what they did or why, but how could she stay angry when the outcome had been her inception.

Pulling into the drive of her destination she noticed the outside lights were on and a light burned brightly in the library inside.  Before she could even put the car in park the front door was open and she was standing there.  Getting out of the car Reagan pulled her bags with her and headed up to the front door.

“How are you?”

“Tired but otherwise fine.”

She nodded, “Let’s get you settled then.”

Reagan followed her into the large house, not really noticing her surroundings.  Up the stairs and down a hall she followed until they walked into a suite of rooms.

“You can stay for as long as you need to.”

Reagan nodded and dropped her bags on the floor.  Walking over to the bed she sank into its softness and hung her head in tired defeat.  It had been such a long day and it felt like it was never going to end.

“I’ll leave you to get some sleep then.”

Lifting her head Reagan called out before she left the room, “Can we keep this between us?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you Hetty,” she said.

The diminutive woman nodded once and left closing the door behind her.  Fully clothed Reagan crawled up to the pillows and promptly passed out.  Within minutes the nightmares began.

 

*****************************************

She was locked in her room.  The door was bolted, the windows sealed, and she was standing at one of the windows looking out onto the front drive of her house.  She watched as her parents, talking and smiling to each other left the house, and walk hand in hand to the car sitting in the driveway.  She could feel the panic begin in her chest.  It began to squeeze, and her breath came out in short gasps.  She had seen this time and again. And each time she was unable to stop what happened.

Banging her fists against the window she tried to scream.  She could hear herself screaming for her parent to not get in the car.  The window began to crack and splinter but never break.  Her fists became bloody, her voice hoarse as she watched in slow motion, her father help her mother into the car, and then walk around and get in himself.  Her mother says something to him and looks back at the house.  Every time she thinks ‘This time she will see me and get out of the car.  This time will be different’.  But like each time before her father puts the key in the ignition and turns it, and then the fireball exploding from the car throws her across the room with its force banging her head on the desk.  She tries to stand before completely blacking out.

 

************************************************

She sat up in bed screaming, her body covered in a cold sweat and her voice hoarse.  Every night the same nightmare, it didn’t matter that she wasn’t home when the murder happened, she somehow constructed every detail and her mind played it back to her every time she was at her weakest.

Pushing her way out of the tangle of covers and walked to the window by her bed.  Parting the curtains she looked out only to find the window streaked with rain.  As if in a daze she left her room and followed the route back to the first floor and then somehow found her way to the back of the house.  Opening the French doors in the great room she stepped out and raised her face to the dark sky.  

The raindrops hit her face and she prayed they would wash away the dreams.  It was a futile prayer she knew but she walked further out into the yard and let the sudden deluge soak her.  She simply stood there and stared out into the darkness wondering if she had the courage to end it all.  Her father would tell her it’s the coward’s way, but her father hadn’t had to live with all of this in his head.

And it was the not forgetting that was the worst.  Every moment of every day locked away in her memories, able to come back to haunt her at any given time.  It’s a wonder that she hadn’t thought about putting a bullet in her brain long before this.  But this time things had changed.  This time there were other factors involved.

She hadn’t moved and didn’t when she heard her name called.

“Perhaps you should come in out of the rain, Reagan,” Hetty’s voice came from behind her.

Turning slowly she stared at the small woman through her wet hair and the rain streaming down her face but remained where she was.

“Come on dear,” Hetty said, holding a towel.

“I think I should go, Hetty,” she said.

“Go where, Reagan?”

“Anywhere.  Anywhere they can’t find me.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes!  No.  Damn it.  I… I don’t know what I want.  I don’t know who I am anymore.  Maybe I never have.  All i know is i can't do this anymore.”

She sounded defeated.

“I can’t breathe.  It’s like there is a vice around my lungs.  Like something squeezing them until I can’t draw a breath.  

“I can’t sleep, and when I do the nightmares come.  I don’t even know how many times I’ve seen my parents die, and I wasn’t even there.

“I can’t ever forget.  It’s all here with me.  All of it stuck in my head.  The first time, the last time, they are as vivid as if each happened yesterday, and the aliases as real as if I were still living them.  I can’t get away, I can never get away Hetty and it’s killing me!  I want normal, I want to stop walking in shadows.  I always have to be in control, always have to be on my guard, I can never just be me, ever!

“And I don’t even know who ‘me’ is.  I look in the mirror and wonder just who Reagan Faraday is, like’s she’s someone else.  There’s something wrong with that, something inherently wrong.”

“Reagan, come in side.  I’m beginning to be concerned. And if you want to keep this between us you need to come back in.”

“Are you threatening me Hetty?”

“Do I have to?”

Reagan could feel all the rage and resentment leach out of her.  She knew she was a sum of her parts and there was no point trying to fight it.  There was nothing she could do to change who she was or what she was.  She could only choose to keep fighting or to end it all and ending it just wasn’t an option.  She was stronger than this and would prove it.

Walking over to Hetty she took the offered towel and wrapped it around herself.

“Into a hot shower with you.  I’ll have a cup of tea waiting in my library when you are finished.”

Reagan went back to her room, peeled off her soaking clothes and turned the taps of the shower to hot.  She stepped in and sucked in her breath as the searing heat hit her skin.  She let the water hit her and flinched every time until her skin was as bright red as her eyes from the unshed tears.  She dried off in a fluffy towel and pulled on comfy sweats, rolling down the waistband, and a cami.  Her bare feet padded down the stairs and found Hetty sitting in her library sipping a cup of steaming tea.  Reagan sat across from her and pulled her knees up to her chin and hugged her legs.  Hetty handed her a steaming cup of Vanilla Chai.

“I’m sorry,” she began.

“No need to apologize my dear.  I’ve been at the receiving end of a few of those.  Sometimes you just need to get it out.”  
Reagan rested her chin on her knees and looked at the cup in her hands.  She was embarrassed by her outburst.  She wasn’t someone who threw fits or wallowed in self pity.  She really was at the end of her rope, hanging on by barely her fingernails.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, Hetty, I’ve never lost it before like that.  I’m always the one who keeps it together, always the one who can bury the emotions and get the job done.  I was the best.”

“And you still are Reagan.  It’s been a long day.”

Reagan made a noncommittal sound and looked at Hetty over the rim of her tea cup.

“You know Reagan, if you would talk to me, perhaps I could help.”

“I don’t… I’ve never had anyone to talk to before.  It’s not something that I know how to do.”

“Well we could visualize that I’m debriefing you, would that perhaps help?”

Reagan shrugged, “I don’t think it would hurt.  We could try.”

“Well then let’s begin.  Can you tell me why they did so much genetic testing on you Reagan?  Why you were getting blood work done every week or so?”

Reagan gave her a wry smile, “They actually released my medical records?! I’m shocked really, that was highly classified but I guess they figured no one would understand them any way so why not.

“The blood work and genetic tests were so they could make sure the enhancements they spliced into my genes were transforming the genes and regenerating with the altered genetic material and not the original.”

“I’m sorry, you said altered genetic material?” Hetty’s mouth hung open slightly.

Reagan nodded, “I know, sounds so Sci-Fi, but yes, that’s pretty much the sum of it.”

“Can you explain the reason that your genes were altered?”

“Of course I can.”

“Then will you explain it to me?”

Hetty watched as every instinct in Reagan fought to keep her from speaking; the anxiety that passed over her face had the older woman wondering just what they had done to the younger girl.

“You can trust me Reagan.  Nothing you say to me will ever leave this room.”

She shook her head, “It’s not that.  I trust you, I do and that’s saying a lot.  I’m not sure why I trust you but I have from the very beginning.  My father spoke so highly of you.  It was one of the reasons I wanted to come to NICS out here instead of NCIS in D.C. “

“Then what is it?”

“Hetty if these answers aren’t in my file it means that they weren’t meant to be revealed.  I’m afraid if I tell you I might be putting you in danger.”

Hetty chuckled, “That should be the least of your worries my dear.  Trust me; if no one has finished me off thus far, your secrets aren’t going to be the worst that I have known.  Go ahead and let me be the judge.”

With a big sigh, Reagan put the cup of tea down and crossed her legs, “Well you know that my mother was the leading geneticist for the government.  She was working on a top secret experiment.  Have you ever heard of Project Chimera?”

Reagan watched as Hetty’s eyes widened and then she shook her head, “But that was a myth, an impossible experiment that never took place.  Everyone likened it to an urban legend.”

“Oh it was not urban legend.  It was, is, quite real.  There were 6 couples, five others besides my parents, who gave embryos to the experiment.  The government was looking to create the perfect weapon.  They took the embryos and spliced the genetic codes, enhancing them with synthetic genes.  Each embryo received specific genes for the enhancements that were chosen for it.  No one embryo was supposed to receive all of the enhancements.  They wanted to be able to control or terminate all of the tests subjects.  But one did.  Since my mother was the geneticist overseeing the project she spliced all of the synthetic DNA in to her embryo not even sure if it would survive with that much transformation needed to survive.

“But I did survive.  And the genetic coding for the enhanced genes was able to reproduce.  When the government found out they wanted to terminate me but my mother convinced them that I was an anomaly and their greatest weapon.  And eventually that is what I became.”

“What kind of enhancement were the embryos given?” Hetty continued to ask questions even though she was truly shocked at Reagan’s disclosure.  

This information surely was classified and quite disturbing to say the least, but Hetty was finding out more about Reagan than even she had been given in the file and needed to find out more.

“Reflexes, eye sight, cognitive ability, memory, god there were so many.  Some even I wasn’t told.  Every embryo received two or three enhancements, varying them from embryo to embryo so none had the same combination.”

“But you got all of them,” Hetty commented.

Reagan nodded.  As Hetty watched her she saw a young woman who was on the brink of destruction.  And she needed to find a way to help her not self destruct.

“When did you find out?” her voice was hard and business like.  She couldn’t give Reagan any sympathy now.  It was the last thing she needed.  She needed someone to be strong, someone to push her away from the edge and then help her walk away.

“When my parents were killed.  The agency collected me and told me what I needed to know, which I’m sure wasn’t everything. I’ve learned some things over the years that weren’t disclosed at first.  They tried to rein me in but it was too late by then.  My father had taught me to think for myself and to think outside of the box.  I wasn’t what you would call a good little soldier.  But I was what my father promised them and that’s all they cared about in the end.  That I could do the job I was created for.”

“There were six of you in the beginning.  Do you know if there are still 6 now?”

“There are only 4 of us now.  Number 5, Lindsey Randolph, and Number 2, Brad Wilson were killed in action.  Assignments gone wrong, we were told," she lied smoothly.

“And what exactly did the government have you doing Miss Faraday?”

“Search and destroy. We were given the assignments that were never supposed to happen. The assignments that the government needed to be able to deny. The assignments that were either so dangerous, or so illegal, that there was no other government agency who would, or could, do them.  

“We were in there before the Navy SEALS supposedly got Bin Laden. We had eyes on him for months before we finally killed him. We had infiltrated his ranks weeks before the plan was put into action.  The SEALS were sent in to cover us. You see, we don't exist, and someone needed to take credit for the kill. This time we gave it too the SEALS.”

“How much of what you just told me, have you told anyone else?”

“None of it.  I’ve never had anyone to tell before.  It was always just me.  I took care of myself.”

“Well, Reagan, you are going to see that it’s a lot different here.  You are part of the team now, and as such you need to expect the others to intrude on your life when not wanted, and ask questions you think are too personal.

“I hope talking helped Reagan, and now I think you need to get some sleep.  No matter what happened tonight, you need to be at work by 9:30 sharp.  Especially if you don’t want the other asking questions and me telling them exactly what went on tonight.”

Reagan rose and said good night.  She wasn’t really sure how she felt about telling Hetty the things she did, but somehow it didn’t feel wrong so she just left it at that.  Just as she was about to step out of the room Hetty’s voice called her back.

“If you don’t mind me asking, where were you when they left the flower in your room?”

Reagan blushed slightly, “Um, Callen had come to check on me and we ended up having a few drinks at the pool bar.”

Hetty stared at her for a minute, “I see,” she finally said and clicked the light off.

Reagan found her way back to her room in the darkness and fell into an exhausted and dreamless sleep almost the moment her head hit the pillow.  A short while later when Hetty stepped into the room to find her asleep and the small woman smiled.  

“It is a wonderful thing to unburden the mind,” she whispered and then turned and left Reagan to her rest.

_____________________________________________________

 

Reagan walked into the office the next morning and she actually felt rested.  It had been a long time since she had gotten any real sleep.  When she entered the ‘bull pen’ she found the other 4 agents sitting there already looking like they were having a powwow.

“Good morning everyone,” she smiled at them all.

They smiled back, said hello, but didn’t finished their conversation.  Reagan had a feeling she had interrupted something.

“Oops sorry, should I go so you can finish talking about me?” she joked.

Sam said deadpan, “No we’re finished.”

Reagan looked at him, her eyes a little wide, not knowing if he was joking or not until a smile lifted his right cheek.  She laughed, “That’s just wrong!”

“Gotta step up your game if you’re gonna play with the big boys, Baby Girl!” Sam smiled at her.

“Hmmph, I’m going to go shoot something,” she turned on her heel and headed to the range.

As she passed Kensi’s desk she stopped for a moment and smiled at her, “Good morning Kensi. You look nice today.”

Kensi looked up at her with wide mismatched eyes and didn’t know what to say as she watched Reagan disappear into the shooting range room.  She turned to the others.

“What was that?” she asked the three guys.

“I think it was Reagan being nice to you.” Deeks said from across the space.

Kensi narrowed her eyes at his tone.

“Come on Kens, you have to admit that there is nothing wrong with her.  She’s a really nice girl and fits here,” Sam took Deeks’ side.

She turned to Callen, “Aren’t you going to jump on the ‘Let’s bash Kensi band wagon’?”

“No one’s bashing you.  We just don’t want you to walk around sullen and moody for the rest of you career since I doubt Reagan is going anywhere.”

“I’m not sullen and I don’t do moody!” she argued.

“If you say so.  I’m going to check on Reagan and make sure she doesn’t hang a picture of Kensi on the paper target!”

The guys laughed, but Kensi glared at them and refused to comment.

Sam stood also and looked at his favorite girl, “Kens, give it a chance.  She’s not here to step on your toes and I think you might have a lot in common if you give her a chance.”

As he left Sam looked pointedly at Deeks who gave him a ‘What am I supposed to do?’ look and threw up his hands.  As Sam disappeared into the gym Deeks look over at Kensi who was obviously waiting for him to issue a snarky comment.

“You okay?” was all he asked throwing her off.

“I’m fine,” she looked away.

“Come on Kens, we both know what fine means when it comes from you.  Why don’t you tell me what’s bugging you so you can get it off your chest.”

“Why so you can give me some ‘Deeksism’ and defend her like everyone else?”

“Come on Fern, you know you’re my girl,” he smiled sweetly at her and Kensi rolled her eyes.

“Besides you’re my partner, not Reagan, and no matter what I think of her, it’s you I have to work with, and we have to be okay.  So let’s talk.”

Kensi eyed him suspiciously but nodded and sighed.

“Not, here,” he stopped her as she went to speak.

“What? Where then?”

“Come on, I’m gonna make a surfer out of you if it kills me.  Besides if Malibu Barbie can surf then so can Fern,” he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her seat.

She looked at him for a moment, not pulling her hand away, contemplating what he had said, and then narrowed her eyes, “Let’s go.”

Deeks’ laughter could be heard as the two of them left the Mission, and then a loud “Ouch!” as Kensi’s fist connected with his shoulder, and her laughter that followed.

________________________________________________________

 

Every time I see your face, my heart takes off on a high speed chase  
Now don't be scared, it's only love, baby, that we're falling in  
I can't wait till tomorrow, this feeling has swallowed me whole  
And know that I've lost control, this heart that I've followed, has left me so hollow

That was then, this is now, yeah you have changed everything

Lifehouse : Falling In

 

Callen found Reagan in at the shooting range, and stood back to watch her in action.  There hadn’t been any reason for her to use a gun in the past three weeks she had been with the team, and he was curious as to how she handled a gun.  

When he came in the gun had been in her right hand and she was shooting at the paper target.  He watched as she moved it to her left hand and returned to shooting.  When the clip was empty she laid the gun down and pressed the button to bring in the paper target.  To Callen’s complete shock, there was only one hole in the paper.  It was about the size of a quarter and directly in the center of the targets forehead.

As Reagan turned she saw him for the first time and jumped slightly.

“Um hi,” she said but noticed he wasn’t looking at her but at the paper in her hand.

“Did you miss?” he asked taking the paper from her.

“Does it look like I missed?” she frowned.

Holding up the paper Callen studied the hole she had made, “You’re going to tell me that you emptied an entire clip, hitting the same spot, with both hands?”

“No, I’m not going to tell you that.  Unless you ask nicely of course,” she said deadpan.

Callen finally looked at her and when she smiled she found an in to remove the target from his hands.

“That’s not…” he stopped.

“Not what, possible?  Sure it is.  And here’s the proof.  But it’s a non moving target so it doesn’t really count,” Reagan dropped it in the garbage.

“Did you need something Callen?” she asked removing her ear protectors.

“No, I was curious to see how you handled a gun.  My life may depend on it one day,” he joked.

Reagan smiled, “Well now you know.  To you trust me with your life Mr. Callen?”

He stepped closer and brushed a strand of hair from her cheek, “I’ve trusted you with a lot more already.”

Reagan stepped back and looked down.  The heat that she felt as he said those words was searing but she also knew that she didn’t want to lead him on.  There was no future with her for anyone, and no matter how much his words affected her she couldn’t let him know that.

“Callen I thought we agreed…”

He stepped back and put his hands in his pockets, “Your right. I agreed to try it your way for now.”

“It’s just I…”

“No need to explain. We’ll try it your way for now.  And then it will be my turn,” he said as he opened the door and flipped her ponytail over her shoulder.

“Come on then Miss Faraday.  I guess you can protect my back for now.”

Reagan smiled as she walked past him, “Oh well thank you for bestowing that honor on me, Mr. Callen.  I don’t know how I would have made it through the day if you had denied me the honor of protecting your ass…ets.”

He gave her a light shove, “Brat.”

She shoved him back harder, “Oh, you have no idea.”

Their laughter could be heard through the Mission until Callen shoved her a little too hard and she fell into a window panel of the ops room and a loud crack was heard.

“Hetty’s gonna kill you.” she teased.

They both laughed, and suddenly they heard Hetty’s voice through the Mission.

“Mr. Callen. I need to see you.  Now.”

“How the hell does she do that?” he whispered in Reagan’s ear as he pulled her up bumping into him.

Reagan covered her mouth to muffle a giggle as she pushed him away.

“Now please, Mr. Callen!”

Reagan’s laughter followed him down the stairs as he went to Hetty’s office.

 

 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I have left all of you hanging. Summer came and with it Thing 1 and Thing 2 were home from school. Well, things got crazy and I left most of my writing to become mom for three months. Fast forward to September and here we are. Please forgive me for the absence. I'm not making any promises that I will be timely with updates, but I swear it won't be months in between them this time. I hope you haven't given up on me and will continue to read Reagan's story.

I try so many times, but it's not taking me, and it seems so long ago, that I used to believe  
And I'm so lost inside of my head, And crazy, But I can’t get out of it, I'm just stumbling  
And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head, I'm juggling and my fears on fire

But I'm listening as it evolves in my head, I'm balancing on one fine wire

And I remember the time my balance was fine, and I was just walking on one fine wire  
I remember the time my balance was fine, and I was just walking on one fine wire  
But It's frayed at both the ends, and I'm slow unraveling

Colbie Caillat :: Coco

::Chapter Eight::

Callen found Hetty sitting at her desk tapping a letter opener on the blotter. She looked up at him and motioned for him to sit.  Sitting across from her he leaned back in the chair and smiled at her.

“What can I do for you Hetty?”

“You can first explain how much damage you and Miss Faraday created outside my ops room.”

Trying to look as innocent as possible, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Mmm hmm, well Mr. Callen, in that case I need your professional opinion.”

“Sounds official, what can I help you with Hetty?”

“I need to you tell me if Miss Faraday will fit into our little team or should I keep searching?”

Callen looked up at Hetty slightly surprised.  The last agent she had brought in to join the team, Deeks, had been her choice alone.  Even as team leader she hadn’t asked for his opinion.  He saw why now.  Deeks could rub people the wrong way at first, but after a while he wore you down and you began to realize that he was a good cop and a loyal partner.

He sat for a moment and thought about what he had seen of Reagan and the other agents.  She had been with the team for a little over a month and had worked some ops with them.  Because she was the odd man and the newest junior agent, she mostly was left at the Mission with Erik and Nell overseeing the operations there.  And she was beyond proficient.  She saw things and thought in a way that was different than any of them, allowing a new and fresh view on things.  Everyone enjoyed her easy banter and her witty remarks but he also knew that she and Kensi were still at odds and that didn’t make for comfortable times in the office.  He knew that two women on the same team generally didn’t work.  Women were way to territorial and protective about ‘their’ men, and were always battling for Alpha female.

“You’re stalling Mr. Callen, what’s wrong?”

“With Reagan, nothing at all, with Kensi, nothing at all, but with Reagan and Kensi a lot.  Kensi just doesn’t seem to be willing to give her a chance let alone the time of day.  Things have gotten less tense but they are not by any means congenial.”

“So what are you saying Mr. Callen?  Do I cut Miss Faraday loose, or do you have a suggestion?”

Callen thought a moment longer and then decided, “I’m going to ask for one month.  If things between Kensi and Reagan aren’t amiable in four weeks then you can let Reagan go.”

“Let Reagan go, Mr. Callen?  Not Kensi?”

Callen looked at her slightly shocked.  Hetty usually played the devil’s advocate but this was taking it a little too far.  And then he realized what she was doing, somehow she knew about the ‘thing’ between him and Reagan.  He had no idea how but, he knew it would be better not to ask.  This was her way of letting him know that she knew and judging if it would interfere with the job.

“If in four weeks the two of them still cannot get along then Reagan goes.  Not Kensi.  Kensi right now is the more capable agent, has superiority, and… is family.  Reagan is not.  If anyone is cut loose, it’s Reagan.”

“Very well Mr. Callen, you have your four weeks.  I hope you have a plan, because right now neither woman is getting an ‘A’ in ‘plays well with others’.  Otherwise, let’s pray for a miracle.  Having both women would be a huge asset to the team.”

Callen rose and nodded to Hetty, “Any suggestions?”

“This was your decision Mr. Callen.  I don’t care how you do it, just get them to get along,” Hetty announced.

Callen nodded and walked away racking his brain for an answer that he knew was not going to come.  What the hell did he know about women; next to nothing, and what he did know was not going to help him solve this problem?  Two guys, now that would be easy, let them beat the shit out of each other and they would be best friends, but two women, he was utterly at a loss.

___________________________________________________________

It was about a week later and they were all headed to the gym for some sparing.  As Kensi, Deeks, Callen, and Sam entered the gym they all saw Reagan sparing with the bag.    As slender and girlish as she looked, her round house kicks were moving the bag at least a foot for every kick.  The guys all looked at each other, but Kensi frowned.  She was still not liking the new recruit.  No matter how many times Callen had tried to throw them together she just could not bring herself to let go of the animosity.  She really couldn’t put a finger on why, but if she was honest with herself it was probably because of the reaction she got from all of the men on the team, including Eric.   Eric followed Reagan around like a lovesick schoolboy; Sam spoke about her like she was the next coming, Deeks talked about her like she was a shiny new toy. Even Nell was starry eyed when it came to Reagan, talking about her as if she were a celebrity.  

Only Callen was closed mouthed about what he was thinking.  And truth be told Kensi was getting tired of it.  And although she would never admit it to anyone, including herself, she was jealous.  They never treated her this way when she joined the team; of course she never appeared fragile or evoked that kind of feeling in them.  Kensi had always felt the need to prove herself, to prove that she was just as good or better than the boys.  She had needed to prove to her father that she could be the son he hadn’t had.  She had needed to prove to Jack that she was what he needed when he came back from Iraq.  She needed to prove to the team that she could pull her weight.  

But Reagan was an enigma and the fact that she appeared helpless was appealing to men.  Kensi looked at the new agent and frowned again.  She is not what she appears, she thought.

When Reagan noticed them she stopped and pushed the hair that had escaped from her bun out of her face.  She stepped away from the bag and gave them a little wave.

“Hey,” she smiled.

“Ready for some sparing?” Callen asked his arms crossed over his chest.

“Sure, who’s my partner,” Reagan looked at all of them.

“Why don’t you give Sa…”

“Me,” Kensi stepped forward cutting Callen off.

Callen glanced at Kensi and back at Reagan.  He didn’t think this was a good idea.  Kensi was one of the guys no matter that she looked like a model.  She was fierce and unrelenting.  She was like a pit bull that sunk her teeth in and wouldn’t let go when she smelled fear or weakness.  She abhorred women who were not as strong or disciplined as her, and although Hetty chose Reagan, he wasn’t sure she could hold her own with Kensi.  He knew Sam would judge her ability and spar accordingly.  Kensi on the other hand would push until Reagan broke.  He never had a chance to respond when Reagan stepped up to the bait.

“Well then, let’s go.”

Kensi strapped on her gloves and did some stretching to get warm before she was ready to step on to the mats.  Callen watched Reagan watching Kensi.  The tall blonde stood, her arms akimbo, quietly watching Kensi’s warm up.  He couldn’t read anything from her face, and that didn’t give him a good feeling.  Reagan was very good at hiding what she was thinking and feeling, but that didn’t mean she was up to the task of taking on an obviously aggravated Kensi.  And then Reagan made a tactical error, or so Callen thought.

“Are you gonna fight or are we going to watch you do Pilates all morning?” Reagan went on the attack.

Every one of the guys sucked in their breaths when that came out of Reagan’s mouth.  Kensi looked up at her with steel in her eyes.

“Let’s go,” Kensi stood and held her arms out in challenge.

“Bring it,” Reagan copied her attitude.

The two women took up their positions and began to circle each other.  They watched as Kensi went on the offensive, raining kicks and punches on Reagan, and Reagan block each one expertly.  Reagan would get in a hit or two but basically was deflecting Kensi’s attack.  Callen stood there in something of surprise.  It took him a while to realize it since his first concern was Reagan’s safety because of the way Kensi was attacking.  Reagan was playing with Kensi.  She was taking the defensive, knowing that Kensi was looking to whale on something.  But she was so good at pretending that at first it didn’t look that way.  He looked at Sam and watched as the same realization washed over his partner.  When Sam turned to him he just subtly shook his head.  

He wasn’t sure if Deeks would see it at all but when he looked to the ‘new’ guy he had a slight smirk on his face.  Yup it was obvious to Deeks too.  The only person who wasn’t aware of being toyed with was Kensi herself, and maybe, Callen thought, that was a good thing.  They watched as Kensi tired herself out and Reagan just danced around her keeping out of the way of her more wild strikes.  As much as he enjoyed seeing Kensi in action, this was not the point of the training.  He wanted to see what Reagan could do offensively, not how she could hold someone off.

“Whoa, hold on, hold on,” Callen called to the two women.

They both pulled up and turn to watch Callen walk toward them.  He looks at Reagan, “What the hell are you doing?”

Reagan had the grace to look down and blush slightly in embarrassment.

“What?” Kensi looked from Callen to Reagan, wholly unaware of what is going on.  

“And you too, what the hell was that?” Callen asked her gesturing to the mat.

“I don’t…” Kensi looked slightly confused.

“Come on Kens, we all know you and you don’t fight this sloppy.  Whatever is bothering you, get over it and fight like an agent, not like a girl.”

Her eyes narrowed and she glanced at Reagan gauging her take on the reprimand.  But Reagan was still looking at the floor, engrossed in the patterns of the mat.  At that moment Kensi started to feel like something was hinkey.

“And you, Miss Faraday.  What exactly were you doing out there?” he crossed his arms over his chest.

Reagan’s head snapped up and there was fight in her cerulean blue eyes, “I was defending myself.”

“Really?  'Cause all it looked like to the rest of us was you dancing around Kensi so you didn’t actually have to take a swipe at her.  If you’re going to be an agent Miss Faraday, then you better damn well show the rest of us you can pull your weight.”

Callen saw her stiffen at his remark and tried his best to remain impassive.  He had gotten to both of them.  For Kensi, he made her see that her fit of temper had made her blind to Reagan’s toying, and for Reagan, he had pricked her pride and hopefully made her mad enough to show them what she could do.

“Now are you two going to spar for real? Or are you going to play ring around the rosy again?”

That elicited a snort from Sam and a cough from Deeks.  Both girls threw icy looks at them but turned back to each other showing Callen that they were ready once again.

This time around was completely different.  Kensi’s attack was much more controlled and focused instead of slightly wild due to her temper.  Reagan on the other hand was completely the same for the first few minutes.  This was noticed by Kensi and she started to bait Reagan.

“Aww, little Reagan Faraday doesn’t want to come out and play?  Can’t run with the big girls Rae?  You think if you hold me off that it makes you an agent?  Can’t you fight?”

Reagan smiled slightly, “No, I don’t think it makes me an agent.  I think it makes me careful of pack order.  And yes I can fight.”

“Really, 'cause I’m thinking that all you can do is block a punch. I’m thinking that you’re either really bad at this or that your letting me win.  And I have no idea why you would want to let me win so I’m thinking that this is the best you’ve got Miss Faraday, and that you should go home to mommy.” Kensi said absently.

Suddenly Kensi’s eyes widened as she realized what she had just said.  Reagan’s eyes narrowed.  She wasn’t sure if Kensi had said what she did on purpose or just slipped in the heat of the moment but that was not how this was going to go down.

“I can’t let you win Agent Blye,” Reagan growled out.

“Oh yeah, and why is that?” Kensi baited her again.

Reagan suddenly spun and hit Kensi with a roundhouse that threw her about two feet to the side.  Before she could recover, Reagan came at her with a speed that was almost too fast to see.  She landed a number of hits and spun away as Kensi tried to regroup and go on the offensive once again.  Again Reagan was too fast, and spun away landing a front kick to Kensi’s side before Kensi could do anything.

“Because Agent Blye,” Reagan started to answer.

She landed several more hits and didn’t move fast enough when Kensi kicked out and caught her in the ribs.  She sucked in some air and before anyone knew what she was going to do she sent a round house into Kensi’s shoulder that sent the agent flying onto the mat.

Kneeling over her Reagan held Kensi down as she finished her answer, “… if I let you win, they will be riding you for not going easy on the ‘new girl’.  And that will not do anything for me in your eyes.  If I beat you I get to look like the bad guy which is what you want in the first place.  So I figured we could call it a draw.  But you didn’t want to call it a draw so – I guess I win.  This is what I’m trained to do Agent Blye. The people who trained me, make Special Ops look like pre-school.”

Reagan held out a hand to help Kensi up, not knowing what the other woman would do.  Light eyes looked into dark and something passed between them.  Kensi took her hand and allowed Reagan to pull her to standing.  Once she was on her feet Reagan didn’t wait around for the witty banter to begin.  She turned immediately and almost ran into the locker room.

Kensi turned to the three guys in somewhat of a daze.  They looked back at her with basically the same expressions.  And each knew what the other was thinking.  Apparently there was a lot more to Reagan Faraday than anyone was privy to.

“Did I just get my ass handed to me?” Kensi was the first to say something.

Not knowing what exactly to say the three men barely nodded.

“What the hell was that?” Deeks was still staring, open mouthed, at the mat where Reagan and Kensi had last been standing.

“Seems to me that little Miss Faraday was trained very, very well.  I didn’t even notice that she was toying with Kensi at first.” Sam admitted.

“But what the hell happened?  It was like watching her go from timid little girl directly into ninja mode.  What sparked that lightening change in her?”

“It was Kensi’s comment about her mother,” Callen said finally.

“I didn’t mean… I mean I was just… I would never…” Kensi wasn’t sure exactly what to say.

“We know Kens.  In the heat of the moment things get said, but that was her trigger.  It could have been anyone of us egging her on.  You didn’t do it on purpose or to be hurtful.  Don’t sweat it.” Sam said.

“I knew the minute I said it that it was the wrong thing to say.  I mean if one of you had brought up my father like that I probably would have had the same reaction.  I wish I could have taken it back the minute I opened my mouth but…”  Kensi said.

“Perhaps Miss Blye, you might want to go and have a chat with Miss Faraday.  You know girl to girl.  It might serve to strengthen the team moral, and perhaps allow an opening for you two to become acquainted.” Hetty with her ninja stealth somehow arrived in the gym.

“Do you think I should?” Kensi felt like a little kid who had hurt her best friend’s feelings and didn’t know what to do.

“I believe I just said so Miss Blye?  Now off with you.  And the rest of you, into my office now, I have some things to discuss with you three.”

As Kensi hurried into the locker room, the three guys looked at one another wondering what they had done to deserve this ‘meeting’.

Kensi pushed the door, into the locker room open, and warily ventured in.  It was silent inside, except for the shower water running, and she wasn’t sure what to expect when she found Reagan.  As she rounded a corner she had to take a double take.  Reagan was standing in the shower with her back to Kensi.  She was naked and her hair hung to just below her backside.  Her arms were on the wall and her head hung between them as the scalding water sluiced over her body. But it wasn’t that she was naked in the shower that caused the pause, it was the tattoos that curled their way up the back of Reagan’s thighs, over her curved backside, and further up her lower back.  On the her left side was a phoenix taking flight up her body and on the right side was a dragon slinking its way down her body.

Okay as if the perfect body wasn’t enough she had to have some badass tattoo’s to go along with it.  Usually Kensi, thought tattoos weren’t attractive, but for some reason these two creatures not only complimented Reagan but looked like they had always belonged there.  They just make her all the more beautiful and that was another kick to the gut.

“Hey,” Kensi called out to her.

Reagan’s head snapped around, her body tense and ready to attack.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said and turned back around letting the water rinse over her face.

“Hey, I just wanted to apologize for that crack.  I didn’t mean –”

“Forget about it,” Reagan cut her off.

“Reagan listen, I’m –”

“I said forget it,” she cut her off again.

Turning off the water she grabbed the towel hanging nearby and wrapped it around herself after drying her face.

Now Kensi was pissed.  That was the second time Reagan cut off her apology and it wasn’t something she liked doing to begin with.  As Reagan went to walk away Kensi grabbed her arm and spun her around.  Reagan looked down at her arm where Kensi’s hand gripped her, and then raised her ice cold eyes to Kensi’s mismatched ones.  Kensi let her go, and Reagan remained where she stood.

“Look I was just trying to apologize about the crack about your mom.  I would have reacted the same way if someone had made a crack about my father.” Kensi tried to calmly apologize.

“I said forget about it.  I was on edge and let my emotions get the best of me, end of story.” Reagan said forcefully her amazingly blue eyes throwing daggers at Kensi.

“What is your problem?  I’m trying to apologize for that crack and you just want to fight?”

“No Agent Blye, you are the one who has just wanted to fight since I walked through the fucking door.  You’ve done nothing but give me the cold shoulder from day one.  Oh yes, I’m not that naïve newbie you take me for.  I know exactly what game you’re playing and I’ve tried very hard to do everything in my power to let you know that I have no desire to usurp your position with the team, but apparently you’re either really thick or you truly don’t like me for whatever reason.  So if you don’t mind you can take your apology and shove it up you skinny ass, I just want to forget about the whole thing.”

“Wha- why?” Kensi was taken back.

Reagan sighed and took a deep breath trying to center herself.  There was no reason for her anger, and she knew it.  But she really didn’t want to admit why she had reacted the way she did.  She had trained for years to keep her temper and one comment about her mother had her reacting like an undisciplined kid.

“Look Agent Blye, I’m sorry.  I’m just… I just...” Reagan began to stumble over her words and finally huffed and turned to leave.

“Wait!  I should be apologizing for a lot more than just the crack I just made.  Do you think we can start over?” Kensi cocked her head and gave Reagan a questioning look.

Reagan looked at her suspiciously but eventually nodded.

“Okay.”

“Hi I’m Kensi,” she held out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Reagan,” Reagan gripped her towel with her left hand and reached for Kensi’s with her right.

“Nice ring,’ Kensi noticed the 3 karat diamond eternity band that Reagan wore on her right ring finger.

“It was my mom's,” Reagan offered and gently pulled her hand back playing with the ring with her thumb and pinkie.

“I wear my dad’s watch,” Kensi gently confessed, “makes me feel closer to him.  He died when I was fifteen.”

Reagan nodded in understanding, “My parents died when I was fifteen too, lost them both at the same time.  What about your mom?”

“She died when I was really young.  It was always me and my dad.” Kensi said and laughed.

“What’s funny about that?” Reagan asked confused.

“No, it’s not funny.  I was just laughing because I just told you more in this conversation than I did to Callen, Sam, and Deeks in the first year we worked together.”

“Well, then I guess we’ve decided to trust each other since I just told you more than anyone in my life besides my Aunt and Hetty.” Reagan smiled.

“Um, why don’t you go get dressed and we can hang in the bullpen, have some lunch, and get to know each other.”

Reagan nodded, “I’d like that.”

She grabbed her panties, bra, jeans and tee shirt and headed into the changing room.  Kensi noticed that the pink lacy bra and panties were matching and contained La Pearla labels.  Hmm, girl’s got taste, Kensi thought as she waited, and money.

Reagan returned looking very different from her usual attire.  

“Um did you raid my locker?” Kensi asked after she did a once over on Reagan.

Reagan gave a little smile.  It really did look as if she had raided Kensi’s locker.  Similar jeans and layered tops, black boots instead of brown, they looked like they tried to dress alike.  While Kensi wore her dark waves pulled back in a ponytail, Reagan had pulled hers back in a braided bun.  Her face was free of make-up except for mascara and she looked even more innocent than she had before.

“Come on, I’m starving,” Kensi headed for the door with Reagan trailing her still uncertain.

“By the way those are some amazing tat’s.”

“Thanks, they mean a lot.”

As they exited the gym and made their way to the ‘bullpen’, Hetty noticed them.

“Ahh, Miss Faraday may I speak to you please?” she called to Reagan.

Reagan glanced at Kensi who nodded and then she headed to Hetty’s office.  She wasn’t exactly sure why it was called an office since it was completely open and visible to anyone passing by.  But she knew already, that some questions are not worth asking.

Reagan stood before Hetty’s desk waiting for her lecture.

“Please sit Miss Faraday,” Hetty gestured to the chair.

“If it’s all the same I would prefer –“

“It wasn’t a suggestion Miss Faraday,” was all she said.

Reagan sat immediately.  She was pretty sure she knew what this was about but allowed Hetty to bring it up in her own time.  She was offered a cup of tea in Hetty’s Royal Albert Old Country Roses tea set.  It was a spicy vanilla Chai that happened to be Reagan favorite.  She took a sip and put the cup down on the desk.

“I’ve noticed that there is some tension among the team lately.  Do you care to give me your thoughts on the state of affairs?”

Reagan felt like she was facing a firing squad while she stared wide eyed at the diminutive woman across the desk from her.

“I wouldn’t presume to have an opinion, as I am the newest and therefore lowest in the pecking order.”

Hetty gave her a tight smile, “I’m afraid that your presence has stirred up some resentment here in my building.  Not to say that you had something to do with this overtly, but I don’t believe you haven’t tried very hard at playing nice with the others.”

Bravely Reagan held her gaze, “I have perhaps kept to myself, but that is only because I have been feeling some hostility from the natives.”

“Hmph, I believe the natives are restless because they have failed to find any backstop information on you.  You are an enigma and that makes them uneasy.  They are told to accept you because of my recommendation but because of who they are, cannot do that on faith alone.  Not even for me Miss Faraday.  So I am suggesting that you start to play nice, or I will have to take this situation into hand.  And no one will like the outcome of that.”

Reagan nodded, and walked into the “bullpen” where Kensi and Callen were.  Kensi sat on the couch scarfing her lunch and Callen sat at his desk doing paper work.  They both looked up when Reagan walked in carrying her cup of tea.  They both watched as she made her way over to the couch and plopped down next to Kensi.

“Hi,” she said cheerfully taking a sip of tea.

Kensi with a mouth full of macaroni and cheese and a fork paused in mid-air on the way to her mouth, just stared at her.  Was this the same girl that had just kicked her ass in the gym, and then dismissed her apology twice in the locker room?  The same girl who has been as tightly wound as a drum?  Callen sat back and observed the two of them, saying nothing.  

Reagan smiled at the startled Kensi.

“We’re being watched.  No, don’t look.  Hetty informed me that I needed to come over here and play nice with others, which in Hetty language means infiltrate the team and annoy the shit out of them until they crack.  And although I could do this, and rather well, it’s not really my style.  But I believe that disregarding Hetty’s request would go worse for me than choosing to not bother you two.  Am I right?”

Kensi started to smile with her cheeks puffed with food until they both heard Hetty’s voice call out.

“I heard that Miss Faraday!”

Reagan made a comical face at Kensi who then laughed so hard the macaroni and cheese burst from her mouth; which in turn, had Reagan laughing so hard, the tea she had just sipped came out of her nose.

Callen stood at that point and shook his head, “You two are like being around two high schoolers.”

He stood and walked away shaking his head.  Reagan and Kensi watched him leave, looked at each other and burst out laughing again.  Sam who had been about to sit when this happened looked at them and walked back out.  As he was leaving Deeks was about to enter.  As Sam walked by he looked from Reagan and Kensi to Deeks.

“Be afraid.  Be very afraid,” he said and left.

Deeks turned to watch Sam leave and then turned back to the girls who looked at him innocently.  Slowly he began to walk backwards away from them.

Reagan laughed and looked at Kensi, “Damn, we sure know how to clear a room without saying a word!

She looked around, “Good, now we can dish.”

“What?” Kensi asked confused.

“You need to give details about your guys.”

“My guys?”

“Kensi, let’s face it.  This could go one of two ways for us.  Option one, we could implicitly trust each other, trade our secrets, and be as close as sisters.  Or, option two, we could dance around each other, step on toes, and end up hating each other.  I for one like option one the best.  I’m not much for pushing my way in and stepping on toes.  I tend to tread lightly and keep my distance, but obviously, working with partners that is not an option.  Since I had tried to get in good with the guys first and stepped on your toes, you went all momma bear on me and got territorial and protective.  So I decided to go straight to the top, so to speak.

“Basically if we don’t work out, then I’m not going to work out.  That’s about as straightforward as I can make it.”

Kensi looked at Reagan for a moment.

“Do you always talk so much?”

Reagan smiled and shook her head, “No… never.  I usually try and blend into the background, to stay quiet and low key.”

“Hence the hair and glasses?” Kensi gestured with her fork.

Reagan nodded, “Yup.  Well mostly the hair and definitely the glasses.  The hair also helps me keep it under wraps.”

Kensi smiled, “Yeah, I saw that.”

They sat there for the next two hours and talked and laughed like long lost friends.  The two women had been so absorbed in their conversation that neither noticed Callen returning to the ‘bullpen’.  Watching them talking animatedly to each other made him breathe a sigh of relief.  At the sound their talking stopped and both blonde and brunette heads turned to him.

“Do you two plan on leaving tonight?” he asked throwing his duffel bag over his shoulder.

“What time is it?” Reagan grabbed Kensi’s wrist and tried to read the watch.

Kensi pulled her arm back laughing and then stared at the watch in disbelief, “Six o’clock!”

Reagan looked incredulous, “We’ve been sitting here for four hours?  That has to be wrong!”

“Oh no, that is exactly right,” Callen nodded.

“Time flies,” Reagan shrugged.

“Hey, how about we grab a bite to eat and continue this conversation?  You still need to tell me your alias count,” Kensi stood helping Reagan up.

Reagan shrugged, “Sounds good to me!  Let’s go.”

As she and Kensi grabbed their things, she could feel Callen’s eyes on her.  When she turned to look at him, he simply smiled and gave her a nod as if to say good job.  She smiled in return and then turned to Kensi.

“See you tomorrow Callen,” Kensi said as she passed him to leave.

“Night Kensi, Reagan.”

Reagan smiled, looking at him from under her lashes, and somehow managed to brush against him as she walked out, “Night ‘G’.”

He watched the two of them leave the Mission side by side, and smiled to himself, “There goes the Deadly Duo,” he laughed and followed them out.

Reagan followed Kensi to a local bar and both girls ordered and then resumed their conversation from earlier.

“Okay, let’s have it, names and dates.”

Reagan smiled looking down at the table and her folded hands.  When the waiter placed their drinks on the table she looked up and smiled at him.  He walked away as if in a daze.

Kensi laughed, “Seriously, how do you do that?”

Reagan blinked, “Do what?”

“That,” she pointed at the waiter, “the guys at work.  It’s like all you have to do is smile and everyone falls under your spell.”

“Except you,” Reagan smiled at her.  
“Okay, okay, so I was the…”

“Anomaly, no, you just never gave me a chance.  And it’s no secret, no special pheromones or perfume, just a simple smile.  You do it too, just not as often and not usually unless you’re undercover.”

“What?  What does that mean?”

“I mean you keep people at arm’s length, even the people who care about you.”

“Wait a second; this was supposed to be about you not me.” Kensi lifted the beer and took a sip.

Reagan picked up the glass of Grappa and took a sip

“Well, it is about me… and you.  I mean I’m new to all this partner stuff, and working as a team, and the whole family thing, but I have to say I really am liking it.  It’s nice to know that I’m not alone out there and someone has my back.  But personally, I think you take them for granted.”

Kensi’s mouth hung open for a minute

“Wait, before you get your panties in a bunch, hear me out.  You have a team who would do anything for you, but you keep them at arm’s length.  You growl at your partner who is not only majorly hot and half in love with you, but would do anything for you.  You even decided to hate me before you even knew me.  I mean it seems to me like you push a lot of people who care about you away.

“I’ve been out there, alone, with no family, no friends, no one who had my back or cared whether I saw the next sunrise.  I just can’t imagine why you would choose that over what you have?”

Kensi stared at Reagan; the bottle of beer paused halfway to her mouth, “Wait a second! Deeks is not in love with me!”

Reagan swallowed the sip she had just taken and slid her arms off the table so the waiter could put their meals down.

“Out of everything I just said, that was all you heard?” she laughed and popped one of Kensi’s fries into her mouth.

“But he’s…”

“Available, hot, funny, sweet, charming, should I stop?”

“Yes!”

“Oh Kens, sweetie, you need to open your eyes!  Wait, you did open your eyes and you totally know how he feels about you! And you like him too!

“Oh my God Kens, why haven’t you done anything about it?”

Turning beat red Kensi ducked her head and took a bite of her burger. Reagan giggled as she waited for Kensi’s mouth to be empty.

“Spill woman.”

“He’s my partner, and he’s Deeks!  I mean… you understand.”

“Absolutely not, you are a stunning single woman, he is a hot single man, you like him, he likes you, what is there to understand? I mean you’re a big girl Kensi, it’s not like you need to be in love…” Reagan saw the little flinch and gasped.

“No, no, you’re kidding. Seriously, you might actually be…”

“Don’t you dare say it!” Kensi threatened.

“So that’s it!  It could never just be a fling!  There would be strings attached and that might mess up your partnership. I get it.

“Okay, Deeks topic off limits for the moment, but just one more question, or really just a little advice.  Sweetie, he won’t wait around forever, and we’re not guaranteed tomorrow, especially in our line of work.  Don’t let something that might be awesome slip through your fingers.”

“Point noted, and this discussion is now off limits and will resume at a much later date!” Kensi stuffed a fry into her mouth.

Reagan stared at Kensi’s plate of burger, fries, onion rings and pickle and had to shake her head.

“Seriously, how the hell do you eat that stuff and not look like a house?”

Kensi shrugged and bit into an onion ring, “Luck I guess. I mean I work out and all but I really don’t seem to put on weight.”

Reagan stuck her tongue out at her, “I work out too and if I ate that stuff I would have to spend my life working out! Besides it’s like a lead weight in my stomach.  I’ve even sworn off pasta most of the time, but that’s mainly because I lived in Italy for so long and was about 10 pounds heavier even when I worked out!”

“Mmmm, love Italian food,” Kensi closed her eyes.

“How would you know what real Italian food tastes like, you live in California? You can’t even get a decent pizza out here!” Reagan laughed as she took another bite of her grilled chicken salad.

“And you’re a connoisseur of food too?” Kensi teased.

“Well, I have lived in some of the best foodie spots in the world!”

“Reeeeally, and where has that been?”

Reagan laughed, “Okay you got me. Alright, well I was born in Georgetown and lived there until my parents murder when I was 15. When my parents were alive we traveled a lot and spent summers in different places. But when the government decided to fake my death I was shipped to Milan to live with my aunt and uncle.  I was there for four years.  From there I moved to New York.  I auditioned for the NYC Ballet and became a member. I was with them for 2 years before an accident had my career and dreams over.  From there I moved to Paris and was there for 2 years, then to India for a year and then Thailand for 6 months, another year in Japan. I moved to Hawaii for a year before I finally came here.  And hopefully I’ll be here for a long time.  I’m tired of moving and never having some place to call home.”

The last came out wistfully.  As she took a sip of grappa, Kensi watched her and though about her childhood moving from Marine base to Marine base all over the world.  At least she had her father to make it feel like home no matter where they were or for how long.  When he had been killed her world had come crashing down around her.  She knew how Reagan must have felt being shipped to another country, to an aunt and uncle who she barely knew.  But to bounce around from one place to another, alone with no place to call home, no people to call family must have been a very lonely life.

“Well now you have us. You have me!” Kensi clinked her beer bottle against Reagan’s glass.

Reagan laughed, “Now I know why they say with friends like that who need’s enemies!”

Kensi gasped in mock insult and punched Reagan in the shoulder. Reagan laughed back rubbing her shoulder and then giving Kensi a shove.

“You know Sam was right.”

“About what?”

“He told me that if I gave you a chance I would find we had a lot in common.  He was right, but don’t tell him that.  He’ll be impossible to work with!”

“Oh really!  Well I don’t know if I should just kiss your hand or get on my knees to thank you for ‘giving me a chance’ Princess Kensi!”

Both girls laughed and Reagan stole another fry.  
“Okay so it’s 10:00 and I didn’t sleep for more than 3 hours last night. I need to get some sleep.” Reagan fished in her clutch for her wallet.

“Mmm, bad night?”

“I always have trouble sleeping.  It’s rare that I get a full night’s sleep.”

“That sound like Callen.  He doesn’t sleep either,” Kensi said absently.

“Really? Why not?” Reagan asked too quickly and realized it when Kensi gave her a knowing smile.

“Ooooo, you’re gonna give me shit about Deeks when you have a thing for ‘G’!   Oh, baby girl, you are not playing fair!  When did this happen?”

“Another story for another time,” Reagan tried to get out of it.

“Absolutely not! Tell me girlie or I’ll have to take you hostage until you do!”

“Fine, I’ll tell you on the way out,” she threw some money on the table and stood.

“Wait that’s way too much.”

“My treat, besides the poor waiter was drooling all over himself to impress you and you didn’t even notice,” Reagan grabbed her hand to stop her from putting money on the table.

“What? I can’t…”

“You can and you will.  You pick up next time.  And I get to pick!  I’m thinking karaoke bar!”

Kensi shook her head as she walked with Reagan listening to her story of how the ‘thing’ with Callen happened.  When they finally reached their cars Reagan had finished her story.

“I don’t even know what to say!”

“Don’t say anything and make sure that the next story like this is about you and Deeks!”

Kensi’s cheeks colored pink as she ducked her head.  Reagan smiled and fished her keys from her bag.

“Thanks Kensi,”

“It was just dinner, and you paid!”

“That’s not what I meant.  Thanks for giving me a chance, and for offering that olive branch even though it was the last thing you wanted to do.  Thanks for getting to know me and letting me get to know you.  I haven’t had a girl-friend since I was 15, my life was pretty solitary, but I feel like I’ve known you forever.”  
“I know.  It’s strange but I feel the same way.  And you’re welcome.  I haven’t had a close girl friend in a long time.  It’s basically been me and the boys.  I mean there’s Nell and all but it’s different with her than it is with you for some reason.

“We understand each other.  It’s not just you saying I know how you feel, it’s the fact that you really do cause you’ve been there.”

Reagan held a hand out to Kensi.  Impulsively Kensi moved in and pulled Reagan in for a hug.  Completely surprised, Reagan stood still for a moment and then wrapped Kensi in a return hug.  Strangely for both girls it didn’t seem to matter that only yesterday they were at complete odds.  They had each met a kindred soul in the other, and the bond they shared went far beyond a trivial matter like time.

Giving her a last squeeze Kensi backed away and smiled at the blonde who was one of the few women she looked eye to eye with.  Sure yesterday she hadn’t wanted the time of day from her but now she just knew that they were going to be inseparable.  It was childish she knew but she felt like a little girl who had just found her best friend.

“Night Rea,” she waved as she moved to her car.

“Night Kens, see you tomorrow,” Reagan smiled as she slipped behind the wheel.

Pulling out of the parking lot headed to Hetty’s house she felt lighter than she had in days.  Not only had she managed to find a common ground with Kensi but the irrational hope that they might actually become friends had apparently worked out in her favor.  Now she just had to deal with the matter of the oleander and manage to stay below their radar.  If she could do that, her life might finally become what she hoped it to be.  But she wasn’t going to kid herself either, they usually turned up at the most inopportune times and managed to screw up even the best laid plans.  So she wasn’t going to hold her breath.

 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And since you have been waiting so long I thought you might deserve a double posting. :) Enjoy!!!

****

These streets, Turn me inside out, Everything shines, But leaves me empty still  
And I'll, burn this lonely house down, If you run with me, If you run with me

I'll stay with you, The walls will fall before we do  
Take my hand now, We'll run forever  
I can feel the storm inside you, I'll stay with you  
Fooled by my own desires, I twist my fate, Just to feel you  
But you, turn me toward the light, And you're one with me, Will you run with me?

Goo Goo Dolls :: Stay With You

::Chapter9::

Deeks walked into the ‘bullpen’ the next morning and stopped in his tracks.  He looked at the phone he was holding and then turned and walked back out, only to walk back in again a second later to stare once again.

Kensi who was sitting in the chair at her desk, and Reagan who was sitting perched on Callen’s desk with her feet on his chair, had stopped talking and were watching him curiously.  When he walked out they glanced at each other only to look back at him when he returned.

“Is everything okay Deeks?” Kensi asked.

“I’m trying to figure out how it could possibly be April Fool’s Day, when yesterday was the middle of August?”

“April Fool’s Day?  Ooh, because of us.  Yeah, you’re a funny guy Deeks,” Reagan laughed and rolled her eyes.  
Just then Sam walked in glancing at Deeks standing in the middle of the room, and then at Kensi and Reagan.  Not saying a word he moved to his chair and sat at his desk.  Deeks followed suit always glancing at the two women as if waiting for them to suddenly assault each other.

“What’s wrong with this picture?” he turned to Sam.

Sam first looked at Kensi and Reagan and then at Deeks, “Aside from the fact that you’re in it?” he asked deadpan.

Kensi snorted and Reagan laughed out loud.  Deeks turned to Sam and cocked his head.

“Really?  Really, you had to go there?  Wonder Woman and Emma Frost over there are chatting like they didn’t try to kill each other yesterday and you had to go there?”

Sam smiled and just shook his head, “It’s nice to see them getting along finally.”

“Who’s getting along finally?” Callen walked in noticing Reagan adorably perched on his desk.

“Wonder Woman and Emma Frost,” Deeks nodded his head to the girls.

Callen glanced at Kensi and Reagan, then back to Deeks, “Emma Frost?”

Deeks rolled his eyes and dropped his head back, “Doesn’t anybody read comic books anymore?”

Reagan laughed as she slid off of Callen’s desk using his shoulder for help, “Come on Callen, Emma Frost, she was a mutant who could read minds from X-men.”

“Right, wait, how do you know that?” Deeks looked at her surprised.

“I’m kind a little bit of a comic book geek,” Reagan ducked her head.

“What?! Did I hear that right?!” Eric called from the second floor.

Reagan smiled up at him, “Well that depends on what you heard!”

Eric gave her a wink and whistled sending everyone into movement.  They hurried up the stairs and into the ops room. Upon entering Reagan noticed another agent standing with his back to them.  As he turned her heart skipped a beat.

“Renko!” Callen called and moved to shake his hand.

Sam, Deeks and Kensi follow suit while Reagan hung back and felt a cold sweat break out between her shoulder blades.  After a lot of fist bumping, hand shaking and ribbing Callen turned to introduce Reagan to the other agent.  As Mike turned his eyes widened at the site of Reagan.

“Janelle! What the hell are you doing here?” Mike stepped forward and pulled her in for a ‘guy’ hug.

“I, um, well I…” Reagan stuttered.

“Wait, do you know…” Callen started.

“Yeah Janelle and I did…”

“Renko, this is Reagan Faraday.  Maybe you have her mixed up with someone else?” Sam cut in.

Mike looked at Reagan slightly confused.  She gave him a smile and nodded stepping closer to him.  As he watched Callen felt his gut tighten and wasn’t sure he like this whole thing.  
“Mike and I worked together on a black ops a number of years ago.  I was undercover for the CIA as Janelle Warner,” she explained to the team.

“And now I’m NCIS, only under my real name, Reagan Faraday,” she said to Mike.

“Reagan Faraday?  So you’re not Janelle Warner?”

“Well, I am Janelle Warner but she is only just another name, just another part of me.  The real me is Reagan.”

I think, she thought as she smiled at him.

“So where exactly did you two meet?” Callen took a step closer to Reagan and she stepped away from Mike closer to him.

Mike saw the movement and realized what was going on, “I was undercover in Cuba, Guantanamo Bay, working on a case there that ended up going completely wrong.  They sent Jan… Reagan in to clean up the mess.  We never did find out what happened after we cleared out.”

Reagan smiled at Mike, “Then I did my job.”

“Alright, if the homecoming is over maybe we can get back to work.  I do have an office to run.” Hetty interrupted the six of them.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen.  We have a new case today.  Well actually it’s not a new case.  Mr. Renko why don’t you and Mr. Beal brief the team.”

“Okay I’ve been working undercover on this case for a couple of months now.  The mafia has been upping their heroin distribution here on the west coast.  We had no idea where the drugs were coming from until we got a lead from the inside.  I’ve been able to get in deep with the head of this crime family, Nicolangelo Ferranti, but he’s not sure that he can completely trust me with his suppliers name yet.  

“He’s the head of the snake.  He sells to smaller dealers.  He wants me to bring in a big time buyer to basically seal the deal.  So now I need your help.  We know that he is being supplied with heroin that is being confiscated in Iraq and then shipped here to the US and stored at Camp Pendleton, but we still don’t have the name or names of the Marines doing the supplying.”

“And now you need us to come in to not only make you look credible but get the names,” Callen finished for him.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Okay Deeks, Kensi you…”

“Mr. Callen I want Reagan on this case,” Hetty interrupted.

Callen remained silent for a moment and then nodded, “Okay.  Reagan and I will go in.  What kind of buyer does this Ferranti expect to see?”

“High class, he’s supplying top of the line heroin and isn’t selling to street thugs.  I’m talking big time money and credentials,” Mike offered some detail.

“Okay Eric, you work on the backstop for Reagan and my aliases.  Mike, brief Sam, Deeks, and Kensi on logistics and essentials for the case.  Reagan, stay with Eric and help him out with anything he might need.  Hetty, you and I need to talk.”

As everyone moved to do what Callen had instructed, Reagan turned to watch Callen and Hetty leave the ops room.  She had no idea why Hetty changed Callen’s plans but she was not going to be using her alias from the time she spent in Italy for this case.  Hetty could suspend her or fire her but that alias was not going to be making an appearance if she could help it.  And a little chat with Hetty may be needed to resolve that issue.  Turning back to the computer screen she began answering Eric’s questions regarding her capability with the language and culture.

______________________________________________________

“Can I help you with something Mr. Callen?” Hetty asked as they exited the room.

“Yes, you can tell me why you overruled my decision to put Deeks and Kensi on the case?”

“Well that is simple, Reagan speaks fluent Italian and neither Deeks nor Kensi do.  Plus I believe it’s time that Miss Faraday was tested.  I need to see how she does in the field undercover.  There is no point in keeping her here if you are just going to try and protect her from anything that might endanger her.  

“Come now Mr. Callen I know that there is something going on between you and Miss Faraday, and I have eyes to see that you leave her here at OSP when there is a case that may become too dangerous.  Oh, close your mouth, it’s not difficult to see it if you have eyes in your head!”

Callen shut his mouth and remained silent until he was sure Hetty had finished.  
“Miss Faraday is a highly specialized agent with skills that I’m not even completely aware of.  We need to utilize her and play on her strengths, one being that she is extremely skilled at undercover work, probably even more than you are!  I need to send my best agents into the field Mr. Callen and for this case I believe that Miss Faraday is my best agent.”

Callen looked keenly at Hetty for a moment and then nodded.  She was right, of course, Hetty did need to send her agents who were best suited for each case, and if Reagan was highly skilled at undercover work he was just holding back the team by sending someone else in.  It hadn’t been a conscious thing, but he realized that he had been doing it.  Well it was now time to stop trying to protect her and see what she really could do!

“So I guess she’ll be using her alias from when she was in Italy?” Callen asked.

“Absolutely not,” came the reply from behind him.

Turning he found Reagan walking from the stairs across to Hetty’s office. He turned slightly as she stepped up into the office and waited.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but I cannot assume that alias Hetty.  For reasons I’d rather not mention I will not put on that skin again unless it is life or death.  And I honestly don’t see this case as life or death,” Reagan stood next to Callen across from Hetty.

“Well, if you feel that strongly about it then Eric will just create a new alias for you.  I hadn’t even thought about using one of your previous aliases for this case.  My thought for sending you in was your comfort with working undercover and your background in language especially Italian, and lastly because I need to see you in action.” Hetty answered simply.

Reagan was brought up short, because of not having to argue with the petite woman, “Oh, alright. Eric has backstopped Callen and I and he’ll have the print outs ASAP.  I don’t know if it’s going to matter but I speak Italian with a Roman or Milanese dialect and it is almost a different language from a Sicilian dialect.  I’m not sure how this is going to work.”

Hetty smiled at her, “You two will make it work.  I have faith in you both that you will do the job needed to be done.”

Reagan looked at Callen and then back to Hetty, then nodded and walked away. Callen looked at Hetty, who nodded her head in Reagan’s direction, and then turned to follow the blonde agent into the wardrobe area.  He watched her as he went through the clothes in silence.  Her face was stoic and she wouldn’t look at him as she vetoed almost every outfit on the racks.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he finally asked.

Reagan shook her head and continued to peruse the men’s racks pulling a suit and shirt from one.  She held it up in front of Callen and then handed it to him as she went back to look for shoes.

“I guess you want me to wear this?” he tried for a joke.

“It’s Armani,” she said.

“And that’s supposed to mean what?” he raised his eyebrows.

“Any self respecting Italian male wears nothing but Armani,” she said as if it were the Eleventh Commandment.

Callen just looked at her knowing any more pushing might get his head chewed off (he had enough experience with Kensi to figure that out).  So he watched as she tore through the clothing racks not finding anything.  She was cute when she was pissed, he thought, and she was definitely pissed, no matter what she didn’t say.

Laying the suit and shirt on the chair next to him he walked over to Reagan and put his hand over hers as she grabbed another hanger.  At the contact she almost jumped out of her skin and pulled her hand away letting a beaded dress fall to the floor.  Their eyes met and he didn’t have to ask again, she was roiling like a thunderstorm.

“Why exactly didn’t you want me on this case?” she attacked.

“I…” he started.

“I mean you send Kensi in anywhere without blinking an eye, but you’ve benched me almost every time there’s been a case that was a little dangerous or someone might have to pull a gun!”

“I really didn’t-” he tried again.

“You said you trusted me to have your back!  You stood in the shooting range and told me you trusted me, and you have yet to prove that!  You keep tying my hands.  Do you trust me or don’t you?”

“Yes,” he finally said.

“Yes? Yes?” she advanced on him, “Then stop treating me like a child and let me do my job.”

She poked him in the chest with each word as she said the last part.

Grabbing her hand he held it in his as he stepped closer, “Why is this bothering you so much?”  
“I don’t know.  I’ve never had to play second fiddle to anyone when it came to my job.  You have to understand this ‘team’ thing is really new to me and I just want the chance to do the job I know I can do.  I feel like the kid who keeps getting picked last for dodgeball and I hate that feeling!”

She tried to pull her hand away but he held on.

“So you’re looking to prove yourself to the team?” he asked knowing that would pull her out of this funk she was in.

“I don’t have to prove anything,” she almost growled stepping in closer, their lips almost touching.

A smirk lifted Callen’s mouth, “Oh yes you do,” he said quietly.

Reagan frowned, “I don’t…”

“You have to prove that even after we’ve finished playing lovers, and you’ve put your hands all over me and I’ve put my hands all over you, that you still don’t want me,” he looked deep into her eyes.’

It was Reagan’s turn to smirk, “Oh but you’re wrong, I don’t have to prove that.  Because I already want you, but I will manage to keep my hands off of you when this is all over.”

He could feel the warmth of her breath on his mouth, and see the passion burning in her eyes.  His breath caught in his throat as he watched her move ever closer.  Sure they had kissed before but they were like kisses between friends compared to the heat he felt at that moment and she still hadn’t kissed him.

Stepping away she laughed derisively, “I think you’re gonna need to prove that you can keep your hands off of me when this is all over.”

Turning she walked out of wardrobe leaving him breathing a little heavier and his world completely spinning.  God she was amazing and she was going to be the death of him.  And he was going to be hard pressed to keep his hand off of her.  But he needed to come back to reality and fast if he wanted to make sure that the two of them came out of this safely. With a big sigh he grabbed the suit she had chosen for him and headed to the locker rooms.

____________________________________________________

He had gone over every little detail in the past hours and didn’t think there was any more to absorb.  Straightening his collar he headed to the bullpen one last time before he needed to be headed to this job.  Of course he got ribbed by the guys and Kensi had to make some sexual joke about him looking good enough to eat, but he was barely listening to them as he began to wonder where the hell Reagan was.

“Hey where’s Reagan?  Has anyone seen her?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could.

Sam nodded his head to the stairs behind Callen and he turned to watch her descending them while she spoke with Hetty.  He didn’t remember stopping breathing but apparently when he started again his intensely deep breath had Deeks snorting.

Standing at his elbow, he heard Deeks say very quietly, “I know exactly how you feel.”

Reagan had found an amazing dress that showed off everything Callen was trying to forget.  It was a black strapless number that hugged everywhere and did so perfectly just before flaring out at her mid-thigh to create a little ruffle.  Her shoes were a black strappy heel that barely looked like they were going to stay on her feet.  She held a small clutch and her hair was pulled back and up exposing a long, slender neck.

“If you stare any harder you’re going to burn a hole in that dress,” Kensi laughed in his ear from behind.

He glanced at her and smiled at the look on her face.  Turning back Reagan was standing right in front of him.

“Buonasera Gianni,” Reagan leaned in and kissed him on both cheeks.

Her accent was flawless as she spoke Italian.  She had been worried that because it had been so long since she had used it that she would forget but once she started speaking she had no problems remembering.’

“Buonasera Serena. Che bellissima,” he answered back, complimenting her.

“Grazie.  You look presentable.  But then again Armani could make Deeks look like a million bucks!” she joked with her snarky wit.

“What!  Hey, I didn’t even say anything! But you know you remind me of someone when you dress like that.  I can’t put a finger on whom but…” Deeks protested.

Reagan winked at him while wondering if he would figure it out eventually.  She couldn’t see anyone else making the connection, and honestly Deeks would understand why she wanted it kept a secret.

“Sei pronto?” Callen asked.

Reagan turned back to him and noticed his eyes looking really blue next to the white dress shirt she had picked out for him.  Taking a deep breath she moved in close and wrapped her hands around his waist with a smile.

“Si.  Come sarò mai,” she answered his question in Italian.

“Then let’s get this underway.  The directions are in your GPS already and Mr. Renko is waiting for you both,” Hetty said from behind them.

They both looked at her and nodded.  Reagan touched her ear to adjust the earwig within and snuggled in close to Callen as the two of them walked out of the Mission to the car.  Callen opened the door of his Aston Martin Rapide and Reagan slid in as she thanked him in heavily accented English.  Sliding behind the wheel he started the engine and pulled out into the light traffic of the late evening.  They were silent for a good five minutes before Callen finally broke down and spoke.

“Are you still angry at me?” he asked.

“No,” she said shortly.

“I said I was sorry, what more do you want?”

“No you didn’t,” she reminded him, “but some groveling would be nice.  Flowers, chocolates, maybe a pair of fabulous Louboutin’s might do it!” she teased him.

Glancing at her he saw her smile and visibly relaxed.

“You drive a hard bargain,” he laughed.

“Oh you have no idea. So be on your toes tonight, because you never know when I might extract vengeance,” she smiled and sat back in the buttery leather seat.

“I’ll look forward to the challenge,” he countered as he turned and began to climb into the hills.

“If you two are quite done now, we have a job to do,” they both heard Hetty’s voice over their earwigs.

Sharing a glance they smiled and both said at the same time, “Yes Ma’am.”

They drove for another thirty minutes before they pulled into a long drive and up to a brightly lit villa.  They knew they were late but that had already been set up with Renko beforehand and he would be ready for them.  Pulling to a stop in front of the villa, a valet opened his door and a second opened Reagan’s.  As she slid out and took Callen’s proffered arm, he noticed that both valet’s had their eyes on her as they moved into the house.

“Ready?” he whispered to her as they neared the man standing at the front door.

“Bring it,” she whispered back.

“Can I have your names?” the guy at the front door asked.

“Gianni DePalma and Serena Sforza,” Callen said to what was passing for a butler.

The man, who looked more like a bodyguard than anything else, checked a list in his hand and nodded motioning them into the foyer of the villa.

“Grazie,” Reagan smiled at the man who didn’t even blink.

“Oh this is going to be harder than I thought,” she whispered to Callen as they walked into a rather grand atrium.

They both spotted Renko at the same time and he smiled widely as he moved over to them.

“Gianni, Serena, ciao,” he said in passable Italian.

He gave Callen a kiss on both cheeks and a hug before he moved to Reagan.

“Serena, bella, come stai?” Mike pulled her in for a hug, kissing her on both cheeks.  
“Bene e tu?” Reagan kissed him back and hugged him tightly; after all they were supposed to be old friends.

“Bene, bene, come I have someone who is waiting to meet you both,” Renko put his arm around Reagan’s waist but pulled it away as Callen snaked his arm around her first.  
Their eyes met and Renko backed down.  Reagan molded herself to Callen’s side as they made their way across the room to where Nicolangelo Ferranti was holding court.  As they approached Ferranti’s eyes followed Reagan.  

“Paolo! Who have you got here?” Ferranti said in almost incomprehensible English.

“Nico, I would like you to meet my friend Gianni DePalma and his girlfriend Serena Sforza.  Gianni and I go way back, and he is very interested in what you have to say.”

Ferranti stood and kissed Callen on both cheeks, and then took Reagan’s hands in his.  He kiss them both and then her cheeks, “Bella, you are a dream made flesh.  I would keep you in the life of luxury if you were mine.”

Reagan smiled, typical Italian male with too much machismo, but it made her job very easy, “See Gianni, at least someone appreciates the way I look tonight. Prego, Signore Ferranti!  I do all this for him and he doesn’t even blink an eye!  I don’t know why I bother!”

Callen rolled his eyes, “Well, he wouldn’t have appreciated it as much if you had made him sit around for the amount of time you made me wait!  My God woman, it takes you an hour to pick out a pair of shoes!”

Turning back to Ferranti Reagan look put upon, “You see Signore Ferranti, you see what I deal with?  He’s been miserable since his father cut him off.”

Ferranti stepped right into her trap, “It takes time and patients to create a masterpiece, Signore DePalma.  A woman such as this should be lavished with everything her heart could desire.”

“I agree Signore Ferranti, but since my father cut me off my bank roll has been very slim.  That’s where I was hoping you could come in.”

Ferranti smiled, playing the beneficent father figure.  He put Reagan’s hands in Callen’s and then put an arm around Callen’s shoulders, “Come Signore DePalma, let us talk while Mr. Russo entertains the lovely Serena.  Buy the time we are done I am sure we can both walk away from this happy men.”

Renko stepped in and took Reagan’s arm.  Before she could move away Callen moved in, to place a kiss on her lips.  Playing the angry girlfriend she turned and he brushed his lips across her cheek.

“Ahhh, hell hath no fury…” Ferranti laughed softly.

“You have no idea,” Callen agreed.

As the two men walked off to ‘talk’ Renko guided Reagan to a sitting area where he gave her a glass of champagne and a place to sit and wait.  
“Where is Ferranti’s office?” Reagan asked immediately.

“Second floor down the hallway on the left, fourth door on the right hand side. But there isn’t any way for you to get up there without being seen.” Renko warned.

“Oh you’d be surprised.  Callen did you hear that?” Reagan patted her hair in place.

Callen lifted his right hand and rubbed his earlobe showing he had heard the conversation.

“Good, I’m going up in 5.  Give me 10 minutes, and then come for me,” Reagan instructed.

Again he rubbed his ear.  Reagan smiled.  She knew if he hadn’t been preoccupied with Ferranti, he would have fought her on this plan.  He would have never allowed her to be the one to take the lead but this time he had no choice.

“Reagan I don’t know if this is such a great idea. I mean Ferranti has guys all over the villa and they are heavily armed,” Renko cautioned.

“See that’s the difference between being a man and being a woman.  No one will question me trying to find the bathroom like they would you.  I can just pass it off as being a woman and blonde.  You, on the other hand, will set off every alarm these thugs he’s calling guards have in their thick skulls.  So you see this requires a woman’s touch!”

Mike tried to argue with that logic, and couldn’t so he offered her another glass of champagne as he took another sip from his new glass.  After about five minutes Reagan stood and said loudly enough for Ferranti to hear, “I need to find the ladies room, Paolo.  Do you know where it is?”

Renko gave her directions that would lead her upstairs and she left as he was finishing.  Sedately she walked up the curved staircase and once out of sight turned left down the hallway.  The fourth door on the right was locked and it took her about a minute to open it.  Once she was inside she began to rifle through his desk looking for some kind of clue to the suppliers.  Finding nothing she moved back into the hallway locking the door behind her.

Callen was waiting for her once she got out, “Anything?”

“Nothing,” she shook her head.

“Damn it.”

As they turned to leave they heard footsteps on the stairs.

“Where did you leave Ferranti?” Reagan whispered.

“He had to take a call,” Callen whispered back.

“Come with me,” they could hear Ferranti’s voice instructing someone on the stairs.

Reagan and Callen looked at each other and hesitated a second before he slammed her up against the wall and plastered her body with his.  His mouth came down on hers and she reacted instantly.  Snaking her arms around his neck, she slid a leg up his side until he caught her thigh.  Arching into him she let out a soft moan as one hand threaded into his hair.

They could hear Ferranti and two others coming around the corner, and Reagan pulled away from the kiss to trail her lips down his neck.

“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry” Callen began to whisper.

Looking at him again she shook her head, “No cara mia, I’m sorry. I should have understood.  I was selfish.”

“No mi amore, you have been here with me through everything and I haven’t shown you how much I appreciate it.”

“Gianni,” she whispered on a breath and covered his mouth with hers again.

A not so subtle cough brought them both up short and trying to recover in front of Ferranti and two marines.

“Gianni, I see you’ve found your stunning girlfriend,” Ferranti eyed the two of them.

“Mi dispace, Signore Ferranti, I was looking for the ladies room and got turned around.  When Gianni found me we fought and then, how do you say, compongono, make up.”

“Excuse us for intruding,” Callen offered.

Ferranti leered at Callen, “If I had a woman who looked like that I would be hard pressed to keep my hands off of her too.  Go get some refreshment.  I’ll be in touch Gianni.”

Callen nodded and placed a hand at the small of Reagan’s back to lead her down the stairs.  As they walked past the two Marines, Reagan smiled at each taking a mental snapshot of their faces so she would remember every detail perfectly.

“Got them,” she whispered to Callen as they descended to the first floor.

“Good, then let’s get out of here,” Callen’s breath was near her ear.

Taking a deep breath she nodded and headed to the front door as Callen made eye contact with Renko.  They nodded to each other and then Reagan and Callen slipped out quietly.

Once they were away from the house and sure they weren’t being followed they began to relax.  As Reagan began to pull the bobby pins from her hair she let out a huge sigh and laughed.  Callen looked at her curiously.

“Everything okay?”

“I haven’t had that rush in a long time.  I’d almost forgotten how much I love it,” she laughed again as she ran her hands through her now tousled hair.

Callen smiled in the dark to hear her laugh.  He had been seriously nervous when she had decided to head into Ferranti’s office alone and didn’t even want to think about what had happened in the hallway outside said office, but they had managed to be in the right place at the right time when Ferranti had come past with the two Marines.  Now he just hoped that Reagan would be able to ID them in a database of hundreds of Marines.

“You think you can ID those two Marines?” he asked tentatively.

“Definitely,” she said completely assured.

“Well then let’s get back to OSP and get you to work. Hetty, have Eric pull up the database of Marines at Camp Pendleton.  This might be a long night.”

“Already on that Mr. Callen,” they both heard Hetty in their ears.

“No wait, before you pull up the whole base, let me think for a minute,” Reagan said.

Closing her eyes she mentally scanned through the image she had of each man stored in her memory. Neither man had any distinctive marks, no tattoos or scars that were visible.  Both were on the taller side, average build with dark hair and eyes. There had to be something besides their faces she could use.  And then she saw it.  Each man had an insignia on their shirt.

“Hetty you tell Eric…”

“You can tell him yourself, he can hear you both.”

“Oh, sorry Eric, can you pull up the lists of Lance Corporal and Private First Class?”

“Sure, and no worries.”

“Why only those two lists?” Callen asked curious.

“The men had insignia’s on their shirts, the taller one who was in the front had an insignia for a Lance Corporal and the second guy had one for Private First Class.  I guarantee I’ll find their faces in those lists.” Reagan assured them.

“Hetty we’re about 10 minutes out,” Callen told her.

“We’re ready for you.”

_______________________________________________

Reagan sat in front of the huge screen as the images of Lance Corporals from the marine base flashed up on screen for just about 2 seconds each.  The four agents stood behind her wondering what exactly she was going to find at the rate the images were flashing on the screen.  She was intent though almost in her own world as she stared at the images.  And then suddenly she had them all jumping.

“There!” she said.

Eric paused the scrolling images, looking at her for direction.

“Scroll back two images. There that was the taller man.”

“Lance Corporal Joseph DeAngelo, served two tours in Iraq and is now stationed at Camp Pendleton.”

The team looked to Callen to see if this was the guy they saw in the hallway.  Slightly disoriented at the speed in which she found the image, he nodded studying the man in the picture.

“Are you sure?” Hetty’s voice had them all looking at her.

Reagan looked at Hetty but didn’t answer; she then looked at Callen who was frowning.

“Yes, that’s the first guy. Definitely.”

“Good.  Mr. Beal pull up the database of Private First Class,” Hetty gave the command.

As the images started scrolling Sam, Kensi, and Deeks looked at each other in something of confusion and awe.  They had no idea how Reagan was able to pick this particular needle from the haystack but because she could, it was making their lives a load easier.

“How exactly is she seeing anything at the rate those pictures are flying past,” Deeks whispered rather loudly to Kensi.

“Hush, let her concentrate,” Hetty admonished as Kensi gave him a nudge.

“Stop,” Reagan said, “There, that’s him, the second guy in the hallway.”

Sam turned to Callen, “Is that the same guy?”

Callen nodded sharing a glance with Sam.

“Thank you Miss Faraday, Mr. Callen.  I’ll get the names to Mr. Renko and Director Vance and hopefully wrap this case up quickly.  Your work was invaluable.

“Now all of you go home and get some rest.  Good job today,” Hetty announced as she left the room.

Reagan stood and tried to make her way out of the room before she had to answer any questions, even though she knew it wasn’t going to happen.

“So, who’s up for some drinks tonight?” Deeks asked.

There were a couple of ‘sure’s’ but Reagan shook her head.

“Sorry guys, I’d love to but I need a long run, and then I’ve got a date with my pillow!  But thanks anyway, maybe next time!”

Kensi smiled, “Yeah I remember someone challenging me to karaoke! You’d better be in for the next time.”

“I’m in I promise,” she smiled and looked at the others.

“Have a nice weekend guys.  I hear there are suppose to be some epic swells tomorrow after that storm off the coast.”

“Night Rae,” Sam and Deeks said.

“Night, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kensi nodded.

“Definitely,” Reagan agreed.

“Night, Callen,” she said as she passed him.

“Night.”

Reagan left and headed to the locker room.  Callen watched as she walked out and then turned back to see the three agents left staring at him.  He stood for a moment looking at them not sure what to expect.

“What?” he asked.

“Jesus Callen, go after her.  Make sure she’s okay!” Kensi ordered.

“I … what?”

“Go, opportunity doesn’t knock every day,” Deeks offered.

Kensi turned and look at him with a mixture of humor and disbelief, “Seriously, you should be the last person who is allowed to give advice!” she punched him in the arm.

“Callen, just go.  You’ll know what to do,” Sam, the voice of reason, instructed.

Not really sure what they expected him to do, he left the ops room and headed to wardrobe. After changing into a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and sneakers he headed out to find Reagan in the locker room. But as he reached the door Reagan was coming out of the room dressed pretty much the same as him.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked as she walked up to him.

“Yeah,” her face was flush and her breathing a little heavy.

“You seem, jumpy.  You sure you’re okay?”

“Sure, I just have a lot of energy after a case.  I usually go for a run.”

“Maybe we should talk about what happened tonight.”

“Nope, no need.  We did the job we were sent into do,” she tried to sound nonchalant.

“You can’t tell me that…”

“Nothing to talk about G,” she said forcefully, walking past him into the bull pen.

Grabbing her bag and keys she turned to leave walking past him again.  He followed her now knowing that something was wrong.  As they reached the cars Reagan stopped and turned on him bringing him up short.

“Why are you following me G?” she asked pointedly.

“You’re obviously upset about something that happened tonight and since I’m your team captain I should be the one you go to.”

“Really G, or is this because of what happened in the hallway?  Cause like I said it was a job.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that, but I’m not sure whether you’re trying to convince me or yourself.”

“What? That’s crazy, it was a job.  I’m a professional, I do the job and that’s it.  I never let messy emotions get in the way.”

“Again it sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself of this,” he stepped closer.

“Callen we agreed,” she said lamely.

“Yeah we agreed.  And your rules aren’t working Reagan, so maybe it’s time to try my rules.”

She ran a shaking hand through her hair and the look on her face made him back down.

“I can’t do this tonight Callen.  I can’t go back and forth; I’ve got to get out of here.  I need to go.”

He noticed her face was even flusher than when she had come out of the locker room.

“Hey are you okay?  You’re really flush,” he reached out and touched her cheek.

“Jesus Christ Reagan you’re burning up!”

“I know, I’ve got to go!”

“But what-“

“Callen, I’m going for a run.  If you want to ask me questions you can either come with me or wait until Monday,” she was almost panting.

“Let’s go,” he opened her car door for her and then jogged to the other side and got in the passenger side.

She drove the short way to the beach, got out and strapped her iPod armband to her upper arm and then started to sprint.  Her feet ate up the miles as the sand slid beneath her feet.  Callen was able to keep up with her for the first 6 miles and then he began to lag behind as Reagan went on like a machine.  There were no thoughts, no regrets, no past, just the sound of the pounding surf, the cry of the gulls, and her breathing.  It was peaceful and the run burned the adrenaline that threatened to overheat her body.  It had been a problem from puberty.  When her adrenaline started to pump she needed to do something strenuous to burn it out or her body would overheat and numerous complications could occur.

When she stubbed her foot into the sand and stumbled she finally stopped running and dropped to the sand lying on her back.  Her body finally felt heavy and tired and she stayed there listening to her heart beat slow finally and the rush of the waves.  Closing her eyes she imagined her body dissolving and sinking into the sand.  She heard his heavy breathing before he appeared out of the darkness.  He stopped next to her, his hands on his knees and he gasped slightly for breath.  After a few moments he was able to breathe normally again he stood and looked down at her.

“Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?  What was that?  I’ve never seen anyone not running a marathon run like that.”

“My body can’t process adrenaline.  Once I start to produce it I need to push my body to its limits to burn it up otherwise it will begin to burn me up from the inside out.

“The job tonight was enough for my body to begin production but not enough to burn it up so by the time I got back to OSP I was jittery, as if I had drunk too much coffee.”

“What happens if you don’t burn off the adrenaline?”

“Well it starts as simply as just a racing heart, flush skin, sweats, and escalates from there.  When I was a kid, about 13 I think, I wasn’t able to burn off the adrenaline and I had a seizure from my body overheating.  My parents were terrified, but the doctor explained that although it usually only happens to young children that it was simply from the core temperature of my body.”

“What if you can’t burn it off by exercise?”

Reagan laughed, “Cold showers.  It shocks the system and shuts off the production.  Not as healthy as exercise though, burning it off is better.”

“That’s understandable,” he knelt next to her, “So this happens every time your adrenaline starts pumping.”

“Well almost,” she agreed.

“So what happens if your adrenaline starts pumping because you’re sexually aroused?”

She could hear the smirk in his voice and finally opened her eyes to look up at him, “Are you taking lessons from Deeks or something?  I have this overwhelming urge to stun gun you right now!”

He smiled, “Well?”

She smiled back at him, “In some ways you are such a typical guy you know that? But if that were the case then the best course of action would be to finish what I started, but there is always the option of a cold shower!”

He laughed, “You sure know how to ruin a guy’s fantasy.”

She laughed at him, “So you fantasize about me?”

He stood up and put his hand out for her to grab.

“Reagan, any guy that has ever met you has had some fantasy about you I’m sure.”

She grabbed his hand and let him pull her to standing.  He put his hand tentatively around her waist waiting for her to push him away, but she didn’t and to his surprise she snaked hers around his, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“But I didn’t ask about any guy, I asked about you,” she countered as they began the 15 mile walk back to the car.

He smiled looking up at the moon, “Yes, Reagan I have fantasized about you.”

“Hmmm,” was all she said.

“So what about you?”

“What?  Have I fantasized about myself?  Well, I’ve got a nice ass, but I think that might be…”

His laughter cut her off, “Are you ever serious?”

“I try very hard lately not to be.  My life has been so serious for so long I need a break from it.  So I try and see the funny in every situation.  But sarcasm is my second language.”

He bumped her slightly and she conceded, “Okay, have I ever fantasized about you?  Yes.”

He waited and when he realized that no explanation was forthcoming, he had to say something.

“What, that’s it, just yes?”

“What?  You didn’t ask me what I fantasized about, just if I did.  And you weren’t rushing to tell me your fantasy need I remind you.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll be happy with the fact that you do,” he gave her a squeeze.

As they made their way back down the beach, their banter was much the same, jokes and questions as if they were old friends, buddies really.  When they finally reached the car they were laughing and tired but neither wanted the night to end really.

But end it had to, and when Reagan dropped him back at OSP to pick up his car she felt a little down at the thought of going back to her empty hotel room.

“What are you and Kensi doing tomorrow?” he asked as he opened his card door.

“Beach.  Kensi, Nell, and I are having a girl’s day.  Some sun, fun, and hot guys on surfboards,” she laughed.

“Ahhh, well enjoy yourselves.  See you Monday then.”

“Yeah,” she said as he pulled away with a wave.

She watched him leave and felt the happiness from before deflate like a released balloon.  Part of her wanted the light banter and easiness between them to go on forever, another part of her had been hoping he would push the hallway situation again, and still a third part knew that it was better if she just stopped flirting and let him alone.

With a sigh she headed to her hotel to wallow in self pity and eventually fall into a troubled sleep.  As she drove her mind was whirling with thoughts of Callen and she never checked her rearview mirror to see if she was being followed.  The dark colored American made car had pulled out behind her as she had left the beach and now followed her to the hotel.

 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back. I guess I should remind everyone I do not own NCIS:LA or it's characters, but Reagan is mine.

We’re both looking for something, we’ve been afraid to find,

It’s easier to be broken, it’s easier to hide

Looking at you, holding my breath, for once in my life I’m scared to death

I’m taking a chance, letting you inside

Feeling alive all over again, as deep as the sky, under my skin  
Like being in love, she says, for the first time  
Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm feeling right

Where I belong, with you tonight  
Like being in love, to feel for the first time

:Lifehouse: First Time:

::Chapter 10::

Reagan leaned back on her elbows and turned to look at the two women next to her.  Relaxed, lying on the beach one would never imagine the chaos that had ensued to get them there.

\-----------------------------------------

Reagan walked up to the familiar door and checked her watch one more time before she tentatively knocked.  Kensi had told her to come around 7:00 and they could run together then shower and head over to pick up Nell, getting to the beach around 9:30.  And here she was at 6:45 in a panic that she would be waking Kensi up.

Well it was around 7:00, but some people said that and really meant, “don’t show up until 7 or later, preferably later’ and Reagan wasn’t sure which type of “around 7” person Kensi was.  But when she opened the door almost pouncing on her, Reagan got her answer.

“Hey, you ready to go?” Kensi asked.

“I think you need to lay off the coffee,” Reagan eyed her.

“No coffee yet.  Just a couple of rounds on the weight bag, and a load of crunches!”

Reagan eyed her friend’s perfect body and shook her head.  Not even to look like that, would she follow that routine.  A run was one thing; swimming laps, no sweat; but the weight bag and then crunches and a run, that’s where Reagan drew the line.

“Well, come on then Wonder Woman.  The faster we do this, the faster we get to the beach.”

Kensi punched her arm for the Wonder Woman comment, as she shut the door and then headed out.  It was an easy pace for Reagan, considering last night’s marathon, and she fell into stride with Kensi as if they had been running together forever.  She even enjoyed the easy conversation they had, although she usually hated to talk while she ran.  Reagan found the conversation ate up the miles and before she knew it they were back at Kensi’s place, showering and heading to Nell’s.  And that is where the chaos started.  

Walking up to Nell’s door, Kensi knocked and they both waited.  Eventually Nell answered the door still in her pajamas, looking for all the world like she just wanted to break down and cry.

“Nell!  You were supposed to be ready!” Kensi blurted out.

“Kensi! Sometimes you’re worse than Deeks!  Nell’s upset,” Reagan laughed at a now contrite Kensi.

“Nell, what happened?” Reagan asked.

“No, nothing.  I’m just not going to make it today.  You guys go ahead without me.”

“What?! Why?!  Nell, what’s wrong?” Kensi immediately became ‘momma bear’ when one of her ‘cubs’ was hurt.

“It’s nothing like that!  It’s just…”

“Nell, you can tell us if something happened,” Reagan reassured her.

Sighing, she blurted out, “I don’t have a damn bathing suit.  I thought I still had an old one tucked away somewhere but when I went to look for it, I remembered throwing it away and by then it was too late to go shopping.”

Reagan and Kensi looked at each other, speaking with their eyes.  Reagan finally nodded and Kensi gave a shrug.

“Well then, let’s go get you one then.  After all this is our girl’s day.” Kensi offered.

“Yeah, and about that.  I might have mentioned to Eric where we were going to be today.”

Reagan smiled, “That’s okay.  I think we all might have mentioned to our respective partners where we were going to be today.”

“And I might have told him that he was more than welcome to join us.”

“Okay so then Eric joins us, no biggie.”

“And this conversation may or may not have taken place in the ops room in front of the other guys.”  
Kensi smiled and Reagan let out a soft chuckle, “Well then let’s go get you one fabulous bathing suit, because apparently we are going to have a shit load of company!”

Nell grabbed what she needed and followed Reagan and Kensi out to the car.  Kensi drove to Santa Monica and Reagan led them to the shop Deeks had taken her to weeks before, and then the second fiasco ensued.

“I can’t wear a bathing suit in front of you two,” Nell moaned.

Kensi and Reagan looked at each other slightly confused.

“Nell,” Kensi approached with caution, “You agreed to go to the beach with us.  Why all of a sudden have you decided you can’t wear a suit?”

“I tried to psych myself up for it but look at you two!  You’re both like 5’8”, tanned, goddesses and I’m a 5 foot nothing, pasty white, hobbit.” Nell sighed.

Reagan, holding a number of suits in her hands, decided tough love was the only thing that was going to work in this situation.  She bullied Nell into a dressing room with Kensi’s help and thrust the bathing suits at her.

“But-“ Nell began.

“We have exactly one hour to get you a suit and get ourselves to the beach.  Get your clothes off and pick a damn bathing suit or I will come in here and do it for you!” Reagan threatened.

Wide eyed, Nell looked at this new side of the usually easygoing Reagan, “You wouldn’t.”

Reagan, just about to walk out the door, turned back, “Try me.”

Her voice was so cold that Nell began peeling off her clothes before Reagan had actually left the dressing room.

Even Kensi looked at her a little funny.

“What?  It drives me crazy when a beautiful woman acts like that.  Because it’s for one of two reasons, one, someone has made her believe it's true (usually a guy).  Or two, it’s an act and she wants attention.

“With Nell, I’m more inclined to believe the former rather than the latter.”

And just then Nell walked out with her arms wrapped around her waist and clad in a navy blue two piece, and Kensi and Reagan’s mouths hung open.  The color showed off her creamy skin and her auburn hair perfectly.  But even that wasn’t what had Kensi and Reagan standing in shock.  Underneath all of the clothes she usually wore was the body of a centerfold!  

“Oh my God Nell! Look at you! You look amazing!” Kensi gushed.

Reagan smiled and moved closer to Nell.  Standing behind her she turned her to the mirror and pulled her hands away.  

Reagan’s deep blue eyes stared into Nell’s jade green eyes and her voice was barely a whisper, “I don’t know who he was, but if I ever find out I’ll kill him with my bare hands.  You are amazing, smart and gorgeous.  And I will tell you that every day until I get it through to you!”

Nell stood there a little stunned.  She thought she had hidden her self esteem issues pretty well, but she was finding not much got past Reagan.  She had this way of watching everything around her.  Not just watching though, but really seeing through the façade people put up.  She wondered when someone would finally get through the façade that Reagan wore like a second skin.

“How did…”

“It doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that you found a suit and we can go to the beach!” the old cheerful Reagan was back and scary, insightful Reagan was sleeping again.

Nell smiled at her and went to the dressing room to grab her things while Kensi and Reagan waited at the counter.

“What did you say to her?” Kensi asked curiously.

Reagan shrugged, “Same as you, why?”

“Cause the look on her face was a mixture of fear and adoration.”

“I told her that if I ever find out who the guy was that told her she wasn’t perfect, I would kill him with my bare hands.”

Kensi gave a little laugh, “You know Rae, you are a little scary sometimes.  Brilliant, but scary.”

“Keeps you on your toes!” Reagan winked.

Within twenty minutes they were laying on the beach soaking up the sun.  Throughout most of the morning Nell kept looking around expectantly.  Finally when Reagan thought she might actually do damage to her neck she called her out on it.

“Nell, are you waiting for someone?” she smiled.

Caught, Nell had the grace to look sheepish, “I was kind of hoping that Eric would come by.”

Kensi and Reagan exchanged glances and a smirk.

“So you and Eric?” Kensi asked casually.

“What? N…no, no we’re not… I mean he’s cute and all but…” Nell sighed.

“So you are crushing him but he’s not interested?” Reagan asked in her snarky way.

“I think he’s interested, but I’m so bad with guys!  I tend to get all tense and nervous and instead of flirting I’m a mess!”

“What about ‘major mind fuck’?” Reagan asked.

“Who?”

“The guy who made you think you were nothing.”

“Oh, he was one of the few.  Actually he was only the second and the first doesn’t count since we were about 10.”

“Nell, all you need is a little confidence.  And trust me confidence is sexy.” Reagan offered some advice.

“But I’m not sexy.  Look at me.”

Reagan laughed, “I am, and you are so sexy! Not just because of the way you look (which by the way is stunning) but because right now you are confident with yourself.  Guys look for confident women, and the ones who don’t are assholes anyway.”

Kensi agreed and started to give her thoughts on the subject.  Reagan was quiet while they talked and was startled by the phone ringing.  The three of them looked at each other for a second before Nell reached for her phone.  Looking at the screen her eyes widened.

“It’s Eric.”

“Well, answer it!” Kensi swatted her.

Pressing the button she held the phone to her ear, “Hello?”

“Hi Eric. Yeah, we’re still at the beach.  Mmm hmm. Oh dinner?  Um yeah, well let me ask them.”

She covered the phone with her hand and looked at Kensi and Reagan with excitement in her eyes.

“Eric invited us to dinner with the guys tonight.  Kind of like a team bonding thing.  Are you guys up for it?”

Reagan had to hide a smile because Nell looked so excited and anxious at the same time.

She shrugged, “I don’t have plans tonight, so I’m in.  What about you Kens?”

“Sure, why not?”

Nell relayed the message to Eric and then hung up.

“He said they would meet us at 6:30 for drinks and then dinner.”

“That gives us,” Reagan looked at her phone for the time, “five hours to find some outfits, get our hair done, have mani and pedi’s, and get to the restaurant.  Alright ladies time to quit the beach and hit Rodeo Drive.”

Reagan stood as Kensi and Nell looked at her.

“What, I’ve never had any girl friends to do a true girl's day, so you two are going to happily do whatever it is that girls do on their day out together, with me,” she ordered.

“But Reagan Rodeo Drive, I’m not sure I can…” Nell started.

“Stop, I don’t want to hear another word.  Since you two are being forced to do this for me it’s my treat!” she said scooping up her towel and beach bag.

Both Kensi and Nell started to protest until Reagan glared them into silence, “Listen, I have been working for the government since I was 15 years old and never needed to touch any of the money I made.  It’s just sitting in the bank being useless and I think it’s time I spent some of it.  Plus I won’t take no for an answer, and if I have to get my gun out to threaten you I’m not beneath doing that!  Now get up and let’s go!”

Reagan turned and headed to Kensi’s car leaving Kensi and Nell staring after her.  
“Kensi should we let her do this?”

“Well it really doesn’t look like we have a choice.  Don’t worry we’ll pay her back some way.  Even if I have to hold her down and beat her.”

With a shared laugh they collected their things and followed Reagan to the car.

That afternoon was a whirlwind of shopping and salons.  Reagan almost literally dragged them through the shops on Rodeo Drive: La Pearla, Georgio Armani, Bottega Veneta, Chanel, Cavalli, Fendi, Prada, Michael Kors, YSL, Dolce & Gabbana, Dior, Agent Provocateur, dropping her credit card every time one of them saw something they remotely liked.  They all got their hair blown out at the salon and shared some quiet time getting pedicures.  She wouldn’t listen when Kensi tried to pay once and nearly growled at Nell when she protested the purchase of an amazing sundress at BCBG.

At 6:30 the three of them walked up to the restaurant where the guys were waiting.

“Well look who it is, Charlie’s Angels!” Deeks quipped as the three stunning women walked up to the 4 men and one woman standing outside.

Reagan laughed, “Well thank you for noticing!”

Stopping in front of them, they exchanged hellos.  Then Sam moved to introduce the woman standing next to him.

“This is my wife Michelle.  Michelle this is Kensi, Reagan, and Nell.”

The women exchanged hellos as they ventured into the restaurant.

*******************************************************

They left the restaurant laughing and joking.  Reagan was the last to leave; the easier to observe without being noticed.  Eric and Nell were walking close together, talking quietly.  Every so often their shoulders would brush.  Deeks and Kensi were having some argument about any number of topics they had chosen to argue about over dinner.  Reagan had lost count at seventeen.  Sam and his wife, Michelle, walked slowly together, he had her hand tucked under his arm and every so often they would give each other small smiles as if to say “I love you.”

Reagan watched them and wondered if she was meant to have something like that in her own life.  It had been so turbulent for so long that she had convinced herself that she wasn’t meant for love and marriage.  Those messy emotions gave her hives and had her running as quickly as she could in the other direction.  But recently she began to wonder if things could slow down, if she could create a life for herself here in California.  And perhaps if she could create a life for herself then maybe there would be a chance for her to be happy with someone in her life.

As she hung back a little more, Callen came up behind her and hung an arm around her neck, pulling her closer.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” he asked softly in her ear.

She smiled and breathed in slightly, able to smell the warm, wheaty scent of the beer he had been drinking.  It was strange, she wasn’t a beer drinker, but she loved the smell of a good beer.  It was a warm smell, comfortable and reminded her of her father and his friends.

*************************************************

“First rule, Baby Girl,” her ‘Uncle’ Jethro began, “Don’t ever marry a Marine.”

Reagan blinked at him for a moment, “But you’re a Marine Uncle Jethro.”

He smiled at her and took her young face in his hands, “And that is exactly why!”

With a smile he kissed her cheek.

“Don’t go scaring my Rae of sunshine Jethro.  Besides she’s too young to think about boys. Right Sunshine?”

Smiling, she wrapped her skinny arms around her father’s neck and placed her cheek against his, “Right Daddy.”

She loved hugging him, loved the warmth that radiated from his skin, loved the smell of the outdoors, sunshine and sea air, and the smell of the beer he occasionally drank.

******************************************************

“Hey, you still with us?” his voice pulled her back to reality.

She nodded, “Yeah, just got lost in some memories.”

“Well, glad you came back to me then,” he brushed his lips against her cheek.

She stepped away from him, her eyes holding a warning.  He dropped his arm but managed to grab her hand before she moved further away.

Michelle dropped back and shooed Callen to go ahead with Sam.  Reluctantly he did and Reagan sighed.

“Sam’s talked so much about you, I feel like I’ve known you for as long as he has,” Michelle began

“I wish I could say the same.  I knew nothing about Sam’s home life until tonight!  I really never imagined that he had one,” Reagan almost apologized.

Michelle smiled, “It’s the way he likes it.  He tries to keep our home life as normal as possible.  He very rarely brings work home with him.  That’s how I knew you were special to him.  I think he dotes on you almost as much as he does Rachel.”

“Rachel?”

“Sorry, our daughter Rachel; she’s 12 and she just idolizes her daddy.  Sam adores her.  When he started talking about you it was with that same pride he talks about Rachel with.”

“Really?  He talks about me?” she gave a small smile.

“He reminds me so much of my father that he was the first of the team I really bonded with.  There are times that I miss my dad so much because Sam reminds me so much of him.”

“Sam told me your parents were killed when you were young.  I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.  I was fifteen.  It was a long time ago, but sometimes it seems like just yesterday.”

“Looks like Callen is pretty smitten,” Michelle commented, looking at the two guys walking in front of them, and trying to change the subject.

Reagan looked from Michelle to Callen, “I’m sorry, what?”

Michelle laughed, “I’ve known Callen for a long time, and I’ve never seen him like this before.”

“Like what?”

“Come on Reagan, the guy is glowing, you know if guys did that!  I’ve never seen him smile like that before, or be as animated or happy.”

“And you think this change is because of me?”  
“They’ve changed a lot since you’ve joined the team.  Not just Callen.”

Reagan smiled, “They’ve changed me too.”

“That’s how it works.  But I’m wondering how it is you don’t know that Callen has a thing for you?”

Reagan took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she answered Michelle, “I think I’ve known from the moment we met.  I had never felt like that before, and I’ve been running from it ever since.  I guess I’m so afraid of complicating my already complicated life and totally screwing up his.  I don’t want to hurt him because I can’t make a commitment to him, but for some reason I just can’t walk away.  And I have no idea why I just told you all that.”

Michelle laughed, “Because I’m the only person who has called you on it.

“Look Reagan, I don’t want to see Callen hurt, but he’s a big boy, and honestly just because you get involved doesn’t mean you have to make a commitment!  Nowhere is it written that kisses are contracts! The two of you should just relax and enjoy yourselves!”

“You make it sound so easy.”

Michelle stopped and turned to Reagan, “That’s because it is honey.  Now I’m gonna stop monopolizing you because that boy is going to pull his neck if he doesn’t stop looking back here.”

Reagan smiled, “It was really nice meeting you Michelle.  And thank you, I sometimes forget how invaluable a mother’s advice is.  Don’t be a stranger, okay?  Or you’ll have me knocking on your door some random day!”  
“You know you are always welcome!” Michelle hugged Reagan and moved to catch up with Sam.

As she passed Callen, walking back to Reagan, she grabbed his wrist.  His blue eyes met with her dark ones.

“Take it slow G.  She’s there with you but any sudden movement is going to send her running.”

He nodded and finished the walk to Reagan.  She smiled at his approach and thought about what Michelle said.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

“Um, Sam’s taking Michelle home and I don’t want to have them bother driving me too.  Can I catch a ride with you?”

“Sure, let me just make sure Nell has a way home.”  
“You go start the car and I’ll make sure all’s squared away with them.  Though judging from that dress, and Eric being unable to take his eyes off of her, I don’t think she’s going to have a problem getting a ride home.”

“If you think she looks hot in that dress, you should see her in a bikini!” Reagan laughed.

“Only person I’d care to see in a bikini is you,” he whispered as he walked away.

“I heard that Callen!” she laughed over her shoulder.

He laughed too.  Michelle was right, she thought, maybe it would be okay to just try and feel our way around this thing.  Lost deep in thought she pressed the button on her remote to unlock her car.  When nothing happened she thought she had been too far away and tried again.

She heard the doors unlock a second before her world became filled with a blinding light, searing heat, and deafening sound.  She was lifted from her feet and thrown backwards about ten feet from the force of the explosion.  She hit the ground and everything went dark.

She the first thing she heard when she came to was Callen’s voice yelling her name and people’s screams in the background.  Her eyes were having trouble focusing as she blinked and tried to sit up.  She groaned as the dizziness and nausea hit her.

“No, stay down!  LAPD and the paramedics are on their way.  Does anything hurt besides your head?”

She could feel his hands all over her, checking for breaks or lacerations and she gave a choked laugh as she thought this was not exactly the way she imagined his hands on her for the first time.

“Did that hurt?”

“No,” she said, “I’ve got to get up.”

“No, you stay until you’re checked out.”

“Come on Callen, let me up!”

“You’re not going anywhere Baby Girl.  That blast threw you a good 10 feet and your came down hard,” Sam’s voice of reason ordered.

Reagan glared up at his mildly blurry image and knew it was futile to argue.  The LAPD and paramedics were on the scene shortly after.  The police took over crowd control and setting up the crime scene and the paramedics looked over Reagan.

“She’s got a mild concussion.  She shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

“She’s staying with me,” Callen said before anyone could open their mouths.

Where the hell had that come from?  He had no idea but he did know that he had just invited temptation itself to stay at his house.  What the fuck was he thinking?  

“This is ridiculous!  I’m fine!”

“Reagan…” Sam’s voice warned.

Feeling like a truck had run her over and then backed up to do it again, she conceded defeat.

“Try and keep her up for as long as you can before she goes to sleep.  She’s got a nasty bump where she hit her head.”

Callen and the others who had gathered around nodded.

“Excuse me, Officer Ron Talty.  I need a statement from the eye witness.”

“She’s not giving a statement tonight.  I’ll bring her in tomorrow to give it,” Callen stepped in.

“But it should be done now.  What if she forgets something?”

Callen smiled, “Trust me, she won’t forget anything.  You’ll get a full statement tomorrow.”

“But…”

“Listen, I’m taking her out of here tonight.  Now I know you’re going to pull the LAPD card, which will make me in turn pull the federal agent card, and we both know the federal agent card trumps the LAPD card and since she’s a federal agent and they are all federal agents I would say my full house beats anything you could throw out.”

“Oh would you stop threatening him and get me out of here?  And you, I will be at LAPD tomorrow to give my statement.  Trust me if you think he’s scary,” she motioned to Callen, “they are terrifying.” she gestured to the rest of them.

The officer glanced at the menacing wall of federal agents and conceded defeat.  Callen helped Reagan out of the back of the ambulance and handed her off to Sam and Deeks as he went to smooth things over with the officer in charge.

Leaning heavily on Deeks, Reagan tried to send Sam home with Michelle.

“Sam, take Michelle home.  She doesn’t need to deal with all this.  I’ll be okay, they’ve got me.”

He lifted her chin so he could look at her, “You sure you’re okay?”

“A little rattled but yeah, I’m okay,” she tried to swallow down the nausea that started to rise up again.

Sam brushed a thumb across a scratch and slowly coloring bruise on her cheek, “All right, but you take care of yourself Baby Girl.  No heroics.  You feel that something’s not right you let Callen take you to the hospital.”

“Promise,” she smiled.

Sam laughed, “Yeah right.  Don’t fight with him let him take care of you tonight.”

Reagan started to nod but stopped when the nausea rose again, “I’ll try.”

“Well at least that one I believe.  I’ll come check on you tomorrow; make sure Callen is still alive.”

Reagan laughed softly.  Before he left Sam told Eric to take Nell home.  They said goodbye and headed out while Deeks and Kensi took Reagan to Kensi’s car.  Kensi slid in the backseat next to Reagan while Deeks went to go find Callen.

Kensi had Reagan’s hand in her own and she leaned over and brushed some hair off of her face, “You really okay?”

Reagan tried to smile, “Sure, besides the splitting headache, blurry vision, dizziness, nausea, and various scrapes and bruises, I’m fine.”

Kensi laughed and squeezed her hand.  Reagan sighed and laid her aching head on Kensi’s  shoulder.

“No sleeping maninha,” Kensi gave her a nudge.

Reagan smiled though kept her eyes closed, “I didn’t know you spoke Portuguese.”

Kensi laughed, “There’s a lot you don’t know about yet.  We’ve just got to keep you from getting blown up long enough to learn it all.”

At Kensi’s joke Reagan’s smile fell.

“Aww, come on querida, I was just kidding,” Kensi squeezed her hand again.

“I know.  That was just the first time that happened to me.”

“Really?  Even all the years you’ve worked as a federal agent?”

“My positions were very covert.  I was a cleaner so to speak.  When ops when wrong they sent me in to clean them up.”

Deeks got back in the car and turned around to look at them.

“She okay?” he asked Kensi.

“Shaken up, bruised, but she’ll live,” Kensi replied.

“Hello! I’m sitting right here!” Reagan cried.

“Yeah, but you would just lie to me if I asked you.”

“And you wouldn’t in my position?”

“Hell yeah, I’d lie my ass off, but we’re not talking about me.  And you’re not getting out of resting.  That blast threw you like a ragdoll in a room full of toddlers?”

She cracked open an eye, “Seriously? Where do you come up with this shit?”

He gave her a lopsided grin, “Talent, pure talent.”

Kensi snorted and Reagan groaned as Callen slid into the passenger’s seat.

“What happened?  Is she okay?” he looked from Deeks to Kensi.

“Why do you all keep talking about me like I’m not here? And I’m fine… well, mostly fine.”

“All right, let’s get out of here.”

Deeks drove moderately, trying to avoid jolting the car but it just drove Reagan even crazier.

“Deeks!  Drive like a normal person! Even an ambulance would have driven faster than this!” she finally complained.

“Nice, try and drive carefully and this is the thanks I get.  Next time I’ll make you run next to the car.”

“I would have made it there before you!” she mumbled.

“I heard that!”

“Because you were supposed to!”

“Okay enough you two! God you fight like siblings! Look we’re here,” Kensi finally got in the middle.

Callen got out and walked around to help Reagan out.

“Hey, feel better okay?” Kensi gave her a hug.

Reagan agreed, giving her a squeeze back and then took Callen’s hand to help her out of the car.  That more than anything told Kensi that Reagan wasn’t okay in any sense of the word.

“We’ll check in with you tomorrow,” Deeks told Callen as Kensi slid into the front seat.

“If you need anything call okay?” she told him.

He nodded and led Reagan to the front door.

“You okay?” he asked her softly as he fished out his keys.

“I think I would really like to sit down,” she answered honestly.

“Come on in,” he helped her into the house, noting just how much more she was leaning on him now.

Callen let her in the front door, flipping the light on, and upon entering the living room Reagan stopped in her tracks.  Besides a small end table holding a lamp and a reclining chair there was a clean but used looking couch sitting in the room.  On the shelf above the fire place were a tea box and a tiny fuzzy plant clinging to a rock.  

She looked around in shock and then turned to Callen, “Were you robbed?”

He smiled and shook his head, “I have this thing about settling down in one place.  I just never bought anything to furnish the place after I moved in.  There is a bed in the bed room which you can have.  I mostly sleep on the floor so it’s not a problem.”  
“Um, okay,” Reagan wasn’t sure what else to say.

The house had besides the living room, three bedrooms, a large sunny kitchen, and a closed in back porch.  Except for the table and chairs in the kitchen, and the bed in the master bedroom, there was no other furniture in the house.

“Talk about living light,” Reagan joked.

“I moved around so much that I got used to not having anything.  And even though I’ve been here for a couple of years, I still have that feeling that bringing something in is too permanent.

“Yeah, cause and area rug would definitely say permanence!” Reagan gave a weak laugh.

“Come on and sit on the couch.  I’m going to get you some ice for your head, and some water.  No falling asleep on me!”

Leaning her head back on the couch she smiled, “Scouts honor.”

Callen headed into the kitchen and was back within moments.

“Here,” he handed her the water.

Sitting up she took it from him, taking a sip.  He sat on the couch next to her and placed the ice on the back of her head.  She winced but didn’t pull away.

“You really okay?”

“I just need a good night’s sleep.  Not that it happens very often.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Do you know anyone who would target you?”

“Callen, please, I’ll be ready to talk about all this tomorrow.  Right now I just want to pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Only because you were thrown 10 feet and cracked your head on the pavement will I agree to back off.”

“Thanks a lot.  

“Hey why did you offer to let me stay here tonight?”

Callen smiled, “I just wanted you to feel comfortable somewhere, nothing else behind the offer.”

“Nothing, really?  Hmph, I thought maybe there would be a little something!” she winked at him trying for playful but not succeeding.

“Well, I appreciate it then, but do you really want me hanging around.  I’m not a great sleeper and I tend to be messy.”

“That’s okay, I hardly sleep at all.  Twenty or thirty minutes at a time, and I don’t have a lot of stuff so you’re messiness will make the place look like someone actually lives there.”

“Well in that case thanks for giving me a place to stay that I could actually feel comfortable in.”  

“You’re welcome.  Okay, come here, lean back.”

Too tired to argue and too battered to feel anything but gratefulness for the attention Reagan leaned back against his chest and let him pamper her.  As she lay against him he brushed his fingers through the hair at her temple and started thinking about this strange ‘thing’ he and Reagan had together.  They had spent time together outside of the work since their first encounter and each time had been more electric than the time before.  He knew that she was attracted to him, the looks, the touches and even the few and far between kisses she had bestowed upon him.  He knew they both were at once amazingly attracted to each other and completely wary about any relationship that would go beyond friendship.  But somehow he kept forgetting all of the reasons that he should stay away from her, and remembering all of the reasons he simply didn’t want to.  

As Reagan lay on his chest with her eyes closed, it gave Callen way too much time to contemplate what he had done.  As he sat and analyzed his actions he realized that Reagan was the first woman since Tracy that he was truly interested in, in more than just a one nighter way.  He wasn’t sure how it happened, especially since he knew next to nothing about her.  He knew what Sam would say, that the heart knew what it needed to, and what Kensi would say, that it was his ‘man’ parts turning his brain to mush.  Deeks would probably crack someone liner using some made up word or something and Hetty would just give him that wry smile and walk away.

Lying there Reagan began to think about what Michelle had said earlier this evening and how quickly Callen had jumped in when the paramedic had said she couldn’t be alone tonight.  She knew that the flirting had moved beyond simple flirting and that there was some major sexual tension between them that she didn’t plan on or want, but she found it really hard to stay away from him.  She just was drawn in and somehow caught up in the web that was G. Callen.

Sometimes she wondered if it would have been any guy that she had become close to, or if it was just Callen?  After all her life before this hadn’t allowed for any kind of close relationships and most of her time with a guy had been sweet and painless with no strings attached, quite the opposite of what was happening with Callen.

He was deep in thought when he heard her soft voice.

“Hey Callen?” she looked up at him, a frown marring her smooth brow.

She pulled him from his thoughts as he looked down at her.  He still couldn’t believe the panic she caused in him, but knew it was definitely worth the racing heart.

“Yeah?”

“What does the ‘G’ stand for?” she asked it so softly he was actually unsure of what she had said at first.

“What?” he sounded confused.

Reagan smiled softly, “The ‘G’, what is the ‘G’ for?”

He didn’t know what to say at first and stumbled over the words, “I um… It’s a…”

Whether she saw he was uncomfortable or not was beside the point because she stopped sounding concerned, and used laughter to turn him around.

“Is that your gangsta’ name?  Do you and Sam moonlight as rappers on the weekends?” she gave him a silly smile.

It sounded so absurd that he had to laugh, “No, we don’t moonlight as rappers.  And no, it isn’t my gangsta’ name.”

He paused for a minute unsure of where to go with this.  Sure she was part of the team and as such had some right to his background, but on the other hand, how do you tell a woman that you are interested in that you had no family, and didn’t even know your first name?  It sounded ridiculous even to his own ears.

“I, um… I don’t know,” he decided to be completely honest.

Reagan looked at him curiously, not saying anything.  

“How could you not know your name?” she asked.

It wasn’t a joke or even said in a way to mock him.  She was straight forward and concerned.  He realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t know it that upset her, but why he didn’t know it.

“I was very young when I was orphaned.  I have no recollection of being called anything.  And they never told me what the ‘G’ stood for.  So I’ve always just been ‘G’ or Callen.”

Reagan was silent for a long time, contemplating what to say.  She didn’t want to say something that would insult him, but on the other hand she wanted him to know she felt for him.

“I’m sorry.  I’m not sure what is worse, losing your parents at a young age and having to live with that loss, or never knowing who they were at all.” she said softly.

They sat in silence for a while before either of them spoke again.

“It’s strange,” Reagan began.

“What, that I haven’t got a clue what my name is?”

“No, well yes, but not that.  I meant it’s strange that all of us are broken in some way.  That each of us has lost our innocence at such a very young age.  I mean you were an orphan and never knew your parents.  Kensi and I lost our parents at such a young age.  Deeks’ father was abusive.  And Sam, well Sam is a Seal, and they just aren’t right to begin with!” she laughed at the last.

Callen chuckled, “Don’t let him hear you say that.”

Reagan smiled and closed her eyes again.  Callen closed his eyes reveling in the feel of her in his arms.  After a few minutes he opened his eyes only to realize she had fallen asleep.  She had curled up and snuggled into his chest.  He moved slowly, so as not to wake her, and lifted her from the couch.  Walking down the hall and into the bedroom, he placed her on the bed.  With her lying there in her heels and dress he tried to decide what to do.

**********************************************************

Reagan snuggled into the warmth behind her, still in a twilight sleep.  She sighed in contentment, feeling better than she had the night before, and then she was suddenly wide awake.  Her heart beat quickly as she held her breath and glanced over her shoulder.  Lying next to her, his hand resting on her hip, sleeping as peacefully as a baby, was Callen.  The breath she finally let out woke him.

“Morning,” he said sleepily.

Reagan said nothing and continued to stare at him.

“Sleep well?” he continued with the small talk.

“Um, yes.  Did you?” she finally answered.

Callen smiled, “Actually I did.”

“I thought you didn’t sleep.  I mean you know, 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, but not all night,” she turned to face him.

He propped his head on one hand, “I don’t.  I haven’t slept more than an hour or so in a couple of years now.  This was the first time I was able to sleep through the night in a long time.”

“That’s great, but why are you in bed with me?” Reagan racked her brain for a memory from last night.

“You don’t remember?” Callen frowned.

“I remember earlier, and then getting to your house, but I was so tired last night I don’t even remember coming to bed.”

“You didn’t.  I carried you in here after you fell asleep on the couch.”

“Okay, so then how did we end up in bed together?” Reagan raised an eyebrow.

“I know I offered you the bed and I originally was going to sleep on the couch, but when I saw how big the bed was I decided to take the other side.  I thought I would be able to stay on my side.  Guess not.”

“So we didn’t…” Reagan started.

“No we didn’t,” he assured her then snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her close, their bare limbs becoming entangled.

“But we could if you…”

“Woah there,” Reagan pushed him back a little.

“I may think you’re extremely hot, and I may totally want to take you up on this offer, but I have a rule about sleeping with men.”

Callen gave her a lazy smile, “And that is?”

“If I don’t trust you with my life, I certainly won’t trust you with my heart.  And no matter what people say, you give a piece of yourself to everyone you sleep with.”

“Mmm, hmm, but you want to.”

Reagan laughed, “Do you boys ever grow up? Yes, I want to, but we barely know each other.  Sex should come after friendship.”

“So you want me to wait?” Callen asked cautiously.

Reagan shrugged as if she didn’t care, “If you want to.  If you don’t, I’ll understand you got a better offer.  But just so you know I won’t play second fiddle to anyone.  So if you take another offer, this one comes off the table.  And then you’ll never know if it was the one you should have waited for.”

“Point taken, I’ll have to consider another offer very carefully before I make a decision.  You know, if one even comes along.”

Reagan smiled and rose from the bed, heading to the bathroom to shower.  Suddenly she stopped and turned slightly back to Callen who was watching her leave, her long hair brushing the top of her lacy black panties and falling over her shoulder.

“Oh, and thank you for getting me ready for bed last night.  I don’t usually wear anything to bed but leaving the panties was probably a good idea.”

Callen visibly swallowed as Reagan laughed and disappeared into the bathroom.  He fell back in bed, locking his hands behind his head.  This was one offer he was definitely going to wait for, he thought.

 


	10. Chapter Ten

On the drive over to LAPD Reagan finally let herself begin to think about the explosion and then it hit her.  Her car, her vintage Volkswagen Rabbit convertible, with the black leather interior, and cherry red paint job.  The car she had dreamed about ever since she watched that stupid movie, “Can’t Buy Me Love” with her mom when she was 9. Okay so the car in the movie was white, but she had always wanted it in red.  Gone.  Blasted into pieces and burnt beyond recognition like a sacrifice to the Greek fire god.  Who was that again?

“Hephaestus,” she snapped her fingers.

“Who?” Callen glanced at her as he drove.

She didn’t look bad considering what had happened last night.  She had some scratches on her cheek, but the bruises that had begun to blossom last night never really appeared and just looked like shadows today.

“The Greek god of fire.”

“And?”

“Oh, I was just thinking about my car.”

“Did you have it long?”

“No, but I’ve dreamed about it forever,” she sighed.

“At least you weren’t in it.”

“Yeah, cause that thought just brightened my day.  Although, I don’t think I was meant to be in it.  Or even close to it for that matter.”

“Why do you believe that?”

“I have to hit the remote twice to open the doors.”

“Go on?”

“I had the locks tweaked 'cause I’m a little concerned with safety.  I had the locks fixed so when I hit the remote once the driver’s door opened but the lights won’t blink.  The second opens the rest of the doors, it’s louder because three doors are unlocking and the lights blink to let you know all the doors are open.

“The explosion happened after I hit the button the second time, so it couldn’t have been set to detonate by unlocking the doors or it would have gone off with the first hit.  It had to have been a remote detonation, and since I’m still alive they didn’t want me in the car.  I think they were waiting somewhere for me to trigger the locks so they could make it look like it was meant to kill me.”

“Have you been thinking about this for a while?”

Reagan turned to look at him, “The whole time I was being examined by the paramedics and then again in the shower this morning.”

“It was the most logical explanation to me,” she said as they pulled into a spot in front of LAPD.

Within moments of them walking in, Reagan and Callen were taken into an interrogation room.  Sitting they glanced at each other wondering why the drama.  When the officer walked in Reagan frowned trying to remember him from the night before.

“Agent Callen nice to see you again, Agent Faraday, it’s nice to meet you.  I’m Officer Robert Wickham, officer in charge of this case,” he said shaking both of their hands.

“Thank you both for coming in so early today.  How are you feeling Agent Faraday?”

“A little battered, but better than last night. I don’t remember you at the scene last night.”

“You and I didn’t get a chance to meet last night.  Agent Callen and the others whisked you away rather quickly.”

“Well you know, can’t piss off my Fairy Godmother or she might turn me into a pumpkin! And she can be pretty scary.”

Officer Wickham looked to Callen who stared back at him giving him nothing.

“Okay Agent Faraday, um, I need to ask you questions about last night. Normally we don’t let witness leave without giving a…”

“Please ask your questions Officer Wickham and I will answer them to the best of my ability.” Reagan cut him off.

“Yes, okay, then. What time did you arrive at the The White Sands Restaurant?”

Reagan closed her eyes and began searching her memories of last night.

“We arrived at the restaurant at 6:24pm, 6 minutes early.  We entered the bar area at 6:38 and remained there until 7:10 when they sat us at our table”

She opened her eyes and saw Officer Wickham staring at her open mouthed.  Knowing what was wrong but hating being looked at like that she refused to help him out.  Crossing her arms she sat back feeling pissy.

“Close your mouth Officer Wickham. You look like you’re catching flies,” she snapped and looked away.

Callen glanced at her slightly surprised, but said nothing.  He didn’t want to step on toes and accidentally piss her off the way Wickham apparently had.

“Are you sure about those times Agent Faraday?” he asked tentatively.

“Positive.”

“Do you remember what time you left the restaurant?”

Reagan, still with her arms crossed, raised an eyebrow, “Eleven thirty-six, and yes I’m sure about that.”

“Did you notice anyone in the parking lot when you left?”

“You mean besides the eight of us?”

“Well yes.  Anyone besides the eight of you,” he faltered.

“A couple had left about 5 minutes before we did.  They entered the restaurant after we did at about 6:57.  He was a while male in his mid-thirties, about 5’9”, maybe 200-210 lbs, brown hair, green eyes, a scar through his left eyebrow.  He had on a pair of navy linen pants, a white tee shirt, and a pair of Tom’s slip-ons.  She was a white female, in her late twenties, about 5’4”, maybe 110-115lbs, brown hair with blonde highlights, hazel eyes, a little bit too much makeup.  She had on a patterned tunic top over a pair of white capri’s, most likely Chloe.  And wore a cute pair of strappy Manolo’s

“Their car left the parking lot at 11:45 and they turned left as they exited.”

Even though Callen knew she could recall all of this information and had seen her do it before, he was still in awe of the detail she could remember.

“Agent Faraday can you explain how you remember all of this detail so perfectly?  Because if you’re lying to or making this up I can arrest you for obstruction of justice.  I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this case is not a joke.”

“I’m well aware of that Officer Wickham.  It was after all, my car that was blown up,” was all she said.

Callen sighed and sat forward, knowing it was time to step in, “What Agent Faraday meant to say was that she has perfect recall of any event she encounters during the day.  It’s called hyperthymesia – total recall of all autobiographical information.”

“I said exactly what I mean to say Callen,” she growled at him.

Callen looked from Reagan to Wickham, “Will you excuse us for a minute Officer?  I need to speak to my agent in private.”

Rising, Wickham heartily agreed and couldn’t leave fast enough.

Alone Callen leaned his elbows on the table, steepling his hands, all the while watching a very pissed off Reagan.  She refused to look at him, but he was a patient man and simply waited.  And within a few minutes it paid off.

“What?!” she cried frustrated.

“Retract the claws and stop spitting at the man.”

“I was not-“

“Reagan…” he said warningly in a voice that told her he was now her team leader and not her friend.

She snapped her mouth shut, crossed her arms and glared at the table like a petulant teenager.

“Do you care to tell me what the hell crawled up your ass or should I just call Hetty.”

That had her head snapping up and her mouth opening in surprise.  Normally Callen didn’t use the “Hetty” threat, he preferred to take care of things himself, but he was not above it.  Knowing this Reagan realized just how obnoxious she was being.  He watched as she visibly deflated and knew he had won.

“So?”

With a sigh she brushed a strand of hair from her cheek and her fingertips rested on the scratches for a second.

“I hate being stared at like I’m a freak.”

“Well then maybe you should have lain off the major detail and just stuck with the things a normal person would have remembered.”

“Yeah, normal.”

He winced when she repeated that, “That’s not what I meant and you know it!  I just meant someone without your gift.”

“I know, but you’re right, someone normal,” she sounded sullen.

“Reagan…” he warned.

“Let’s just finish this. And I promise to be on my best behavior,” she held up her right hand like a pledge.

“Fine,” he rose and found Officer Wickham waiting outside.

“We’re ready to go on?” Wickham asked sitting across from Reagan again.

Reagan nodded.

“Okay, you said you exited the restaurant at 11:30-“

“Eleven thirty-six.”

“At 11:36 and the only people in the lot besides the 8 of you were that couple.”

“Yes.”

“What other cars were in the lot besides yours and the other agents?”

“There were seven other cars in the lot and one parked outside on the street.”

“Can you remember what types of cars… of course you can,” he said contritely when she raised her eyebrow.

Reagan rattled off the makes, models and approximate years of the seven cars in the lot.

“And what about the eighth car?”

Reagan closed her eyes and searched for the car in her memories.  It was a lot like watching a movie in 8 xs fast forward and then finding what you’re looking for and stopping short.  Kind of feels a little like whiplash.

“Dark blue Lincoln Town car, 2009, windows were tinted dark, I couldn’t see any faces, but…” she stopped.

Callen and Wickham waited, unsure of why she stopped.  After a few minutes they looked at each other concerned.

“Agent Far-“

“Shah!” she snapped.

‘The license plates! They were covered!” she gasped finally.

Opening her eyes she shook her head as if to clear it, “They covered the license plates.  Whoever it was in that car, planted and detonated the bomb.  I’d stake my life on it.”

“Do you know anyone who would target you?” Wickham asked truly concerned.

Reagan shook her head, “No, I left my other job on good terms.  I have no enemies,” and no friends either, she thought.

“Everyone has enemies Agent Faraday, especially in our line of work.”

“None alive that could find me Officer Wickham.”

Wickham stared at her for a moment and looked into her face, void of emotion, and wondered what kind of sociopathic tendencies one needed to become a NCIS agent.  They were all a little off.

“Is there anything else you can remember Agent Faraday?”

Reagan sat quietly for a moment, and then shook her head.

“No, not that I can remember right now.”

“Well if you remember any new information please let us know.”

She nodded as the three of them rose.

“Thank you for your help Agent Faraday, Agent Callen.  We appreciate your cooperation.”

“Happy to help,” Callen said as the shook hands.

Reagan shook Wickham’s hand but did not exchange pleasantries.  She hated being treated like a freak because of her abilities, but Wickham just rubbed her the wrong way, and that made it ten times worse.

They left in silence and remained that way until they were well away from LAPD.

“Well that-“

“Don’t you dare pat me on the head for behaving myself!”

“I was going to say ‘Well that was stressful’.  But feel free to jump down my throat!”

“Sorry,” she mumbled looking out the window.

“You did a good job back there.  Are all your memories so clear?”

Reagan turned to Callen and waited for the other shoe to drop.  When he remained silent she answered.

“No.  It was calm so the memories are easy to sort through.  But when it’s chaotic, the memories are all jumbled together, and it takes me a while to separate them.  It’s harder to see tiny details when it’s chaotic.”

“Interesting.”

“You say that like a scientist looking to use me for some experiment where I end up lobotomized.”

“No, I said that like someone who has never come in contact with this medical condition before and is curious about it.

“You need to calm down.  No one is out to get you.”

“Tell that to my car,” she mumbled her retort.

“Okay rephrase, I’m not out to get you.”

The minute it left his mouth he knew it was the wrong thing to say.  But it got her to smile.

Reagan smirked and glanced sideways at him, “Really?  Now that is disappointing!”

“You know what I mean!”

“No, please, go on!  Tell me how you’re not after me!”

“You know, you have to be the most exasperating woman I have ever met!”

“Even worse than Kensi?” Reagan blurted out.

“God yes!  One minute you’ve got a bug up your ass acting like a petulant teenager, and the next you’re flirting and throwing innuendos around like hand grenades!”

“I’m a woman; it’s my God given right to change my mind!”

Callen gave a short laugh, “You’re something alright!”

Reagan stuck her tongue out at him but remained silent.  They drove to the hotel Reagan was staying at and when Callen pulled up to valet Reagan looked at him.

“I never told you I was staying here.”

“I called Hetty, she told me.”

“How did… Never mind.”

Callen laughed, “Yeah it’s just easier not to ask.”

Walking in, they both looked around getting a panoramic of the lobby.  Stepping onto the elevator, Reagan turned her back to where she knew the camera was and moved closer to Callen.

“Do you think we will ever walk into a place and not know where each camera and exit is within the first few seconds?” she whispered in his ear.

“I don’t think so,” he assured her.

Stepping off on her floor she led him to her room.

“Have you found a place yet?”

Reagan shook her head and gave him a distracted no as she opened the door and let them in.

“So you’ve been staying here?”

She shrugged, “Been moving from one hotel to another.  I just haven’t found anything I’m comfortable in yet, but moving from hotel to hotel is becoming a hassle.  I was headed out this weekend to keep looking.  Kensi was going to come with me today to look at a couple new places, but that’s not going to happen now.  Why do you ask?”

“Just curious, that’s all.  You know if you want to stay on at my place you’re welcome to.”

Reagan turned to look at him and weighed the offer.  Okay, they’ve known each other for a few months now, and she knew he was a gentleman when it came to women, but she wondered if there was more to his offer.

“Why are you offering?” she blurted out.

Callen smiled, “Because I remember what it was like moving all of the time before Hetty found my place for me.  It’s not like I’m trying to get you in my bed.”

“Oh, really!  So you think that you’ll just keep appearing next to me in bed in the morning without any kind of effort?” she winked at him playfully.

“See there you go throwing those grenades again!”

Reagan laughed, “Well in any case I appreciate the offer and want you to be sure about it.  I mean it’s sweet and all but I’m not even close to finding a place.”

“It’s not as if you’re moving in for good.”

“Well in that case sure!  I would appreciate staying at a place that I could actually feel comfortable in.”

“Well then grab everything.  We can drive to my place, and grab something to eat.  You can settle in and we’ll see how we deal with each other.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Reagan agreed, “I’ll go get my stuff together.”

Heading into the bathroom to collect her things she thought about staying with him.  She had felt safe enough in the hotel rooms until last night, but she was not ready to settle down in a permanent place until she found something she was completely comfortable in.  She knew it was going to take a while.  The offer from Callen had come as a complete surprise to her and so had her acceptance of it.

There had been others, different men from all over the world who had tried to get close to Reagan.  Hell even Renko had tried to get close to Reagan, but she pushed them all away.  Oh, she took her pleasure where she found it and in many cases it was sweet and simple, but she had never let anyone get close.  God there were so many reasons for that, but the main reason was for protection, and not only hers.  Her life was one of intrigue, and peril.  One where she wasn’t sure what the next day would bring; what country she would wake up in; it certainly wasn’t a life for close relationships.  Especially ones that were built on deception.  

So Reagan chose to remain alone.  It suited her better, she told herself.  She didn’t have to try and fit into someone’s idea of a perfect relationship.  She didn’t have to make consolations for another person.  She did what she wanted, when she wanted, no questions asked.  She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she never heard him come to stand in the bathroom doorway.

“Change your mind?” he smiled at her leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed over his chest.

She smiled back and his heart thumped hard in his chest.  How the hell did she do this to him every time he looked at her?

“Not unless you did.  And I can understand if you did.  I mean who wants the newbie crashing at their place?”

“What?  Anyone of us would have offered if we had known.  You just kept the whole thing to yourself.  I’m sure Kensi offered.”

Reagan nodded, “She did, but I didn’t take her up on it.  I couldn’t impose on her.  I told her I’d be more comfortable moving around for now.  She respected that and I went to a new hotel.  And now here I am,” she held her arms out and spun around like a little girl, the smile on her face genuine, and truly happy for once.

“Well then come on roomie.  Let’s go home.”

She didn’t move for a moment as what Callen said sunk in.  It wasn’t really her home, but just the words brought back memories of living with her parents.  That had been the last time she had called someplace home.

“Hey, you still here?” Callen touched her arm.

She focused back on him and smiled again, “Yeah, yeah, I’m here.  Let’s go!”

Callen glanced around noticing that all she really had to do, besides pack the few things that were in the bathroom, was zip up a couple of suitcases.  Doing that they were back in the car after checking out and headed to Callen’s.

****************************************************

“I’m going to the gym.  I need some time to work some things out in my head.  I’ll send you a text when I’m on my way back,” she told him from the doorway of the kitchen.  

Back, she had said, not home.  It shouldn’t have bothered him; he shouldn’t have even picked up on it.  After all she offered to text him and didn’t have to.  But he had and for some reason it did.  She had settled her things in the bedroom, and then proceeded to make him an amazing dinner of linguini carbonara (not something he usually had at his place).  She had gone and gotten all of the ingredients, after exposing him as the quintessential bachelor with only beer and water in the fridge, dragging him around the food store.  Sure he complained but he had secretly enjoyed the normalcy of the evening.  Reagan standing in his kitchen, barefoot, making dinner for the two of them, it was kind of idyllic, the kind of normal that would never happen outside of this fairytale bubble they found themselves in for a few hours.  And now that bubble was popped.

“Take my car and be careful.  You sure you’re okay?”

She nodded glancing at him quickly and then down at the backpack she was zipping up, “I’m fine.”

He watched her leave and stood in the doorway contemplating the enigma that was Reagan Faraday.  On the surface she seemed easy going, fun, silly even, but underneath there was a darkness that he was just beginning to glimpse.  A world of shadows that hid the truth and just what that truth was he had no idea.  He was sure she was a danger to none of them or Hetty and her ‘ninja’ skills would have discovered something.

He knew that she was close to Special Agent Jethro Gibbs even though she had pretended not to know who he was, but according to Gibbs (yes he had contacted his old friend), the lie was to protect him not her.  When asked, Gibbs had refused to give him any information, saying he had promised her secrecy and that Reagan would tell him if he needed to know.

Having to accept that answer, he made the decision to let Reagan tell him in her own time, and if Hetty and Gibbs vouched for her than that was good enough for him.  But that didn’t lessen his worry for Reagan.  Since the explosion the other day he had begun to see a change in her that had him on edge.  He couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was, but he knew something was up.

When Reagan reached the Mission she let herself in and headed straight to the large gym room.  Strapping on her gloved she attacked the heavy bag, putting all her anger and anxiety into each punch.  And as she released her pent up wrath on the bag her mind began to spin.

 

 _“The bomb had been detonated by remote.  Whoever it was that detonated it had to be close in order to make sure they were both in the car,” an agent said to her ‘Uncle’._   
_Reagan, who had been standing with him almost attacked the man, “You mean that bastard watched as my parents burned to death!  He was on this property and watched my parents die!”_

_Jethro grabbed her and pulled her close, trying to calm an already hysterical Reagan.  The agent was reprimanded and sent away, but the words were already pounding in her brain._

It was too similar to be a coincidence.  The connections to close for her not to believe it was a message.  It had been easy not to think about it last night and most of today with everything that had gone on, but once she had gotten back to the quiet of Callen’s house the thoughts and memories had begun to swirl around her head with the gale force winds of a Category 5 tornado.

As her adrenaline began to pound and her heart began to race her punches became harder and faster, but her anger was not abating.  It was all still there as fresh and piercing as the day it happened.  Sweat dripped down her face as her fists pounded into the bag.  Wiping it away carelessly she didn’t realize some had gotten onto her glove.  As she threw the next punch her hand slipped off of the bag, propelling her to the mat.  She cried out as she fell and rolled to her back once she was on the floor.  With her knees bent and her fists covering her eyes she laid there, trying to still her racing heart and mind.

She had been thinking a lot about her ‘uncle’ lately.  She guessed it had been since Callen had mentioned him all those weeks ago.  She now felt bad about lying to him, but at the time all she thought about was protecting Gibbs.  When the government had made the decision to ship her off to Italy, Gibbs had fought for custody.  After his wife and daughter had been killed, he had found comfort with the Faraday’s, even though watching Reagan grow up had been bittersweet and reminded him every day of what he had lost.  But she had become a surrogate daughter to him and when Jace and Lauren had been killed he had become the only family she knew.

_“But I want to stay with you Uncle Jethro!  They can’t make me go to Italy.  I’ll run, I swear I will!  Every time they send me over there I’ll come right back!  You can’t do this!  My parents…”_

_“Your parent’s will was drawn up before Agent Gibb’s wife was killed and they never updated it.  The court cannot put you in the custody of a single man._

_“Therefore the court has taken the liberty to contact your aunt and uncle in Italy and they are willing to take you in.  You will be leaving tonight.  You will be provided with an alias and everything you need…”_

_“But I don’t even know my aunt!  I’ve never met her before in my life!  You’re basically sending me to live with complete strangers.  How is that better than letting me stay with the ‘uncle’ who I grew up with?!”_

_“Miss Faraday, the decision has been made and you will abide by the court's ruling.  You will board the plane tonight and leave everything from your old life behind you, including any contact you may have had with Agent Gibbs.”_

_“Now wait a second, Reagan is my best friend’s daughter!” Gibbs roared, “She is like a daughter to me!  You can’t…”_

_“Agent Gibbs this decision was as much for your safety as it is for Miss Faraday’s.  Whoever it was that killed her parents is still out there and we don’t know if he is targeting Miss Faraday next.  It is best that we fake her death to get her off the radar and protect the both of you.”_

_Reagan looked at her uncle and could see the defeat in his face.  No, she thought, no, keep fighting!  But even she knew that the logic was not debatable._

_Gibbs looked from the JAG lawyer to Reagan and took her in his arms in a tight hug._

_“Uncle Jethro,” she cried into his shoulder, the tears she thought she had cried completely out, starting anew._

_“Go, Baby Girl.  Don’t fight them.  Send me the clues in secret and I’ll find you.  You know how.  I promise I’ll find you,” he whispered._

_He held her face in his hands and looked at her, studying every feature as if to memorize her forever.  When the two guards moved in to collect her she clung to Gibbs; her face streaked with tears like a five year old.  He untangled her arms and squeezed her hands one last time before they walked her out of the room._

He had kept his promise and at least once a year he would meet her.  Her aunt, not being very interested in what Reagan did or didn’t do, never questioned her short notice vacations, thinking they were simply covert operations she was being sent on.  They met all over and never in the same place twice.  She disclosed everything to him about her parents and what she did for the government.  Some of it he knew from her father and some was new, but none of it shocked him.

He had been the one constant in her life and what kept her grounded when the job became too much.  The last time she had seen him was two years ago.  He had joined NCIS in 1998, the year her parents died, and 7 years after his wife’s and daughter’s deaths.  Even then he had made time to visit her, but the past two years Reagan had been on assignment on the other side of the world, and he had been dealing with difficult cases and the government, having become suspicious, was having him watched.

“Are you planning on camping down there Miss Faraday or can I give you a hand?” the gravelly voice had her moving her hands and looking up.

Hetty stood above her with her hand out stretched.  Reagan reached for Hetty’s hand and was surprised by the strength in it.

“I think the bag is sufficiently chastised.  Care to divulge who you think deserves that kind of beating?”

“Don’t know,” she answered as she removed her gloves.

“You don’t know, or you don’t care to tell?”

Reagan cracked a little smile, “I really don’t know.  I’ve never seen their face.  But apparently they are trying to finish what they started with my parents.”

“You think this was the same as your parent’s murders?”

Reagan nodded.

“Why then do you believe you are still alive?”  
“I haven’t figured that part out yet, but the MO matches almost exactly to my parent’s murder.  The only difference I’ve found is that I’m still alive and my parents aren’t.”

Hetty said nothing as she contemplated what Reagan had said, but Reagan mistook it for something else.

“You don’t think that’s what it was?”

Hetty looked up at her as if surprised she wasn’t alone, “Quite the contrary Miss Faraday, it seems to me that it is quite possibly the only conclusion one could come to if one is privy to all of the details.

“Do you think it’s time to contact the CIA?”

“NO!  All they will do is bring me back in.  I’ll lose whatever footing I have of finding these bastards.  And…”

Hetty watched Reagan look around her at the Mission.

“And you’ll lose this… them.”

Reagan’s eyes snapped back to Hetty, “I wasn’t…”

“Oh come now Miss Faraday, you can try to lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself.  They’ve all gotten under your skin.”

Reagan would never admit it.  Not to herself and certainly not to Hetty, but it really was a moot point; Hetty could see the truth in her eyes.  And she knew that for Reagan this was the first time in a long time that she had something to lose.

Oh she knew about Jethro, but that relationship was founded in granite and nothing would shake it.  Reagan never worried about that.  These new tenuous bonds she had founded were not built on the same material and to be honest when the truth came out and all was said and done, Hetty knew that Reagan only saw one outcome.  The loss of everything she had come to care about.

“Okay then no CIA.  But you aren’t going to have the luxury of keeping secrets from the team if these things keep happening.”

“I know.  I’m just not ready yet.”

“And when you are?”

“It may just be time to go.”

“You can’t keep running forever Reagan.”

“I know but if the time comes I’ll run to keep them safe.”

Hetty nodded, “You should get back to Mr. Callen’s place and try and get some sleep.”

Reagan’s eyes widened at that, “How…”

“I make sure I keep an eye on my agents.  Two generally, as much as I can spare them.”

Reagan closed her mouth and nodded.  She whispered good night and headed out of the gym.

“Oh and Miss Faraday, sometimes it’s okay to trust someone else.  Hearts are very resilient things.  For some reason they will repair themselves over and over, no matter how many times they get broken.”

Reagan stared at Hetty for a moment, gave her a small smile and another nod, and let herself out of the room.

Arriving back at Callen’s house, she let herself in and locked the front door.  The light in the living room was on but Callen was nowhere to be seen.  Reagan walked through the silent house looking for him until she found him asleep in his room.  She watched quietly as he tossed and turned, wanting to go to him, lay a hand on his arm and calm his nightmares.  But still unsure of their boundaries she slowly shut the door.

After a hot shower Reagan stretched out on the couch in one of Callen’s old tee shirts and a pair of La Perla lace panties and closed her eyes wrapping her arms around herself.  Sleep came quickly and so did the nightmares.

The scream woke Callen from his demons.  It was a woman’s scream from somewhere close by.  Trying to shake off his nightmares and jump out of bed at the same time, he ran from his room.  He found her in the living room thrashing and screaming on his couch.  He had no idea when she had gotten home but it couldn’t have been too long before since her hair was still damp from a shower.

He approached her, making the same kind of soothing noises you would a frightened, crying child.  When he got close enough, he pulled her into his arms softly calling her name.  She woke with a start and he had to grab her hand before a fist connected with his nose.

“Reagan!”

“Callen?  Oh God, I was having a nightmare.”

“Yeah I kind of figured that.  You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She sat up and put a hand over her eyes, “I’ll go, just let me collect my things.  It’s probably better anyway.”

Callen stopped her by scooping her up, “The only place you’re going is to bed.  We sleep better together.”

“You can’t even base a hypothesis on one trial,” Reagan gave a tired laugh.

“Then let’s do another,” he laid her gently on the bed.

“No sex, just sleeping.”

He crawled in next to her, “Come here.”

She snuggled into his side and was asleep before he even closed his eyes.  He smiled into the dark, that act in itself told him that even if she didn’t want to admit it or perhaps didn’t know herself, she trusted him.  Closing his eyes he tried to think of a time when he had felt so relaxed, and realized he couldn’t.  With a shrug he turned wrapping his arms around her.  There’s a first time for everything.

*****************************************************

The next morning found Reagan pounding on the heavy bag again as Sam and Deeks watched on from their respective workouts.  As they watched her they exchanged glances and shrugs.  When she finally growled at the bag and took a swing toppling it over (which is a feat in itself for most men but pretty hard to do for a woman), Sam decided to say something.  Their relationship had flourished to become something of a big brother, little sister thing, and their bond was different than the others because of the Navy Seal connection, but Reagan had even been able to crawl under Sam’s thick skin and carve out a little place of her own.  With Deeks on the other hand it was like twins vying for mommy’s attention.  They were either at each other’s throats or getting in trouble together for doing something childish.

“Is there a problem?” Sam called as Reagan moved to right the bag.

Glancing at him out of the corner of her eye she just mumbled a no.

“Looks like you’ve got some anger issues.  Wanna pick on someone your own size?” he tried again.

Reagan eyed him and then shrugged, “I could take you.”

Callen and Kensi, coming from a meeting with Hetty, walked in on the three of them.

“You seriously think you could take me?” Sam challenged the girl who was using the punching bag like a rag doll.

Reagan looked up at him, sizing him up.  Then she nodded and stared him down, “I could take you.”

Sam laughed.

“You find that funny?” Reagan challenged, moving away from the bag.

She stepped up to Sam, her face looking up at the bigger man with fire in her eyes.  Sam tried not to laugh.  She probably could take him.   She was strong and quick, no matter what she looked like.  She had taken Kensi, and Kensi was able to best him on the occasion.  But he liked to rile her up.  He liked to see the fire in her eyes and watch her get all pissy to prove herself.  He’d never tell her it was funny to him, but he thought she like the banter too.  She had yet to throw a punch at him, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t if he pushed her too far.  He just had to remember that no matter what she had to prove, she was still like his little sister, and if you pushed a little sister too far they could come back and bit you in the ass later on.

Deeks turned at the steel in her voice.

“Uh oh, sounds like someone’s got her panties in a bunch,” Deeks said comically and Kensi smiled.

Reagan didn’t and turned on him, “You know nothing about my panties Deeks, or if I even wear them!” she glared at him.

The rest of them started ribbing Deeks as Reagan squared her shoulders and turned back to Sam.

“She’s just pissy because she needs to eat something,” Deeks tried again.

Reagan’s head whipped around to look at him.  Her glare turned to a scowl and she advanced in him.  Kensi backed away with her hands up and stood next to Callen.

“I’m not pissy.”

“Bullshit, don’t even try to deny it.... It's like watching a hooker pretend she's out for a walk when cops drive by.”

“You want to go Deeks?  You think your snarky little comments are gonna make you seem cute and funny?  Well let me tell you Shaggy, I don’t need your crap.  If you want to go at it keep them coming cause I have no problem going back at you!” she took her finger and pushed it against his forehead.

“I think you should back off this one,” Sam tried to warn him.

“Mroooow!” he hissed and clawed the air, not listening.

“Hey there Kitty Kat, put those claws away.  How ‘bout I get you one of Kensi’s Twinkie’s she stashes in her desk.”

Kensi made a noise of protest.

Reagan took a step back and a vicious smiled spread across her full lips, “You know what, mister no fat soy latte, I don’t need a Twinkie.  But what you need is for someone to put you in your place.”

Deeks laughed and turned to Kensi, “Kensi does that every day!”

Taking his eyes off of Reagan was his tactical error.  He never saw her step in and because of that she was able to land a punch right in the gut.  

“Well, then maybe she should take a different approach,” Reagan snarled her eyes like blue flames.

He doubled over and barely moved in time as he saw her knee rise to meet his nose.  She caught his cheek before he was able to move completely out of the way.  She threw a punch as he rose and he caught it just before she came in contact with his chin.  He spun her around and held her tight to his chest and raised her off the ground.

“Hey there Baby Girl, calm your little ass down!” Deeks cried as she fought like a cat to get free.

“Stop calling me names or I’ll scratch your eyes out!  Damn you Deeks let me go and fight like a man!”

Sam, Callen, and Kensi looked on in shock.  It seemed that Reagan had forgotten all of her training and that Deeks was following right along with her.  Somehow Reagan gained her footing for a moment and that was all it took for her to slam her head back into Deeks’ cheek bone and was dropped to the floor.  She turned and landed a punch to the side of his head.  Deeks came up and landed a punch to Reagan’s stomach.  She sucked for air but kept on fighting.  It certainly wasn’t the fighting of two trained agents but of siblings squabbling over some argument.

And then the voice of reason arrived.  As Hetty turned the corner she watched Reagan run at Deeks and him throw her over his shoulder like a sack of flour.

“Mr. Deeks what is the meaning of this!  Put Miss Faraday down now!”

Everyone turned to Hetty.  Callen, Sam, and Kensi had the sense to look sheepish about watching the thoroughly amusing display.  Deeks put Reagan down and steadied her as he put a hand to his lip where she had managed to land a punch before he had thrown her over his shoulder.

“Explain yourself Mr. Deeks, and do it quickly.  This kind of behavior is unacceptable from an agent.”

“I, um, we… I was, uh… She started it!” he tried to think of something to say.

A very un-agent like squeal came out of Reagan, “I did not!”

She threw another punch at him but Sam caught her and moved her out of arms reach of Deeks, “You stuck your pointy nose where it didn’t belong!”

“You were the one who came after me first!”

“You were provoking me!”

“I was teasing you!”

They were nose to nose glaring at each other.

“Oh enough you two, enough, I don’t care who started it.  This is not the way my agents act, like squabbling siblings.  I have half a mind to suspend the two of you.  I suggest you either make nice or agree to disagree, and get back to work.” Hetty sighed and turned to leave.

“Now I have to stop them from fighting like a bunch of hooligans,” she muttered as she walked away.

Reagan and Deeks looked at each other and a smile cracked his face.  Reagan dropped her head but her cheeks rose as a smile broke over her face.

“Come on Kitty Kat, let’s go get you something to eat,” Deeks wrapped an arm around her neck.

Reagan gave him a shot to the side, but smiled and walked with him, her arm around his waist.  Kensi smiled at them as she followed them out of the room, happy that her two ‘children’ were getting along. Especially since Reagan was the closest thing she had to a best friend in forever and Deeks was her partner (or so she told herself).

Callen and Sam stood quietly watching them leave.  They both caught Reagan’s glance back and Sam notice Callen’s nod.

“Do you think it’s worth it?” Sam asked softly.

Callen stayed silent for a minute watching Reagan leave, “I think she’s worth it,” he finally said.

“What about the baggage she’s bringing?”

“She’s got a lot less than I do,” Callen finally looked at him.

Sam shrugged, “Maybe, maybe not. Baggage is baggage, you happen to carry it around in duffle bags; she carries it around in Louis Vuttion.  Different package, same crap.”

It was Callen’s turned to shrug.

“So what makes her different?”

After a pause Callen answered, “When I’m with her I can sleep.”

A look of surprise passed quickly over Sam’s face.  Callen hadn’t been able to sleep for more than 20 to 30 minutes a clip since he was targeted and gunned down three years ago.

“And what does she have to say about the sleeping arrangements?”

Callen laughed, “She informed me from day one that if she didn’t trust me with her life, she wouldn’t trust me with her heart; and that to her friendship came before sex.  Then she proceeded to get out of bed and walk to the shower in nothing but a sexy pair of panties.”

“So she lets you sleep next to her because it helps you, but sex is off the table until further notice.”

“I guess you could say that,” Callen nodded.

“Do you think she knows the effect she has on people?” Sam asked as they began to follow the others.

“You know, I really don’t think she has a clue.  I mean she knows she’s attractive like most women do, and she has fun flirting, but I don’t think she grasps the full gut wrenching, heart pounding-ness of it.”

Sam laughed, “Yeah that’s about the whole of it.  It’s the women that don’t know that are the most dangerous.  They’re the ones who do things unintentionally to drive men insane.”

“That’s the truth,” Callen agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for coming along on this journey! I appreciate each and every one of you for sticking with me. And I promise things are going to get a little crazy and a lot steamy from now on! Please review and keep reading! You’re words are the food a writer lived on! Much Love!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine.
> 
> If shame had a face I think it would kinda look like mine, If it had a home it would be my eyes  
> Would you believe me if I said I’m tired of this, Well here we go now one more time  
> I tried to climb your steps, I’ve tried to chase you down  
> I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground  
> I tried to earn my way, I tried to tame this mind  
> You better believe that I have tried to beat this  
> So when will this end? It goes on and on, Over and over and over again  
> Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop, Till I step down from this for good
> 
> Sick Cycle Carousel :: Lifehouse

Reagan sat back from her laptop and reveled in the quiet of the office.  Everyone had gone home and the only lights were the glow from her laptop and her desk lamp.  It had been two weeks since someone had blown up her car, and things seemed to have calmed down slightly.  She had even managed to find a place with Kensi’s help and was comfortably moved in.  There had been no question about leaving Callen’s house (she needed a place of her own) just as there had been no question that the sleeping arrangements that had somehow become an unspoken agreement would not change.  So every night they were at one or the others house wrapped in each other’s arms able to sleep peacefully.

Tonight she had needed to work on some reports and stayed on after everyone had headed home, but after finishing the reports she realized that going home to an empty house, even to wait for Callen, was not appealing.  So she had remained at the office, hoping to shake the melancholy.  

But with a mind of their own, her fingers started to type and within minutes she had slipped behind the security firewall of the government and opened her parents file.  She read through each document that was written regarding the murders.  She sat pouring over each image, searching for something; hoping she had missed something each time she had looked at them before.

Once again she felt the shame rising up inside her.  The shame that came because with all of her intelligence, contacts, and access to classified intel she had never been able to find even the tiniest bit of information to help find her parents murders.  In her mind she knew each written document and photograph by heart, but in her heart she clung to that small shred of hope that something would appear, to rip open this cold case and solve her parent’s murders.

“Doing some late night reading Miss Faraday?” a voice came out of the darkness.

Reagan jumped about three feet and spun in her chair now on guard.  She watched as Hetty stepped out of the darkness into her small circle of light.

“You startled me!” Reagan said incredulously.

“That does tend to happen when one is engrossed in highly sensitive and classified information,” Hetty said wryly.

Reagan barely glanced at the screen and shook her head, “No, you startled me.  I never startle.  My father taught me to always be on my guard.  But I forgot.  I forgot where I was, what I was doing, and allowed myself to be surprised.

“I’m getting lazy.  Sloppy.  I’ve become too comfortable here.  I’ve allowed you and the others to lure me in with that false sense of security.”

“And who is to say that it is false?  Perhaps you feel a sense of security because, in fact, you are safe here.”

Reagan shook her head, “You of all people do not believe that Hetty.  We both know I am not safe anywhere.  I technically haven’t been safe anywhere since my birth.  We both know that at any moment the government could come for me and everything I’ve worked so hard for would be forfeit.  If it’s not the government it might be any one trying to get revenge for the things I have done.”

Hetty nodded, “Yes that could happen, Reagan.  But you’re forgetting one thing.”

Reagan looked slightly confused, “And what is that?”

“That you are not alone anymore.  That you have a family, people who love you and care about what happens to you; people who, if you disappeared, would not stop looking for you until they either bring you home or found your body.”

Reagan chuckled, “You certainly don’t hold any punches, nor do you paint a pretty picture.”

“In our line of work I don’t have the luxury of sugarcoating anything.  It could mean the difference between life and death.”

Reagan looked at her hands, “Everything has been the difference between life and death in my life.  I guess I thought by coming here I could simplify things.  But it seems everything has gotten more complicated.”

Hetty nodded knowingly, but took the bait, “How so?”

Reagan sighed, “Before, it was just me.  I had no one to worry about, but myself.  Now if something goes south I can’t just disappear into the darkness like I would have.  They could come for anyone of you to get to me.”

“And that would hurt you?”

Reagan looked up sharply, “Don’t play the devil’s advocate Hetty.  You know it would.  It would destroy me.”

“Again Reagan you are forgetting, you are talking about Special Agents, who do this for a living.  They deal with this sort of thing every day of their lives.”

“My father was a Navy Seal Hetty, I’m not forgetting anything.  Trust me I’m not forgetting.”

“Your father was a Navy Seal Reagan, but not NCIS.  He had no reason to believe his or your mother’s life was in any danger.”

“Hetty from the moment they agreed to give the DNA for genetic research and to parent a genetically altered embryo for the government, their lives were in danger.  My parents were naïve and believed their choice was for the greater good.  They had no idea what they really agreed to.”

Hetty didn’t respond.

“I need to know Hetty.  I need to find my parents murderers.  To look into their eyes and mark them the way they marked my parents and me.  Oh yes, I know that it was a simple chance of luck that I wasn’t in the car that night.”

“Are you looking for resolution or revenge,” Hetty asked quietly.

Reagan remained quiet for a long time.  When she finally answered it was in a whisper, “I don’t know.”

Hetty nodded, understanding.

“Will you tell them?” she asked.

“I can’t.  It was one of the stipulations I agreed to when I received the okay to come to NCIS.  No one except specifically authorized agents could know what I do for the government.  They told me that only you and Director Vance would be cleared for that information and that I could not divulge that Intel to anyone.”

“Have you heard the phrase, ‘the promise given was a necessity of the past, the word broken is a necessity of the present’ Miss Faraday?”

“Niccolo Machiavelli.  Yes, I’ve heard it before, but why the history lesson?”

“Do you not think that it applies to this situation?  You were targeted because someone apparently leaked highly classified information.  In your agreement with the government I believe they promised to keep your ‘position’ with them a secret for your protection, and you agreed not to divulge any information that may destroy any of your covers.”

“Are you saying you think that whoever leaked that information about my ‘position’ did so on purpose?’

“Well Miss Faraday, if the shoe fits.  It seems to me that someone felt it was more beneficial to them to leak your information than to keep silent or there is a big enough purse offered for any information on you that this person couldn’t resist any longer, either way they want you dead.  One way or another, the ball was dropped, and it has compromised your safety and your covers.  Now it is up to you to find your own protection.  And far be it from me to tell you not to turn to your fellow agents to find it.”

“If I begin working outside the jurisdiction of the government not only will I be in danger from whoever is looking to kill me, but also from the government looking to round me up and bring me in.”

“Then perhaps going rogue is not the answer.  That choice is up to you.  Just as the choice of who to confide in is yours.”

Reagan rose, shutting down the open files on her laptop and closing the screen.

“Thank you Hetty.  I have a lot to think about tonight.  I think I’ll head home.”

“Very good Miss Faraday, I will see you bright and early tomorrow.”

Reagan smiled, looped her bag over her head and nodded at Hetty.  She then headed out to her car.

The LA night was balmy with a cool breeze blowing in off of the ocean.  She loved LA for the city it was, so different from New York, and night and day from D.C.  Sliding into her new black Audi TT convertible she turned the key and dialed the number waiting on her iPhone.  It was 11:30.

“Hello?” a sleepy voice answered on the second ring.

“Sorry to wake you Kens.”

“Reagan?  Are you okay?” she was now wide awake.

“I’m fine, really.  I just need a favor.”

“Sure, anything.”

“Can I crash at your place tonight?  I really don’t want to go home.”

“Of course hon.  Are you sure everything is alright?”

“We’ll talk when I get there.  Kiss, kiss,” and she hung up.

As she pulled out onto the freeway she dialed a second number.

“Hey,” his voice answered.

“Hi,” was all she could think of.

“Listen, I’m gonna crash at Kensi’s place tonight.  We had a girl’s night, and drank a little too much.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She knew he was suspicious, “What’s up Reagan?”

“Nothing,” she lied easily, hating herself, “We were talking and drinking and when we finally checked the time… I just shouldn’t drive home.”

“You’ll be at work tomorrow?”

“Why would you ask that?” Reagan countered.

“Answer the question Reagan,” his voice was steel tipped.

“Yes, Callen, I will be at work tomorrow.  Will you?”

“Yes, I’ll be there.  I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow,” she agreed weakly.

“Oh and Reagan,” he paused.

“Yes?”

“You have to trust me eventually,” and with that he hung up.

“I know,” she said to the now dead phone.

She pulled into Kensi’s driveway, and headed to her apartment.  Kensi answered the door on the first knock.

“Hey what’s going on hon?” Kensi threw an arm around Reagan’s shoulders giving her a tight squeeze.

Reagan tried to smile and failed miserably, “Do you have any tequila?”

“Patrón, in the freezer, you need some?”

“So will you.”

Reagan dropped her stuff on an overstuffed chair in the living room and followed Kensi into the kitchen.  They sat at the table and after about four shots Reagan felt like she was fortified enough to begin.  Kensi’s eyes were barely open but Reagan didn’t know if she would have the guts to try again tomorrow.

“That the explosion, the one two weeks ago that totaled my car…” Reagan tried to find a place to start.

Kensi opened her eyes wide, “That was some scary stuff.  How are you dealing?”

“I’m fine, but that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.  Those guys came after me for a reason.”

“Come on Rae, you’re a brand new agent.  No one could possibly hold a grudge against you yet.  It was probably just a random hit, or it was someone trying to get to one of us by using you.”

“No Kens, it wasn’t a random hit.  They were specifically targeting me.  There are numerous people who I’m sure have a grudge against me.  But until recently I didn’t exist.  I was a ghost and completely off the radar.

“Clarify,” Kensi ordered.

“According to Hetty there has been an intel leak.  Someone, either by accident or on purpose, has leaked my real identity.”

Kensi blinked at her for a moment and sat up straighter already going into defense mode, “So you’re not really Reagan Faraday.”

Reagan laid her hand across the table, her palm up as an invitation, “Listen to me Kensi, almost everything you know about me is true.  I am who I said I am.  My name is Reagan Jace Faraday.  My parents were murdered.  I have done all of those things I told you about.  I was allowed to bring Reagan back from the dead because my old superiors believed that they had stopped looking for her.  Apparently that is not the case.”

“So what then?  Besides the fact that you’re really not dead, what?” Kensi was confused.

“That’s just it.  The fact that I’m really not dead is what it’s all about.  You see they know who I really am.  What I really am.”

“And what is that?  Reagan what the hell are you talking about?  I’m so confused right now that my head is spinning.”

Reagan laughed and downed another shot.  She let out a puff of air, and steeled herself to go on.  Where to begin?  There was so much that was classified, so much that was redacted that anything she told Kensi would be insanely outrageous.  But she’d come this far and she wasn’t about to stop now.

“Okay, let’s start simple.  You know that I’ve been living under an alias since the age of 15.  What you don’t know is the real reason why.”

“And are you going to tell me or are we going to keep dancing around the subject?” Kensi sent another shot back.

“I’m trying!  God keep your panties on!” Reagan cried.

“So then tell me damn it or don’t you trust me?” Kensi threw at her like two sisters fighting.

“I’ve been living under an alias since I’m 15 because I’m a government assassin.  When my parents were killed I was removed to Italy and given an alias, and my first assignment.  It was quite a shock realizing that everything my father had taught me throughout my young life was to train me because I was a sleeper agent.”’

“What?  Reagan you so better be joking,” Kensi sat back.

Reagan shook her head, “I wish I was.  And it just gets better.”

She took a deep breath, threw back a 6th shot and dropped her head for a second.  Looking up at Kensi, Reagan noticed she was a little blurry around the edges.

“My parents had participated in a government experiment along with five other couples.  They provided an embryo for genetic experimentation.  But what went on was not just genetic testing, the embryos were genetically enhanced.  The DNA strands spliced and altered to create an improved human, a superior soldier, the perfect assassin.  Each of the embryos was given key traits that the government felt the ideal assassin needed; a few traits for each embryo.  The government didn’t want any single assassin to have all of the traits for fear of some kind of reprisal at a later date.  But my parent’s embryo was given all of the traits.  Of course it was; my mother was the geneticist doing the engineering.  

“Each woman was implanted with their embryo and all six embryos were brought to term 9 months later.  Then they waited.  No one knew if the infants would survive more than a few months, and if they did it was going to be a while before any traits began to be observable.  Obviously the traits were not visible at first in the infants.  But as each child began to grow and mature the traits began to show themselves; things that were more than just natural ability.  An unnatural ability to remember every autobiographical detail of their everyday, unnatural speed, the ability to learn at an unheard of pace, I could go on.  

“We were always going to government doctors.  They monitored us for everything, to see if the traits that were altered or enhanced were appearing as we got older.  Every one of us showed the traits we were supposed to, except for me.  I showed all of them.  The government wasn’t happy, until my mother explained that by using her embryo she had created the perfect soldier.  

“I guess their superiors realized just what they had in their hands and agreed to allow my parents to keep the baby instead of terminating it.  So at the age of 3 my father began to train me to become the perfect assassin.  My first assignment was at the age of 16 in Yugoslavia.”

Kensi just stared at her, her full lips forming a small ‘o’.  Reagan stared at Kensi, her arm still reaching out asking for acceptance.  There, she thought, I finally said it.  I finally told someone else my secret. Sure it’s not everything but it’s enough for right now.  Now Kensi can make her decision and kick me out.

Kensi sat for a few minutes to absorb this news in her drunken state.

“Did you just say that you’re a genetically enhanced government assassin?”

Reagan nodded and threw back shot number seven.  Lucky number seven, she thought.

“Okay I feel like I’ve been pulled into a really bad sci-fi movie.  Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I wish I could Kensi, I really wish I could.”

“Does Hetty know?”

Reagan nodded again.

“Are you here on an assignment?”

Reagan shook her head vehemently, and then moaned as the room began to spin.

“Does Callen know?”

The anguish showed on Reagan’s face as she shook her head once again.  
“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know how,” she whispered.

“Well you could try the tequila method again, but I think with Callen you should just give it to him straight.  He’s more of a scotch kind of guy anyway.” Kensi tried to joke.

“Glad to see that you think this is funny!  What if…”

“What if what?  Okay, you’re an assassin, we’ve all had other jobs, done things we haven’t been proud of or told anyone about before.  You’re not that person anymore.  You’re an NCIS agent just like the rest of us.”

There was a pause before Reagan answered.

“But that’s the problem; I’m not like the rest of you.  The government could make me take an assignment at any time.  And I have to accept it no matter what it is, I have to go no matter where then send me.  I am still an assassin, still all of those covers, and now because you know, you are in far more danger than you have ever been before.

“I have taken down some very high level targets but you would never know that because I don’t exist.  Reagan Jace Faraday was murdered shortly after her parents were.  They did it to protect me and then shipped me off to Italy with an alias, at the age of 15, and I’ve lived under an alias since then.  At 17 I was sent to NYC on my first deep cover mission and was there for 2 years as a new alias.  From there I was in England, again someone else, and was there for 2 years, then to Prague for a year, new alias, and then to the Hindu Kush Mountain Range in Afghanistan for 6 months, once again someone new.  Honestly I don’t even think I was me when I had sex for the first time.

“I wanted this to be different.  I wanted to be as much of me as I could when I came to NCIS.  I was tired of the game, of always being played like a chess piece.  No will of my own, always being moved around at the whim of someone else.  I was looking forward to finding out who Reagan Faraday really is.  But in the end it’s always the same, the alias always seems to take over and Reagan Faraday remains a mystery.”

Kensi shook her head and laughed, “You know you whine like a girl.  Jesus Reagan, grow a pair and tell him.  If he walks away then it’s his loss and he wasn’t worth it in the first place.”

Reagan nodded, knowing Kensi was right but all she could think about was how would Reagan Jace Faraday react if he did walk away?  She had faced and dealt with rejection as so many different people, but she had no idea how to deal with it as herself.

“Sometimes it’s so much easier just to be someone else,” she whispered.

Kensi finally put her hand in Reagan’s, “And sometimes it’s too easy.”

They sat silently like that for a while each girl lost in a sea of her own thoughts, both drowning with only the others hand as a life line.  Kensi finally gave her head a little shake and smiled at Reagan, standing and pulling her up.

“Come on, get your ass to bed.  We’ll deal with the rest of this tomorrow.”

Reagan smiled and nodded, following Kensi in to her room.  She washed her face and changed into a well worn pair of sweats and t-shirt Kensi gave her.  Fully clothed they crashed on Kensi’s bed and within minutes Kensi was asleep breathing softly.  Reagan reached over, brushing a strand of hair out of her face and pulled the blankets over her. She had never thought about why her parents had only had one child, and had never wanted a sibling when she was younger, but if she could have chosen anyone in the world for a sister, she knew deep down that it would have been Kensi.  She couldn’t put a finger on exactly why, since for most of their relationship they were at each other’s throats, but she knew that with all of the people she had met in her short life she had never contemplated having a sibling until she had met Kensi.

“Thank you,” she whispered, and closed her eyes hoping oblivion would take her before the sun reared its head.

****************************************************

Reagan and Kensi walked in with their sunglasses on and large bottles of water in their hands.

“Hey look, it’s the hangover twins!” Deeks laughed as the two of them slunk into the couch.

Kensi rested her head on her hand and Reagan laid hers on the back of the couch.

“Don’t start Deeks,” Kensi said through gritted teeth.

“You two look like shit,” Sam offered.

“Thanks,” Reagan growled.

“How come we weren’t invited to the party?” Deeks brushed his hand over Kensi’s hair absently, but it wasn’t missed by Reagan’s sharp eyes even if they were bleary.

“Girls only, you’ve got the wrong equipment, or so I’ve been told,” Reagan laughed and then groaned.

“I’ll get you both some aspirin.  Maybe you’d better head upstairs before…”

Eric’s whistle pierced the air, causing them to gasp and then moan.

“Eric whistles,” Deeks finished.

They all rose, the girls slightly slower, and headed to the ops room.  Sam headed up first followed by Deeks massaging Kensi’s shoulders, with no protest, and Reagan followed.  

“Hey where’s G?” she asked.

“He got a Hetty note.  He’s been in a meeting with her since he got here,” Sam said.

“Must have been a Holy Moly Hetty Note,” Deeks commented and Sam and Kensi chuckled

“A what, oh never mind I’d rather not know right now.” Reagan shook her head, more at ease that Callen was in the office.

When they reached the ops room Hetty and Callen were already there.  Reagan and Callen made eye contact but said nothing.  She could tell he hadn’t slept last night even though he looked fresh and alert.

Kensi and Reagan gingerly removed their glasses and blinked in the darkness of the ops center.  Hetty glanced at them and took another look.

“Miss Blye and Miss Faraday, it looks like girl’s night was a little wild.”

“To say the least,” Callen joked.

Hetty smiled and continued, “I hope next time you choose to partake in such revelries that you will do so on a night you don’t have to report for work the next day.”

“If there is a next time I will certainly take your suggestion into consideration, but as of right now I’m going to be regretting this for a very long time,” Reagan moaned.

Everyone but Kensi laughed (rather loudly too) causing the girls to grimace.

“Now on to today’s case,” Hetty ordered.

An image came up on the screen of a Marine in dress whites.  He was young, probably in his mid-thirties, attractive in that ‘all American’ sort of way.

“This is Master Gunnery Sergeant Paul Bartlett.  He was stationed at Quantico, but has been AWOL since his wife turned up murdered over a month ago.  Yes, there is every reason to believe that Sergeant Bartlett was the one to murder his wife, although DNA evidence was inconclusive.”

Eric put up a picture of Jessica Bartlett, pretty, with dark hair and eyes.

“And why would we believe that?” Callen asked.

“They were going through a rather messy divorce that, according to friends and platoon members, Mr. Bartlett was not dealing with well.  Neighbors heard numerous fights before his wife was found murdered.”

“So why are we getting this case and not the east coast team?” Sam asked the obvious question.

“Apparently after he went AWOL he headed to Mexico until he recently surfaced here in LA,” Nell offered.

“How do we know that?” Kensi leaned on the table in the middle of the room.

“Three more women have turned up dead and this time DNA is a match,” Hetty informed them as Eric put up 3 more pictures of young women.

“But apparently Sergeant Bartlett has managed to keep off of the radar.  No credit cards, no cell phones, no hotel stays, nothing.  We believe he’s staying with a friend,” Nell continued, finishing Hetty’s sentence.

“Okay so are there any connections between the murders?” Deeks asked.

“Other then all were women between 25 and 35, and they had all been to that exclusive club downtown, Push, there is no connection that we have found yet.”

“Okay, then let’s look deeper.  Do we have the files on all four women?” Reagan finally opened her mouth.

Nell nodded automatically pulling them up on screen.  Reagan moved around the table and stood next to Nell, in front of the huge screen.

“Let’s start with something simple like jobs.”

“Melissa Brunner, 25, tattoo artist; Rosalie Williams, 32, high school teacher, Theresa Northwood, 29, bartender.”

“How about marital status?”

“Well Jessica Bartlett was technically married, though soon to be divorced; the other three women were single or dating.”

“Dating who?” Deeks asked as if he understood what Reagan was looking for.

Eric said, “Bingo!” as the information appeared on the screen.

Reagan read and re-read the information three times before she spoke, “They were all dating other women.  Okay so that is a connection between the three murdered women here in LA, but how does that connect back to Jessica and why would Bartlett care?”

“Wait!” Nell said as she touched the screen and slid another file over.  
“After Jessica was murdered someone interviewed the person she was staying with.  It was a woman.  Here at the very end.”  
They all read the question 4th from the bottom, ‘Can you think of any reason Sergeant Bartlett would want to kill his wife?’, and the woman’s answer, ‘Yes, because she left him for me.’

“And there you go,” Sam said.

“So Bartlett’s wife left him for another woman, that can’t have gone over well,” Deeks said.

“It didn’t.  Imagine a Marine who comes home from Iraq only to find his wife, the woman he has just married, has left him for another woman.  Dealing with that alone and then having your family and friends find out.

“He snapped.  Killed her and then went to ground.  He arrived in LA to start over with the help of a friend, only to murder again when he came face to face with another rejection by a woman who was also a lesbian.  Then it became his mission to rid the world of any woman who had the proclivity of being a lesbian,” Reagan went over the scenario in her head out loud.

“But the question is where is he?  He’s obviously choosing his victims from the club but how?” Callen asked aloud too.

“The bigger question is ‘How is he getting into Push?’  That club is so exclusive even Paris Hilton can’t get in.  If you’re not A-list or infamous with deep pockets, although they would prefer all three, you’re not getting into Push.  Yeah, so basically if you’re not Charlie Sheen just forget it,” Deeks announced.

“Any you know this why?” Sam questioned.

Deeks opened his mouth and then shut it.

“So then how did these women get in?  Not one of them is A-list or infamous,” Kensi gestured to the images.

“Knows someone who knows someone… It’s easier for women.  All you girls have to do is flash a little…”

Kensi turned, “Deeks…” she said warningly.

“Smile, I was going to say smile.”

“Yeah right,” Reagan laughed.

“So then how do we get in without giving away our cover?  Without letting everyone know we’re federal agents and taking the chance of tipping off Sergeart Bartlett,” Kensi asked.

“Leave that to me.  The rest of you need to comb through this file to find any information that might be useful to us,” Hetty handed each of them a rather thick file.

“Miss Faraday, please see me in my office now.”

Reagan glanced at Hetty and nodded, the pit already forming in her stomach.  She passed a hand across her eyes as if trying to brush something away and held her hand out to steady herself on the table.

“You okay?” Kensi asked putting her hand over Reagan’s.

Looking up and meeting each of their eyes in turn, she lingered on Callen and then finally broke away, “I’m fine.”

She walked out of the ops center with all of them watching her go.  They glanced at each other but since no one had an answer they headed out of the room to review the file they had just been handed.

*********************************************

Deeks handed Kensi two aspirin and a glass of water.  Taking it gratefully she threw the pills in her mouth and took a long drink of water.

“Man that girl can drink,” she rested her head in her hands.

“You couldn’t tell me you’re going on a drinking binge with Reagan last night?” Deeks sat on the edge of her desk with his arms crossed.

Kensi glanced up at him then shook her head, “You’re my partner Deeks, not my father.  And it wasn’t like that.”

“No? Cause you both looked like two college girls crawling in here this morning most likely still drunk.  I’m your partner and I think I deserve to know that you’ve got my back and you can’t do that nursing a hangover.”

Bristling at the fact that Deeks was chastising her when it was normally the other way around she tried to find some kind of defense for actions that really weren’t defendable.

“Look, Reagan called me late last night and asked to come over.  Said she needed to talk.  She got to my place, asked for the tequila and started throwing shots back like they were water.  I knew whatever it was she needed to tell me was upsetting her and so I drank with her.  Once she started the story, she kept drinking but I stopped.”

“And?  Did you learn the mystery of Reagan Faraday?”

Kensi glanced at him and nodded.

“And?”

“What she told me was in the strictest confidence.”

“Really!  You got the dirt on her and you’re not going to tell your partner?”  
“No Deeks!  What do you think happened? That she told me who she got to 3rd base with and we painted each other’s toenails?  God you’re like having a teenager around!”

“So no pillow fights in your panties?”

Kensi glared at him, “You know, someday I’m gonna shoot you.”

Deeks laughed at her as she got up and he followed her out of the ‘bullpen’, “You love me!  Come on, admit it, you know you love me!”

“Deeks, I love you like I love a hernia.”

“But seriously, is Reagan okay?  I mean what she told you… it isn’t life or death right?  It’s just some stuff she’s trying to deal with… right?”

His joking had turned to concern and he waited for Kensi to answer.  And the longer he waited, and the longer she took to answer, the more nervous he got, until finally he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him.  The worry on her face spoke volumes.

“What kind of shit does she have herself wrapped up in?”

“ Deeks I can’t…”

“Could she get hurt if you don’t?”

Kensi waited a beat and then nodded.

“Then you need…”

“But if I do then she thinks we could get hurt, and that’s what she is trying to prevent by keeping everything a secret.  I made a promise!” he could see her struggling between loyalty to Reagan and the need to keep an agent and friend safe.

“Okay… does Hetty know?” he was rubbing his thumbs across her upper arm where he held her.  

Neither of them noticed the intimate gesture as she answered, “Yes, and Director Vance.”

Deeks nodded, “Then they’re looking out for her, and will tell the rest of use when they need our help… Right?”

“The problem is that day might not be so far away.”

Deeks was silent for a moment, “Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there and make sure we keep our eyes on her whenever possible.”

He could see some relief spread across her face as her shoulders sagged.  He knew Kensi worried about all of them, but for her to be this worried told him that her conversation the night before was a lot more than some skeletons in Reagan’s closet.  It sounded to him that Reagan’s closet was more like the catacombs of Paris.

Kensi gave a short laugh and rubbed her forehead breaking the contact Deeks had with her.  

“What?”

“She’s good… she’s really good.”

“Um, I’m a little confused.”

“Of course you are…”

“Really! Are you going to tell me what you mean?”

“No, nothing… it’s just how many weeks ago was it that I hated her and now she’s got me worried to distraction?!”

“Yeah, she kind of does that to you.  She’s crawled under all of our skins.”

“Yeah, but it’s more than that…”

“What then?”

Kensi shook her head, “Nothing, and I’m not going to sit back and let her ‘handle’ this all by herself.  She’s ours now, not matter whom she worked for before or still works for now.  And we take care of our own.”

“And that agency would be…” Deeks tried fishing again.

Kensi smiled and punched him in the arm, almost back to her old self.

Deeks shrugged, “Hey I had to try again.  It’s not often you’re all vulnerable and mushy.”

“Deeks…” she said warningly.

“Right, I forgot Kensi doesn’t do vulnerable,” he laughed.

She gave him a half smile and a little hip check.

“I’ll train you,” she patted his fluffy hair and walked back into the ‘bullpen’.

He gave a crooked smile and then followed her.

**********************************************

Reagan sat across from Hetty in her office clenching and unclenching her jaw.  So many thoughts and emotions were racing through her mind at the moment she couldn’t separate enough of them to really have a reaction to what Hetty had just asked her to do.

“Are you okay Miss Faraday?” she asked.

There was a pause before Reagan answered, “Anyone else but her.”

Hetty shook her head, “Unfortunately she is the only one who will be able to get what we need.”

“Why can’t you send someone else?” she was becoming testy.

“Because we need someone who has a backstop that is long standing and the clout to move in those circles.

“Look Miss Faraday, I understand what you’re going through right now, and if the answer is no then we will find another way.  But it is my job to utilize all resources at hand and using her would make things much simpler.”

“Nothing that she is involved in is simple.”

“Please consider what I’m asking carefully before a decision is made.”

Reagan relented and agreed to deliberate before a final answer was given.  Standing she moved to leave then turned back to Hetty.

“You know she can’t be controlled.”

Hetty nodded, “So I have heard.  Nevertheless her… ‘talents’ are still essential and the best chance for this case to be solved.”

“They won’t like her,” she tried again.

“They don’t have to like her.  If she can get the job done then she is a necessary evil we will all have to endure.”

“Mmm, some of us more than others,” Reagan mumbled.

“Those are the sacrifices of the job Miss Faraday.”

Reagan stood looking at her another minute and then gave her a curt nod before turning and walking into the bathroom.  Hetty watched her go with a worried look.

“Do you want to share?” Callen’s voice had her glancing up.

“Whatever do you mean Mr. Callen?” she asked.

“I’m just wondering if you plan on cluing me in as to why Kensi and Reagan walked in here this morning still slightly drunk and very hungover?  Or why you pulled Reagan down here for a meeting before you briefed me about this case?  Or how about why you looked so concerned as you watched Reagan walk away?  What am I missing Hetty?  What am I not being told?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss anything you just asked me Mr. Callen.”

“And why is that Hetty?  You are the operations manager for OSP aren’t you?”

“Well first off Miss Blye and Miss Faraday were not in my presence while drinking so I would not speculate in case I could be wrong.  And as for the second what I spoke to Miss Faraday about concerns only her right now and is highly classified intel, neither I nor Director Vance is at liberty to disclose that information.  And lastly when one of my agents is going through difficult times I am always concerned about them.  And I would say Miss Faraday has had some trying days since she came to us, wouldn’t you Mr. Callen?”

Callen look at her for a long time before responding, “What is it about Reagan that all of you are protecting?”

“All of us, Mr. Callen?” she asked, although she knew exactly who he was speaking of.

“You, Director Vance, Gibbs… not one of you will give me a straight answer.”

“Well then Mr. Callen, you are faced with two possibilities.”

“And they are?”

“You are either not asking the right questions…” she stopped.

“Or?” he prompted.

“Or… you are not asking the right person.”

“I see,” he said crossing his arms and looking at Hetty’s desk.

“I’m not sure any of us do Mr. Callen, maybe not even Miss Faraday.”

*******************************************

Reagan turned on the tap and let the water run as she bent over the sink with both hands gripping the sides.  Breathing deeply she splashed the cold water over her pale face and finally glanced into the mirror.

She was pale yes, but overall she didn’t look as bad as she should.  Her body always healed fast, another of the ‘benefits’ of her genetic engineering.  Oh the healing wasn’t miraculous, she wasn’t Wolverine after all.  She just took less time to heal than a person with a normal immune system would.  And there was that word again, normal.  Shaking her head, she refused to go down that path; she had enough to deal with after Hetty’s request.

Her head felt thick, too full, almost as if she were drunk, which she was very sure she was not right then.  Closing her eyes she tried to push back against the thickness with a little success, but she knew that the walls were coming down, just ask she knew that she would agree to Hetty’s request.

Looking in the mirror Reagan could see her staring back from behind her own eyes.  Bitch, she thought, and imagined she could hear the echo of her laugh.  Again the shame washed over her.  How had she created this demon?  What had happened that allowed her to release this thing from inside herself.  God she hated her; hated everything she was; the creation of a hurting, lonely, misguided child.  That was why she had locked her away so deeply, why she had built such huge, solid walls to lock her behind.  But Reagan also knew that no matter how hard she tried to pretend she never existed, there was always a little bit that would always be a part of her.

The shadow of a smile had Reagan looking away.  She was trouble, and always had been.  Even Reagan had trouble controlling her, so she was pretty sure Callen and Hetty didn’t have much of a chance.  But if she were their best chance at catching this psychopath, then she would do what she had to to get the job done.

But the fear was still there, the thought that this would now be public knowledge to the team, scared the shit out of her.  She was sure they had all done things and been in situations they weren’t proud of and refused to talk about, but this went far beyond that, and she wasn’t sure how this would be accepted once it all came out in the open.  Again she closed her eyes and pushed back trying to clear her head.  With a little more success she stood with a sigh, determined to do whatever it took to help the team.  And if that meant resurrecting an alias that was better left buried then so be it.

Her father use to say, “Shoot ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out.”  Walking out of the bathroom and headed to find Hetty, she knew that one way or another this was not going to end well… for anyone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me and your continued support as I take you on this journey. Your comments mean the world to me and I assure you that I read them all and try to respond to each and everyone. Please keep reviewing; it’s food for my soul! -M


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest, or the girl who never wants to be alone  
> I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'  
> 'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home
> 
> Ah, the sun is blindin', I stayed up again  
> Oh, I am findin', That's not the way I want my story to end
> 
> I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me, But why do I feel this party's over?  
> No pain inside, you're my protection, But how do I feel this good sober?
> 
> I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence, The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth  
> Please don't tell me that we had that conversation, 'Cause I won't remember, save your breath  
> 'Cause what's the use?
> 
> Ah, the night is callin', and it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"  
> But I, I am fallin', and if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame  
> Sober :: Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine. 
> 
> Wow this chapter almost wrote itself and wanted to go on and on but I had to stop it. 
> 
> Please note that from now on the Rating has changed from T to M. There will be content that some of you may be uncomfortable with as Reagan brings back an alias that is less than savory. If you are uncomfortable please know that you are not missing a lot of the overall story but you will miss a lot of who Reagan was and how she became who she is now. So please make the decision to read according to how you feel and know that I respect your choice and hope you will venture back once this part of the story has played out in a few chapters.
> 
> A soundtrack change for this chapter, the AWESOME PINK! This song holds a lot of meaning for me and really fit how Reagan was feeling. Please give it a listen even if you love it too!
> 
> And lastly please, please, please, keep reviewing! Honestly it's the best way for me to know you like what you're reading! MuchLove!

Walking back into the ops room Reagan found the team standing around the center table, going over the file Hetty had given them.  Glancing around, she found Hetty watching her from her post behind Eric and Nell.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out she held Hetty’s gaze, “You can have her.”

Except for the slightest relaxation around the corner of her eyes Hetty showed no other sign of relief, and Reagan only noticed it because she was trained to see those kind of tells in a person.

“Then I think it is time to bring the team up to speed.”

Eric and Nell turned in their chairs as Reagan approached the table.

“Wait, have who?” Deeks asked looking from Hetty to Reagan.

Callen stood up and crossed his arms over his chest in a subconscious defensive gesture.  He knew whatever was about to be discussed was kept from him by both Hetty and Reagan and he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that.

“I’ll let Miss Faraday tell you all since this will, for all intents and purposes, be her operation,” Hetty announced.

Slightly surprised, Reagan glanced at Hetty before she swallowed and tried to begin.

“Hetty and I have found someone who can get us into Push,” Reagan began.

Leaning on the table Sam stared at her intently, “Yeah? Who?”

Reagan blinked at the surliness in his voice.  She had watched him during many cases and knew that his emotions played a large part in how he dealt with them, but she had never received the full force of his emotions focused on her.

“Um, me… well… one of my aliases.”

“And who exactly is going to get us into the most exclusive club in town,” Callen sounded just as aggravated as Sam.

“Aliena Bianchi.”

Callen frowned and Sam stood hands at his side.  But Deeks’ mouth dropped open and his eyes lit up.

“That’s it!!!  That’s who it was!  I couldn’t place you a couple weeks ago when you were all dressed up, but then again she had been out of the public eye for almost 10 years, so you look a little different, but yeah you’re her.”

“You know this Aliena Bianchi?” Callen and Sam turned to Deeks.

“Are you kidding!? She was the biggest ‘it girl’ on the modeling scene about 10 or so years ago.  She was bigger than Claudia Schiffer, Heidi Klum, Laetitia Casta, and Gisele Bundchen put together and much younger than all of them.  She was the face of Versace.  Everyone thought she OD’d or something! She just dropped off the face of the earth.  Stopped modeling and being seen in public, she simply disappeared.  My God! I can’t believe it’s you!”

“Aliena Bianchi was my alias at 15 after my parents were murdered.  The government faked the death of Reagan Faraday and sent me to live in Italy with my aunt and uncle as Aliena.  My aunt being a runway model got me into the modeling scene trying to focus my rebellion but it backfired.  And the rest as they say is history.”

“So you were a drug addict as this alias?” Sam asked.

Reagan shook her head, “No, but I allowed people to believe what they wanted.  I never touched the stuff.  I rarely drank either, but Aliena did have her vices and she had no problem letting the world see.”

“Vices? Like what?” Callen asked, arms still crossed and there was tightness to his voice.

She gave a small twisted smile feeling the pull of Aliena, “Men… and women.  Aliena is very um…sexual and very much a tease.  She enjoys the chase, and she likes playing with fire, if you know what I mean.”

“So you… she was a lesbian?” Eric asked in a confused voice.

“Um, no, I wouldn’t say that.  She likes beautiful things, and it didn’t matter if that beauty was a man or a woman or a spectacular gown, she had to have it… to claim it.  But no she never took women to her bed… she hardly ever took men either although it suited her needs to have people believe she did.  She was more into the seduction; it was a game to her.  One she was very good at.  She loved to see them succumb to her, to see… well I guess you’ll understand when you see.”

Reagan couldn’t meet any of their eyes, her cheeks were flaming and she felt slightly dizzy and hot.  God, when did you become such a prude, she could hear Aliena admonish her. Closing her eyes she tried to push her away, back behind the walls.  She wasn’t ready to let her out just yet.  Because she wasn’t sure that once Aliena was out that she would be easy to put away again.

“You’re Aliena Bianchi?” Kensi look at Reagan incredulously.

“Yes and no.  I am Reagan Faraday.  But I am also Aliena, another name, another skin to slip into, a part of me, a dark part, but still a part.”  
“Yeah but that’s pretty deep cover for a 15 year old.  Three years of being someone else.”

Reagan smiled and gave a short laugh, “It wasn’t as black ops as you’re making it out to be.  Yes, my name changed and there were things about my past that were unmentionable but overall it was still me during that time of my life.”

“I’m not talking about black ops Rae.  I’m talking about a child living under an alias, never breaking cover; becoming someone else at 15 years old.”

Reagan shrugged and turned to look at the images of the three women on the screen in front of her, “What teenager doesn’t want to be someone else?” she asked to no one in particular.

Kensi and Deeks exchanged glances at her comment and Sam walked up next to her, their arms touching.  Callen remained where he was, stoic as usual.  In the time that he had spent with Reagan she hadn’t brought any of this up.  He was learning all of the information for the first time along with the rest of the team and he wondered at the annoyance he was feeling about that.

Shaking her head Reagan turned back to the table and tried to focus on the task at hand.

“Alright if I am going to resurrect Aliena Bianchi there is going to be a lot more involved than just Eric creating some backstop.  It has to be as real as we can make it.  The clothes, hair, makeup, cars, entourage, paparazzi… I could go on.  No one is going to buy that Aliena is back unless she is on everyone's radar and everyone wants her.  So that means parties, clubs, drunken scenes, and cameras, lots of cameras.  Aliena doesn’t do anything small and she doesn’t shy from the spot light.

“Hetty we’ll need a few agents who are willing, to become Aliena’s entourage.  That is a must.  Then we need to get her out in public, being photographed as much as possible.”

“Wait, what do you mean a few agents?  What are we going to do?” Kensi asked slightly annoyed.

“Kens, I know you want to help but I’m not sure you’re ready for this.”

“Excuse me!” Kensi immediately went on the defensive, “If you can do this then so can I.”

“Kens all I meant was that I did this for years.”

“And you don’t think I can handle this?”

“No! That’s not what I’m saying!”

“Miss Blye, I believe that what Miss Faraday is saying is that she doesn’t want any of you to feel compromised because this operation may be entirely out of your comfort zone.”

“No, if Reagan needs an entourage then that’s us.  She doesn’t go in without us as backup,” Deeks announced.

“And the rest of you agree?” Hetty looked around the table.

She received 4 yeses and one loud no.

“No!  None of you even know what it’s like to be around Aliena.  I mean come on Deeks you have to understand.  You told me how much you hated Max Gentry but still had to slip into his skin once again.  Please you have to understand that I will be doing and saying things that may seem very wrong to you.  I don’t want to compromise our team or our friendship!”

The four of them just stood there staring at her, unmoved by her speech.

“I would suggest that you brief them Miss Faraday because if you don’t, I don’t believe you will be going anywhere.”

Reagan sighed and looked at each of them.  She knew that their intentions were noble but she also knew that they had no idea what was in store.  This was not some simple op where they could get in and out in a day.  It was going to take some time to launch Aliena back onto the scene and prove that she was still fodder for the cameras.  So there would be what seemed like a lot of senseless parading around in LA at stores, clubs, parties, events to establish Aliena’s credibility.  Sure it could be fun but knowing what she did about Aliena, Reagan didn’t think any of them would see this as fun.

Finally looking at Hetty the diminutive woman nodded and Reagan turned back to them, “Okay then you’ll need your parts.  Sam you’ll act as my bodyguard, Deeks my public relations promoter.  Callen you’ll be the flavor of the moment.  Kensi you’ll be the best friend who brought me back from the edge and perhaps a little more.”

Kensi blinked but otherwise didn’t react to Reagan’s last words.  Focused on what lay ahead Reagan began to lay out plans to get exposure for Aliena and instructed each of them what their jobs would be and how each was expected to act.  As she spoke Eric and Nell took notes to further incorporate backstop for each identity.  They all stood back and listened to the plan and wondered at the efficiency and specificity that Reagan began to formulate the operation.  

Callen remained aloof and distant as he listened to her go through the different stages of this op. and noticed as her voice slowly began to change.  It wasn’t noticeable at first, a word here and there but as she lost herself in the planning an accent started to appear and her voice became slightly deeper and rougher.  Almost as if she has slight laryngitis.  Closing his eyes he tried to picture this Aliena and the voice alone conjured things better left unthought-of.

“Callen are you listening?” her voice, her normal voice brought him back to reality.

He looked around at the others, “Yeah I was just meditating.”

Sam snorted and smirked. Callen threw him a look.

“Meditating?  Mmm, hmm, yeah.  Anyway, I know I’ve thrown a lot at all of you but if we want this to get started it’s a lot of work to get going.  

“Hetty I’m going to need some time.  Um I have nothing of Aliena any longer.  And I’m going to have to call Donatella so I can have clothes shipped over.  I honestly don’t know if she’ll be please to hear from me or not.”

Hetty nodded, “Go, and whatever you can’t get we’ll supplement from here.”

“I have no doubts that I’ll get what I need.  This is LA after all,” she smiled, the accent slightly noticeable again.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow,” she acknowledged the others as she left but just barely.  Her head was already someplace else.

Deeks looked at Sam and Callen, “Did she just say she was going to call Donatella Versace?”

Reagan was halfway down the stairs before Kensi caught up with her.

“Rae! Wait up.”

Turning she waited for Kensi to catch up with her and then continued on down the stairs.

“Want me to go with you?”

Reagan stopped and looked at Kensi for a long moment before she answered, “I’m going to say no right now Kens, and only because I need to do this alone today.  Please understand.”

Kensi nodded.  She understood.  She remembered when Deeks had needed to become Max Gentry for a case a year or so back and how he had held her and everyone else at arm’s length when he had to put on that persona once again.  She imagined it was much the same for Reagan.  And if Aliena Bianchi was as manipulative as Reagan made her out to be, maybe it was better that Reagan handled the bringing her back alone.  It was a very personal thing after all and she could respect that.

Reagan went to walk away and then turned back to Kensi, “Thanks.”

“For what?” she frowned.

“For understanding, for wanting to be there.”

Kensi shrugged, “That’s what sisters are for.”

Reagan gave her a small smile and left the Mission.  Kensi watched her go and when she turned she found Callen at the top of the stairs watching their exchange.  Looking up at him she made her way up the stairs.

“So it’s like that?” Kensi asked as she reached him.

Callen just looked at her and didn’t answer, “What were you two doing last night Kens?”

“Reagan came over, we had a few drinks, and we talked.  It’s not the national crisis you believe it to be.”

Callen was silent but held Kensi’s gaze, “You know, you’re a great agent, but you suck at lying.”

“Listen Callen…”

“Kensi don’t make excuses.  She swore you to secrecy and I understand the position that puts you in.  It just doesn’t put the rest of us in any position,” he said walking away.

Kensi watched him go wondering where her loyalty should lie and if she had made the wrong decision in choosing Reagan.  After all what did any of them really know about her?  Even with the information Reagan had given her last night she still didn’t believe that Reagan had told her everything.  Reagan was one that held her hand close to her chest and only showed it if there was no other choice left.  And even then Kensi wasn’t sure that she would reveal everything.  Reagan would take most of her secrets to the grave and Kensi could respect that, but could she trust it?  Should she?

*******************************************

Reagan drove to her house and walked to the back door.  Upon entering the kitchen she dropped her purse on the island and dug for her wallet.  From there she moved to the living room and took a decorative box down from a book shelf flanking the fireplace.  Placing it on the coffee table she knelt and slid the top off.  Flipping through the plastic cards and booklets inside she pulled a passport, visa, Italian drivers license and some black credit cards out and replaced the ones she removed from her wallet with those.  Putting the box back on the shelf she dropped her wallet back in her purse before she headed to her bedroom.

She looked around with a critical eye.  She had changed so much in the 13 years since she had created the alias of Aliena Bianchi.  This would never have been the way that Aliena would have decorated her bedroom.  Standing in front of the full length mirror behind her door she began to peel the clothes from her body.

She was taller now, by only a few inches but it made a difference.  As her jeans dropped to the floor she thought about how her legs had been so childishly thin back then and now were leanly muscled.  Pulling off the two t-shirts she wore she glanced at her arms that were nicely defined, though back then they were the thin arms of an athletic teenager.  Dropping her bra and panties to the floor she lifted her hair and turned sideways to study her body.  Her hips were wider, curvier but still slender moving up to a tiny waist.  Her breasts were much bigger than they were at 15.  Even though she had begun to develop earlier than most girls her age she had been on the smaller side until she had come into her late teenage years and into her 20’s.  

Turning again she studied her ass and back in the mirror.  She had a nice ass, she knew, tight, curved, but not too round. And then she stared at the tattoos that seemed to curl up her body.  That had been a huge fight when she had decided to get them done and did it without the permission of her handler or the agency, and looking on them now she would have done it all over again.

Dropping her arms the blonde fall tumbled around her torso concealing most of it from view.  She walked to the dresser and opened the top drawer; reaching in her fingers glided over silk, satin, and lace in colors from the palest ivory to the hottest pink.  Plucking out a set that included a satin bra and a thong in red she slipped them on and then went to the bathroom.  There she pulled out what little makeup she did have (that would have to be remedied quickly) and began to apply it with almost a reverent air.  She had been taught these techniques so long ago but they came back to her as if it were only last week.  When her mask had been applied she began to work on her hair.  Using a curling iron she created fat curls that fell in a torrent as she teased and puffed them.  When she finally was done she stood in front of the mirror once again and caught her breath.

Reagan had ceased to exist and staring back at her was Aliena.  The sloe-eyed look in her blue eyes, the wicked smile that played on her slick lips, the body that begged for seduction, they were all weapons that she used to perfection.  She was no ingénue, Aliena was in charge and no one wanted to get in her way because she had a bad habit of walking up one side a person and down the other in her Louboutin clad feet.  She took no prisoners probably because once she was done with you there was nothing left to take.

But Reagan knew that she could play dress up as much as she wanted.  It wasn’t until she let Aliena free, when she began to think like Aliena, act like Aliena, that she would actually become her.  And Aliena was still a child in so many ways.  But Aliena was created from the pain, fear and anger that Reagan had been feeling after her parents had been murdered and the only way to bring her back was to bring all of that back, and it wasn’t pretty ever.

Lying on her bed she stretched out and began to let those old feelings wash over her.  They were heavy and viscous, and it felt like drowning in oil or tar.  As each memory and sensation resurfaced Reagan began to retreat just as she had done 13 years ago.  Then it had been a defense mechanism to cope with everything that had happened in her short life.  Now it was a well known routine that she had crafted to take on whatever alias and do whatever they had asked of her.  And to protect that part of herself from whatever had to be done.

It had been so long since she was able to do and say exactly what came into her head without any care of reprisals or consequences.  There was a fleeting thought that passed through her mind at how easily she slipped back into this skin, but it quickly faded as she allowed Aliena to take over and Reagan slipped away into the shadows to hide once again.  She let the memories come, the men and women, the decadence, the money, it was all so unreal to her now but as each memory returned it brought with it another facet of Aliena.

She lay there for a while playing different memories of Aliena’s over in her head, reliving each and savoring the taste of them.  When she looked at the clock she realized that the entire day had disappeared and she needed to return to reality.  Stripping the bra and panties off she replaced them in the drawer and then got in the shower.  The almost scalding water readily helped her push Aliena back and Reagan return.  It hadn’t been hard this time but she had also only been trying her on again.   As she stepped out of the shower and reached for the towel she heard Callen’s car pull up into the driveway.  The clock said 6:30 and she was surprised that he hadn’t hung out with Sam after work.  Quickly getting dressed in a pair of cotton panties and one of his shirts she walked out to the living room to wait for him to come in.   

“Hi,” she said tentatively noticing his tight jaw.

He didn’t answer her, just dropped his bag on the floor and headed to the kitchen.  She didn’t follow him and waited for him to return.  He did a few seconds later with a beer and finally looked at her.

“By all means, make yourself at home,” she said sarcastically.

“Why did I have to find out that way?”

“What way?”

“You should have told me.  Trusted me.”

“Oh, like you’ve trusted me?” he was starting to piss her off.

“Why was I the last one to know?”

“You weren’t the last! You found everything out with everyone else.  I told you all from the beginning that aliases were a need to know basis.”

“We have more than what you have with them.  More than what you have with Kensi,” there he finally said it.

“What!? Wait!” she put a hand to her forehead trying to follow his logic, “What does Kensi have to do with this?  Jesus Callen, if you wanted to know then why didn’t you ever ask?  I’m supposed to be a God damn mind reader?”

That brought him up short.  She was right on that point.  He had never asked, but then again with what was between them shouldn’t she have just offered the information?  

“And what about you?  Have you disclosed any information freely?  Have you felt the need to share your past without me asking first?  

“God, men and your fuckin’ double standards! You know what; shove it up your ass.  You wanna be pissed, go right ahead.  And when you’re ready to come back to reality, I’ll be in my room.  Don’t bother me until you’re ready to pull your head out of your ass.”

And with that Reagan stormed into her room and slammed the door.  God, he had her so angry.  Who the hell did he think he was?  Talking to her like she owed him her back story.  He was just as closed mouthed about his past as she was about hers, and if he didn’t like finding out about it with the rest of the team then that was his hang up.  He should have asked.  Fuming she threw herself on the bed and stared at the ceiling fan.

She lost track of time as she laid there trying to keep herself angry at him. But every so often thoughts would flit across her mind.  Perhaps you should have told him?  Perhaps you should have trusted him more?  You told Kensi but not G, why is that?  Maybe he’s right.  Maybe he should have been the first.  But as they say hindsight is 20/20, and she remained lying on the bed staring at the fan until his voice had her glancing at the door.

“Can I come in?”

“Did you pull your head out of your ass yet?”

“I thought maybe you could help me with that.”

He watched as that elicited a small smile from her.

“I guess I could try but it’s in quite a ways.  It might take a while.”

It was his turn to smile.

“Look I guess I just didn’t expect to find out something about your past with everyone else.  I thought that you would tell me first.”

She frowned, “Why? What makes you so special?”

“Um, besides the fact that we basically live together, and you share my bed every night?”

“Well there’s that…” she looked at him.

“Yeah, there is.”

“I told you that I sucked at this ‘thing’.”

“Yeah, apparently I do too.”

“Is that an apology?”

“Is yours?”

He gave her a smile and sat on the edge of the bed.  She turned lying on her stomach next to him.  He leaned an arm over her back and began to trace his finger along the tattoo’s that were exposed from her lifted shirt.  As his finger slid under the lace of her panties she shivered.

“Cold?” he asked smugly.

Glancing at him again she gave him a wicked smile, “I could take them off so you can continue without interruption.”

His hand stilled for a moment mesmerized by heat in her eyes.  He then shook his head and laughed shakily.

“If you want,” he tried to joke.

“Oh G,” she paused almost sadly, “that would take us places we’re so not ready to go.”

“I’m going to kick myself later on but I have to agree with you tonight.”

She smiled laying her head back down, at ease with where they were again.  She could hold a grudge like no other but for some reason it was different with the team.  For whatever reason she couldn’t seem to stay angry at them for long.  She had an inkling as to why this was but she didn’t want to think about that too closely.

Lying there Callen moved from the dragon to the phoenix and began to trace that, “So why did you decide to get these?”

“It wasn’t that long ago actually.  That’s why they’re still so bright.  I had burned an alias and was moving on to another case and I realized that these two mythical animals both represented me, my yin and yang, death and rebirth.  Like both the dragon and the phoenix I don’t exist; I am the dragon, silent, cold, deadly, and I am the phoenix, bursting into flames and rising again from the ashes of every past alias to be created anew.”

Callen thought about this for a while, about how he too could be both animals.  He never thought of life that way before he had met Reagan.  Had always made fun of Sam for being even slightly spiritual, and yet when it came from her he could totally relate.  When he realized that Reagan had fallen asleep as he traced lazy circles on her back, he looked down at her and wondered once again just what it was about her that kept him enthralled.  And then he realized that he really didn’t care.

“Hey,” he whispered quietly.

Her eyes fluttered open and she moved to sit up, “Yeah? Did I fall asleep?”

“Yeah, lay down.”

“You gonna keep me company?”

“Sure.”

Pulling off his pants and shirt he slid into bed next to her and pulled her close, their limbs entangling and laid silently as she fell asleep.  Turning his head he breathed in the coconut scent of her shampoo and let a deep breath out.  This case was not going to be easy he thought to himself.  Little did he know how much of an understatement that really was.

*******************************************

The four agents sat in the banquette at the club and watched Reagan in something of shock and awe.  The past week had been one blurry stretch of late nights and sunrises.  From parties to clubs to shopping to just being seen in the right place at the right time, they had been dragged all over LA to make sure this cover was legit.  But tonight was the most out of control things had been so far.  

They would never have known her if they had simply walked into a club not knowing she was there.  The super tight leather pants, the brightly colored sheer top, her hair a tumble of curls, the smoky eyes and the gloss slicked lips, would have thrown them, but the way she was acting blew them away.  She attracted attention like Monty attracted flees or Callen attracted bullets.  

They had been there for hours and Reagan was still raring to go.  Corks had been popped, champagne sprayed, shots had tumbled down throats or on to the floor after sweet or sour had been licked from bodies, and glitter was everywhere.  The banquette area was filled with sycophants trying to become her new best friend, trying to get a leg up in an industry that kept its doors closed tight and rarely welcomed newcomers, men and women vying for her attention and a little seduction, trying to be the person that was seen with Aliena Bianchi, trying to get their 15 minutes of fame.  Aliena was draped all over some guy whom she was blatantly seducing right in front of everyone, and she was not shy about the seduction either.  Her hands were everywhere, touching places that even made Sam blush, and she allowed him free range of her body.

Kensi had stopped watching because she was still not able to separate Reagan from this person in front of her, and these actions were so out of character for the girl she knew that this game was actually bothering her.  And if the week hadn’t been stressful enough, having Reagan push them away and keep them all at arm’s length had caused a lot of tension for the team as a whole.

She had closed herself off, becoming silent and distant at work, and aloof when out of work.  Even Callen (who they all knew spent every night with her) was kept at arm’s length and couldn’t get through the barricade that Reagan had erected around herself.

Turning to Deeks she touched his cheek to get him to focus on her instead of the open mouthed stare he had trained on Aliena, “Should we stop this?”

She was so close to him her lips almost touched his ear so he could hear over the pounding of the music.  Her breath tickled and he closed his eyes as his thoughts went in a direction he could not afford them to go.  He pulled back and stared into her mismatched eyes for a moment and shook his head then leaned in to answer.  As he did his scruff brushed the sensitive spot just under her ear and she shivered.

“You okay?” he asked instead.

“Yeah, fine. Just… got a chill. So should we?”

“No, she’s pulling the pieces of Aliena together again and she needs to do this.”

As the guy’s hand ran from her throat down the side of her breast brushing his thumb over her nipple, Callen rose and grabbed her arm, “It’s time to go.”

Aliena pulled away from him, fire in her eyes and tossed her glass of champagne at him, “We leave when I’m ready!  Not before!” she yelled and turned back to the guy she was playing with, with a devilish smile.

Kensi stood and walked over to Callen and Sam, leaving Deeks on the seat.  Aliena tossed down the now empty glass and laughed as it shattered on the floor, then lifted the bottle of Krug Clos d’Ambonnay 1995 to her glossed lips and took a long swig.  Laughing as the guy kissed her exposed neck she pretended to stumble back into Deeks and laughed again.

Catching her with both hands to steady her he asked, “Hey, you okay?”

Aliena turn on his lap to face him, her long legs straddling his, and she put a hand on either side of his head.  Glancing quickly at Kensi she turned back to Deeks with a wicked smile and moved close to whisper in his ear.  He could feel her warm Champagne scented breath on his cheek and he swallowed hard.

“Wanna make her jealous?” she asked huskily.

She pulled back and smiled seductively into his eyes.  Deeks was silent for a moment.  Later he would wonder if he actually contemplated doing what Aliena had proposed, but then he just searched her eyes for any trace of Reagan.  And when he found none he felt his heart hit hard in his chest. Even he had never gone in so deep that there was no trace of who he was left.

“No,” he said simply.

“You afraid Marty? You know she’d be in your bed before you could blink if you play the game right,” again she moved close to whisper.

He stayed close to whisper back, “But that’s just it… it’s not a game to me.”

Her smile fell and a sneer marred her beautiful features, “There is no such thing as love Marty.  It’s just an illusion, brought about by the mind fucking fairy tales we were brain washed with as children.  Take off the rosy colored glasses and come view reality with the rest of us.  Flowers don’t bloom in the real world Marty.”

Pushing away from him she turned back to the guy she had started toying with and gave him a sexy smile.  Finally done with the whole scene Callen stood and took her by the arm, “Let’s go.”

Turning, Aliena pushed at him in disgust, “What the fuck! Do you think you can tell me what to do! You want to go then fuckin’ go!  I’ll leave when I’m fucking ready!”

Callen glared at her and said something in Italian to her.  Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open, then she narrowed her eyes and before anyone could have seen it coming she hurled what was left of the four thousand dollar bottle of champagne at him.  Callen moved quickly and the bottle shattered against the wall behind him sending glass and champagne everywhere.  All eyes in the area were on Aliena and Callen.  Callen smirked, only pissing off Aliena more and she dove for him ready to knock the shit out of him.  Luckily Sam had the presence of mind to step in between and grab Reagan before she could get to Callen.  As Aliena started to struggle with him he looked at the guy she had been playing with and frowned.

“Get lost,” he said in a quiet but deadly voice that had the guy, who was half comatose from Aliena’s seduction and the alcohol that was being passed around, running out of the banquet area.

Looking at Kensi he ordered, “Get her the hell out of here.”

Kensi and Deeks stood and Kensi moved to take a hold of a very tipsy Reagan, “Ah! Fine, I’ll go!” she cried with that throaty Italian accent, brushing both Kensi’s and Sam’s hands away.

Without waiting for Kensi she began to make her way through the club until she spotted a guy staring at her.  She smiled seductively and stepped right in front of the girl who had been talking to him and before either Kensi, the guy or the girl could react, Aliena was draped all over him whispering in his ear.

Kensi quickly grabbed her and began to drag her out of the club apologizing to the couple and ordering Aliena.

“Andiamo!” Kensi cried as they got to the door.  She was now extremely pissed and wanted to somehow get this frustration out.  She opened the door for Reagan to leave, almost pushing her out.

Stumbling slightly Reagan turned to Kensi and smiled that evil little smile Kensi had come to associate with Aliena, “Che cosa?  Are you jealous?  Would you like me to seduce you too Fern?” she purred and took a step towards Kensi.

Trying not to react to Aliena’s taunt she handed the ticket to the valet and waited for the car to come around.  While she waited she watched Aliena flirt with the other valet who was standing at the door and was taken in by the beauty who was actually speaking to him.  Kensi tried to make sense of what she was seeing while she waited.  How could this alias come out of someone like Reagan who was so down to earth, sweet and fun?  Aliena was scary, devious and had no moral compass what so ever.  Could this have been what happened to that 15 year old girl after her parents died?

As the valet pulled up with the car she untangled Aliena from the poor valet who had been left and almost tossed her in the back seat.  Aliena cried out but Kensi just slammed the door and got in the driver’s side. After tipping the valet she drove away and dialed a number on her phone.

“Hey, tell Sam we’re in the car and I’m taking her home.”

“Yeah well, it didn’t get much better when we got out of the club either.  She gave the paparazzi a nice show with the valet while we were waiting for the car.”

“I know, I know, but it’s just…”

“Yes.  Okay, I’ll let you know.”

Kensi hung up and glanced in the rear view mirror at Reagan.  She was curled into herself and Kensi noticed a slight tremor in her hands.

“Hey Reagan, I’m taking you home okay?”

“Take me to the beach.”

“What?  I can’t.  I told Sam I’d take you home.  He’s going to expect us to be there soon.  I’ve got to call him.”

Reagan leaned forward and grabbed Kensi’s arm.  She stared at her in the rearview mirror and Kensi stared back.

“Please I need to go to the beach,” she whispered.

As Kensi peered at her in the dark car she could see Reagan staring back at her in the mirror, not Aliena, and nodded.  She called Sam, told him the plan and that she would call him when she got Reagan home.  Pulling up to the beach she and Reagan got out of the car and headed onto the deserted beach.  Before Kensi could blink Reagan had stripped off her leather pants and top, kicked off her Jimmy Choo’s and dove into the surf wearing a four hundred dollar pair of bra and panties.  Kensi didn’t even know what to think at that point, but as she waited for Reagan to surface she began to wonder just what kind of life it had been for a hurting 15 year old girl.  

It hadn’t been easy for her after her father had been murdered but she had family that she had been able to turn to.  True they weren’t her father but something was better than nothing, and Reagan had nothing.  After a few moments she realized that Reagan hadn’t surfaced and she began to panic.  Just as she started to pull off her pants, Reagan’s head broke the surface.

“Jesus Christ Reagan!  What the hell is wrong with you???” she yelled to the blonde who was now floating on her back in the blackness.

There was no answer and Kensi let it go.  She waited for Reagan to return and helped her pick up her clothes and shoes when she finally did about 30 minutes later.  Shivering, Kensi wrapped her in a towel that she kept in her car for Deeks and helped her into the front seat of the car.  Getting in the driver’s side once again she looked at a much diminished Reagan.  She hadn’t realized just how larger than life Aliena was.

“You okay?” she asked.

Reagan nodded, not looking at Kensi.  She kept her gaze trained out the side window as if not looking at Kensi would make everything that had happened at the club not real.  They drove in silence for a while until Kensi spoke.

“Why did you just go swimming in your underwear?”

Again Reagan remained silent and Kensi dropped the conversation.  But after about 10 minutes Reagan finally answered her.

“It helps me get rid of her.  Either very hot or very cold showers help me push her away and become myself again.  I wasn’t going to find much colder than the Pacific right now.  Plus being out in the water helps me to center myself.”

“Oh,” was all Kensi could think of to say.

Yet after a minute she spoke again, “So that was Aliena.”

It was a statement and Reagan finally turned to look at Kensi.  Her makeup had smeared from the swim and her hair was soaked and the curls were nonexistent.  She looked like a lost little girl to Kensi and she found herself reaching out and giving her arm a squeeze.

“I guess,” Reagan said quietly.

“Should I expect more to come or did we basically see it all.”

“Kensi… that was only the tip of the iceberg.”

They finished the drive in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.  When they pulled up to Reagan’s house Kensi offered to go in with her but Reagan refused.

“I’m going to shower and then get in bed.  Thanks though.”

“Okay I’ll see you Monday.”

Reagan nodded and watched Kensi leave.  She did what she had said.  After taking a scalding shower and scrubbing her hair, face and body clean she crawled into bed knowing that sleep would not be coming tonight and believing that Callen would be staying as far as possible from her now.  Stupid, she thought to herself, you knew this was going to happen and yet you continued to get close.  You continued to believe that there might be a chance.  Stupid, stupid girl.

She wanted to cry, or scream, or break something but that would require an emotion that she didn’t have right then.  She was spent, just as she always was after being Aliena and couldn’t conjure any kind of emotions at that moment.  Lying nude on her bed she suddenly heard her front door opening and found herself reaching for the gun in the nightstand drawer.

“Reagan?” his voice called softly as he came down the hallway to her room.

She lowered the gun as he walked in.  Seeing her sitting there washed of Aliena and pink skinned from the hot shower he felt like he’d been kicked in the gut.  This was worse than the feeling he had at the club.  At least there he could see her as someone else.  But sitting here in the bed they shared she was only Reagan and all of those things that had happened in the club came rushing back to him as though they were a torment for his sins.

“You’re here,” she said still clutching the gun although it was pointed at the mattress.

“You planning on shooting me?” he stood looking at her.

“That depends…” she looked down at the gun she couldn’t seem to let go of.

“On what?”

Reagan looked up at him and opened her mouth to speak, then closed it.  Her knuckles were white clutching the gun but she had no intention of using it.  Right then it felt like the only barrier she had between herself and heartbreak and that was something she had never experienced before.  She was usually armored when it came to her emotions but any time she took on an alias, especially Aliena, she was stripped bare of all her defenses.  Resolutely she willed her fingers to uncurl from the handle of the gun and left it resting on the bed between them.

“Do you want me to leave?” Callen asked.

She knew what her answer should be, the right thing to say.  But every time she tried something stopped her.

“Callen I…”

“You could have warned me.  You could have said something,” he said to her though still not entering the room.

“I tried, I did! I told everyone that this was not something you should get involved with.  I told you all what she was like,” Reagan tried to defend herself but even she knew that it was a lame attempt.

“Damn it Reagan even the damn Cliff’s Note’s version would have prepared me better!  Who the fuck is Aliena Bianchi?” he finally stepped into the room.

Reagan looked from G to the window and tried to gather her thoughts.  Leave it Reagan, she could hear Aliena saying to her, give him one of your snarky answers and then let him go.  You know this will never end the way you want it to, you’re not going to get the happily ever after.  You knew that from the beginning.  And yet another voice, one that had been long buried, one she barely remembered, answered too.  Tell him Reagan, tell him the truth and let someone in for once.  He’s asking because he wants to understand, because he really cares.

With her eyes still trained on the window she began to speak, “I was 15 when they killed me.  They said it was for my own protection and for his too.”

“His?” he asked his body still stiff and angry.

She sighed, “Gibbs.”

“So you lied to me.”

“I never lied. I just failed to tell you that I knew who you were talking about.  I let you believe whatever it was you wanted to believe.”

Callen was silent as he absorbed the information.  Reagan wasn’t sure whether she should go on but figured that at this point things couldn’t get much worse.

“Gibbs was my father’s best friend.  After my parents were murdered their will stated that he was to be my guardian.  But the government and courts decided that since he was a single male it wasn’t appropriate and sent me to my aunt and uncle in Italy.  I wasn’t allowed any contact with him from that point on.  Reagan Faraday was dead and I would endanger Uncle Jethro if I tried.  They said that whoever murdered my parents most likely would come for anyone who was close to me in order to get to me so “Gibbs” as you call him was in danger if I stayed in contact.”

“So to protect him I severed ties… or appeared to at least.  I never spoke about him and pretended not to know who he was if ever asked.  He was all I had left.”

“What about your aunt and uncle?”

“I never knew them.  My aunt moved to Italy when she was in her 20’s. She became a model and married my uncle.  They never really had contact with my dad.  Barely even a Christmas card or a call on birthdays.  They lived an entirely different life than we did.  They were strangers when I was sent to them and honestly they really never became more than acquaintances.  By the time I was16 I was living on my own.”

She was dispassionate as she told Callen her story.  To her the lack of emotion was normal when she dredged up these particular memories.  She had relived the pain a thousand times until she finally locked it behind a wall and felt nothing.  And feeling nothing was so much easier than the barrage of emotions that would assault her when she allowed any feeling to seep through.

“I see,” he crossed his arms looking a little more relaxed.

“No, you don’t.  Aliena was the creation of a very angry, very hurt young girl, looking to lash out and make others hurt as much as she did.  She is self destructive, manipulative, hurtful and angry, everything that I was feeling for three years living in Italy.  She thrived on hurting others, being in control, even sexually, made her feel better, stronger.  Then I finally got in touch with Gibbs again and he helped me through all of the emotional baggage I was carrying around.  

“He helped me see that I needed to go on, for no other reason than because my parents would want me too.  So I dropped out of the modeling world and found a place to recover.  I guess I was as much of an addict as if I had done drugs at that point.  I had been living off of the hurt and pain I caused others.  It made me feel powerful instead of feeling like I had no control.”

“So he’s your ‘Uncle’?  How was that growing up?”

“What do I have to compare it to?  He was there all the time.  I was 7 when he lost Shannon and Kelly.  It was hard on all of us.  Kelly was like a big sister to me.  My father was the one who brought him back from the edge, who gave him a family and refused to allow him to fade away.  I was his surrogate daughter.  He was the one who came to my swim meets, to my dance recitals, when my parents were too busy and even when they were there.  He was a fixture in my life.  When my parents were murdered his was the first number I called, he was the one who held me when I cried, who brought me back from the edge when I wanted to end it all.

“He was my rock.  Without him I wouldn’t have gotten through it.”

“Are you still close?” he asked already knowing the answer but wanting to see if she was finally going to be honest with him.

Reagan glanced at him and lay her head down on her arms, “You already know I am.”

“How…”

“Come on Callen, you aren’t the only agent here with secrets.”

“Okay, fair enough.  So Aliena…”

Reagan closed her eyes and sighed, “Listen, you once asked me if I’ll do the job, no matter what, no matter what is asked of me, no matter whom I need to step on or over to do it? And I told you that’s what makes me so good at what I do.  And honestly that scene tonight just touched upon how far I’ll go to do my job.

“I’m sorry if that bothers you G, but it’s not personal.  It was never personal, any of it.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party girls don't get hurt, Can't feel anything, when will I learn  
> I push it down, push it down  
> I'm the one "for a good time call", Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell  
> I feel the love, feel the love
> 
> 1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink  
> 1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink  
> 1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
> 
> Throw 'em back, till I lose count
> 
> I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier  
> I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist, Like it doesn't exist  
> I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry  
> I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
> 
> And I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes  
> Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight  
> Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes  
> Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight  
> On for tonight
> 
> :Chandelier::SIA:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine. 
> 
> This chapter has been waiting in the sidelines for a long time. It’s actually one of the first I wrote for this story and how I began to create Reagan. I hope you enjoy it. As I wrote the ‘club scene’ here I kind of saw this as a movie scene with a frame to frame cut and strobe lighting as the SIA song played in the background. {shrug} I don’t know that’s how I write, with a vivid visual movie in my head. I hope you all can see it that way too!
> 
> Please note that from now on the Rating has changed from T to MA. There will be content that some of you may be uncomfortable with as Reagan brings back an alias that is less than savory. If you are uncomfortable please know that you are not missing a lot of the overall story but you will miss a lot of who Reagan was and how she became who she is now. So please make the decision to read according to how you feel and know that I respect your choice and hope you will venture back once this part of the story has played out in a few chapters.  
> Once again I'm am ever grateful for the love, reviews and story & author alerts you are all still doing. THANK YOU!  
> A soundtrack change for this chapter, SIA! Take a listen while you’re reading the “club scene”.
> 
> And lastly please, comment! Honestly it's the best way for me to know you like what you're reading! MuchLove!

Wide awake Reagan untangled herself from Callen and slipped out of bed.  In the kitchen she dug through her purse and fished out her phone.  Dialing a number she walked into the living room and curled into the overstuffed couch pulling an afghan over her scantily clad form.  As the phone rang she played with a tassel between her long fingers.

“Hello,” came the gravelly voice.

“Did I wake you?” she asked quietly, knowing the answer already.  
She heard a soft laugh.

“I’m ready,” Reagan said softly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, and so are they,”

“You haven’t given them much time to be prepared.  One week is nothing compared to how long you have had.”

“The better the reactions they will have then.  If we don’t do this now we take too many chances.”

“When?”

“Thursday night.”

“What about Kensi?”

“I’ll take care of that.”  
“Very good.  Everything will be ready.”

She hung up the phone, pressing a few buttons she cleared her call list and dumped it back into her bag before heading back into the bedroom.  Standing over Callen a sad smile played about her full lips.  He rolled over opening his bright blue eyes and stared at her.

“What’s up?” he asked as if he hadn’t just been dead to the world.

“Bathroom,” she lied smoothly, sliding back into bed and cuddling up next to him.

He wrapped his arms around her and breathed deeply, “Go back to sleep Reagan.  Relax and sleep.”

With a sigh she closed her eyes and tried to let sleep begin to creep in.  She slowed her breathing and eventually felt Callen fall asleep next to her.  Her fingers wrapped tightly in his t-shirt she lay awake simply staring at the ceiling, saying silent prayers to anyone who would listen.

********************************************

“Everything is in place.  You’re going in.  We’re hoping that Aliena will be enough to out Bartlett and finish this thing,” Hetty announced to all of them three days later in the ops center.

“Reagan is there anything you need?” she turned to the tall blonde that was looking very pale and tired lately.

“No.  I’m just waiting for…” her voice was always accented now and husky.

“Ms. Lange, there is a delivery here for Miss Faraday.  It’s down stairs in wardrobe,” an intern stuck his head in the room and announced.

“I guess it has arrived,” Hetty smiled at her.

Finally a smile broke her stoic features and she looked like a child on Christmas morning.  Hetty just smiled and shooed her out of the ops room.  Grabbing Kensi and Nell hands Reagan made a dash for the doors and flew down the stairs.

“Reagan what’s going on? What arrived?”

Laughing like a little girl she didn’t answer as she rounded the corner and came up short in the wardrobe area.  Standing inside was a portable wardrobe rack covered in a black dust cover Reagan rushed to it leaving the girls standing, wondering just what was going on.  As Reagan unzipped the bag and pulled it back exposing the myriad dresses inside, Kensi gasped as she caught sight of some of the labels.  These were from some of the top designers in LA and around the world.  

Reagan turned with her 1000 kilowatt smile and giggled, “Wanna play dress up?”

Both girls laughed and took a step toward her and that was all it took.  Reagan started pulling out dresses you only saw at the VMA’s or on models in magazines and hanging them around the room.  Kensi and Nell ooo’d and aaa’d over them but didn’t touch any.  When Reagan turned around at one point with a bunch of dresses in her hand and saw this she stopped.  

“What are you doing?”

Kensi and Nell stopped short and stared at her confused.

“They’re not magic dresses.  You actually have to touch them to put them on.  They’re not going to jump off the hanger and dress you themselves!” she laughed.

Tossing them each something from her hands she hung the last on a shelf and began undressing right there.  

“Um Rae, don’t you want to go in the dressing room,” Nell asked.

She shrugged as she slipped off her jeans, “Why bother, everyone’s been wondering what’s under these clothes any way.”

Her accent was thick and Nell looked at Kensi.

“Well even so, sometimes it’s nicer to leave some things to the imagination, Rae.  Come on in the dressing room.” Kensi grabbed her arm before she could remove any more clothes and dragged her into the room.

With another shrug she followed Kensi and Nell into the little dressing room.  For the next hour or so the three of them tried on the clothes and shoes that were sent until Nell was called away.  As Kensi and Reagan cleaned up Reagan kept glancing at Kensi until she couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Kens?” she stopped and turned to the other woman.

Kensi gave her an absent minded reply as she continued picking up the clothing strewn all over the room.

“Kensi!” she cried to get her attention.

Looking up Kensi frowned at her tone, “What?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“What’s wrong?” she could tell from Reagan’s voice that something was up.

“I… I um… Listen when we go in I need to you not think.  I need you to just go in whatever direction I lead, no questions.”  
“Well tell me what you’re going to do.”

“No, it will be more real if you just react and go with it.  If I tell you what’s going to go on then you’ll have too much time to over think it and this has to go off without a hitch.  Besides I have no idea what’s going to happen.  When Aliena takes over I just go with it myself.  I never know what to expect.”

Kensi looked at her and contemplated what she had said and ask.  This was where the trust that the team had with each other came into play.  And giving up any kind of control was not something Kensi liked doing in any situation.

Glancing at the floor then back at Reagan she nodded, “Okay.  I trust you.”  
Reagan blinked and nodded too turning away from Kensi.  Those three words had thrown her off.  She had not expected Kensi to say something like that; especially since she wasn’t sure she deserved it.

*******************************************

As the limo pulled up to Push, Reagan had shied into the background and Aliena was raring to go.

“Okay what’s the distress word?” Sam repeated for at least the fifteenth time.

Aliena raised an eyebrow at him, “Mine or yours.”

Deeks snorted and Kensi elbowed him in the stomach which made him cough.  Sam and Aliena had fought the whole ride over about what the distress word was going to be.  Sam wanted it to be ‘Monty’ a suggestion originally made by Deeks but Aliena shot that down saying that she would never have a reason to say that.  Aliena wanted ‘foreplay’ and Sam totally shot that down, but Deeks knew that Aliena was going to get her way no matter that Sam laid down the law.

“Reagan…” he growled.

“Nope, wrong again!” Aliena laughed her throaty, sexy laugh and looked out the window.

Callen put his hand on Sam’s arm and shook his head.  After an internal war Sam let it go but not liking it at all.  He didn’t like Aliena at all and still hadn’t had a chance to talk to Reagan about the demons that still haunted the 15 year old girl hiding inside her.  As he went to open the door Aliena put her hand on his arm and shook her head.

“What now?” he asked, very impatient to get this finally finished with.

“Aliena doesn’t open the car door for herself,” she instructed.

“I was opening it,” he argued.

“But you are with me, and I don’t open my own doors so neither do you!” she admonished him in a voice that was thickly accented.

Sam sighed out of frustration, but knew they really had to sell this cover.  Suddenly the door was opened by one of the bouncers and everyone began to get out.  As Deeks and Sam emerged cameras started flashing and a buzz went up.  Aliena smiled, she had done her job if they were being recognized.  When Deeks emerged next more flashes and a hubbub of voices began to get louder.  As Kensi stepped out Aliena could hear some of the photogs calling her name, “Fern!  Fern!”  Slowly she slid one scantily clad leg out of the limo and then slid the rest of her out.  The cameras and paparazzi when crazy screaming her name and calling for her to turn to them.

She pasted a sly smiled on her face and congratulated herself on a job well done.  Now to get the bad guy, she thought.  Turning she waved slightly to the cameras and grabbed Kensi’s hand before she could walk away, and pulled her tight to her side.

“What are you doing?” Kensi asked, unsure.

“Playing my part, and now so are you.  So smile and put your arms around me.”

She wrapped her arms around Kensi’s waist and snuggled in as if they were lovers.  Kensi tentatively wrapped her arm around Reagan’s shoulder.

“As if you are my lover,” she whispered in her ear.

Unsure Kensi did what Reagan asked and tried to slide into this character.  They smiled and preened for the cameras for a little longer before she led Kensi into the club.  They were immediately set up in a private VIP area which was almost immediately surrounded by people vying for Aliena’s attention and an invitation to join her.

Reagan stood in the club and closed her eyes.  The bass from the song currently playing was reverberating through the floor.  She hadn’t felt music like this in a long time.  It reminded her of why she had become a dancer.  Why she had left the safety, security, and fame of Milan to disappear into the concrete jungle of New York City, for the most part.  She loved to feel the music, to feel it pulsing and pounding through her body.  It had always made her want to dance, to let the music move her body like the arms of a well known lover.  This was her drug of choice and she was completely addicted.  Her eyes half closed she turned and grabbed Kensi’s hand pulling her along.

Surprised, Kensi hissed in Reagan’s ear, “Where are we going?  We’re supposed to be looking for Bartlett.”

“I need to dance, besides, Bartlett will find me,” was her reply.

“Why the hell do you need to dance?”

Reagan turned causing Kensi to come up short.  They were so close there was no space between, her lips almost touching Kensi’s ear, “Why do you need to breathe.”

The music changed and the beat was slower and sultry with a heavy bass, something by Ke$ha, Reagan thought in passing.  She knew she had to sell the alias of Aliena Bianchi, and to straddle the line wouldn’t do the team or the case justice.  The only problem was Reagan had no desire to assume the guise of the wild model, but if she only did it half assed it wouldn’t sell.  This was all or nothing.

Reagan began to move with the music.  Gently grabbing Kensi’s hand she pulled her close.  Raising it she draped Kensi’s arm around her shoulder and put her other hand on Kensi’s hip.

“What are you doing?” Kensi swallowed.

Reagan smiled languidly into Kensi’s dark mismatched eyes, “Afraid?”

“N- no,” she stumbled over her words as she saw the heat in Reagan’s eyes and visibly swallowed.

“I’m doing my job Fern.  I’m selling my cover.  If you can’t play along…”

The threat hung in the air.  Reagan was no longer in the club.  Aliena Bianchi had been given into and had easily taken over.  Kensi took a deep breath and decided to let Reagan lead even though she wasn’t sure where this was going or that she would like its destination.

“What do I –“

“Just follow my lead,” came her thickly accented response.

The music pulsed as she moved her body with Kensi’s.  And although she was able to be intensely in the moment, her eyes were also flicking around the club trying to see if Bartlett was there and falling for all of this.  

The mingling of their perfumes was intoxicating and erotic.  Somewhere in the part of Reagan’s mind where she still held control, she hoped that Kensi was up for this, because Aliena was by no stretch of the imagination prude, although nor was she necessarily promiscuous.  Her game was more shock and awe than actual sex.  Stun the public, create mayhem with the cameras and keep everyone guessing what she would do next.  Well, they had asked for Aliena, she hoped they were ready for the collateral damage.

Reagan moved closer, running the hand she had placed on Kensi’s hip up her side and over the side of her breast.  She could feel Kensi start to pull away and she grabbed her upper arm with her other hand pulling them face to face, barely any space between their glossed lips.

Resting her forehead against Kensi’s, she whispered looking straight into her partners mismatched eyes, “Little Kensi Marie doesn’t want to come out and play?  Can’t run with the big girls Kens?”

Reagan’s eyes were intense and held promises that Kensi never thought would appeal to her, but Aliena was intoxicating and things that she never would have dreamed of doing with another woman passed through her mind.  Not stopping to think about what she was about to do, Kensi ran the hand that had been draped over Reagan’s shoulder, down her bare back, skimming over the already heated skin.  She moved her lips across Kensi’s cheek to rest against her ear.  
“Do you trust me, Kensi?” Reagan whispered and chuckled wickedly as she heard Kensi’s moan catch in her throat and her head drop back.

Reagan tilted her head and with her mouth slightly opened, moved her way down Kensi’s long exposed neck.  The lights glittered off of her glossed  lips, and barely touching skin, she let out a warm breath, that had Kensi shuddering.  

Kensi had no idea what was going on at this point.  She had been caught off guard by the almost immediate change in Reagan.  She understood covers, but having never been in deep cover for as long as Reagan had been as Aliena she was out of her element, and had been swept into this maelstrom of lust and games without even knowing.  Never having had an experience like this in her life, Kensi was shocked at her reaction to Aliena, but she also knew she had to sell the cover and she was going to do that for the case and the team.  And Kensi refused to be out done.  If Reagan could play this game then so could she.  Spinning Reagan around so her back was to Kensi, she stepped forward and ran her hand up Reagan’s exposed thigh, pushing her barely there dress even higher.  Reagan laid her head back on Kensi’s shoulder causing Kensi to lower hers and place a kiss upon Reagan’s clavicle.  A sigh escaped Reagan’s parted lips and she leaned further into Kensi.  This time it was Reagan who ran her hand up Kensi’s thigh slightly exposing her backside and almost nonexistent underwear.  Running her hand over Kensi’s ass she dropped the dress and turned back to her partner.  

She could see the look in Kensi’s eyes, the look of drunken ecstasy.  She had seen it many times before in both men and women.  Aliena wasn’t known to discriminate with her attentions and although she had kept sex exclusively to men, she was known to play with fire and she seduced women just because she could.  She was just hoping her partner had the presence of mind to know that this was just a game and not the real deal; but then again hadn’t they all been a game to Aliena.  Reagan closed her eyes and gently brushed her parted lips against Kensi’s.  Kensi sighed into her mouth and moved in to deepen the kiss.  Reagan cut her off before she could do something she would later regret and made a pleased sound in the back of her throat.  That brought Kensi slightly back to reality for a moment only to see the self-satisfied smirk on Reagan’s full, pouty lips.

Across the club Callen, Deeks, and Sam were watching the women’s performance, and holding their breath.  All of them were still shocked by what they were seeing, mainly because Kensi had lost herself so completely in Aliena, and Kensi lost herself to no one.

“What the hell is she doing?” Deeks swallowed hard.

“Selling her cover,” Sam said dispassionately.

“Yeah but what’s she doing with Kensi?  What are they…“ Deeks continued on.

“Deeks, she’s selling a cover to out Bartlett,” Callen was short.

Deeks stepped up next to Callen and whispered quietly.

“I mean I know that this is every guy’s fantasy, but you can’t be comfortable with this show.”

“They are Special Agents Deeks; they are doing whatever it takes.  What I think or feel doesn’t matter right now.  And whatever you feel doesn’t matter right now either.  So just watch and enjoy just like every other guy in this club is doing,” the last came out harshly.  

Perhaps too harshly, but Deeks was right.  Although it was quiet a spectacle, which he might have enjoyed had two other women been on display, it made him very uncomfortable to see Reagan slip into this roll so easily and pull Kensi in with her.  He couldn’t put a finger on why exactly but besides the pounding of his heart and the lead weight in his gut, he just felt wrong about watching them.

Opening her eyes again Kensi’s caught Reagan’s and something iniquitous inside Reagan laughed.  Oh, you are playing with fire Kensi Marie Blye, and you very well may get burned!  A wicked smile played around Reagan’s mouth as her finger traced Kensi’s shoulder to her clavicle and on to her cleavage.  And evil glint came into her eyes, but before she could do anything out of the corner of her eye she saw him coming for her.  Feeling his hand on her hip it took all her training not to stiffen and break the it immediately but she managed to turn around rather gracefully and come face to face with Lieutenant Paul Bartlett, the man who had murdered 4 women and possibly more that they didn’t know about.  He was way out of his league with Aliena, Reagan thought, and way out of his league in this club.  As she thought about it she wondered how a guy as average looking as Bartlett had gotten into Push.  He was smug, and looked at her like she was a tasty snack.  Prick, she thought as she draped herself all over him, giving him the same attention she had Kensi.

Well, her little show had worked, almost too well, since they had been on the dance floor for less than a song.  It must have looked pretty hot for Bartlett to high tail it out there within a few minutes, unless he had been keeping tabs on her from a distance since she came back on the scene.

He had never exposed himself like this before.  He usually would lurk in the shadows, buy the girls’ drinks, flatter them, seduce them, but they always left alone.  And then he’d pounce, killing the women outside of the club but always with an alibi.

“There’s Bartlett,” Sam called the two guys back to reality.

“Deeks get out there and dance with Kensi.  Reagan will handle Bartlett.  But follow Reagan’s lead and let her do what she apparently does best.” Callen gave the order.

He watched as Deeks came up behind Kensi and began to move to the rhythm that the base was pounding out.  He watched as she turned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck and slid her body up close to his.  He watched as Reagan saw Deeks with Kensi and frowned throwing a glance in his direction.  Then a sinful smile played about her shimmery lips.  She suddenly turned from their suspect to Deeks, leaving Bartlett stranded in the middle of the floor wondering what happened.

Seeing Deeks on the floor dancing with Kensi gave her an idea.  If Bartlett thought she was going to be an easy target he had something else coming.  Maybe those other women had fallen for his baby face and good looks but she wasn’t those other women.  She was Aliena Bianchi, and she didn’t get played.  She was the piper and everyone danced to her tune.

Reagan turned to Deeks, turning him to face her, not caring what Kensi thought.  She slid her lithe body up close to his and began to move with the music.  The lights flashed off of her lips as her mouth hovered, never touching, over his skin from his jaw line to his clavicle leaving a hot trail of her sweet breath.  Her hands were skimming up under his shirt and flitting over his heated skin.  He had his hands on her hips holding her tightly as if to ground himself.  Her lips ran along his jawline as his head fell back.  She nibbled at the pounding pulse point where his neck and shoulder met, as a small moan came from deep within his throat.  She began to seduce him the same way she had Kensi.  And he didn’t stand a chance.  He suddenly brought his face down to hers and moved in for a kiss.  Callen’s breathing stopped, waiting for the gut wrenching jealously, but it never came.  Reagan moved her head seconds before Deeks would have done something he regretted later.  Callen shook his head, she was good.  Damn good.  

He saw her twirl and suddenly Kensi was in Deeks’ arms, her hands sliding up around his neck and his head moving down to hers, both of them drunk on the eroticism that Aliena wove around them both.  Both Reagan and Callen watched the slow motion movements as their lips locked together in an embrace so passionate Callen almost blushed to see it.  And when he looked for her, he saw her with Bartlett, the Lieutenant confused and disoriented by the gorgeous blonde suddenly in his arms once again.  But her eyes were on him for a moment and she smirked before she focused back on Bartlett

Reagan whispered something in Bartlett’s ear, and she smiled seductively up at him.  He was completely drugged.  Callen couldn’t understand it.  Watching from here Reagan was an amazing operator, but he didn’t think what she was doing was so intoxicating that two agents and a Marine were under her spell.  And suddenly he saw her beckoning him on to the floor with one finger, as she danced with Bartlett.  He thought for a second and wondered if he could withstand whatever it was that made her intoxicating to people.  Shrugging he decided to see what would happen.  He sauntered out onto the floor and pulled her out of Bartlett’s arms and away from his attentions.  After all he was supposed to be her flavor of the month and wouldn’t he do something like that?  

Bartlett was obviously irritated but not to the point of a fight.  And suddenly Callen looked into Reagan’s amazing blue eyes and he knew that this was one game he simply didn’t want to win, even if he could.  And he was thinking that had never been an option.  She was dancing so close to him he could feel every curve of her body through the film she called a dress.  Her hands were everywhere and nowhere, flitting and skimming over his body, causing surges of heat where they made contact.  She smiled up at him as she ran her hands up under his shirt, landing them here and there before pulling them out and leaving him wanting more.

Her mouth was dancing over his skin, not touching but leaving a heated trail in its wake.  When she finally closed her mouth over the pounding pulse on his neck he let out a low moan and he felt her chuckle.  Moving from his neck to his jaw she darted her tongue over its clean shaven line and flicked it over his close mouth; the whole while her hands were all over him in places that he didn’t want to think about right then.  But suddenly while her tongue flicked over his lips he couldn’t stand it anymore or maybe more aptly put, he didn’t want to stand it anymore.

With a suddenness that was fierce, he dug a hand into Reagan’s wild hair and claimed her lips with his.  The kiss started out as a punishment for this little game and what it was doing to him but turned into her passionate response to him.  Her arms snaked up around his neck, and she molded herself to his body, connecting the two of them in all of the places Callen could not think about right then without losing his mind.  He had thought that he could control the kiss but somehow it had spun out of control and into her hands.  Her tongue flicked over his closed lips again, and unconsciously his parted to exhale.  Before he could take another breath her tongue had slipped between his lips and began a dance with his.  He moaned again and could do nothing but deepen the kiss and wrap his arms tightly around her.  It took all his power to remind himself that this was not Reagan but Aliena kissing him and it meant nothing.  And then, he just didn’t care to remember.  Her mouth was sweet and her body pressed to his smelled of heat and erotic promises.  

At first Aliena had been playing with Callen trying to make Bartlett jealous so that he would act.  But when she slipped her tongue into his mouth her intentions changed dramatically.  She was no longer Aliena, playing a game with a new toy; she was Reagan, who somehow had let his man into her life and heart.  In a panic she wrenched herself away, staring up into Callen’s dazed eyes in shock with her mouth forming a small ‘O’.  And just as suddenly as she arrived she was gone and draped all over Bartlett, cursing herself for losing focus for even a small moment.  She was trained better than that; she berated herself as she whispered to Bartlett that she was thirsty.  Without casting a glance at Callen she led Bartlett to the VIP section and offered him a glass of Champagne.  With a little triumphant smile thrown Callen’s way Bartlett raised his glass to him and then turned back to Aliena and took a large swallow, his hand moving around her waist, moving her slightly closer as if to claim her.

Callen felt the rip of jealousy as he watched, but he pushed it down and had to admit that Aliena Bianchi had accomplished in one night what it would have taken the team a week or more to do.  Now to hope Bartlett tried to get her to leave with him.  Once he was out of the club with her, he was theirs.  The only thing about this whole operation he hadn’t fully agreed to was Kensi and Reagan not carrying their weapons.  He hadn’t liked the idea at all, especially since Reagan was posing as bait and would possibly be leaving with him unarmed.  But once he saw what she and Kensi would be wearing he fully understood exactly why there could be no guns concealed on their person, since their dresses barely concealed their persons.

Left on the dance floor alone, Callen moved to follow them back to the VIP section watching as Reagan leaned in and began to talk to Bartlett.

“What’s your name?” Aliena had to yell over the music to be heard; she made sure her accent was thick.

“Lieutenant Paul Bartlett, and you?” he asked.

Reagan threw her head back and laughed, exposing her long neck, “You’re kidding, right?”

Paul looked confused, “Should I know you?”

“Of course you should! Everyone knows who I am!” was her outraged response.

“I told you he wasn’t worth it Aliena.  He doesn’t even know who you are.” Callen said as he walked into the VIP area and reclined on a sofa putting his hands behind his head.  Looking like he did this every night.

“Who is this guy?” Bartlett asked Reagan obviously annoyed at Callen’s interference.

“Don’t worry about him. He’s mine.  He does what I say.

Reagan laughed and touched Bartlett’s arm to get him to focus on her again, “You really don’t know who I am?  This must be fate.  I have finally met the only man in the world who doesn’t recognize my instantaneously!”

“Will I have the pleasure?” he asked, seeming gentlemanly and seductive.

He ran the back of his finger from her bear shoulder down her arm, “You are a very beautiful woman.  It’s killing me that you won’t give me your name.”

Reagan gave him a seductive smile and moved closer to him, brushing her hair away from her neck, and allowing her perfume to disperse into the air around them, “My name is Aliena.”

Bartlett stepped back and looked at her face again.  She watched as recognition dawned in his eyes, “Aliena Bianchi, the model?!  I thought you were dead!”

Reagan gave him a sheepish smile, “Most people did.  And they were supposed to.”

“My God I’m really standing here with Aliena.  This is almost surreal!”

Aliena laughed, “That’s sweet.”

She sidled in and pressed herself against Bartlett, “Really sweet.”

He lowered his head to kiss her and just as he was about to brushed his lips against hers Kensi and Deeks arrived on the scene.  Aliena turned quickly and Bartlett swept his lips across her cheek instead of her lips.  She smiled and detached herself from Bartlett.

“Fern,” she almost purred.  

Three pairs of eyes watched as she pulled Kensi close and brushed her lips across Kensi’s.

“Do you know that this gentleman has no idea who I am!” she giggled.

Picking up on the queue, Kensi smiled and draped her arm around Reagan, “Then why are you bothering with him?  After all you could have any man in this club who would know exactly who you are and be happy to treat you the way you deserve.”

Reagan smiled and ran the back of her finger up Kensi’s bare arm.  Bartlett stood silent and watched the two stunning women warily.  Deeks had to hide a smile.  Looking at them himself he could only imagine what Bartlett was thinking, because he was probably thinking the same thing.  These two women were as scary as they were beautiful, and he knew them.

Aliena moved with Kensi toward Bartlett.  Standing behind them Deeks and Callen couldn’t see their faces, but Sam, who was behind Bartlett, was able to see everything.

“Isn’t she beautiful Lieutenant Bartlett?” Aliena snuggled up to Kensi, turning to smile at Bartlett.

Bartlett looked from Aliena to Fern, unsure of the game, and at a loss of what to say.

“Don’t you think so Lieutenant Bartlett?  I mean look at her eyes!  Have you ever seen such amazing eyes?  They’re what hooked me the first time.  And then of course, there is her mouth,” she traced her index finger over Kensi’s gloss slicked lips.

Reagan leaned over and whispered in his ear loud enough for everyone in the section to hear, “As sweet as it looks Lieutenant Bartlett.  Wouldn’t you like to taste?  I can never resist.”

Aliena smiled seductively up at the Marine.  She could tell he wanted to grimace at the reference of her kissing Kensi.  Gotcha!  She thought.

Kensi was doing her best to play along with the game Reagan had set up but she knew she was way out of her league.  Reagan was a major player and she was good at what she did.  No, not good, Kensi thought, she was the best, maybe even better than Callen and that was saying a lot.  But she wasn’t thrilled with the sudden turn Aliena had just taken.  And then suddenly it changed again.

Reagan’s smiled faded and she frowned at Callen, “Do you have a car Lieutenant Bartlett?  This place is becoming so last week.  Let’s go someplace more… intimate.”

Callen stood immediately and grabbed her arm, “You’re not going anywhere with this guy.”

Reagan glared at him while applauding his accent.  Pulling away from him she pushed him hard in the chest.  Callen took a step back showing surprise.

“Don’t you dare treat me like you own me!  I pay your bills, I bought you that suit.  I own you!  And I have no desire to stay here anymore.  I’m leaving with Lieutenant Bartlett.”

Aliena turned and grabbed Bartlett’s arm, leading him out of the VIP area.  As they moved further away Bartlett slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer.  Moving further away Bartlett leaned in and whispered in her ear.

“My car is around back.  There’s a side door that leads to the alley.  We can get to the car from there.”

Reagan turned her head to look up at Bartlett, catching Sam’s eye in the process.  He gave her a subtle nod, turned and disappeared.

“Sounds perfect,” she purred.

He led her to the side door and they discreetly slipped into the alley.  Reagan took a deep breath, and tightened her grip on his arm.  Suddenly Bartlett turned and almost slammed her up against the wall.  Her instincts almost took over immediately but her moment’s hesitation was worth it when Bartlett’s mouth came down on her neck.  Her skin crawled but she still had to play this out.  She let out a small moan and let Bartlett take the lead.  After all she wanted him to try and kill her and playing it too in control was not going to get her that.

She allowed him to run his hands over her body, let his mouth roam where he willed and then he started to get rough.  Reagan was almost positive that this was going to be the turning point and with his next move she was right.  His hand wrapped around her throat, gently at first, but as he put more pressure she began to imagine how these other women had died.  How he had squeezed the life out of them, because he had issues with women who flirted or actually were lesbians.  As his hand became tighter Reagan began to struggle a little.

“Go ahead bitch, you’re just like the rest of them, and you’re going to die like them too.  You think it's okay to kiss girls? You think that leaving your husband because you decided you are now a lesbian is acceptable?  Let me tell you one thing you little whore, you won’t live long enough to cheat on me with anyone!” Bartlett growled out.

His hands were so tight around her neck that a normal person would be fighting for their life, but Reagan had be trained by her father to hold her breath for long periods of time.  He had taken her to see a famous free diver in Italy and she trained with him for a number of months.  So she could hold her breath for at least four minutes before she needed to come back up for air.

As Aliena began to struggle with Bartlett he tightened his grip, Reagan stared out at him through dispassionate eyes and wondered how long it had taken for him to crack?  How long had it taken for him to make his first kill after his wife left him for another woman?  Was his first one of the four women she had seen in the photographs, or had it been another; some helpless woman who had looked at this handsome Marine and thought about a future together?

In her head she was counting down the seconds until she needed to breathe, while Aliena feebly struggled to fight.  And then suddenly his large hand came flying at her face slapping her hard enough that she almost saw stars, and Reagan lost it.

Her hands dropped from clawing at his shirt, and for a moment he thought he had won.  Being in close there was not much room for maneuvering.  Her hands came up and around dropping hard on the inside of his elbow causing them to buckle and his hold to slip.  Her knee came up and caught him directly in the groin.  As he bent double she brought her knee up again and broke his nose, splattering blood all over her bare leg and the dress.

-Damn it, she thought, Donatella is going to be pissed, but Hetty is going to kill me!-

She had Bartlett down within seconds and never uttered a word, not even the distress word. As he tried to rise, she pushed him back down with her Louboutin clad foot.

“If that’s your idea of ‘foreplay’ no wonder your wife found a woman more satisfying.  Stay down, NCIS,” she yelled at him.

Suddenly the alley was full of her team, and a bunch of other NCIS agents, guns drawn, and looking confused.

“What the hell happened out here?” Sam growled.

Reagan looked down at Bartlett dispassionately, “He didn’t know who he was dealing with,” she said and began to walk away.

“Wait a minute, that wasn’t an answer,” Deeks grabbed her arm.

The look she threw him had him letting her go as if she were on fire.  She continued walking away, hearing Bartlett moaning and Callen, Deeks and Sam yelling things at him behind her.  It never dawned on her that she hadn’t seen Kensi out there.  To be entirely honest, she really didn’t have the energy to deal with that now.

She had used Kensi without even thinking twice, without her consent, or even full disclosure as to what would go on.  She knew why she did it, there was always a reason, but that reason had never sounded so pathetic in her mind before.  She knew it was quiet likely that any friendship she had built with Kensi would be destroyed after this job.  Just from her experience living as Aliena for those years in Italy, she didn’t keep a lot of friends because of her lack of morals.  Sighing she ducked her head and plowed directly into someone as she tried to round the corner to where she knew the cars had been parked.

They gripped her shoulders and she looked up only to find Kensi looking at her with a worried expression.

“Hey, Reagan, where are you going?” she asked.

Reagan just shook her head and tried to move past her, but Kensi didn’t let go.

“Reagan, what’s going on?”

“Let go Kensi,” she finally said, her words still thickly accented.

Slowly Kensi released her grip and stepped back from Reagan.  Making the jump from cover to self wasn’t too difficult when the job was short term, but Kensi had some idea that transitioning from a cover that had been in place for a long period of time took a lot longer.  And Reagan was still Aliena at this point. Kensi was just about to let her continue on to the cars when Reagan ran her hand through her hair exposing her neck to view.  

Kensi gasped and grabbed her arm and pulled her chin up.

“Holy shit!  What happened!” she cried brushing more hair away from her throat.

Angry red marks had already started to turn a bluish/purple on Reagan’s throat where Bartlett had strangled her.

“He tried to kill me,” there was much less of an accent in the answer this time

“And you let him?  You let him do this to you?  Why didn’t you use the distress word?  We were waiting for it damn it!”

“Because I wasn’t in distress, everything was under control,” even less accent.

“Like hell it was!  My God Reagan, he could have killed you, and you just stood there and let him?”

“He really didn’t have a chance to kill me.  After about 4 minutes if he hadn’t slapped me I would have done what I did to him anyway.  I just snapped because of the slap.”

“Wha..?  What are you talking about?”

Kensi turned Reagan’s face to the street lamp and bit back a gasp.  The left side of Reagan’s face was ablaze with a large hand print.

“Jesus Christ, Reagan!  The whole side of your face has his hand print on it!  How did you not lose consciousness?” Kensi ran her hand from Reagan’s forehead to her chin.

“Let me go Kensi,” this time her voice was accent free, and almost pleading.

Kensi looked from her cheek to her eyes, and saw something there she recognized.  Fear, anguish, regret, all looked out at her from her friends face, and Kensi knew that Reagan needed space to deal with her demons.  She let go of her arm and stepped back.

“We’ll meet you back at the Mission.  Are you sure you can drive?” Kensi called over her shoulder at Reagan’s retreating back.

Reagan just shot her a look over her shoulder that had Kensi ducking her head like a scolded child.  She watched Reagan slip into the TT and pull the $800 pair of shoes off of her feet and throw them to the floor of the passenger side.  As Reagan gunned the engine and peeled out into the street, Kensi gingerly slipped off her own Louboutin heels and ran around the corner to see what had happened.

*************************************

Reagan stood in the shower with the water sluicing down her body.  Her golden tanned skin was almost red from the heat of the water.  She needed to wash it all away, to scrub her skin until it was all gone, until she didn’t feel dirty anymore, until she didn’t feel anymore.

Taking deep breaths she fought back the tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks.  She refused to cry.  It was a promise she had made to herself when her parents had died.  That nothing would ever matter enough to make her cry again.  But she had lost sight of that somewhere and had gone and allowed something, someone to matter.  No she hadn’t allowed it, damn it!  She had denied it every step of the way, clawing and fighting to keep it away.  And yet even with all of the fighting it had still found a chink in her armor and sank its hooks into her soul.

There had been a time when Aliena wasn’t just a cover, just an alias.  There had been a time when she had truly been Aliena, in all her glorious wickedness.  She had been a child, exploring a world that was suddenly hers for the taking.  A world without rules or regulations, where there were no parents or adults, for that matter, to answer to.  But that girl had grown up, learned her lessons and had moved on from that place.  She had taken pieces of Aliena with her but most she had left.  And calling her back, slipping into that skin, releasing the hold that had been in place for so long was almost like a freedom.  But Reagan knew that every freedom came with a price.  And that price with Aliena was always the collateral damage she caused, the fallout that had to be cleaned up when she was tired of the party and left with no apologies.

Hanging her head she couldn’t hold back a gasping cry.  What had she done?  God, Kensi!  She had seduced the only person who had offered her friendship with no strings attached.  The only person who truly understood her, and what had she done?  She had taken that friendship and trust and used it like it meant nothing.  But, her mind argued like a little devil standing on her shoulder, it was for the case, for the cover.  They had nailed Bartlett with no danger to anyone but herself.  Yes, the little angel said, but at what price?  At what cost to those tenuous relationships, had she done the job?

She knew Kensi and Deeks weren’t a couple, but she also knew one of the only reasons for that was because Kensi tried to rationalize their attraction and was terrified to get any closer.  What had she done to that?  What impression had she made on Kensi, her straight-laced, Marine brat, who just accepted what had gone down tonight.  Things looked a lot different in the harsh light of day!

Another gasping sob escaped, and she bit down on her lip hard to keep any more from following.  The harder she clenched down the harder it was for her to stop the sobs from coming, until the water began to run pink with the blood from her lip.  She gasped seeing that and put her hand to her mouth coming away with it crimson.  And suddenly a sound had her spinning and crouching down.

Callen stood there silently.  Realizing there was no danger she willed her heartbeat to slow, and stood to turn off the taps.  With her back to Callen, her hair covered most of her upper body and some of her backside.

“Why are you here?” she asked him, touching her lip again.

“I came to see what was taking you so long,” he said softly.

She could hear something in his voice, and though she could not put a finger on what it was, she was undeniably sure she didn’t like it.

“So you walked in here knowing I would be in the shower,” she ground out.

“Come on Reagan, it’s not like I haven’t seen you like this before.  We’ve been sharing a house for 3 months now,” he rationalized.

Furious, but not exactly sure why, she spun around and stalked out of the shower to stand in front of him.  She blatantly threw her long hair back behind her shoulders to stand in front of him in her glorious nakedness.  
“And that gives you the right to walk in on me knowing I wouldn’t have any clothes on?  That’s give you the right to this?” she gestured at her body glistening with droplets of water in the dim light of the room.

“Stop it, Reagan.  You know that’s not what I meant,” he picked up her towel from the bench and handed it to her.

She refused to take it, and the gesture only fueled her anger even more, “What, you’ve looked your fill so now I should cover up?  What is Sam or Deeks headed in next?  Don‘t want them to see what you’ve claimed for yourself?”

Callen pulled back as if she had slapped him, with the towel still in his hand.  What the hell was she doing?  Why was she acting like this?  He had no idea but it was so not the Reagan he had come to know that his mind began to disassemble the details.  What would make this mood come on her?  Sure everyone dealt with covers differently but as far as this cover went it had been cake.  No one even had to shoot their guns, case closed.  So it couldn’t be that.

“What is your problem, Reagan?” he dropped the towel back on the bench.

Quickly grabbing it, she covered herself and turned to walk away, “Nothing, just forget it.”

Callen’s hand snaked out and grabbed Reagan by the upper arm, “Where are you going?  Why are you fighting with me?  Everyone’s out there waiting for you so we can go celebrate.”

Reagan glanced over her shoulder, “I’m not up for celebrating tonight.  I’m just going to go home.”

She tried to wrench away from Callen’s gentle grasp but he tightened his hold, “What’s going on?  You’re always the first to want to celebrate, why not tonight?”

Realizing that he was not letting go, she turned back to him but wouldn’t look him in the eye, “Let’s just drop it Callen, okay?”

“No.  Why won’t you tell me what crawled up your ass tonight?”

“Jesus, Callen why can’t you just let it go?  I just don’t want to party.  I’m not in the mood.  Don’t you think I’ve done enough damage already without causing more?” she yelled at him.

He stopped for a moment, and looked at her.  So that was it.  He would have never thought she would be one for regrets especially after tonight but perhaps he had been wrong.

“What’s this all about Reagan?  You’ve never been so heated after a case before.”

Feeling all of the fight in her disappear, she sighed and gently pulled her arm away from Callen.   He let it go.

“That’s because I never had to become Aliena again,” she said softly.

Callen remained silent, hoping that would give Reagan a chance to open up to him.

“Oh come on, Callen, you can’t tell me that you weren’t a little shocked at Aliena once you finally got to see who she really is.”

She sighed, “How can I face them.  How can I look at them, knowing what I did?  God, how can any of them trust me again?”

Callen looked at her.  Sure he had regretted some of his covers, regretted things he had to do in the name of the job, but to beat himself up over it would be ridiculous.  There were just some things that had to be done and the team understood that everything else was put to the side.  Suddenly he realized her self-torment was over and she expected something from him.

“Well, I really didn’t know what to expect with this cover.  I mean Aliena was your life for 4 years, you not only created her but you lived as her to protect yourself.  None of us had any idea who Aliena really was or what she was like.”

“And now?” she threw it out there putting him between a rock and a hard space.

He sighed.  No matter how he answered this it was not going to go well.  But he figured that she deserved the truth, “Well… Aliena is a little scary.  I mean, she’s this amazing beauty that seduces anyone she puts her mind to, and yet she is as deadly as she is beautiful.  One never knows whether her kiss will kill you or take you to unimagined ecstasy.”

He finally looked up only to realize that she was directly in front of him.  Her blue eyes, half closed, her ravishing face upturned, her warm body pressed close to his.  The towel was pooled at her feet, and she pressed her hands to his chest.

“And which would you prefer Callen?” the accent was there but just barely.

He visibly swallowed and couldn’t help but put a hand on her bare hip.

“I… Rae?” he wasn’t sure it was her any more.

“And if I said no?  If I told you that Reagan was not here?  Would it matter?  Does anything matter but the ecstasy?” she asked her voice husky and slightly accented.

She was weaving her spell, and he knew it, but there was no hope.  He knew that to walk away would be an end to them, because although these covers, these aliases were created, they were never created out of thin air.  Especially for a deep cover, there had to be something behind the alias that was grounded in some truth.  Be it someone you had known, or a part of yourself that was kept locked down tight behind walls of time ravaged brick, each cover was not some scripted character they were able to take on and pretend to be.  No they had to believe they were this person, to believe what this person believed, and to do that there had to be some form of reality wrapped around the cover.

“Yes,” he said quietly, “it does matter, because no matter how much you want to bury Aliena, she is very much a part of you, and you can never change that.  So it does matter because whether you want to believe it or not Aliena never fully goes away, and neither does Reagan.  So tonight when you beckoned me onto the floor, it wasn’t just Aliena ordering around her pet.  It was you Reagan, Aliena is only the puppet, you are the master.  She dances to your tune, and no matter what she does it is not without some of your consent.  And you know you can’t deny that.

“And the same goes for me.  Sure my cover tonight was to be your boy toy, and in order to sell that I needed to believe it.  I didn’t have to go on that floor tonight.  It wouldn’t have changed a thing about the cover or the outcome.  You could have used Deeks and gotten the same result, but no matter how much you want to believe that Aliena was in control, she wasn’t.  You made the choice not to kiss Deeks.  You made the choice not to kiss Kensi, and you made the choice to kiss me.  And I made the choice to let you.  So tell me Reagan, why did you make the choices you did?  Why not kiss Deeks?  It was for a cover, no harm no foul, right?  That’s what Aliena would say, isn’t it?Callen was right and she couldn’t argue with his reasoning.  Even as a young girl having to take on the persona of Aliena Bianchi, she never fully gave up control to the cover.  She had created Aliena from a few different people she knew, but over all Aliena was Reagan’s dark side.  The side of Reagan that would have disappointed her parents; that would have shocked her moral high grounded mother and father down to their toes.  And no matter how many times she denied it to herself and everyone else, Reagan knew that she always walked with Aliena’s shadow.

“So I shouldn’t regret what I had to do to Kensi.  What I had to do to Deeks, or you? I should just chalk it up to the job and go on with my life?”

Callen shook his head, she was really looking for a fight, but he had no desire to take the bait.  He took the chance of her not wanting to see him, of even losing her because of this, but it was a chance he was willing to take.  Reagan was not a flighty little girl.  She was a grown woman who understood choices.

“Reagan, you need to deal with the fall out of the case in your own way.  But if you want my advice,” he cut her off before she could get the words out of her mouth, “And I know you don’t.  I think that you’re not giving your partners enough credit.  Sure some of the stuff that went down tonight might have been out of Kensi’s comfort zone, but she is an NCIS agent because she can handle the job.  The same with Deeks; actually he was probably the only one not out of his league with you tonight.

“In the end I could tell you exactly what you should do, but you’re not going to listen to me.  So if you really don’t want to go out tonight then that’s okay, but don’t beat yourself up over something that you couldn’t prevent.”

“I need to deal with the fallout alone before I have to deal with everyone else.

“But are you going to deal with it alone?  It’s not the best way.  It’s Kensi’s way, but I know she’ll do what she has to do to be done with it.  I don’t know that about you,” he said gently.

“I don’t know that about me either.  I’ve never had to deal at all.  For so long it was only me.  The job was finished using whatever methods were needed.  There were no regrets, no second guessing what I had done.  And now that is all I am doing.

She sighed, “Maybe I’m not cut out for OSP.  Maybe I was made to always work alone.  I had really hoped to prove them wrong.”

“Enough Reagan, go home, have a drink, get some sleep, and face your demons in the daylight.  I’ll let the others know you’ll see them tomorrow.”

Reagan nodded, and sat on the bench huddled in the towel.  To him she looked like a lost little girl waiting for her parents to come and take her home again.  It reminded him that they all in their own way were damaged and were carrying around their own baggage.  He touched her bare shoulder, squeezed it gently and turned to walk out.  

As his hand reached for the door knob he heard her whisper, “I’m sorry Callen.”

He knew she needed to say it, just as he knew it was completely unnecessary to do so.  He also knew he couldn’t dismiss it as nothing.  She needed his reassurance that it really was okay.

“It’s okay, Reagan, everything is fine.  Promise.” he offered.

She never turned around but he saw some of the tension leave her shoulders.

“I’ll see you later. Please go home and relax.”

She nodded again, but made no verbal promise.  He knew that later he would have to go looking for her, but he had an idea where she would go.  As he left the door click quietly leaving Reagan in total silence.  Closing her eyes she breathed deeply, trying to find some balance, but her mind was racing, her throat hurt fiercely, and her cheek throbbed.  If not for the dimness of the lights she was sure Callen would have seen her condition and never agreed to let her go home alone.  

Stuffing her legs into her jeans, and pulling a tee-shirt over her head she threw some things into her backpack, and hung her towel in her locker.  Pulling a brush through her hair she left it long, and slipped her small feet into her Uggs. Just as she threw the backpack over her shoulder the door opened up again.  

Turning she went to yell at Callen for coming back, but came up short seeing Hetty standing there.  Realizing she was standing there with her mouth open she snapped it shut, and waited to be reamed by the diminutive woman.

“Do you have a moment, Miss Faraday?” she asked although it wasn’t really a question.

Reagan nodded.

“Then, sit please,” Hetty gestured to the bench.

Reagan complied, and once she was sitting Hetty pounced, grabbing her chin and examining her throat and cheek.

“Mmmmm, not very pretty, Miss Faraday.  How did you hide them from, Mr. Callen?”

Reagan had to bite back a laugh, “I think other ‘things’ distracted Callen from my face and throat.”

“Mmmhmm, men are easily distracted.  Do you need to see a doctor, Miss Faraday?  And be honest, because I will find out sooner or later.  And God help you if you need to see one and do not.”

Shaking her head, Reagan answered, “No, I don’t think so.  My voice is a little raw and throat a little sore but I didn’t lose consciousness or take a terrible hit to the head.  All in a day’s work.”

“Really, Miss Faraday?  I know you are use to working your cases alone, but you are part of a team here at NCIS and my agents don’t take it well when one of theirs put themselves in harm’s way for no reason.  You should ask Agent Blye just how annoying the men can be when you do something like that.

“I hope you’re not going to be making this a habit, Miss Faraday.”

“I just… I mean, I know...” she sighed, “I’m sorry.  After the way Aliena behaved I couldn’t allow anyone else to be in the line of fire.  They already had dealt with the collateral damage of Aliena and trust me that is enough for anyone to deal with.”

Hetty smiled.  She was glad Reagan was speaking of her cover as a separate entity.  It’s wasn’t easy for most agents to shed that skin of their deep cover once they had pulled on the mantle, but those who were made for this job could do it well. Callen and Deeks were made for deep cover, but because her whole life was a cover Reagan was better than both men.

“One day I would like to meet this Aliena,” Hetty said as she turned to walk out of the room.

Reagan blinked, “Honestly Hetty I don’t think you would like her at all.  She’s not much into authority, and you just scream ‘I’m in charge!’”

Hetty chuckled, “Yes, well there is always that.  Good night, my dear.”

“Good night, Hetty,” Reagan gave a half smile.

“Oh Hetty,” Reagan called out as the other woman.

She turned slightly before walking out the door, “They’re gone Miss Faraday.  It’s safe to leave.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if I wanted to break, laugh it all off in your face, what would you do?  
> What if I fell to the floor, couldn't take this anymore, what would you do?  
> Come break me down, bury me, bury me, I am finished with you  
> What if I wanted to fight, beg for the rest of my life, what would you do?  
> You say you wanted more, what are you waiting for, I'm not running from you  
> Come break me down, bury me, bury me, I am finished with you  
> Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me, all I wanted was you  
> The Kill :: 30 Seconds to Mars
> 
> …The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head  
> Tried my best to be guarded, I’m an open book instead  
> I still see your reflection, inside of my eyes  
> That are looking for purpose, they’re still looking for life  
> I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing, with a broken heart, that’s still beating  
> In the pain, there is healing, in your name, I find meaning, so I’m holding on  
> Lifehouse :: Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although not as old as the last chapter this one too has been waiting for its day in the sun. Unfortunately all of it was apparently not meant to see the light of day. After rereading a number of times I realized that the original was taking the characters in a direction I didn’t want or need them to go so needless to say some recent rearranging has taken place and they are now back on track to begin the end.  
> We are now back to a T rating (yes I can hear some of you cheering LOL) and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Once again I'm am ever grateful for the love, and kudos. THANK YOU!
> 
> A soundtrack change for this chapter, two new songs this chapter. The first by the amazing 30 Seconds to Mars and the second by my ever faithful Lifehouse.
> 
> And lastly please, please, please, comment! Honestly it's the best way for me to know you like what you're reading! MuchLove!

::Chapter 14::

Standing she hefted the backpack over her shoulder, and headed to her car.  Throwing her bag to the passenger seat she connected her iPhone to the car radio and set up her play list.  It wasn’t a far drive but she still needed the bass to pound the last threads of Aliena out of her head, and 30 Seconds to Mars was way out of Aliena’s comfort zone.  As Jared Leto screamed out the lyrics to ‘The Kill’, she drove sedately to Santa Monica.  At this time of night it was basically deserted and she needed some time alone to make sure Aliena was pushed back behind the walls she had set up to keep her at bay.  She parked, slipped off her boots and walked down to the shoreline pulling up her jeans in an attempt to try and stay dry.  But honestly she didn’t care.  The cool Pacific ran up over her feet and she let her head fall back, savoring the cold of the water.  

Over the years she had been in so many different oceans, seas, and gulfs for so many different reasons it had become commonplace to her.  Until she had to spend 6 months landlocked in the Hindu-Kush Mountains on assignment in Afghanistan; she had almost gone insane and realized that the sea was in her blood.  Even living in Milan she was able to go to Lake Como and summer on Capri.  Now she didn’t spend any more than a matter of weeks away from an ocean or large body of salt water.  Her handlers hadn’t been thrilled but it was either that or she was out.  She blamed her father for the love of the sea but believed that this was much more than just a learned behavior.

She sighed and dug her toes into the sand.  The deeper she went the more grounded in her reality she became.  With a sigh she walked back up the beach and sat in the sand, just out of reach of the surf.  She sat yoga style and breathed in the moist salty air.  It was cleansing and settled her mind, wiping away the last traces of Aliena.  Oh she was always there, lurking in the shadows, but Reagan knew how to control her and keep her in the shadows.  

The crashing of the waves and the silence of the empty beach settled over her and she fell into a trance like meditation.  Although it wasn’t deep enough to stop her from hearing the footsteps in the sand behind her; they were heavy and sluggish, someone who wasn’t use to walking on sand.  The breathing was labored slightly, telling her that it wasn’t someone who worked out regularly either.  She smiled.

“So you found me,” she said loudly.

“You haven’t been very cooperative Agent Faraday.  My superiors are not very happy with you,” the familiar voice scolded.

“And I should be concerned with your superiors, why?  I told you not to bother me Pete.  But then I know you don’t take hints very well,” she stood and turned to look at the Agent who had been her handler for more years than she cared to think about.

He looked her up and down and nodded his head.  Peter Sallanger was a government agent in his late 50’s.  Overweight, with a bum knee, he had been looking for a desk job when he had been assigned Reagan’s case just after her parents died.  And a more difficult job his superiors couldn’t have handed him.  As much as Reagan had the skills to be the best assassin the government had, she was unruly, defiant, and rebellious to say the least.  She wanted to do things her way and when push came to shove that’s how the cases usually went down.   And as much as Reagan rebelled and pushed, he had given her what she wanted simply because when it came to the job she was the best and got it done.

He had been 44 when he had been handed Reagan’s case and she only 15.  He had felt sorry for the girl, to lose both her parents in the same accident and then to be shipped off to another country to live with relatives she barely knew, with a completely new identity.  They had never bonded, Reagan had been too distant for that, but he had always felt this protectiveness for her, and apparently still did.  She looked good, he thought, damn good.  Better than any time he had seen her before.  Something out here agreed with her.  Honestly, he had no idea what it could be since she had always been, and still was, close mouthed about her personal life.  But it made him happy to see her the most well adjusted he’d seen her in 13 years.

“You look good kid,” he tried small talk.

“Yeah, well you look like shit Pete.  Why are you here?” she wasn’t having any of it.

“You’ve been sleeping.”

“I have actually, but you dodged my question.  Why are you here?”

“I’m a reminder,” was all he would commit to.

“A reminder of what?” Reagan plowed forward.

“That you still owe your loyalty to another agency, and they will be cashing in their ‘get out of jail free card’ soon.”

Reagan was a little taken back.  She knew that part of her agreement was that if they needed her she would run the assignment, but she never imagined that it would happen so soon.  
"I thought I would be allowed to have some kind of life established before they decided to pull this crap.  I’ve barely been here for 6 months!”

“Sorry Rae, but I’m just the messenger.”

“So they spent taxpayers money to fly you out here to give me this in person?  Come on Pete, I think I’m smarter than that.”

“They have a job for you,” he said hands in his pockets.

“Already?  Jesus Christ Pete, they couldn’t find anyone else to do this job?  I’m not the only assassin on the government’s payroll!”

“No, but you are the only one who is close to the target,” he pulled his hand out of his pocket and held out an envelope to her.

She stepped in and took the envelope and stepped back.  Tearing it open she pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it.  Staring at it for a few minutes she didn’t dare breathe.  Finally she looked up at Pete and without a hesitation refused.

“Absolutely not, I will not do this.”

“What???  What the hell has gotten into you Rae, this isn’t a choice, its your assignment!”

“I will not do this.  I outright refuse and if I have to go rogue because of it I will.”

“Reagan, you know if you don’t do the hit they will just send someone else to do it.”

“Let them, and I’ll send them back in a body bag, and anyone else they send to do the job,” her anger was almost palpable and Pete took a step back.

“Rae, why are you willing to risk angering them?” he was confused.  Reagan never got close to anyone so why was she so vehement about this assignment, he thought?

“Listen very carefully Pete.  The person on this paper is my friend and I will protect that person with everything I’ve got and then some.  And if it’s true that I’m the best there is then I can’t imagine many of them standing a chance.  Call off the dogs Pete or I’m not responsible for my actions from this point on.”

Pete sighed; he was too old for this shit.  That intense loyalty coming from Reagan was not something he had ever experienced before.  Reagan had always been a loner.  She worked alone and refrained from making friends because they just became liabilities in the end.   But to see here like this, so agitated about this job told him that many things had changed in the short time she had been in LA.  And to tell her to stop being loyal would be like telling her to stop breathing.  Reagan was like a pit bull, when she sunk her teeth in she rarely if ever let go.  It was one thing he liked and admired about her.

“Listen Rae, I’m just the messenger.  What you do with that message once you get it is your own business.  I’ll be here whenever you need me.  Always remember that okay?”

Unable to speak, Reagan nodded.  She knew Pete was a good guy for a long time, but, being her, she could never open up and let him know she appreciated him.  Looking back down at the paper again; she never noticed Pete leaving until he was totally gone.  She stared at the image unable to fathom why they targeted this person, but knowing she needed to find out.  Walking out into the surf she laid it in the water and watched the ink blur and bleed from the white paper.  

Her mind was whirling and she didn’t turn when he came up behind her and stood silently waiting for her to acknowledge him.  When she finally turned to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, and laying her head on his chest, it was the last thing he expected.  He slowly returned the embrace, not sure where it was coming from but knowing it would not have happened if she hadn’t needed it.  

He stood holding her quietly, breathing in the coconut conditioner she used in her hair, and the exotic floral of her perfume.  He absorbed the warmth of her body and tried to hold on to it knowing it was a fruitless game he played anytime she was in his arms.  He wanted to ask if everything was alright but didn’t want to ruin this moment of vulnerability.  It was few and far between that she sought out comfort even though she was naturally demonstrative with her embraces.  It was usually her giving the comfort, not the other way around.

Finally after a good five minutes of just standing there allowing him to hold her she stepped away.  Looking up at him she tried a smile and failed miserably.

“So how was the after party?”

“Not much of a party since the guest of honor wasn’t there,” he tried to make light.

“Come on Callen,” she sighed.

“They accepted your need to be alone, but don’t expect them to stay away for long.  In fact I would be ready for Kensi to come banging down your door tomorrow morning, if I were you.  She was not too happy about your disappearing act.”

Another sigh, this time through her nose, and her shoulders sagged.  He tentatively touched her hand and she allowed him to hold it in his.  She squeezed his hand and then suddenly let it go.

“I’m ready to go home.  Wanna come with?” she smiled as if nothing had happened out of the ordinary.

This was the girl who came to work every day.  The one with the 1000 kilowatt smile and the shining eyes, which had drawn him in but kept him at arm’s length, the one who would walk around in her panties and threaten him with her gun in at the same time, the one who apparently had sunk her claws into his heart completely without him knowing.

“Is that an offer?” he teased.

Reagan rolled her eyes, “For a good night’s sleep, yes.  For sex, you should have stuck with Aliena, you might have gotten luckier!”

Callen laughed, and gave her a shove, “Now you tell me.  I just may have to exact punishment from you then.”

Reagan gave him an innocent, wide eyed stare that she would have used when she first came to work at NCIS.  That front had ended quickly as she fell right in with the group of misfits who had become her family.  Callen narrowed his bright blue eyes at her and an evil smiled played about his lips.  Reagan’s eyes widened.

“Callen… Callen!  G. Callen don’t you dare!” she cried and started to run.

She was quick but he was ready for her to bolt.  He dove for her feet and tackled her to the sand.  Even as she tried to drag herself away he pulled her under him and started to tickle her.  She struggled, refusing to let out any sound, but that could only last for so long.  Letting out a strangled laugh she started slapping at him and laughing harder.  After a minute or so of torture Callen stopped and both of them, breathing hard and smiling, looked at each other in companionable silence.

“It’s not fair,” Reagan cried after catching her breath.

“What’s not fair, that I’m faster than you?” he teased.

She laughed, “Har, har, har, no, cause you’re not!  It’s not fair that you know my weakness and I don’t know yours!” she pouted.

His smile suddenly faded and he looked deep into her eyes, “I thought that would be obvious.”

At first Reagan didn’t register what he had said since it had been almost a whisper, but as the words sunk in her smile faded and she pushed away as she got to her feet and took off across the sand.  Callen reached her as she was grabbing her boots and almost to her car.  
“Reagan wait, I’m…”

“Don’t say it.  Don’t tell me you’re sorry!” she threw back at him but wouldn’t turn to face him.

He grabbed her arm and turned her around only to see that her eyes burned bright with unshed tears, and then standing in the parking lot with a street light shining down on them, he saw the hand print on her face for the first time.

“What the hell happened to your face!?” he yelled, but even as it came out he knew where she had gotten the hand print.

Pulling her further into the light he tilted her chin up so he could see the mark better only to reveal the bruises on her neck.  He dropped his hand as if burned, and walked away without a word.  He paced back and forth for what seemed to Reagan a long time before he stopped and turned back to her.

“Why did you let him do this?”

“Because we needed proof that he was going to kill me.  It wasn’t enough that he liked to play rough; he had to have the intent and goal of killing me.  Without these marks there would have been no way to take him in and hold him.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I did.  Hetty knows,” she said as if she had actually told Hetty and not been found out trying to hide it.

“What about seeing a doctor?  How long was your air supply cut off?  You could have suffered brain damage if it was too long.”

“It was just about two minutes and 17 seconds.  At least that’s when he hit me and I stopped counting.  And there is no brain damage because I’m trained to hold my breath much longer than that.”

“Jesus Christ Reagan, why didn’t you use the distress word?”

“Um, because I was being choked and really couldn’t speak at that point.  Callen please, let’s not do this.  Just take me home and you can ream me tomorrow.  Okay?”

It was his turn to sigh but for whatever reason, he agreed.  They each got into their own cars and Callen followed her back to her place.  They walked in together and still they said not a word to each other.  Reagan went to the bathroom to rinse the sand from her feet and Callen went directly into her room and slid into the massive California king sized bed.  When Reagan came in she removed her clothes except for her panties, and slid under the sheets and blankets.  At first she stayed on her side of the bed, not sure if Callen would welcome her snuggled up next to him after the way he reacted to her bruises.  

But soon enough she began to inch her way over to his side.  Without hesitation he reached out and pulled her close tucking her head under his chin, and wrapping his arms around her.  She knew it was tempting as hell to be snuggled up tight to him their bare skin heating each other, but what they both wanted, more than that ever off-the-table-topic, was the reassurance that the other person was there and that they were safe.  Any night they had spent together from that first one they had shared accidently in his room, had ended like this, with Reagan tucked into his arms and them both sleeping soundly.  Perhaps it was unconventional but it worked for them, and right then any attraction they had for each other was easily laid aside, to make sure the other was able to sleep through the night.  And to each, the others well being was what mattered most at that point.

“Callen?” she whispered, unsure if he was awake or not at that point.

“Mmmm?” he made a noncommittal sound.

“I’ll get better at this, I promise,” she offered the only apology she had at that point.

He wasn’t sure if she was talking about working with the team, and trusting them, or about this ‘thing’ that was and wasn’t between them, but he gave her a squeeze to let her know he had heard her and was there.  And then closing his eyes he was able to fall into a dreamless sleep that he found only possible when he was holding her.

Reagan closed her eyes and slowed her breathing so Callen would relax and fall asleep, and eventually he did.  She lay there a little longer, reveling in the peace she found within his arms; but eventually she slid from his embrace and headed into the second bedroom that she used for an office.  Sitting down she opened the laptop, turned on the 4 other computers sitting around the desk, and started to run some searches.  She had no idea why a hit would have been put out on the person in that paper and she needed to find out any and all information to give her a clue why.

Realizing that this was going to take a while left the office, locking the door behind her, she headed to the kitchen, and stood in the dark with the light from the fridge illuminating the area around her.  The longer she stood there the more she could hear her father’s voice, ‘Shut the refrigerator door Reagan!  Nothing is going to grow in there while you’re standing there watching.  Close it and try again later!’ she laughed, it was one of his peeves, and both her and her mother use to do it.  

Her mother, she hadn’t thought about her in a while.  They had been close, but not as close as she was to her father.  Then again Mom was always at work and Dad was home with her.  But she had loved the times that it was just her and mom being girls.  The shopping trips, the spa days, even just sitting in the garden on the swing reading books together.  She and her mom were just easy together, they could sit in the same room in companionable silence and both know there was no need to talk.

Her mother had been insanely smart and use to talk to Reagan, even as a small child, using scientific terms.  And just as unbelievably, Reagan had understood what she was taking about.  Maybe because her mom never spoke to her like she was a child, or maybe she just had that gene that helped her understand things that most adults would never grasp, she was always light years ahead of her classmates.  It was one of the reasons that her parents had no qualms of pulling her out of school in the middle of the year for a month long trip.  Sure the teachers weren’t too thrilled, but Reagan always came back with her work completed and an understanding that sometimes the teachers didn’t have of the subject.  And the trips, although exciting for Reagan, weren’t vacations to Disney World; they would take her to Africa, to work for Doctors Without Borders as an aide while her mother took blood samples and gave vaccinations.  They would go to India to spend weeks in an ashram to center themselves for the year ahead.  She was taken to China where she learned kung fu from a master instructor.  In each place she was required to learn the history, the culture, the language, and be able to interact with the citizens.  From each experience she would walk away with a profound sense of just how small her role in life really was.

“You know nothing is going to grow in there,” his voice came from behind her.

Jogged out of her reverie, she turned to him shutting the door and cutting off the light.

“Damn should have kept my mouth shut.  It was much easier to see you with the light on,” he gave a soft laugh.

She glided across the kitchen and molded herself to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, “Well I guess you’re going to have to use your other senses then.”

He was a little startled by this.  Touching had been off the table for a long time before they both realized that then ended up sleeping curled around each other.  After this realization, then touching was regulated to sleeping only.  It was only recently that she had started to come to him for comfort and even that was on her terms.  He knew tonight had been stressful for her, but he also didn’t want this if she was still having trouble shedding Aliena.  Slowly he put his hands on her hips where her panties ended and her silken skin began.  He gently ran his thumbs up and down the top of her hips as she waited.

She gave a soft chuckle, “It’s me Callen.  Trust me Aliena is gone.  I just…  I mean I wanted…” she began to stumble over the right words.

“You’ve never wanted me to touch you before,” he stated.

She chuckled again, “Oh I wanted, I wanted very much.  I just wasn’t sure if I should let you.”

“And now?” he asked cautiously treading a very fine line.

“Now I want to know what it’s like for you to touch me they way you did Aliena.  I want to feel what it’s like to be wrapped in your arms, to have you kiss me the way you did her.  I want to know that you understand that you were kissing another woman then, and that you’re kissing me now.”

“Reagan,” he exhaled, dropping his forehead to touch hers, their faces only inches away.

“This is breaking all your rules.  And I can’t promise I won’t want to break them over and over again.”

She remained silent as she thought about what she was asking him and the battle within her began.  Did she want that kind of commitment?  Was this the person she was ready to give that trust to?  It wasn’t as if they would be married or even dating after one kiss.  Nothing would change, and it would be so nice to feel his lips on hers again.  But what if it changed everything?  What if this kiss was the end of something that had never had the chance to start?  But what if it was the beginning of something new?  Of something she had never experienced before?  Could she just walk away without even tasting that forbidden fruit?  Was that the life she wanted, always cautious, always avoiding anything that made her the least bit nervous?

She had made up her mind and softly whispered her plea, “Please.”

It was all that he needed.  His mouth descended upon hers, with the softest of kisses.  Gliding those kisses to her cheek and then her neck had them both breathing a little harder.  When his mouth found her pounding pulse, he ran his tongue over it in little circles, eliciting a soft moan from her.  Grazing his teeth over it had her nails gripping his back.  

Running his hands up and down her bare spine he moved back to her mouth and gently ran his tongue across the seam of her lips causing her to gasp and part them.  Not wasting any time he slipped his tongue inside her mouth and tenderly deepened the kiss.  When her tongue touched his, they were both lost.  He pulled her tightly to him as the kiss deepened and she wrapped her arms up over his shoulders and held on tightly as if she would float away.  Moaning softly, the kiss became more frantic and passionate until he broke away knowing that if things went on much longer they would be breaking a lot more of Reagan’s rules.

Slightly dazed she put her forehead to his chest, “So that’s what it’s like.”

“What what’s like?” he asked a little roughly.

“What it’s like to be completely intoxicated by another person.”

Callen kissed the top of her head and smiled into her hair, “You’ve never felt that before?  Not even as Aliena?”

She shook her head, “No, especially not as Aliena.  Aliena does the intoxicating.  She’s the drug.  And although I’ve been kissed before, it’s never felt like that.”

It was his turn to chuckle, “Good to know.”

Smiling she pulled away and punched his arm, “Smug jerk.”

Callen pulled her back and held her in a hug.  He wasn’t sure if she would welcome this but he was going to take the chance.  And stay she did, trying to burrow into his chest, she let out a long contented sigh, and lay her head back down on him.

“Come back to bed,” he whispered.

“Of course,” she began to walk back to the room still letting him hold her.

They crawled in and fell asleep tangled together.

 

She stretched and yawned, her hand reaching out for his warmth only to find cold sheets.  Unworried she opened her eyes and stretched again before rolling out of bed and throwing on a camisole top so she could walk around her house in the daylight.  She could smell coffee coming from the kitchen and the TV playing in the living room but as she lay there her mind began to replay the events of last night.  She had made no mistakes at the club.  She had done her job, what she had to do to get Bartlett.  She had been surprised to see Pete last night although she didn’t show it, but when she thought about it now she hadn’t as much been surprised as she had been resigned.  But when she thought about what had happened between Callen and her last night she knew it had been a mistake.

There was no excuse for what she had allowed to happen, although her mind kept feeding her new ones at an alarming rate.  It had been a weak moment and she had been craving some comfort but she could not allow those excuses to dismiss the mistake.  After getting that order she realized how lazy she had been, how complacent she had become when she had been welcomed into his misfit family.  But she knew what she had to do, and no matter how painful it was going to be she always did the job.

Rising she shivered and found her robe on the back of her door.  Wrapping it around herself as if it were armor to protect her from what she was about to do, she made her way to the living room.  Passing the office door she noticed it was still locked and then found G sitting on the couch of her living room with a mug of coffee and the paper.  Reagan headed into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee with a generous amount of caramel creamer to make it palatable.  She took a sip and grimaced, she didn’t know why she drank the stuff, it tasted like sludge no matter how much flavored creamer she put into it.  Wrapping her suddenly cold fingers around the warm mug she took a deep breath and moved to the door to watch him read the paper.

Oh yes, he had been her mistake from the very beginning.  She had allowed herself to fall into him, to fall into a life that was not her, would never be hers.  Now it was time to clean up another mess, as she had so many others in her career with the government, but this time the mess was of her making and it was not going to be an easy clean up.

He looked up at her and smiled, “Morning Sunshine.”

The muscles of her face forced a smile out of habit as she walked over to him sitting on the chair that was next to the couch.  Close enough to not look odd, but far enough away not to make her forget her purpose.

“I got a call last night before you found me on the beach.  It was from a contact in Hawaii.  We decided to meet.”

“Okay let me get dressed and we’ll go,” he put the paper down and moved to rise.

Putting a hand on his arm she stopped him, “I’m going alone.”

He stared at her and she could see his brain coming up with reasons she shouldn’t.

Before he could expound on the reasons why she should let him go she cut him off, “Please don’t argue with me about this.  I know every reason you’re going to give me and I have an answer for each but honestly I don’t need to produce a single one of them because this is not your affair.  This is something I will do alone, no team, no partner, and that’s not a suggestion it’s what is going to happen.”

He looked at her taken back.  Where was this coming from? From the beginning she was willing to work with the team and was actually much better at it than anyone of them had anticipated seeing as she had worked alone her whole life.  And now this.

“What’s going on Reagan?  Why are you pushing at me all of a sudden?  I thought after last night…”

She stood and walked a few steps away, “It was just a kiss Callen and as far as I know kisses aren’t contracts.  It was just a kiss, that’s all it was.”

Reagan knew how she sounded but she needed to do this, needed to distance herself if she wanted to protect him.

“I don’t get it Reagan, one minute you’re this responsive, passionate woman, and the next you’re the ice queen, freezing anyone who comes to close.  You need to make up your mind!” his annoyance and a little bit of anger could be heard in his voice.

He watched her jerk back as if he has slapped her at his harsh words and he immediately regretted them but this back and forth and round and round with their relationship was becoming an issue with him.

“Seriously?! You’re going to make this about you? I mean isn’t it enough that you have family issues? Why do you feel the need to make my problems yours too?” she lashed out knowing it would hit him right in the gut and needing a reason for him to leave.

He visibly paled and put his coffee cup down on the table.

“I didn’t know you felt like that.  Was this all one of your games, you and I?  Was any of it real?”

“Of course it was, and no I don’t feel like that.  I just… I need to do this alone G.  This isn’t something I’m ready or willing to share.  Please understand I need my space, I need time to work everything out in my head and with you close I can’t do that.  You confuse me and muddle everything up until I don’t know which end is up and which end is down,” she tried to sound plausible.

He looked at her and didn’t have to say what he was thinking, it was written all over his face.  He didn’t believe her at all.

“I don’t know what to say right now Reagan.  For six months you lied to me about how you felt about me, about us.  How do I know that you coming here wasn’t for another reason other than you wanting out of your old job?  That this ‘thing’ we have wasn’t all a ploy to get close to me and the team so you could report back to your handler?  So you could be a mole in an agency that is all but nonexistent?”

She opened her mouth in shock and closed it again, “You can’t believe that ‘G’.”

He shrugged, “I don’t know what to believe right now.  But I do believe that I should go.”

She heard the words, and for the second time in as many days she wanted to sob.  Steeling herself, she blinked a couple of times and then looked him in the eyes.

“Yes, I think that’s a good idea,” she made herself agree with him.

He grabbed his few items of clothing he didn’t have on and put the coffee cup in the sink.  He didn’t want to rationalize why this hurt so much, didn’t want to think about why he was at war inside at that moment.  He just knew that he needed some space to think, and with Reagan close he couldn’t think at all.

She watched him move around collecting his things and putting the coffee cup in the sink with a detached feeling, as if this were happening to someone else.  He wouldn’t look at her as he moved toward the door, and she almost lost the battle to call him back.

“’G’,” she said as his hand touched the knob.

He turned around and finally looked at her.  Don’t go, her mind cried.  I take it all back; I’ll make it right I swear, I never meant to lie to you. But she kept those words locked within the darkness.

“For what it’s worth it was real, it is real, and I’m sorry you don’t believe me.”

Without another word, he turned and left.  Reagan kept it together as she walked back to the bedroom.  She glanced at the bed that they had shared the night before, curled safely in each other’s arms and the anguish of what had just happened overwhelmed her.  But she pushed it back into the darkness.  As she dressed she berated herself for letting her emotions get the better of her.  She had managed to keep her heart intact for 13 years, since her parent’s deaths had destroyed her world.  And in six short months this man had wormed his way into her heart and destroyed her all over again.  It was a pain she couldn’t deal with right then and she retreated into the shadows.

It was her defense mechanism to shut down and retreat into her mind.  It was safe there, a place she had created to hide from the rest of the world.  It allowed her to forget for a little while.  The darkness called to her, the blissful silence that would engulf her and hold her until she was ready to return to reality.  She could even function in this state, interact with others, and live a semblance of a life, all the while walking the shadow road.  This had been her escape when her parents were murdered, and when she had found out that she was a sleeper cell assassin.  It was living without feeling, without any messy emotions or entanglements.  It was the easy way, and right then, she needed something to be easy, because everything was going to become very complicated very quickly.  She remained there, huddled against the wall, until she had put the pieces back together and locked them behind the wall of apathy she had always used to protect herself.

She heard the knock on the door and Kensi’s voice call out to see if she was home but she didn’t answer.  She remained in her bedroom going over in her mind what she was going to do and what she needed, her face wiped free of emotions.  When Kensi found her it was obvious something had happened.  Seeing Kensi brought back the night before, and the gut wrenching guilt came rushing back to her.  Reagan didn’t apologize; she didn’t even answer Kensi at first.  She just moved about the room gathering the things she needed, going over every minute detail of yesterday in her mind searching for a clue as to where she went wrong.  Kensi grabbed her arm but Reagan pulled away, completely apathetic to her friends panic.  She made the bed and then entered the closet pulling out her jeans and top, slipping them on, still ignoring Kensi’s frantic attempts to get her to speak, still looking like a comatose mental patient.

“Reagan, please, please, tell me what happened?  Are you hurt?  Is Callen okay?” Kensi tried once again.

Finally her voice got through to a now spent Reagan, who shook her head and sat on the edge of her bed then quickly standing back up as the memories of the nights spent there washed over her.

“I’m not hurt, and neither is Callen,” her voice was hollow and slightly hoarse.

“Reagan tell me what the hell is going on?  And where is Callen?”

Looking into Kensi’s mismatched eyes Reagan gained her balance, “He left.”

“Like for a run, or to get some breakfast?”

“No Kensi, he left.  Something happened and Callen got his things and walked out.  He’s gone.”

Nothing, she felt nothing as she said those words.  Yes, that’s how it should be, how it was meant to be.  He would move on and Reagan would eventually just become a memory to him, but first she had a job to do.

“What happened Reagan?” Kensi was in a bit of a panic at this point.

“I made him go,” she stated simply, but to Kensi it was a world of information.

“What? Why? Why would you do that?  Tell me exactly what happened.”

Reagan related the story from the night before through to this morning, leaving nothing out.  Kensi knew their situation, and never was one to judge, so it didn’t come as a surprise that she and Callen spent their nights together.

When Reagan finished, Kensi sat back and looked at her curiously, “How did you’re handler find you?  I mean you’ve been so careful, so diligent about not settling down until now.

Reagan shook her head, too tired to care anymore.

“So what now?  I still don’t understand why you said what you did to Callen?”

“Pete had a message for me when he finally found me.  An assignment.  I refused it but I wanted, no needed, to know why the government wanted this person dead, because they only come to me with a job when they want no other outcome but dead.”

“One of us?”Kensi whispered.

Reagan looked at her and wondered how it was possible that she could feel so numb.  She nodded.

“Yes.  Someone very high up wants Callen dead.”

Kensi didn’t say a word; she was reeling from the news.  And Reagan looked at her after a moment.

“I refused the job Kensi.  I will not do it.  It may mean my freedom, but I will not kill any of you, and I will not allow someone else to either.  If they send any other assassins for Callen I’m going to be sending them back in a body bag.”

Kensi mismatched eyes searched her face with a mixture of distrust and hope, “You told me that you weren’t here on an assignment.”

“I’m not.  I’m here to be an NCIS agent.  I didn’t lie to you.  But I can understand if you don’t believe me.  I’m not sure that at this point I would believe me either,” Reagan could find no emotion inside her to plead with Kensi.

Relief washed over her face, “I believe you,” she pulled Reagan into a hug.

She’s like a rag doll, Kensi thought as she held on to Reagan.  She had never seen her like this before.  It was like any emotion had been leached from Reagan, leaving a hollow shell, and the more Kensi thought about it she more scared she became.  Because emotional, vibrant Reagan would find the transition between herself and assassin difficult, but void, vacant Reagan would make the transition quite easily and that was something Kensi didn’t want to happen.

“What are we going to do about Callen?” Kensi asked still holding onto Reagan trying to make her react to something.

Reagan pushed away and looked at her, “There will be no ‘we’ Kensi?  I brought this to your door step, and I will make it go away.”

“You see Reagan that’s where you become a pain in the ass.  Do you really think that any of us will let you protect Callen alone?  Do you really think that any of us would blame you for this?  That any of us would expect you to take the blame for something you had no idea about?”

“You need to leave Kensi,” she said her head spinning with what had to be done now.

“Reagan you can’t do this alone!” Kensi argued.

“Yes Kensi, I can.  It’s what I do.  I’m a ‘cleaner’, I go in when everything else has failed and clean up everyone else’s messes.  Well this time it’s my mess and it’s my job to finish it.”

“Reagan I’m calling Sam and Deeks.  We’ll figure this out together.  That’s what a team does,” she said dialing the phone.

“Hey, I’m at Reagan’s can you get here?” Kensi said into the phone.

Quicker than Kensi could react, Reagan grabbed the phone and killed the call.

“Reagan!” she cried grabbing back the phone.

“Go Kensi, I’ve got some things to do.”

Kensi looked at her, unsure of what to do at this point.  Her phone rang and she didn’t move to answer it.

“Answer it and tell them not to come,” Reagan instructed.

Kensi answered the call and held it to her ear.  Reagan could hear a frantic voice on the other line.  Probably Deeks she thought, especially after last night.

“Tell him,” her voice was quiet and dead.

“No, it’s okay,” she said into the phone, “No, don’t, I’ll come to you.  Um, Reagan’s… fine.  Yeah, see you in a few.”

Hanging up Kensi glanced back at Reagan who was now focused on something Kensi couldn’t see.

“Reagan…” she started.

“Don’t Kensi,” she said dismissively.

Looking hurt Kensi turned away and left through the front door.  Reagan watched her go expecting to feel something: hurt, despair, fear, but in fact she felt nothing.  With an almost nonexistent nod, as if she was assuring herself she had done what needed to be done, she turned and grabbed her keys and backpack and headed out to the car.  Pulling out she scanned the rearview as she drove, totally expecting Kensi to have waited and followed her but she saw nothing.  She had a sinking feeling, but dismissed it immediately as hunger since she didn’t eat anything for breakfast.

Traveling down the freeway she kept glancing in her rearview mirror every so often to make sure she wasn’t being followed.  The address was in her head and she maneuvered the Audi TT convertible to the correct exit and then to the motel that had been on the paper.  As she stepped out of the car she glanced around at the motel.  Jeez, she thought, they couldn’t afford a better place than this?  Walking up to the room on the second floor she glanced around again checking camera’s, and windows.  She had managed to avoid the cameras and nothing suspicious was going on so she knocked on the door.

It was a few minutes before she heard the locks being unlatched and the door slide open.

“I thought you were done?” he looked her up and down.

“I need some things from you,” she stood tall and straight looking him in the eye.

“Come in,” he opened the door wider and she stepped into the room.  

Glancing around, she noticed that he was still as insanely neat as always.  He looked tired and worried.  There were papers laid out precisely on the extra bed in the room.  She took in his gun sitting on the night stand and his still packed suitcase sitting on the dresser.

“I need the files of the last three,” she turned to look at him.

“I don’t know…”

“Oh come on Pete, you have the clearance.  Don’t bullshit me.”

“Why? What’s this target to you?  You never cared about anything before,” he challenged, trying to get some information out of her.

“Things change Pete.  People change.”

“Your lover?” he asked matter-of-factly.

Looking up at him she fire flared in her cerulean blue eyes, “Sadly… no.  But he is my family.  And I couldn’t protect my parents, but I can protect him.  All of them.”

“I see.  Do you have your things?”

“I’ve got my gun and a few things, but I left most in the safe house in Hawaii.  I could ask McGarrett to ship them to me or I could go get them myself.  How long until ‘they’ arrive?”

“Haven’t told them you refused yet, but I’ve got to give my report soon.  If you leave tomorrow and are back in a day or so I can hold off until then.  I can tell them that I haven’t gotten you alone yet.  But I can’t hold off much longer than that.  I hear Joe White’s out there with McGarrett now.”

“Really? Haven’t seen him since forever. Wonder if he’d recognize Jace Faraday’s little girl now?” she tilted her head but didn’t smile.

“You going to get McGarrett involved?”

She looked sharply at him, “I don’t bring my problems to someone else’s door step.  He’s got enough he’s dealing with out there.  He doesn’t need to know anything about this.”

“Agreed.  So you’ve got 2 days.  You’d better hurry.  I’ll have the files for you before you leave.

“I’ll have to get cleared by Hetty but I doubt she’ll tell me no when I fill her in.  Besides it will be good to get away from the team right now.  And you’re sure they won’t send anyone until you’ve reported.”

“As sure as I can be.”

“Fine, when can I pick up the files?”

“I’ll have them by the end of today.  Wanna meet at the beach again?”

“No, someone might go looking for me there.  Here,” picking up a pen, she scribbled down an address on one of the few blank papers lying around, “meet me here at noon.”

“Where’s this?”

“Put it in your GPS and meet me there at noon,” came her answer as the door closed behind her.

Pete sighed looking at the closed door.  She expected him to be able to work miracles, and he just wasn’t sure this whole thing was on the level.  He had a strong feeling that there was more to this assignment than he or she was being told, and he hoped that they both found out before it was too late… for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Thank you all for reading and being patient through the waits between posts. I truly appreciate your comments and read each and everyone. I try to write back to each although sometimes I don’t get the chance. Please don’t let this stop you from reviewing because each review settles my resolve that I will make the next chapter better for you! -


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine. 
> 
> This chapter was a trial for me. Not going the way I wanted, and when I was able to come up with anything at all it was pure drivel. But needless to say everything worked itself out and although Reagan’s not having a good time of working her “things” out the chapter finally was finished.
> 
> A soundtrack change for this chapter. I heard this song on the radio one day and it totally blew me away. Although I have all of Colbie Caillat’s albums I had never heard this song before. It was like she wrote it for Reagan and G! So here you go!
> 
> And lastly please, please, please, keep commenting! Like I’ve said before we writers are needy and have to know what you think! MuchLove!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss those blue eyes, how you kissed me at night  
> I miss the way we sleep, like there's no sunrise  
> Like the taste of your smile, I miss the way we breathe  
> But I never told you, what I should have said  
> No I never told you, I just held it in  
> And now I miss everything about you, I can't believe I still want you  
> After all the things we've been through  
> I miss everything about you, without you  
> I Never Told You :: Colbie Caillat

::Chapter 16::

Sam opened the door when the bell rang at 7:00.  He was surprised to see G standing there looking disoriented and disheveled.

“You look like your dog died,” Sam commented and then looked around, “Where’s Reagan?”

G’s light eyes met Sam’s dark and nothing had to be said.

Opening the door wider Sam moved to the side, “Come on. Lisa’s in the kitchen.”

“I don’t…”

“In. The. Kitchen.”

G’s shoulders dropped as he headed to the back of the house and entered the sunny kitchen.  At his entrance Lisa turned around, saw his face, and pulled out a chair from the table.

“I’ll get you a cup of tea,” she said and busied herself at the stove.

“She kick you out?” Sam asked as he sat across from Callen.

“Not exactly.”

“You get in a fight?”

“Not exactly.”

“You wanna tell me what exactly happened, or I’m gonna “not exactly” knock it out of you.”

“I’m not exactly sure.  She was fine last night, actually better than fine, she was all soft and responsive, and then this morning the Ice Queen woke up and said everything possible to make me want to leave… but she never asked me to,” he sounded slightly confused.

“Oh please tell me you didn’t call her the Ice Queen!”

All he had to do was look at Sam and Sam rolled his eyes letting out a huge breath, and glanced at Lisa who frowned at him.

“Okay so maybe it’s just that time, you know…” Sam tried to reason.

 “Sam…” Lisa said in a warning voice.

G glanced at him and shook his head.

“Let’s start at the beginning what happened?”

“She got up this morning and told me she got a call last night from a contact in Hawaii, who has some information that could be a lead in her parent’s murder case.  I offered to go with her and she outright refused, told me to mind my own business, and to stop making everything about me.

“I felt like she was lobbing grenades at me.  Not really trying to make a direct hit, but close enough to make me back away.  We got into it about our ‘thing’ and then I needed to get out of there.  We’ve argued before but I never felt like she wanted me to leave.  This time it was blatant that she didn’t want to be the one to say it, but it’s what she wanted.

“I accused her of being a mole, and she looked like I slapped her.  I can’t get that look out of my head, and I had to leave at that point so I could think straight.  She’s right about one thing, when we’re together everything gets ‘confusing and muddled up’.”

Sam nodded, “And then you left? Geez G, when you mess things up, you really mess things up.”

“Sam!” Lisa cried, finally joining in the conversation.

Both men looked at her, “Okay, you argued.  Did she tell you it was over?”

“No, actually I accused her of pretending the whole time and she responded that it was all real, is real.”

“So it doesn’t sound like she ended anything.  In fact it sounds like she thinks you did,” Lisa tried to make them see reason.

Callen nodded, “But the fact is she still pushed me away.”

“Come on G, take a step back and look at who’s talking, the ‘Lone Wolf’ himself.  You did exactly the same thing to us when you went searching for information about your family.  And as usual we had to get your ass out of trouble; almost got us killed when you took on the Comescu’s.  

“Well, Reagan is the female you, and we’re gonna have to bale her ass out of trouble too.  Give her a couple of days to calm down and then approach her with an apology.”

“You think that’s gonna work?”

Sam looked at Lisa then back at G, “I’d bring flowers along just in case,” he smiled at his wife.

Sam’s cell phone rang and he picked it up to see who was calling, “Deeks.”

“Sup?” he answered.

“She did?” his face clouded.

“Yeah, sounds like the same story here. Any clue what’s going on?” he paused.

“Mmm hmm, okay.  Yeah sounds like a plan,” and with that he hung up.

“What was that?” G asked with a frown.

“Looks like Kensi went to Reagan’s this morning just after you left and she got the same response.  Reagan asked her to leave and then forced her to leave.”

“We’ve got to…”

“No, you’ve got to go home shower and get to OSP. I’ll meet up with you later.  And remember give her a couple of days and then approach.”

Nodding G didn’t question the abruptness of Sam shooing him out of the house.  As he pulled away Lisa came out from the kitchen and stood next to him watching G’s car disappear.

“So you’re going to meet with Deeks and Kensi?”

Sam looked at her a little surprised.

“Come on hon, give me some credit.  You got G out of here in record time after you got that call from Deeks.”

He gave her a sheepish smile and put his arm around her, “Something’s up and Kensi has the 411.”

Lisa kissed him and called over her shoulder as she walked away, “I’m off to work, be safe.  And don’t ride him to hard to day.  I think this is the first time he really had his heart stepped on.”

“Oh I’m not gonna ride him, I’m gonna drag his ass behind my car,” he muttered to himself with a smile.

Kensi pulled up in front of Deeks place just as he was walking out the door.  Getting out of the car she stood waiting for him to reach her, a mix of emotions welling up inside, as memories of last night flashed through her mind.

“You were up early Sunshine,” he smiled but kept his distance.  

He never knew how Kensi would react to the things he said, so he always approached her as he would a baited bear.  She saw this and looked at her feet.

“Hey, what’s up with Reagan?” he put a hand on her arm.

“I don’t even know where to start.  I went to go see her this morning to see how she was after last night.”

“Planned on having a gossip?” he smirked.  
“Not, now Deeks,” she growled at him.

“Okay, I was worried when I woke up this morning and you were gone.”

“Can we do this another time?  Reagan’s tied up in some serious stuff,” she cut off that direction of the conversation before it could go somewhere she was not ready to head just then.

“Okay… Reagan. What’s going on???”

Kensi related the story she had gotten from Reagan, to Deeks and by the time she was done he was leaning on her car with a hand in his shag and a shocked look on his face.

“There’s a contract out on G’s life?  I thought all that shit was over with Hunter and the Comescu’s.”

Kensi looked at him and nodded, “We all did.”

“Alright we’ve got to let Sam in on this.  Together the three of us can come up with a way to convince Reagan that we need to work together on this one.”

“I don’t know Deeks.  She seemed pretty adamant about not wanting or needing any help.”

“Yeah and so do you and G but guess what, you both always do.”

He dialed the number and waited.

“Hey, it’s Deeks.

“Kensi went to Reagan’s this morning, apparently just after G left.

“Yeah, she got a really abrupt reception and then was basically turned away at the door.

“Apparently before Reagan made Kensi leave she told her what was up and it sounds like our girl is in some deep shit and doesn’t want anyone to get involved.  Looks like she’s trying to protect us from whatever she’s wrapped up in.

“Kensi and I think the three of us should meet and try to get to the bottom of this thing, without alerting G, ‘cause it concerns him.  Can you get to the boathouse?”

“Great, see you in 20.”

Kensi looked expectantly as he killed the call.

“He’s in; he’ll be at the boathouse in 20 minutes.  Want me to drive?”

She looked at him with a smirk walking around to the driver’s side, “I may have lost my inhibitions last night, but I didn’t lose my mind!”

“Ha!”he dropped his head back with a laugh, then got in the passenger side with a smirk on his face.

Kensi looked at him and just shook her head.

          Pulling up to the house, Reagan sat in her car for a minute.  She really wasn’t sure how Hetty was going to receive this news.  She stepped out of the car and her eyes took in the house.  The brick stone work and well manicured lawns, the glittering windows and polished door knocker.  Walking up to the big front double doors Reagan rang the bell and banged the door knocker for good measure.  She smiled.  A door knocker wasn’t something you saw any more on homes, but then again this wasn’t just anyone’s home.  Taking a step back she waited going over things in her head.

The cough from behind her had her spinning around startled.  And there stood Hetty, in gardening clothes and a straw sun hat, with pruning shears in her hand.  She looked at Reagan expectantly and walked away.  Reagan followed behind her.

“You won’t be protecting anyone if you’re dead Miss Faraday.  You’re lucky it was me who caught you daydreaming on my step and not one of your comrades.”

“How…” Reagan’s mouth fell open

“Come now Miss Faraday, you don’t really believe something like this could go on without my knowledge do you?  I pride myself on being well informed about all my agents.”

“So you know about the hit out on G’s life.”

“And I know you were given the assignment and apparently refused it.”

“Apparently?"

“I’m assuming that since you are standing here, and that Mr. Callen is still very much alive, that you refused to accept the assignment.  I believe there is no fault with my reasoning in this matter is there?”

Reagan shook her head, “No, but you knew I would never accept that assignment even without your stellar deductions.  You know your agents too well to harbor any doubts about how they would react in any given situation.  Even ruling out human nature, there is very little that surprises you because you’ve studied us and know us better than we know ourselves.”

Hetty turned back to the rose bush she was pruning and sighed, “You know, rose bushes are much like children.  Although all can be thorny and temperamental, some are wild and will bloom in the face of adversity, while others need a gentle touch and a nudge in the right direction so they can become things of beauty and grace.”

She clipped a perfect satin pink blossom and handed it to Reagan.  Reagan brought it to her face and breathed in the heady fragrance.

“What are you saying Hetty?”

With a wry smile Hetty lowered the shears, “I’m simply making a comparison Miss Faraday.  You may construe whatever analogy you want to it.”  
“Hetty please, can we refrain from playing verbose games of nuances?  G’s life is in danger.”

“So we have come to the reason you arrived on my doorstep this morning.”

Reagan noted that she failed to answer the question but refrained from calling her on it, “Do you have any thoughts on who might want G dead? All of my searches came up empty except for a mention of a family named Comescu.”

“Oh, I believe we can rule out that search.  That threat was taken care of over a year ago,” Hetty dismissed it.

“Then I’m at a loss.  But whoever it is has some top level security in order to be able to bring me or the others in for the assignment.”

“I don’t know either, and that is what has me worried.  What do you plan on doing?”

“I plan on finding the 3 remaining assassins before they find G and neutralizing them. As you know my handler is in town and will be meeting us here at noon.  He’s bringing me their files and then I need to get my ‘things’.  I left them in a safe house in Hawaii before I arrived here in LA.  I want your permission to get them and then complete autonomy to do this job as I see fit.”

Hetty looked at Reagan studying her carefully, “I’m not sure complete autonomy is what you need right now.  You’re feelings are clouding your judgment and I cannot consent to an agent bent on revenge.”

Reagan was silent for a moment and then sighed, “Then I guess you don’t know me as well as I believed.  I don’t work on emotions, Hetty.  When I do a job there are no emotions.  That is one of the things they managed to program out of me as a child.”

“And yet another reason not to give you full autonomy.  Reagan, I don’t think you realize just how emotionally involved you are.”

Exasperated she opened her mouth to fight back, “Hetty, I…”

At that moment a navy car pulled into the drive and stopped behind Reagan’s.  As she watched Pete get out of the car, she felt a fleeting memory pushing at her conscious, but let it go to focus on the here and now.

“Agent Sallanger I presume?” Hetty looked up at the man who approached.

“Ms. Lange, you’re reputation has preceded you,” he acknowledged the diminutive woman.

“Unfortunately, I cannot say the same.  But then working for an agency that’s doesn’t exist does impede the formation of a reputation doesn’t it.”

Pete smiled, “I can see why she wanted to come work for you.”

Hetty didn’t smile but stared at him waiting for an explanation.  

“You’re as prickly as she is.”

“I see…” was all Hetty said derisively.

Reagan looked from one to the other and gave a wry smile.

Pete coughed, “Well here,” he thrust three thick files at Reagan, “everything I could find on specimens 1, 3, and 4.  It’s a lot of reading but…”

“Yeah I should be fine,” she pulled them close.

“Hetty doesn’t think I can do this job because I’m too emotional about it.  Could you please tell her I don’t do emotions?”

Pete looked from Reagan to Hetty and ran his hand through his hair stalling, “I have to agree with her Rae.”

“Wha…”

“You’ve never had family or friends to get in the way before.  It’s always been just you.  Now other people are involved.  People you care for, people you consider family, and you are emotionally involved whether you believe that or not.  Just your response to the assignment told me you were emotionally involved.

He stepped closer to her and laid a hand on her shoulder, “And honestly Reagan I’m relieved you are.  It tells me you are not one of their specimens.  You are not a mindless zombie that dances to their tune. You are your own person.”

Stepping away from him, she held the files close to her chest, “That doesn’t help my friends stay alive.  I need to be a specimen to do this job.  I need to leave any emotions behind.  I need to protect them.”

She began to sound a little frantic looking back and forth between Pete and Hetty.

“And we’re not saying you shouldn’t my dear.  All we’re saying, is we feel you should have to check in with someone.  Someone who can talk you down and you feel safe with,” Hetty explained.

“I would offer my services but I think…”

“Sam… I’ll report to Sam and that’s it,” Reagan relented although it sounded like an ultimatum.

“Fair enough, I’ll bring the team up to speed– minus Mr. Callen, I do not feel that he needs to be burdened with this information until completely necessary – while you are in Hawaii.  You will come to work on Monday a usual and will report to Sam in secret when you have any information.  Agreed?”

Reagan nodded.  Pete smiled.

“Make her give you a verbal agreement Ms. Lange, otherwise she will twist the law and honor until it is barely recognizable and do what she wants any way.”

Reagan’s mouth dropped open and then closed.  She didn’t think Pete realized that about her, but then she never gave him credit for much before.

“Fine, agreed,” she gave her word.

“Thank you Miss Faraday.  Go pack and I will arrange your flight to Hawaii.  I will call you with the details.  I am going to tell Sam and the others where you are, but will refrain from any explanation of the real reason why until you return and can tell them yourself.”

Reagan nodded as she headed to her car.  Tossing the files on the passenger seat she turned to Hetty and Pete and paused.  She hadn’t ever realized that, even away from Gibbs all of those years, she had always had someone to confide in the whole time.  Her immaturity hadn’t allowed her to see Pete as anything but a nuisance, and his hands off demeanor never gave her a moment’s thought that it was any different.

“Thank you both.  Hetty I promise I will keep them safe.”

Hetty nodded and looked as if she was going to say something until Pete stepped in.

“Keep yourself safe first kid.  Otherwise there’s no way you can keep them safe.”

Reagan nodded again, slid into the car and drove away.  Hetty and Pete turned and looked at each other appraisingly.

“Come Agent Sallanger, let’s have a cup of tea.  I believe there is much we need to discuss about our ‘wild child’.”

Pete knew it was an order not an option and followed the tiny woman into the house like a scolded child.

 

Reagan heels clicked on the terrazzo floor as she exited the Honolulu airport.  The designer glasses shaded her eyes from the bright sunshine as she walked to the curb and raised a hand to hail a cab.  Suddenly a silver Camaro came speeding up and squealed to a stop making her step back.  The tinted window rolled down and she bent to look in, a smile spread across her full lips.

“Hey baby, you need a ride?”

Reagan moved closer and leaned on the open window of the door, “Does McGarrett know you’re here?” she laughed.

“Awww, come on Rae, I’m picking up a hot girl!” Danny laughed at her, “Get in woman!”

Opening the door with a smile, she tossed her carry on in the back seat and slid into the front next to Danny.

“Thanks for picking me up!  I’m not interrupting anything am I?  How is everyone?” Reagan asked.

Danny laughed, “You’re always interrupting, that’s nothing new!  But in all seriousness, things are good.”

“How’s my Gracie girl?”

“She’s good, misses you.”  
“I miss her too.  How about Kono and Chin?  How are they?”

“Chin got married, and Kono misses you too.  Actually I don’t know who misses you more Gracie or Kono!” he laughed

“And Steve?” she asked hesitantly.

“You know he’s Steve, out trying to save the world.  He had a little break through recently with his Dad’s stuff when his old commander Joe White came out here. But otherwise he’s Steve.”

“Yeah I know,” she laughed, “Did you tell anyone I was coming?”

“No, you told me not to and I actually didn’t this time!  You look great by the way, L.A. agrees with you!”

“Thank you,” Reagan’s smile didn’t reach her eyes hidden behind her glasses.  

She had called Danny from LAX and asked him to pick her up and avoid telling anyone that she was coming.  Of course he had asked her why and tried to get her to change her mind but she was adamant about being under the 5-0 team’s radar.  It would just be too much to deal with and she would have to answer to many questions that she would need to lie about.

She had originally come to Hawai’i for some down time when she began to plan her move to NCIS.  She was here as Reagan Faraday, but although she used her real name she was not there as her real self.  The ‘Reagan’ the 5-0 team knew was a writer who was doing research for her mystery/crime novel.  It was one of the reasons she had gotten to know the 5-0 in the first place.  

She had run into Steve McGarrett at a local bar one night and the story had come out of thin air and wove itself into her backstop.  It helped explain how she knew so much about what she did.  But after a few weeks of following the team around gathering “research”, a friendship had formed.  And in her and Steve’s case a romantic friendship.  It hadn’t worked out (mostly because of Reagan’s own issues about dating) but they found that their friendship was worth pursuing and remained friends (with benefits) until Reagan had moved to the main land about 6 months later.

As he pulled up in front of Reagan’s beach front cottage, Reagan scanned the sweet little place she had called home for a few blissfully free months.

“Come on woman.  Welcome home,” Danny laughed as he opened the door for Reagan.

She walked into the cottage with Danny behind her carrying her suitcase and felt out of place.  The dress she wore, a little Chloe number she had put on in LA, clung to her curves.  Her hair hung in shining sheets of sunshine and her heels clicked on the hardwood floor.  She was not the girl she was a year ago, with the bright smile, the flowy sun-dresses, and the usual braid of hair that swung as she walked.  And it was another reason she didn’t want the 5-0 team to know she was on the island.

Looking around she slipped out of her Jimmy Choo’s and nudged them to the side as she looked around the cottage to see that everything was in its place.  

“Is everything okay?” Danny asked as he watched her looking around.

Having forgotten for a moment that she was not alone she turned to him, “Hm? Oh yes, I was just feeling a little sentimental.  L.A. is so rushed and ‘on’ all the time that I forgot how peaceful it was here.  And thank you for picking me up at the airport.   I really appreciate you not telling the team I’m here.  I’ll be leaving tomorrow anyway so I just figured it was easier to stay under the radar.”

“I understand.  Well I’ll head out now.  I’ll be by tomorrow to pick you up before your flight.”

Reagan turned and gave him a tight hug, which was completely in character for the Reagan he knew but took a lot for the Reagan that was there.

“Hey what was that for? You okay?” he hugged her back.

“I’ve just got a lot of things going on and I really appreciate you doing this for me.  I couldn’t ask anyone else.”

“You know I’m always here.  I’ll check in with you tonight, kay?”

Reagan smiled and nodded, trying to look as though nothing more than a failed relationship was wrong.

She walked him outside and stood on the porch until he was out of sight.  Turning she headed back into the house and into the back bedroom.  Nudging the area rug with her toe she uncovered the rectangle door that led her down to the tiny basement.  Opening the door she headed down and flipped the light on as she descended.  Upon entering the small room she smiled.  Everything was still there.  All of the tools she had collected over the 15 year career of being an assassin.  She let her fingers caress the pieces sitting on the lower shelves and her eyes caress the plethora of guns tacked to the walls.  And as stood in the tiny little hidden room she didn’t feel the shift from Reagan Faraday, to Specimen 6 which was usually as palpable as if it were physically happening.  With a sigh she headed back up stairs, shutting the light and the door.  

Nothing seemed to be right anymore.  She had never been this confused or out of sorts in her life and she hated feeling like this.  Changing into a sundress she decided to go for a walk to clear her head, before she packed her arsenal and headed back to LA.  Out back the Pacific spread before her and crashed on to the shore.  Normally a walk on the beach, listening to the crashing waves helped her drown out everything else and focus on what needed to be done, but today it was just not happening.  She could not get the last conversation she had with G out of her head.

She had been shocked to see him walk out even though she had aimed her barbed words towards that goal.  And she had to admit, if only to herself, it had hurt, more than she ever imagined it would.  She had used that pain over the next couple of hours to get her through the meeting with Kensi and then with Hetty and Pete.  But now the pain was back and she wasn’t sure how to deal with it if she couldn’t just push it away.  She had no idea how long she sat and simply watched the sea while her mind swirled in circle but and the shadows grew longer she realized she had things to do.  With a sigh she left the beach and headed back into the house to pack up her tools.  The methodic packing of each thing, making sure it was perfectly in its place kept her mind off of other things.  

When everything was packed perfectly, she stood and picked up her garrote, her Kanzashi hair sticks, and her SIG.  These would be with her, everything else would be checked as luggage, it was how she usually traveled with her tools, yet this time she was uncomfortable about it.  And she was not happy that she decided to spend the night.  She wanted, no needed to get back to LA as soon as possible but the early flight from LA had her landing in Honolulu after lunch and now it was after 8pm.  To book a flight back to LA at this point would have her landing in LA sometime tomorrow anyway.

She carried the bags up stairs and placed them by the front door.  The only thing she was sure of right then was that she was not leaving Hawai’i without these bags.  Heading to the kitchen, she stood in front of the refrigerator with the door open perusing the food choices Danny had stocked for her.  Grabbing a yogurt and bottle of water she sat at the small kitchen table and ate in silence.  It was times like these that she found herself thinking about G, and she found it disconcerting that she actually did so.  

Damn it, she thought, I’ve got to stop mooning about like a love sick school girl.  I’m a woman who doesn’t need a man to define who I am.  This is ridiculous!  Getting up she tossed the two containers into the garbage and headed outside for a walk.  She needed to clear her head of G and thought a walk might give her some idea of how to do it.

She walked along the beach, the cool water lapping over her feet and ankles, the full moon lighting up the shoreline and glinting on the fins of a pod of spinner dolphins out in the distance.  With a sigh she wrapped her arms around her waist and hung her head.  Being near the water usually soothed her.  It usually helped her focus, but right then it was doing neither.  Her head and heart were a jumble of messy emotions that she had no time to deal with right then.  That she shouldn’t be dealing with right then.  And at the center of everything was Callen.

She had been like this after her parent’s murder, and then again when she was torn away from Gibbs, but she had been a kid then, a teenager with raging hormones and messy emotions.  Well, she was no longer that kid.  She had learned to control her emotions and as for her hormones, she controlled that with blissfully short periods of being with a man and then cutting ties and moving on, and even those were few and far between.  

So why was everything so different with Callen?  Why hadn’t he worked his way out of her system like the others did?  Was it because she hadn’t had sex with him?  No, there had been others that she hadn’t slept with, and she never felt compelled to stay.  It had played its course and she moved on.  So why now did she not want to move on? What was compelling her to want him more now that she knew she had to put distance between them?

She stopped, dropping her arms, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.  And there he was, those blue eyes studying her as if to find out how she worked, as if to discover the tiniest chink in her armor and methodically chip away at it until nothing was left.  Those eyes that somehow managed to both terrify her and comfort her at the same time.

Opening her eyes she gasped and brought her hand to her chest.  There was a weight sitting like a boulder on her lungs and she was fighting for breath.  Dropping to her knees she tried to take shallow breaths.  She heard her name called but it sounded far away, and when she felt hands on her shoulder she was helpless to defend herself.  Looking up she found herself staring into Steve McGarrett’s green eyes, not Callen’s blue.

“Hey, it’s okay.  It’s okay Reagan.  Cup your hands over your mouth and breathe slowly.  It will pass.  It’s okay, breathe slowly,” he ordered gently.

Doing what he told her to, she was finally able to breathe normally although she still could not shake the heavy feeling.  As Steve stood her up he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and his thumb not so accidentally brushed her cheek.

“I almost didn’t stop.  Now I’m glad I did,” his hand went from her hair to touch her shoulder and moved down her arm finally ending in her own.

In almost any other situation she would have moved her hand away but this time she didn’t.

“I’m glad you did too,” she said softly.

“That was a pretty nasty panic attack.  When did you start having those?”

“Oh you know they come and go,” she brushed off the question and looked up at him, “I guess you waterboarded  Danno to get the information out of him?”

“No, I drive by here almost every night on my way home to keep an eye on the place,” he said honestly, “When I saw the light on at first I thought someone had broken in and I stopped.  When I saw you walking on the beach I was going to leave until I realized that I wanted to see you.  I’ve missed you Reagan.  I didn’t realize it completely until I saw you were back.”

He stepped closer to her and put a hand gently on her cheek.  She didn’t move in closer but she didn’t pull away either.  He waited.  She had always been like a scared animal, ready to run at the smallest thing, so he moved slowly and gently with her.

“We didn’t work out before Steve, what makes you think this time will be any different?” she whispered.

“I don’t know.  But I’ve always been of the mind ‘If at first you don’t succeed…’” he smiled, his thumb softly caressing her cheek bone.

“Really ‘cause I’ve always been of the mind ‘All banging your head against a brick wall will do is give you a nasty headache’.”

He gave a soft chuckle and ran his hand through her hair, “Is that what I’m doing Reagan?”

“I… I don’t know Steve.”

And it was completely true.  Part of her was screaming TRAITOR, what about G?  He trusts you and doing this would ruin all of that.  And another part whispered seductively, this is what you need to move on.  This is what you need to get him out of your system.  Give in Reagan; you know it will be good.  You know he can drive any man out of your head.

“Why did you come back Rae?”

He was so close she could smell his skin, a mixture of salt, sunscreen and something innately male.  It was as seductive now as it had been almost a year ago, and she so wanted to lose herself for the night, for force herself to forget about G.

“I needed some time to work out some things.  To get away and straighten out my head.”

“A guy?”

“It doesn’t matter, it just didn’t work out.”

“That seems to be your M.O.”

“Reagan glanced up at him and was captured by those green eyes, “That was harsh.”

“Then let me change that,” he said his lips mere inches away from hers.

She let her eyes flutter closed as he covered her lips with his.  She ran her hands up his chest and around his neck as his traced her spine through the cotton of her top.  It was a wonderful kiss, deep, soft and it even had that heart fluttering-ness to it.  At any other time this would have worked for her, and with her history with Steve, would have even found herself in his bed.  Oh there was definitely heat between them, there always had been.  She moved in to deepen the kiss and he obliged.

But it was not that gasping, mind blowing heat she had found with G, and no matter how much she wouldn’t admit to a relationship, this just felt wrong.  Pulling away from Steve she gasped, putting her hand to her lips.  His arms automatically reached for her to steady them both but she pushed him away.

“What’s wrong?”

“I… I’m sorry Steve, I can’t.  I just can’t.”

He stared at her and a sad smile played about his lips, “So, it’s finally happened.”

Reagan frowned glancing at him quickly, trying to calm her whirling mind, “What?”

“You fell in love.”

And suddenly everything stopped, her heart, her mind, her breath, all at once.  She felt as if she had just been hit by a Mack truck.

“What!? No.  No!  No, it’s not like that!”

“Come on Reagan, we were lovers and we are friends.  I think I know you a little better than most.  And even though you are amazing in bed…”

“Really Steve…” the old Reagan reared her head for a moment.

“It was a compliment!”

“Most compliments don’t start with ‘even though’.”

“I would have taken it as a compliment.”

Reagan sighed, “Moving on!”

“Even though you are – you know- you’re always holding something back.  You always keep a part of yourself locked away, protected from everyone including your lovers.  But not this guy, he found that wall and got past it.  Somehow he was able to get past all of your fail safes without you knowing.”

Reagan stood there staring at him with her mouth slightly open.  He smiled and kissed her firmly and platonically on her mouth.

“He’s a lucky guy.”

“I’m not sure he’d agree with you.”

“Well when you figure that out I’m always here.  I’ll catch you tomorrow before you leave,” he said as he walked up the beach.

Reagan stared, watching him go, willing her mind to remain completely blank.  When Steve had driven away and before she could begin to think about anything that had just been said she stripped to the skin and dove into the water.  Most people were cautious about swimming at night but she had swum these waters morning and night for 6 months while on hiatus before coming to NICS: OSP.  And of course she always carried a knife strapped to her right thigh in case of any nosy predators, fish or human.

As she swam deeper she focused on quieting her mind and slowing her heart beat down so she could reserve oxygen.  As a child she would pretend she was a mermaid princess cursed to live on land as a human.  She would pretend that if she could only dive down deep enough and hold her breath long enough the curse would break and she could return home.

Reagan had given up on flights of fancy when her parents were murdered and had all but forgotten about this game until that very moment.  G, he was the catalyst in all this.  Only after meeting him did she start to think about happily ever after again.

Her lungs burning and coming nose to nose with a turtle sent her swimming for the surface.  She hadn’t realized how deep she had gone until she broke through the surface, sucking in oxygen.  Floating on her back she stared at the full moon and the infinite stars.  She always felt so small when she was in the water, so insignificant.  But then life would come crashing down around her and along with it everything that sat on her shoulders.

It would be so easy to disappear from here, she thought.  So easy to find some little island where she could live quietly, alone and leave all of this behind her.  But the more she considered it, the less likely it seemed that she could actually do it.  Because now there was so much more she would have to let go.

Not only would she have to give up the hope of ever solving her parent’s murder, she would have to also give up Gibbs, who had been the only constant in her life and her sanity for so long.  And now she had the team to lose and the bonds she created with them, the family they had become to her.  And then there was G.  Could she call what they had a ‘relationship’?  Were these warring emotions love, as Steve suggested? Or was it something that was all created in her head?  Whatever it was, whatever they had or could have was not important right then.  What was important was making sure G was protected and safe.  Everything else had to come after that.  

Feeling like she was constantly going round in circles with this topic she decided to head in.  Swimming to shore she gathered her clothes and made her way up the beach to her cottage.  There she showered the salt water off and once dried she slid between the soft sheets.  After an hour of tossing and turning she gave up and lay still on her back, staring up at the spinning fan blades.

She had to admit he was the only one who could help her sleep, the only one who could keep the nightmares at bay.  When they were lying next to each other, their breath became one, moving in and out in a soothing rhythm.  She was comfortable with him, usually snuggling into his side and listening to his heart beat.  The memory of the way he would play with her hair or every so often randomly kiss a spot on her that he could reach, made her chest ache and her eyes burn.

Unable to deal with this train of thought any longer she shut her eyes and began to count her breaths slowly.  In, out, one; in, out, two; in, out, three, and the rhythmic feel of it eventually had her drifting off to sleep.  But it was not long before the nightmares began.

She was locked in her room.  The door was bolted, the windows sealed, and she was standing at one of the windows looking out onto the front drive of her house.  She watched as her parents, talking to each other and smiling, left the house walking hand in hand to the car sitting in the driveway.  She could feel the panic begin in her chest.  It began to squeeze, and her breath came out in short gasps.  She had seen this time and again. And each time she was unable to stop what happened.

But this time the dream changed.  It was no longer her childhood home she was standing in.  Nor was it her parents she was watching walk to a car.  When she finally recognized what she was seeing she went to run and realized she couldn’t move.  She went to scream and realized no sound would come.  It was the parking lot of the restaurant the team had visited and as she stood frozen to the spot she watched as Callen walked to her car.  Sucking in her breath she screamed his name over and over.  And then she felt her legs moving as she began to run after him, and sound coming out as she screamed his name with all of her breath.  He finally turned to look at her only to smile and wave and as he was about to say something just as the car explodes into a giant ball of fire enveloping him in its inferno.  She screamed his name as the force of the explosion rocketed her backwards very much like it actually did, but as the darkness began to take over her only thought was he would not be there when she opened them again.

She shot up in the bed, her body slick with sweat, her face damp.  She was shaking, but from fear or adrenaline she wasn’t sure.  This was his fault, all his fault, her mind accused, but deep down, in a place she would never admit to or acknowledge, she knew it was a lie.  Still shaking she rose from her bed, showered, and dressed for the day that was still 5 hours away.  Pulling up her hair into a knot she slipped the Kanzashi blades in like hair pins.  Taking a bottle of water and the three folders Pete had given her at Hetty’s, she made her way to the back lanai and sat on the swing watching the black water eating up the sand.  She read and reread each folder, her shaking fingers turning each page as she read it, numerous times before she heard a car pulling into the drive.  Looking up she realized the sun had risen and Danny was there to bring her to the airport.

When the knock on the front door came she called out in a tremulous voice, which she hated herself for, “I’m out back Danny.”

She heard the door open and the footsteps through the house.  But when she looked back to the screen door, it was not Danny standing there but Steve.  Her face must have read the surprise she felt because he shrugged and stepped out almost apologetically.

“I forced Danny to let me pick you up.  He let me come ‘cause I hinted that we needed to smooth some things out.”

Reagan stood up still trembling slightly and barely managed a smile, “He was always a sucker for a romance.”

Noticing the slight shake Steve stepped closer to her and took her arm.  Reagan almost pulled away, until she realized that the Reagan he knew would have welcomed the comfort.

“Are you okay? Come here,” he pulled her into his chest folding her in his arms.

Reagan hadn’t realized she was cold until his warmth began to seep into her as he held her close.  Leaning against him she tried to find a reason to see if last night was a fluke or if she would have the same reaction to kissing Steve.  Looking up at him she knew that she didn’t need a reason.  Turning to face him she stood on her tiptoes and touched her lips to his while wrapping her arms tight around his neck.  She could hear his inhale and felt his strong arms wrap around her as he deepened the kiss and she went right with him.  

Memories of their time together surfaced in her mind causing her to flush and the heat to rise from low in her belly.  She sighed and pulled away to study his face.  It was a beautiful face, one she could wake up to every morning, and close her eyes to every night.  He studied her back and a small smile played on his lips.

“Well that was a nice good morning,” he let his hands slide to her hips.

She gave him an unsure smile and stepped back.  

“You didn’t sleep last night did you?” he let her go and held open the back door for her.

Walking through the door Reagan shook her head, “No… nightmares again.”

“Still?  The one about your parents?”

Reagan nodded.  Since she and Steve were lovers for about 5 months of the 6 she spent in Hawaii, she needed to explain why she woke almost every night drenched in sweat and crying out.  She told him a version of her parent’s death, that they had been killed in a car accident that she had survived.  It was easier to keep the story as close to the truth as possible.

He rubbed small circles on her back as they walked through the house.  He looked down at the 4 Louis Vuitton hardsided luggage trunks.

“What’s all this?” he asked as Reagan headed to her room to grab her carryon.

“Hm? Oh that stuff, just some journals, notebooks, and books that I had left here and I now need.  It’s not too much trouble is it?”

“What? No! Not trouble at all.  Is this everything?”

“Yes, I guess we’d better get going,” she said quietly.

Steven loaded up the back of the silver Camaro and helped her into the car.  They were silent on the drive from the North shore to the airport.  Reagan stared out the window, her mind finally settling down and focusing on the task ahead.  She never noticed Steve staring at her every so often, studying her serious face.  At the airport he unloaded her luggage and put it on a cart.

“I’ll walk you in.  Come on,” he offered.

“No!” she startled, “Um, I know you have to get to work and I don’t want to interrupt.  I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure I can…”

“No, really the line’s going to be forever, and you’ve got to get to work.”

She stopped and looked at him.  He smiled and moved close to her putting his hands on her hips.

“So, when do you think you’ll be back?”

“I’m not really sure Steve.  I’ve got a big job I need to get back to.  I can’t make promises right now.”

“Look Reagan, is there another chance for us?  Let’s not play games.”

“I’m not playing games Steve.  We have something the two of us, but I can’t make any promises.  I don’t expect you to wait around for me, and honestly I don’t want you to.  My life isn’t really cut out for relationships.”

“You’re going back to him?”

“I don’t know Steve, but I’m not going to leave you hanging on to something that might not happen.”

“Listen, you do what you have to and if things don’t work out, give me a call. You know we could be great together.”

Reagan laughed and looked up into his green eyes, “You never give up do you?”

“Not when there is any chance.  I’ll be around Reagan, give me a call when you are.”

He kissed her soundly and gave her a tight hug.  She laid her head on his shoulder and squeezed.  She waited as he drove away and then wheeled the cart into the airport.  As she approached the check in counter she pulled her NCIS badge and paperwork for carrying weapons on a flight out of her purse, and also handed in her paper work for checking her ‘tools’, the main reason she didn’t want Steve to walk her to check in.  

Once settled in her seat she put her earbuds in and laid her head back, Colbie Caillat began to play, “I miss your blue eyes, how you kiss me at night, I miss the way we sleep…”

Closing her eyes she felt a bead of moisture slip down her cheek.  Whipping it away she began to contemplate her position.  It was time she stopped fighting it and accepted what she was feeling for G.  He had changed her so much in the short time they were together and she didn’t want to think about a life now without him.  Sure she and Steve could make things work, but she wasn’t willing to just settle any more.  She finally found something that was able to move her more than anything else in her life had since her parent’s death and she wasn’t willing to lose it, either because of something she had done or because of someone else.  No she was not going to let this slip through her fingers.  She was finally going to close them tight and hang on for dear life, because she finally realized that it wasn’t worth living if you had nothing to live for.  

**  
-Thank you for reading and sticking with me through this. I greatly appreciate your reviews and look forward to reading each and everyone.  I try to respond to all of them to let you know how much they mean to me.-**


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine.
> 
> This chapter was worked out in sections going back and forth between the beginning airport/boatshed scene and the latter bar/alley scene. It took a while to get everything worked out but I think it came together nicely.
> 
> A soundtrack change for this chapter. Actually there are a couple of soundtrack songs in this chapter. Firstly I listened to Avril Lavigne's "Keep Holding" on during the writing of the first half of this chapter. A little cliché, I know but it's was the feeling that no matter what the team was there for Reagan that I was trying to capture. The song Everything by Lifehouse I've listened to since the conception of this story and it finally has a place within. Lastly the two songs that find themselves in the story just worked with what was going on and are two of my favorites from childhood. If you've never heard them (which I find highly unlikely) give them a listen also.

Reagan saw him as she walked out of the gate to get her luggage. He stood there, his arms crossed over his chest, his typical red shirt hugged his shoulders and arms, a perpetual frown set on his mouth. She felt like a kid who had disappointed her father, and in a sense she knew she had disappointed him. Stopping in front of him she looked up hesitantly.

    “So you’re back?” he said looking accusingly.

    “Look, I...” she started but he cut her off.

    “Don’t give me your excuses Rae. You need to realize that no matter what he means to you, he’s my partner and best friend; there’s no way I was going to let you do this alone.”

    “What?! There’s... I don’t...” she sputtered.

    “Come on Rae, don’t play a player.”

    “I’m not trying to play anyone. I was taught to clean up my messes and that’s what I'm going to do.”

    “And what makes you think it’s your mess to clean up.”

    “Come on Sam, do you really think it’s just a coincidence that after I move to NCIS I get this assignment? You are not that naive.”

    “Well, here’s what we’re going to do. Kensi and Deeks are waiting at the boathouse for us. When we get there you are going to disclose everything, and I mean everything about what is going on. You will check in with me on everything that you decide to do including using a new toothbrush. Got it?”

    Reagan opened her mouth to argue but quickly shut it as Sam cut her off, “Got it?!”

    “I’ve got it,” she bit out.

    “Good. Let's go get your bags,” he stepped back and let her lead the way.

    Reagan walked to the luggage carousel an claimed her bags. When she turned she saw Sam's raised eyebrow at the amount of bags she had.

    “We're you planning on staying a for a month?”

    “What? Oh I didn't take them with me! These are what I went to Hawai’i to get.  My, um, ’tools’ are in there.”

    “Your tools?”

    “Yes, my ’tools’,” she tried to express her meaning.

    Still not getting her meaning, Reagan a flipped open the lid of one of the cases and Sam blinked twice finally understanding.

    “Jesus Christ girl, you’ve got an arsenal with you!” he said through his teeth.

    Reagan shrugged, “A girl can never have too many accessories!”

    As she turned away from him a small smirk played about his mouth.  It was one thing he admired about her; she always had a quip to fend off the most serious situations. He knew it was her defense mechanism, and it reminded him of Deeks, but coming from Reagan it was endearing.

    They packed the four suitcases in the trunk of the Challenger and her carry-on in the back seat. As she slid into the passenger seat Sam started the engine.

    “So we're off to the boat shed?” Reagan asked.

    “Kensi and Deeks are waiting for us there.  You'll debrief us all there and then we'll come up with a plan of action.”

    Reagan sat there with a stony look on her face and stared out the window. She said nothing but he knew that a storm was roiling below the surface.

    “Go ahead, out with it!”

    "I only agreed to Hetty's demand that I check in with you because I had no other choice.  She would never have agreed to let me do this on my own, so I agreed to check in with you.  I didn't think I would actually have to do it!"

    Sam laughed derisively, "Well, welcome to my world!"

    "Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like this?" she mumbled to the window.

    "I have a feeling you're going to hate this," he smiled.

    "Then why am I doing it?" she cried her head wiping around to look at him.

    "Let's just say if you don't play by the rules it's not going to be three assassin's you're going to have to worry about."

    Reagan sighed, "No, just one really pissed off Hetty."

    Sam chuckled, "Yup!"

    "You're actually enjoying this!" she cried.

    "Yup!"

    Reagan growled at him rolling her eyes and refused to look at Sam.  Sam laughed thinking of his daughter's similar reaction and the large age difference between the two females.  Well, he thought with another laugh, looks like girls never grow up either!

    Reagan gave Sam the silent treatment for the rest of the ride.  Childish, she knew but it made her feel better and gave her some satisfaction to know that he would have to wait for her to debrief him until they got to the boat shed.

    When she opened the door to the shed she found Kensi and Deeks engrossed in an argument and oblivious to her presence.  Unable to hear what they were saying she just stood and observed them.  Their body language spoke volumes and although they were arguing there was no tension in their bodies or faces.  Kensi had her hand on the table and Deeks was covering it with his own.  In any normal situation Deeks would have been on his knees begging 'uncle' with Kensi standing over him and his thumb twisted backwards.

    "They've sealed the deal," she whispered softly, smiling to herself.

    "What deal?" Sam asked quietly from behind her.

    She frowned and still refused to look at him, "Are you really that obtuse?" she growled.

    Hearing her they pulled their hands apart and stood like two kids caught in a compromising position.  Sam laughed and Reagan snorted.

    "Light dawns on a dark mind," she muttered.

    "You better watch it Baby Girl before I put your lights out permanently," he muttered back causing her to finally smile at him.

    "Did we miss something?" Deeks asked as they walked over to the two of them.

    "No, but apparently we did," Reagan eyed the two of them with a smirk.

    "Well if you had stuck around and not kicked me out on Saturday you would have known," Kensi retorted, still annoyed at Reagan.

    "I had to go.  I couldn't..."

    "Enough excuses.  We are your team, we are your friends, and we are going to help whether you like it or not," Kensi got in Reagan's face.

    Reagan stared at Kensi and suddenly realized that it wasn't anger she saw in her eyes but concern and worry.  It made her pause and it finally dawned on her that all of their talk about being a family wasn't just talk, it was real.  Even knowing that she brought this to their doorstep they were going to put themselves in the line of fire to protect not only Callen but her too.  It was something she had never dealt with while out in the field on her own.  She had been taught to take care of herself.  That no one was worth trusting that much because in the end everyone was only out for themselves.  The only back you should worry about was your own.

    Deeks and Sam watched as the two women stood nose to nose and wondered if this was going to be the end of a friendship that had just started.  But much to their surprise Reagan deflated and backed down.

    "I'm sorry.  I just reacted and my first reaction to a threat is to pull away and handle things myself. My first instinct is to protect those people who I care about.  I couldn't protect my parents and I'm determined to protect the team and G.  You don't understand the whole picture.  You don't understand what you are up against."

    "Then explain it to us, let us help you by understanding what's going on," Kensi put a hand on her arm.

    Reagan looked at it and stepped back letting Kensi's hand fall to her side.  Both Sam and Deeks watched as Reagan's face closed down and she hid behind the wall again.

    "Well, sit down and I'll tell you everything I can."

    The four of them sat at the table and waited.  Reagan closed her eyes and tried to settle her mind. Opening her eyes she folded her hands on the table and stared at them.

    "My parents were murdered when I was 13 years old.  That same year I was ripped from everything I knew and sent to live in Italy with my aunt, and I use the term 'aunt' very loosely.  We had no relationship before I was sent to her and would never have one except that of handler and agent.  That same year I discovered who I really was."

    "I'm lost," Deeks leaned forward and placed his arms on the table.

    "So was I.  For 13 years I was the adored daughter of a highly decorated Navy Seal and a leading American geneticist.  And in one day my whole world was ripped apart.  I was informed that not only was I genetically altered to be a superior specimen, but that I was part of a covert government experiment to create the perfect assassin.  I discovered that the 5 other children I had virtually grown up with were also part of the experiment and that we were a group of sleeper cell assassins that were being placed all over the globe to begin our extensive training.

    "I was placed with my father's sister who had been brought into Project Chimera from a request from my father.  He had planned on placing me with her after he exhausted his own skills and could teach me no more.  Unfortunately that plan was cut dismally short for him.  I had no idea of any of this until my parent’s deaths, including an aunt in Italy.  The other children were placed with agents in other countries for their training and it was very rare that we came across each other after that, unless we were on an assignment that required more than one assassin."

    "Wait.  So you're like the...X-Men?!  Seriously?!  What's your super power? What can you do?" Deeks face lit up.

    Reagan looked up at him in complete shock, "I can dodge bullets."

    "Dodge bullets? Isn't that more of a Matrix/Trinity thing than an X-Men?"

    "Really?! Out of all of what I just said that's what you come away with?!"

    He winked at her and Reagan rolled her eyes.  She knew he was just trying to relieve the tension which was both of their coping mechanism, but right then it was not what she needed.

    "Right.  Serious.  Got it," he said and ducked his head as Kensi and Sam glared at him.

    "You're an assassin," Sam said.

    Reagan let out a deep sigh.  Sam saying that out loud was like purging the 900 pound gorilla in the room.

    "Yes.  We are known as cleaners.  If an op went wrong we would come in and clean up the mess.  Because we don't exist, no one knew about it.  Mostly credit for the kills went to one branch of the military service or another.

    "You need to understand, these are not your typical assassin's that we will be dealing with.  Not only are they genetically enhanced to do this job, but they are also brain washed into believing that the job is their life.  And they believe it!  Nothing comes before the job, nothing will deter them from finishing it.  It comes before family, before friends, before anything.  They wait for the next assignment as if it were life giving sustenance and when they are on an assignment they live and breathe it.  And for them the assignment isn't over until they have achieved their objective, every 'i' is dotted and every 't' is crossed."

    "So basically they are like you," Sam said.

    Reagan shook her head, "I'm sloppy compared to them, or so I've been told."

    "So what are we going to be doing," Kensi asked.

    "You are going to keep your eyes open.  You're going to study these three faces," she spread the most recent photos of the last three specimen's on the table for them to see, "and if you spot any of them you tell me immediately.  I will deal with them myself."

    "So we're going to be your lackeys?" Kensi balked.

    Reagan looked at her and for a moment didn't know what to say.  She had never asked for help before, she had never needed anyone else.  But this time everything was different.  This time too much was at stake and there was no room for failure.  If she spiraled (which she usually did after a job) she needed someone to bring her back from the black depths and remind her.  Remind her what though, who she was, why she was doing this, that it was okay to lean on someone else?  How about all of the above, she thought with a grimace.

    "No, you are going to be my support, because even though it kills me to admit it, my emotions are involved in this way more than I bargained for.  And I will need you after I confront the three assassins, I will need you all to bring me back."

    "Bring you back?" Deeks asked thinking he knew what she meant but wanted to hear it from her.

    "Yes, to bring me back from the edge.  To help me put Specimen 6 back behind the wall and keep her there."

    "Do you think they'll come all at once?" Deeks asked.

    "If I were Reiss I would send them all at once.  Alone I don't think any of them stand a chance against me, but working as a unit they could take me out easily."  
    "Why do you say that?" Sam asked.

    "Each of the other assassin's has only three different genetic enhancements.  When you read their files it will go into detail as to what they are for each of the remaining specimen's.  But I have all of the genetic enhancements.  I was created to be the elite solider.  The perfect assassin.  And my training was very different than theirs for the first 13 years.  They were trained in a covert government facility.  My training was done in the real world.  They can't think outside the box.  My father taught me to destroy the box."

    "Who's Reiss?" Kensi asked.

    "The creator and director of Chimera.  I've never met him.  Never seen him actually.  I don't know who he is but he's the one giving all the orders, pulling all the strings.  They are his little puppets and they dance to his tune."

    "What about you?" Deeks asked.

    "I think Reiss figured out early on that the only tune I dance to is my own.  But he refrained from doing anything about it because I am the best.  He knows that if he wants me to play his game that he has to play nice," she smiled slightly.

    "There's our girl!" Deeks laughed and grabbed her hand across the table.

    "And what about Reiss? Do the assignments come from him?  Could he have ordered this hit?" Kensi asked.

    Reagan shook her head, "Orders always came from higher up as far as I know.  It was Reiss' job to assign them as he saw fit to the best specimen.  But I guess we can't completely rule it out since I'm not entirely sure.  But as far as I can see there's no motive there."

    "True but I think we should look into it any way," Kensi looked to Sam and Deeks for their input.

    "Do we have a first name for this Reiss character?" Deeks asked.

    Reagan shook her head, "He was always just Reiss.  Could be his first name, could be his last.  I never cared to ask.  He gave me my assignments and basically left me alone so I was content not to care."

    "Okay so we have Nell and Eric try to find anything they can on this Reiss character, and we try to keep Callen out of the loop for as long as we can.  He would never agree to this and I don't feel like fighting with him," Sam rose.

    "For as long as we can," Reagan agreed.

    "Okay Kensi, Deeks you stay here and go over those files.  Reagan you get in the car I'm taking you home, we need to talk."

    Reagan looked up at him, opening her mouth and closing it.  There was no point in arguing.  She had no idea what Sam could still want to talk about but she knew at this point it was useless to argue with him.

    Sitting in the car next to him she waited silently for Sam to speak.  Her stomach felt like a led weight sat in it.

    "What's going on with you and Callen?" he came right out and asked.

    "Wha... I... that's not..." she stumbled over her thoughts trying to come up with some plausible story.

    "Listen Reagan, and listen carefully.  He's in this with both feet."  
    "I know.  This whole 'thing' has been a learning experience for me Sam, one I'm not thrilled with.  It's made me weak and sloppy.  It's made everything that was important seem trivial, and everything that I thought was trivial seem so important.  I have to be clear Sam, I can't have these emotions muddling up my head."

    "That's not an option Reagan.  You have to act as if nothing is wrong.  We're talking about Callen.  You are the best, or so you say.  Well it's time to prove it.  You've got to hold on to your assignment while remaining the woman that G knows."

    Reagan sat staring at the scenery as they drove through the streets of downtown LA.  He was right, as usual. And when Reagan got a chance to really wrap her head around it she knew it was exactly what she had to do.  Callen wasn't stupid by any stretch of the imagination and if she started acting aloof and distant he would pick up on it and definitely root around until he figured everything out.  And normally the deception would have been easy.  Normally it would have come as naturally as breathing.  But this time she was too involved.  This time if the assignment went wrong she couldn't just walk away.

    "Okay," she said finally.

    "Okay.  That's it?  Okay?" Sam asked surprised.

    "Well what do you want me to say?  You're argument is logical and Callen's not an idiot.  So okay,  I'll do what you ask.  I'm the best, keeping G in the dark is not going to be a problem."

    She hoped she sounded more confident than she actually felt, because she was pretty sure it was going to be a big problem.

    Pulling up to her house Sam helped her get her bags out and into the spare bedroom.

    "We have a team building night tonight.  Hetty's choice, karaoke.  You will be there and you will be on your game. Got it?" he asked as she led him to the front door.

    "Got it," she agreed as Sam was walking through the door.

    He stopped, turned slightly to look at her, "Are you just agreeing with me to get rid of me?"

    Reagan just smiled at him and remained silent.  Sam frowned but walked out to his car with Reagan behind him.  He opened the car door and looked up at her.

    "Heads up, G's gonna stop by here sometime today."  
    "Got it," she said with a wink.

    Sam chuckled and shook his head getting into the car and finally driving away.  Reagan headed back inside to get herself in the right place for this new cover she needed to assume.  She had never been required to be two covers at once.  She had always been able to assume just one cover whether it had been Aliena, or Evangeline, or one of the others she had put on over the years. Not exactly sure how to be two people at once she needed time to wrap her head round this whole thing before G showed up and everything went to hell.  

 

Find me here, and speak to me, I want to feel you, I need to hear you   
You are the light that's leading me to the place, Where I find peace again   
You are the strength that keeps me walking, You are the hope that keeps me trusting   
You are the life to my soul, You are my purpose, You're everything  
And how can I stand here with you, And not be moved by you  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?  
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need, You're everything, everything

:Everything :: Lifehouse:

 

    Callen had come by, as Sam had said, and with flowers to boot.  Reagan hadn't known what to do or say when he handed them to her without a word.  She had never been given flowers before (the oleander in her hotel room not withstanding). They were a huge bouquet of pink plumeria.  She had no idea how he knew they were her favorite or how he even got that many here on the mainland, but she found a simple glass vase and put them in her room next to her bed and thanked him once she was able to talk after the complete surprise.

    They had talked yet he refrained from asking about Hawai'i and never touched upon the argument they had before she left, keeping the conversation light and banal.  And that's when it dawned on her.  The flowers.  They were an apology! Dear God she was so thick.  And then she spent the rest of the time trying to remain in the conversation with him while trying to think of her own way to apologize.

    Now sitting in the bar, watching Kensi butcher a rendition of  Madonna's "True Blue", she had still not thought if a way to apologize.  And she was dreading her turn at the wonderful world of karaoke.  This was just ridiculous to her.  Getting up in front of a room full of strangers only to look like a complete idiot and have everyone laugh at you didn't make any sense at all.  But she was here, of course she had been ordered to be there, but she wasn't going to argue over semantics.  Lost in thought she didn't realize that Kensi had finished.  Truth be, told she had been trying to block out the whole thing.

    "Come on Rae, you're up!" Kensi laughed sitting back in her seat after coming off of the makeshift stage.

    "No, really you don't want to hear me sing. I sound like a cat in heat!" she laughed trying to brush it off.

    "No excuses we've all got to go up there, you too!" Deeks gave her a nudge.

    Reagan looked at Callen and Sam for help and realized that she was going to get none.  She turned to Hetty, who stared at her stoically and just smiled.  Shit, she thought, they're actually going to make me get up in front of this room full of people and sing.  Completely out of her element she was terrified as she had been of nothing before.

    "Let's go Baby Girl, it's your turn to make an ass out of yourself," Sam pulled the chair she was sitting on away from the table and with a hand under each arm pulled her to standing.  

    Like Anne Boleyn headed to the ax-man, she made her way to the guy who was handling the machine and whispered to him.  He nodded and played around with his iPod while Reagan quite reluctantly picked up the microphone and shaded her eyes to see past the glaring lights they had trained on the stage.  She had never been camera shy before, not when it came to modeling or dancing in front of an audience.  But those where things she was sure she was good at.  Those were things she was confident she could accomplish with grace and poise.  Singing, she had always left that to her mother while she worked in her lab.  That thought brought a smile to her lips.

   

    She could hear the music coming from her mother's lab as she walked down the pristine white hallway.  Her mother never worked without music playing.  With a smile she moved a little faster, this was one of her favorite songs and her mom really had an amazing voice.  Opening the door she shut it behind her and stood there listening to her mom belt out Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide".

    "Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? And can I sail through the changing ocean tides, can I handle the seasons of my life? Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't know," she sang in a voice very similar to Stevie Nicks with its deep soulfulness, so very different from her regular speaking voice.  
    "Well, I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I've built my life around you.  But time makes you bolder, children get older, I'm getting older too. Yes I'm getting older too," Reagan joined in startling her mother and singing the end alone.

    Lauren smiled at Reagan and pulled her into a tight hug, "Hello beautiful."

    "Hi mom," Reagan snuggled into her embrace, "Mom why didn't you become a singer?"

    Lauren laughed, "Your grandparents didn't think singing was a viable way to support myself.  They told me I needed to find something I wanted to do that would pay the bills.  So I chose genetic research.  And if I hadn't then I would never have had you.  And no I wouldn't ever go back and change my choice for all the fame in all the world."

    "Dad wants me to be an Olympic swimmer," she said not sounding too thrilled.

    "Reagan. Dad wants you to do whatever it is that makes you happiest," she whispered.

    "Do you think I could be a famous singer?"

    "Reagan, you have a beautiful voice, and if you really want to be a singer then yes I think you could be famous one day.  But is that what you really want?"

    Reagan thought for a moment and shook her head, "No, I want to be the prima ballerina for the New York City Ballet.  And then maybe an actress."

    "Darling you are going to be whatever you put your mind to, and you are going to be the best.  No one is going to stop you once you put your mind to it," Lauren kissed her cheek and began humming "Landslide" again as she returned to her work.

 

    The memory had come unbidden and a tear slipped down Reagan.  In some ways her mother had been right.  When Reagan had finally decided to put her whole self into being an assassin she had become the best, and no one was able to stop her.  But, she thought, is this what I really want?  

    The music started and she realized that the memory had taken away her stage fright.  The notes played clearly like an old friend.  She hadn't sung or listened to any Fleetwood Mac since her mother's murder, it was just too painful but the music that floated out of the speakers touched her just the same and she realized actually meant more to her.  When she finally came back to herself she was in the middle of the song.

    "... You calm the storms, and you give me rest.  You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.  You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.  Would you take me in, take me deeper now.  And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  Would you tell me, how could it be any better than this?  'Cause you're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything, everything, you're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything, everything..."

    Everyone at the table was stunned.  Their mouths hung open in utter shock and they could not take their eyes off of the blonde woman in front of them.  It was as if a transformation had taken place right there in front of them changing the Reagan they knew to this heartbreakingly soulful woman who was bringing tears to the eyes of the other patrons.  Where the hell had that voice come from?  Where the hell did that passion come from?  Not one of them was sure what had happened and each was moved in their own way.  

    When Reagan had opened her mouth and that voice had come out, Sam had sat back and crossed his arms over his chest.  His thoughts went immediately to his wife and daughter.  

    "Did any of you..." he turned look at them, his eyes bright.

    Kensi and Deeks shook their head.

    "Not an inkling.  Where does she find that passion?" Deeks answered him without taking his eyes from Reagan.

    "I would have never imagined," Kensi whispered.  

    She sat there quite rigidly with tears in her eyes until she felt the back of Deeks hand touch her hand that was hanging next to the chair.  She spared a glance at him out of the corner of her eye and seeing his smile had her relaxing.

    "Some people turn to others in the face of adversity and some people turn inwards.  It is a simple twist of fate.  But it's usually those that turn inwards, those that build their walls, that are hiding the most," Hetty mused.

    Hetty sat as she usually did with no emotions playing on her face but if one looked closely they would have seen her eyes glittered with unshed tears behind her glasses.  

    Callen sat silently watching this woman sing as if her life depended on it.  He listened to the song and wondered if she realized her choice hit him right in the gut.  How he wanted those words to be for him, but were they?  Was this her way of telling him how she felt or was this a random song she chose because it showed off her voice to perfection?  And who was that up on stage?  Was it the Reagan he knew or was it another in a closet full of aliases?  Unsure he stood and moved to the bar ordering a double shot of cognac and kept his back to the stage.  The four still at the table watched him go and then shared a glance.  Hetty shook her head and they all remained sitting.

    As the song ended the bar erupted with applause snapping Reagan out of her and back to reality.  Heat rushed to her cheeks as she made her way back through a room of people slapping her on the back and some even on the ass.  As she reached the table her adrenaline was pounding and she needed to get away.  She looked for G but he wasn't at the table and the rest of them were overwhelming her with praise that she excused herself to the bathroom.

    Splashing cold water on her face she stood and took some deep breaths to try and calm her racing heart.  And then the thought that G hadn't heard her sing, hadn't heard the song that meant so much to her, had her coming down from her high so quickly her head was spinning and she was slightly dizzy. As she walked out of the bathroom into the little alcove that hid them from the bar itself she leaned on the wall to steady herself.  Finally the dizziness subsided and she went to walk back to the table.  As she turned the corner she came face to face with a completely pissed off Callen.  As he advanced on her she retreated  until her back hit the wall and he placed a hand on either side of her head.

    "What the hell was that?!" he growled.  
    Reagan stared at him never having seen him like this before, "What was what? You guys forced me to go up there!"

    "The song Reagan, the song.  What the hell was that?" he moved closer to her.

    "I... I thought you would like it," she tried to shrink back into the wall, confused as to his mood.

    "You thought I... What?" he paused.

    "I thought you would understand.  I guess..."

    "That I would understand?"

    "Do I really need to spell it out for you?"

    Callen just stared at her.

    "It was my strange way of..." he cut off her apology by placing his lips on hers.

    The fire surged through them and she found her arms snaking up around his neck, pulling him closer.  His hands threaded themselves into her hair holding her gently. Reagan finally pulled away needing to breathe and smiled at him.

    "I guess I pass the spelling test," he joked as he rested his forehead on hers.

    She laughed, "Yes, you pass... on your second attempt."

    "Oh so not fair.  You're not the best teacher you know!"

    Reagan laughed pushing him away and punched him in the shoulder.  

    "Oww," he cried grabbing his shoulder.

    "Come on, let's get back to the others.  They'll start thinking that something happened to us," Reagan linked her arm though his.

    "The only thing they're gonna be thinking is that I finally got your clothes off."

    Reagan burst out laughing at that remark, "Won't they be disappointed  to find out you already have and still nothing's happened!"

    G looked at her, "You wouldn't."

    Reagan smirked and walked ahead of him, "How do you know I already haven't!"

    Her laugh followed her back to the table, and so did he, feeling much lighter.

    The team walked out of the bar together, and no matter how Reagan tried to maneuver herself to the outside of the group someone managed to always put her back in the center next to G.  They were joking together and laughing at each other after this escapade into the realm of karaoke.  Reagan hung on the outskirts of the group trying to inconspicuously search the darkness for any threat.  Her skin crawled and she had a feeling they were being watched.  It was like a sixth sense, if she wanted to label it, but she really didn't want to make herself feel like more of a freak so she never did.  It was just something she thanked a greater being for when she was in situations like this.  

    Her time in Hawaii although short hadn’t been a pleasure trip, she had returned home with her small arsenal (well small compared to a military squadron). She had her Sig hidden beneath her shirt, and the silencer tucked in next to it.  It wasn't comfortable especially since she was trying to hid it and G kept trying to put his hand around her waist.

    Feeling his hand slide over hers brought her back to the reality at hand, “Hey, you okay?  Is everything alright?”

    Giving him what she hoped passed for a warm smile she shook her head, “I’ve just been off lately.  I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

    “I would have thought a weekend alone in Hawaii would have helped with that,” he tried to sound nonchalant but she could hear the strain of curiosity and doubt in his voice.

    Reagan gave a soft mirthless laugh, “If only that were the case.”

    Callen stopped walking, causing her to stop,  “Is there something you want to tell me?”

    She looked down, unable to lie to his face, “Like I said I’ve just got a lot on my mind.  A friend out in Hawaii had some information on my parent’s death.  He thought it might be something that could help open a hole in the case.”

    “And?” he asked.

    “No, it was a dead end.”

    He paused for a moment, “Who…”

    “Does it really matter?  He’s a friend, I did have friends before I met you,” she looked up at him in her annoyance.

    As she did she caught sight of a face skimming the edge of the parking lot.  It was a face she had embedded in her memory, all be it years older than when she last saw it, but the eyes were still the same.  Athena Koulis, specimen number 1, and so aptly named with those eyes and her brilliant strategic mind.  Those steely gray eyes, the ones that were able to stop even the camp instructors in their tracks, stared back at her. Her instincts immediately took over.  Lunging at him she hooked her left leg around his right and swiped it out from under him causing him to fall under her weight.  As the fell she shifted her body so it was between G and Athena, and felt the two bullets Athena got off wiz closely past her ear and shoulder.  As G hit the ground Reagan absorbed the impact of her own body by shifting slightly to the side and rolling as she hit the ground.  Within seconds she was on her feet and after Athena.  

    Behind her she could hear her name being called, but stopping was not an option once her training had kicked in and her adrenaline was pumping.  That shift that she hadn’t been able to force on her happened immediately and as she ran her mind cleared and she became Specimen 6 once again.  Her focus was zoned in on Athena’s retreating back as her longer legs ate up the yards between them.  She could hear Athena’s booted feet as they hit the pavement just ahead of her.  Strange, she thought, Athena use to be so light on her feet.  Her own footfall in her soft shoes was barely audible.  Her breathing was even and her heart barely elevated as she calculated the number of ways she could take Athena down with the least amount of collateral damage and witnesses.  Eight ways from this distance.  When Athena turned down a blind alley with Reagan on her heels, Reagan’s brain went very clear.   Twelve ways from this vantage point.  Pulling her gun from the back of her jeans where she had it hidden and aimed.

    "It’s a dead end Athena, there’s nowhere to go.  But you knew that when you took the assignment didn’t you?" she called to the assassin who was searching the end of the ally, as she slowly moved closer on silent feet.  Seventeen ways and counting, but she only needed one.

    Athena turned to her, her gun at her side, blue eyes staring into gray, as each woman squared off waiting for the other to make her move.

    "You weren't very careful Athena," Reagan called to her moving slightly closer.

    "Well I guess we all can't be as perfect as Specimen 6 can we," Athena spit out.

    "Who gave you this assignment?" Reagan put both hands on her gun still pointing at the ground and ignored the childish jab at her.

    "You know who gives the assignments Reagan.  Nothing's changed since you decided to disappear," Athena sounded annoyed, as if she thought this conversation were beneath her.

    "Who put the hit on G. Callen?" Reagan tried again.

    "There is no hit on G. Callen."

    "Don't lie to me Athena, I saw the hit,"

    "Why would I lie to you Reagan.  I have nothing to hide.  Besides I know only one of us is leaving this alley."

    "I will find out who did it," Reagan growled, the muscles in her arms tightening, the blood finally thrumming through her veins.

    “Reagan you won’t find out who put a hit on G. Callen, because there is no hit on him,” Athena argued forcefully.

    "God, you haven't changed a bit since we were kids.  You always had to be right.  Always had to be the one in charge.  The one with all the answers.  Well this time maybe you aren't the one in charge for once.  So how's it feel Specimen 6?  How's it feel to be in the dark this time?"

    Athena's arm came up.  Reagan squeezed the trigger and fired once.  There was a thud as Athena dropped to the ground.  With her gun still poised to shoot she carefully walked to the end of the alley and kicked the Glock away from the inert body.  She stared down at the familiar face and the unseeing gray eyes stared back at her.  The small hole in the middle of her forehead belied the amount of blood that was pooling around the body.

    The sound of foot falls coming down the alley had her raising her gun, her finger pressing slightly on the trigger.  The figure raised its hands and called to her.

    “Rae, it’s me.  Put down the gun,” a familiar voice called to her.

    She didn’t move nor did she drop the gun pointed at him.

    “Reagan, it’s me Sam.  Lower your gun.”

    She stood there as if the words were not penetrating her brain, and honestly Sam wasn’t entirely sure that they were.  He had seen soldier’s like this before.  They were usually the ones who were unable to separate the war from real life and were always on edge.  He continued to walk closer, taking the chance that Reagan was still in there and that he would be able to coax her out.

    Lowering his hands slowly as he came upon her he ducked his head to look directly into her blue eyes, “Hey.  Hey, Reagan.  Can you hear me?  Rae, it’s me Sam, can you hear me?”

    She blinked and then started as if seeing him for the first time.  Glancing at her gun she lowered it immediately and let Sam take it from her.  Reagan glanced at Athena again and then away.

    "Who was she?" Sam asked.

    "Specimen 1, Athena Koulis."

    "Get to the boatshed and wait for me there.  I'll deal with this, but we've got to figure out what to tell Callen now cause there is no way he's not going to ask questions."

    Reagan again glanced at Athena and then back to Sam, "Yes sir," she answered him.

    He started and glanced at her to see if she was making a joke.  One look told him she wasn't and that this was more serious than he originally understood.  Reagan was no longer in the alley (Sam would be surprised if she had ever been) and Specimen 6's programming had kicked and she needed a handler to answer to in order to justify her actions.

    "Go now, I'll meet you there in 45 minutes.  Don't call anyone or discuss anything until I get there.  I'm sending Deeks with you."

    Reagan blinked at Deeks' name but her demeanor never changed, "Yes sir."

    Sam handed her back her gun.  Shit, he thought, Hetty isn't going to be happy with this, and neither is Callen, especially since he's gonna find out that we've kept him in the dark about all of this.  Footsteps down at the head of the alley had Sam spinning and Reagan stepping in front of him with her gun raised again.  They could make out Callen's silhouette followed closely by Deeks and Kensi.

    "Shit," Sam whispered.

    "Guess the boatshed's gonna have to wait," Reagan whispered back.

    Sam went to meet Callen to try and head him off but he would not be deterred and pushed past him to get to Reagan and the body.  Reagan watched as he came upon Athena.  She stared at Callen  knowing that everything they had worked to conceal had just come crumbling down around their heads.  Well she wasn't going to let anyone take the blame for this one except her.  She had pulled them all into this mess and she would accept the outcome.  And she knew it wasn't going to be pretty.  She could almost physically feel the anger radiating from G.

    He stood looking down at the assassin's body with Reagan's bullet centered perfectly in the middle of her forehead.  He had never seen her before, hadn't even known she had been there until he was falling to the ground and he heard two shots fired.  He had been too worried about what Reagan had done in Hawai'i and wasn't focused on any threat that might have been there.  He had never been so unaware before, never allowed his emotions to cloud his judgment.  But Reagan had made him do a lot of thing she would never have before.

    Looking up he locked gazes with Reagan and his stomach dropped to his knees and his breath felt like it was knocked from his lungs.  She still had that effect on him and he wondered if she always would.

    "How did you know?" he finally asked.

    "About the hit on you or that she was following you?" Reagan asked still not completely herself.

    "Let's start with the first and then move to the second?" he answered.

    "The night of the Bartlett arrest when you found me on the beach.  My old handler found me before you arrived and handed me my next assignment.  It was you."

    "Me," he asked startled.

    "Yes, someone put a hit out on you, and I was tagged for the assignment."

    "Why you?  Who sent you the assignment?"

    "My director sent the assignment and he sent it to me because I'm an assassin."

    Sam understood that it was Specimen 6 answering these questions for her superior but G only saw the woman who had stolen his heart telling him that in actuality he had no idea who she was.

    "An assassin," he tried to absorb the word.

    "I refused the assignment and went rogue at that point.  I told my handler if they sent anyone else to do the job that I would send them back in a body bag.  But I knew the director would send the others," she looked at Athena again, "I brought this mess to your door step and I will clean it up. Starting with her."

    "Do you know her?"

    "Specimen 1, Athena Koulis.  She was the first born of the 6 genetically enhanced embryos that the government called Project Chimera.  We spent the first 8 years of our life together."

    "G maybe we should go..." Sam tried to stop the interrogation hoping they could still salvage something of the op.

    "How did you know she was following me?" he ignored Sam and pressed on.

    "I know how the director works.  If one of us fails he just sends another until the job is done.  Because I refused the assignment I knew he would send the others until the job was done.  I didn't know who would be the first to get here first."

    "Wait you knew that these assassin's were going to come for me and you didn't even tell me?!" he surprise and anger deepened his voice.

    Reagan stood her ground letting him interrogate her.  Sam watched Reagan waiting for a normal reaction, waiting for her to go back at him in her usual way.  But she remained where she was listening to G, like a good soldier.

    "Why didn't you tell me?  Don't you think I deserved to know?" his anger was controlled and simmering beneath the surface.

    "I was trying to protect you," was her only answer.

    "Jesus Christ, Reagan and who's going to protect you?"

    Reagan blinked at him and appeared to not comprehend his question, "I don't need..."

    "NO?! Cause the blood coating your shoulder tells me you do!" he grabbed her arm turning her shoulder so she could see.

    A searing pain shot up her arm and she gasped.  The pain brought her back to reality and herself.  Reagan just stared at the spot trying to remember when she had gotten shot.  Sam watched as she deflated and the panic in G's face as he stared at her blood that had seeped through and blossomed on her shirt.  He was pretty sure that it had been just a graze, after all she had moved so fast he had barely seen what happened, but he could be wrong and he didn't want her to pass out from lack of blood.  Sam stepped in at that point.

    "Deeks, Kensi, take Reagan to the boatshed.  G and I will meet you there.  Get her cleaned up and see if she needs any stitches."

    Each took one of Reagan's arms leading her down the alley away from Athena, G and Sam.  

    "Guess you need some practice dodging bullets," Deeks joked and then sucked in air as Kensi punched him in the shoulder behind Reagan's back.

    G watched her go and when they turned the corner he looked back at the young woman he would never have pegged for an assassin.  Her life now was over and the thought came unbidden that this could have been Reagan.

    "You okay?" Sam asked coming up to his side.

    Callen shook his head and then nodded.  He had no idea what to think or feel at that moment, he felt broken inside as he never had before, and there had been many times when he had faced heartbreak.

    "She's gone Sam.  I don't know who that woman was who stood here in this alley, and walked away with Kensi and Deeks.  Whoever it was, it wasn't the woman I fell in love with."

    Sam was speechless for a moment at Callen's admission.  Recovering he put his hand on his best friends shoulder, "No, she's not gone G.  She just had to become something else to do her job.  To do what she thinks is right.  You've got to remember that all of these creations are just a part of what makes Reagan who she is and you need to decide if you can accept that."

    G was silent for a moment and then looked at Sam, "What if I can't."

    Sam could see the war going on inside of him and didn't wish to be in his place for all the money in the world, "The we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  Right now we've got work to do.  Come on LAPD is here.  Let's clean up this mess and get to the boatshed to figure out what the next step is."


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine.
> 
> I want to thank all of you who have been with me from the beginning, you are my inspiration to keep writing. I hope you are all ready for the ride. And remember everything happens for a reason and we will eventually find out what the reasons are.
> 
> A soundtrack change for this chapter. I've listened to a couple of soundtracks to keep me in the mood but Tonic's 'If You Could Only See' is what made the chapter. I always imagined Reagan identifying with the words and how she feels about G. I also listened to Rhianna's "We Found Love" and 'Love the Way You Lie' (the latter because of the mood of the song , not so much the words), and OneRepublic's 'Stop and Stare'. 
> 
> Please stick with me and I promise you will be rewarded in the end! MuchLove!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you could only see the way she loves me, then maybe you would understand  
> Why I feel this way about our love, and what I must do
> 
> If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
> When she says she loves me
> 
> Well you got your reasons, And you got your lies  
> And you got your manipulations, They cut me down to size
> 
> Sayin' you love but you don't, You give your love but you won't
> 
> :If You Could Only See :: Tonic:

::Chapter Seventeen::

As Kensi finished patching Reagan's shoulder, she watched her face for any sign of pain.  Except for a little tightening of her lips, she showed none.  Her breathing remained even and her blue eyes watched everything as Kensi worked.  Even when Kensi had cleaned the wound with soap and water and then applied some antiseptic, Reagan sat like a statue.

"Okay, that's it.  Does it hurt?" Kensi asked softly.

Reagan made eye contact with her for the first time since she started working on her shoulder, "It is not supposed to."

It was a statement, a fact that had been drilled into her head over many years, not only by her trainers and handlers, but by her own father.  She closed her eyes to fight back the pain she was not supposed to be feeling radiating from her shoulder.

Kensi gave her a small smile, "Maybe it's not supposed to, but it always does.  And this one looks like it stings like a bitch."

Letting out a whoosh of air, Reagan cracked one eye open to look at Kensi, "It does," she admitted in a whisper.

Kensi nodded, and helped her sit back on the couch.  The effort had pain radiating from the wound and made her wince.  Seeing she was finally settled Deeks approached with a glass of water and some pain killers.  She took the water but shook her head at the pills.

"Come on Rae, it will help with the pain," he tried to reason with her.

"No.  I can't take something that's going to muddle my head."

"They're just aspirin Rae.  It's not like I'm handing you morphine," he joked.

"No, I'm fine thank you."

"Okay then how about a cup of coffee?" he offered.

Reagan shrugged and winced, "I guess."

Waiting for Deeks she inspected the bandage and caught sight of where the blood had seeped into her white tank top.  A shiver ran through her body and she twitched pulling the wound and causing more pain.  Disgusted that Athena actually managed to hit her, she looked up in time to take the steaming mug from Deeks, until she realized that her hands were trembling uncontrollably.

Mortified at this weakness she put her hands in her lap and held them there, even though the position pulled at her shoulder and shot pain through the right side of her body.  Closing her eyes she tried to control the only thing she could think of that was still in her power to control... her breathing.

"Hey, it's okay Reagan," Deeks put a hand on hers, "You lost blood and it's been a very stressful night. You're in shock."

"I don't go into shock," Reagan protested trying to suppress the shivering.

"Mr. Deeks put the coffee down and get her a blanket," Hetty's voice rang through the boatshed.

Everyone turned to see Hetty, followed by Sam and Callen enter the boatshed.  Reagan tried to sit up but winced again as the movement stretched the wound.  The sound she made sucking in air had Hetty zoning directly on her.

"Miss Faraday..." she began.

"Hetty, I did everything you asked of me. I followed every..."

"I was only going to commend you on your quick reaction.  It apparently saved Mr. Callen's life," Hetty interrupted.

Reagan blinked at her for a second, "Oh."

"Are you in pain Miss Faraday?"

Reagan shook her head, hoping that not answering would help promote the lie she was telling.

"I will ask you one more time and if you insist on lying to me again, I will have you admitted to the hospital with a twenty-four hour guard detail.  So Miss Faraday, are you in pain?"

Sufficiently intimidated Reagan nodded.

"I see," she fished in her pocket and produced a small bottle of some prescription.

Shaking one pill into her hand she held it out to Reagan.  Reagan shook her head, "No thank you, I don't..."

"I don't believe I'm giving you a choice Miss Faraday.  Whether you like to take medication or not, right now you are no good to us in your present condition.  Take the medication, it will take the edge off the pain.

Reagan took the pill and dutifully swallowed it with her water.

"Good.  Now we have to make some decisions.  I am afraid you cannot go home tonight.  I have NCIS agents going to your house tomorrow morning to do a thorough sweep and set up surveillance.  You can stay here, at the boatshed, or you can stay with me.  Either place will have a full security detail."

To tired and in too much pain still to argue she remained silent.  She wanted to go home.  She didn't want to stay at the boatshed, but the last thing she wanted was to burden Hetty again.  She could feel the pain killers slowly kicking in and she could feel the shock slowly fading.  It wasn't something that happened often but she knew that once the shock was gone she would begin to spiral, and that was never a pretty thing.

"That's like offering to send her into the arena to wait for the lion or to send her directly into the lion's den," Callen muttered.

"How aptly put Mr. Callen.  So pick your poison, because you are not going home tonight either."

"Wait? What?!"

"As we all are aware, the target was you Mr. Callen.  Miss Faraday's injuries were merely collateral damage of a hit gone wrong.  There is no way I will be letting you stay at your home until it is secure."

"Hetty, I understand why you feel the need..."

"They won't come for him at his house," Reagan said quietly now standing in front of an open window.

No one had noticed her rise and walk away when Hetty had directed her focus on Callen.  A soft breeze blew through the open window, lifting her hair slightly off her shoulders.

"Why not?" Deeks was the first to ask.

Reagan remained facing the window, "It is too easy.  There is no challenge for them to hit a target in their home.  You see terminating a target is like a game we would play.  The Specimen who could take out their target in the most difficult situation was the best.  So going after Callen in his house is almost against the rules," she said softly, the pain medication already having taken over making her feel soft and floaty.

"Regardless of that fact, I will not take any chances with my agents.  I will not allow, on the off chance that these assassins are playing a game, my agents to be put in harm's way for no reason."

Her voice softer than before, as if she didn't care if anyone heard her, Reagan continued, "I know you think that I'm speculating but I can assure you they will find the most open place with the most people to target Callen again."

Hetty was quiet for a moment.  She knew that Reagan would be right about this.  After all she was one of them.  No, she couldn't think like that, she was theirs, she was one of hers, she was not Specimen 6 anymore.  But from what she had seen in the parking lot, and from what Sam had relayed to her after the episode in the alley she knew Reagan was far more than a just an agent.  

She had done her research on Project Chimera and what she found was not only astounding but abhorable.  The things they did to the children involved in the project were unfathomable even to someone who had seen it all, as she had.  No, Reagan had not been involved in most of the experiments the other children had been subjected to, but she was still a trained assassin, so somewhere along the way she had needed the same skills the others were receiving while under the 'protection' of the government.  She had read Admiral Jace Faraday's file and it told her that he was more than capable of training Reagan to become the assassin she was today.

Even though she knew they would be safe in their homes tonight she refused to relent on her ruling.  Looking at the young woman standing at the window, and at G she had that feeling of dread that only mothers get when their children are putting themselves in danger.  She had chosen not to marry and have a family, and yet somehow, she had become a mother anyway.

"Be that as it may, I prefer not to send my agents into the arena until I know for sure what they are up against.  And to be perfectly candid I know the rest of the team would feel much better knowing that you two are relatively safe."

Reagan nodded at the window, all of the fight having gone out of her as the medication had kicked in.  

"I'll remain here," her voice barely audible.

"I'll stay with her," came Callen's answer.

Everyone of them looked to see what Reagan's reaction was at that announcement but she sorely disappointed when she showed no response that she had even heard him reply.

"Very well, I'll have a detail stationed around the boatshed.  The rest of you get home, get some rest, I'll see you all tomorrow, bright and early," Hetty instructed.

Hetty looked to the other agents and saw their indecision.  She sighed quietly.  She knew this was going to be their response.  Although they were as dangerous as a pride of cheetah, when faced with an enemy, they protected their own like a herd of elephants; especially their wounded.

"Okay," she said knowing when to fold her hand, "Who is going to take the first watch?"

Kensi turned from her quiet conversation with Deeks and offered, "I'll take the first watch."

"I'll take second," Sam stepped up next.

"I'll do last watch," Deeks agreed.

"Wait, what about me?" Callen spoke up.

"Do you not trust your team to keep you safe Mr. Callen?" Hetty asked with bated words.

"I.. no... I just..." he stuttered and then remained silent.

"Very well then.  I will see you all tomorrow," Hetty looked around one last time and left the boat shed.  Deeks nodded to Kensi, Sam and Callen before he walked over to Reagan.

"Hey."

He got no acknowledgment from Reagan so he simply went on in typical Deeks fashion.

"I don't blame you for not telling him.  If it had been me and Kensi I would have done the same.  Hang in there Rae, we're all here with you."

He touched her shoulder and then, getting no reaction, he left with a wave to everyone else.

"And that's what I'm afraid of," her whisper was barely audible.

Sam stood at the door with Callen while Kensi went over to stand next to Reagan.

"Are you sure you want to stay here tonight?" Sam looked over to where the two women stood.

"The lesser of two evils," G glanced in the same direction.

"You can always stay at my place."

"I'm okay."

"You gonna let this go?"

"You kept this from me.  You kept me in the dark when my life was on the line."

Sam sighed, "I agreed because it was what she wanted.  Trust me, we would have been in the dark too if Hetty and her handler hadn't stepped in the middle."

Callen glanced at Reagan again and then looked back at Sam, "How can she imagine she can protect me if she can't even protect herself.  God Sam look at her."

"I have."

"She got shot tonight," he voice was more emotional than usual.

"She did."

"She threw herself in front of a bullet meant for me."

"Any one of us would have done the same."

"I know but..." he sighed.

"Listen G. It sounds like you need to talk to her.  My offer still stands.  I'll be back at 2 for my shift. If I don't see you at the house, I'll see you then."

"Yeah," was all he said as Sam walked out.

Callen stood by the door and watched Kensi talking to Reagan.  Sam was right he needed to talk to her but he was so... what?  He had no idea what he was feeling at that moment but he knew what seeing her in the alley standing over the dead body of that girl had made him feel.  For the first time since he had known her he was afraid of her.  The person he saw standing in the alley tonight was not the woman he knew, not the woman he had fallen for, or even the alias that she had slipped into for their last case.  No this person in the alley was a machine.  A deadly weapon with no conscious or emotions.  And that is what made her so lethal.  With no moral code she would do anything to complete the mission and he was not sure she could come back from that if she did something that, once she was herself again, she could not forgive.

Walking over to the two women he heard Kensi whisper, "Come on Rae, why don't you lie down on the couch and get some rest."

"Hey Kens, could you give us a minute?" he asked softly.

Kensi turned to him and nodded, "Sure I'll do a perimeter check."

Once she left the boatshed he stood next to Reagan and put his hands in his pockets.

She didn't acknowledge that he was there.  Just stared out into the darkness of the open window.

"You okay?" he asked.

She didn't answer, but closed her eyes and breathed deeply of the salty air.

"Hey Reagan I think we need to talk."

The breeze blew her hair across her face but she didn't move to brush it back.  With her eyes still closed she began to speak, "When I was a girl, before my parents died, I use to pretend that I was a mermaid.  A beautiful enchanted creature like I saw in all of those cartoons as a child.  It was only when I grew up that I came to understand the truth about mermaids."

She paused for a moment and opened her eyes, still staring out the window.  It was these moments when he could see the little girl she had been. One second living a life as the beloved daughter of two successful parents, the next a bewildered child lost amid a storm after her parents were murdered.  These moments when he saw something of the soft women she could be.  These moments when he saw just how vulnerable she was.

"Of course mermaids are enchanted creatures, stunning really, with voices that a man would sell his soul to hear sing. And they did love sailors, although not because they wanted to fall in love and become human, as some wish us to believe.

"A mermaid would lure a sailor or unsuspecting fisherman close with her voice.  She would weave her spell around him until he was drunk on her and then she would kiss him.  But it was not the happy ending you are raised to believe.  Oh no, once in her clutches the mermaid would drag the unlucky sailor to the bottom of the sea and drown him only to strip his flesh from his bones for her meal.  And sometimes it was not necessarily done in that order.

She finally turned to him, "That's what I'm doing to you G.  You are slowly drowning because of me.  I told you from the beginning that this wouldn't work.  That we needed to stay away from each other, but I let you convince me that there really could be a happy ever after for us.  And I agreed because of how badly I wanted... no needed, to believe you.  But seeing Athena today reminded me that I wasn't meant for that kind of life and that I was just dragging you down with me.

"I'm sorry."

The words burned in her throat as she said them but they were necessary.  She was afraid as she had never been before and although she would never admit it to him, she needed to be truthful with herself.  No matter how she wanted to rationalize it, if she continued to keep him close she could not do her job to the best of her ability.

G turned to look out the window and tried to put everything she was saying into some kind of order while being bombarded with his emotions. Once again she was playing the game.  No, he thought, calling it a game belittled the vein in which she did it.  It was with a noble reason that she push him away.  In her mind she was trying to save him one way or another.  What she did not know was that no matter what she did, stay or go, there was no saving him from himself.  And he refused to just let go of the first real thing in his life.

"Go ahead Reagan, push.  But let me tell you something.  I'm not going to budge.  No matter how hard you push I will not give you an inch.

"Yes, you are stubborn Rae, but you have no idea just how stubborn I can be.  I am tireless and relentless, and you are starting to fray around the edges.  This, all of the shit going on, is beginning to wear you down, and soon you will come to realize that I was right all along.

"So go ahead Reagan, push me away because I will only take a step closer.  Run away and I will give you no ground to go to.  I refuse to play by your rules anymore."

Reagan simply stared at him.  She had no words.  Whether because the medication fuzzed her head or because she could simply not believe how unreasonable he was being, she simply could not think of one intelligent thing to say.

"What, no snarky retort?" he asked slightly uncomfortable with her silence.

"What can I say when you refuse to listen to reason?" she asked softly.

"No, I refuse to listen to your reason Reagan, because you refuse to consider anyone else's.  Go lay down, you're dead on your feet and ready to collapse."

"I'm fine," she argued simply because if she didn't she probably would collapse.

But she walked away from the window carefully, as if every step would bring her crashing to the ground.  She reached the couch and leaned heavily on her good arm to get herself down.  Brushing the hair from her eyes, she let out the breath she had been holding once she finally settled.  Pulling her legs up underneath her she closed her eyes, telling herself it was only until Kensi got back.

Callen watched her and refrained from commenting.  Kensi walked in as Reagan curled up, and he moved to talk to her.

"Hetty's got two agents trolling the perimeter with three others stationed at vantage points surrounding the shed.  No one is getting in here unnoticed."

Callen nodded, "Good, now go home Kensi, I've got it covered here."

"I know you think that G, but you're too involved to take a step back and look at this rationally.  You may think you don't need protection, you may not want it, but you're going to get it.

"Those assassins are here because you are a target, and we both know you've pissed off enough people to not be surprised by it."

"Kensi, I can..."

"Yes, you can take care of yourself. We all can.  Even Reagan can.  But sometimes things become too much and we need to rely on each other to help pick up the slack.  Even 'Miss Independent' over there was beginning to realize that."

Callen chuckled, "Hello pot, meet kettle."

Kensi had the grace to smile sheepishly and look down.

"Okay I get it, you're staying.  Fine.  But I get to guard this door.  You get to guard 'Miss Independent' over there."

They both glanced over at Reagan only to realize she had fallen asleep.  Kensi moved to go put her in a more comfortable position but Callen stopped her.

"I've got it.  Can you get a pillow and some blankets."

Kensi moved to do as he asked but also kept her eye on Callen in case he needed any help.  She watched as he moved Reagan deftly but gently into a prone position and tucked in the blankets she handed him around her sleeping form.

"So... did you two get everything straightened out?" Kensi asked as he moved away from Reagan.

"You could say that."

"And what exactly does that mean?"

"Well, if you call Reagan once again pushing me away, and me finally telling her it wasn't going to happen, straightening things out then yeah."

"Baby steps G, baby steps," Kensi took a seat in the chair across from Reagan.

Callen shrugged, "Just sayin'"

They were silent for a moment.  Kensi's eyes moved over Reagan's sleeping face.  She looked so much softer, so much more innocent in sleep.  It was hard to believe, seeing her like this, that she was as deadly as she had proven herself to be.

"She really believes she is protecting you... us," Kensi glanced over at Callen.

He was still awake but just barely.  Kensi remained silent and watched as Callen's eyes slowly closed even as he fought it.  Good, she thought, as she sat back and began to go over things in her mind.  Some things were not adding up for her, but she couldn't put her finger on exactly what.  What bothered her the most was how an assassin, who was most likely an expert marksman, missed their target.  Sure she knew Reagan was fast and she was able to react quicker than most people, but to completely miss your target was not something an expert would do. Especially not a genetically enhanced assassin.

As she tried to piece the puzzle together she kept watch over Reagan and Callen.  She watched as the nightmares took over and Reagan tossed and turned.  Having had nights very much the same she wanted to wake Reagan from her dark dreams but she knew that consequences could be dangerous if not deadly.  Instead she rose and moved around the shed on silent feet shutting off all the lights but one in the far corner.  She tucked a blanket around G and check on Reagan once again before she settled back into her chair and waited.

The rain pounding against the windows woke Reagan from the nightmares.  Blinking, she took a few moments, trying to remember.  She rubbed her hand over her eyes as if to erase any traces of the medication.  She racked her memory for an idea of where she was.  It was always a hazard, when she took any kind of heavy medication.  Her memories became fuzzy and vague.  Moving to sit up, she winced at the pull on her wound and suddenly she stilled in the darkness at an almost imperceptible sound.

"Who's there?" her voice was low and deadly.

"It's me," a disembodied voice floated back to her.

And then it was all there; Kensi, they were in the boatshed, G, the scene in the alley, Athena, all of it was there as clear as glass.

Reagan peered through the darkness until she could make out Kensi's silhouette.  Rising slowly, Reagan began to make her way around the couch.

"Where are you going?" Kensi asked, her voice tense.

"Outside," came the soft reply.

"You can't go outside Reagan."

Reagan moved a few more steps, quietly gliding past G, before she answered, "I'm not asking your permission Kensi.  Besides I'm sure Hetty has a battalion of agents situated around the shed.  I'm sure I'll be safe."

"Reagan, it's pouring," her tone was exasperated.

With her hand on the door she stopped for a moment, "Even better," came her reply as she stepped out into the chilling rain.

Kensi sighed and followed her, opening the door to see where she had gone.  She spotted her at the end of the dock, sitting with her feet dangling off.  Knowing she didn't want company, and not really keen on the idea of leaving the warm shed to sit in the cold rain, Kensi shut the door and moved to a window to keep an eye on Reagan.

Sitting in the rain she turned her face up to the sky, letting the drops become the tears she refused to let fall.  She was frustrated and angry.  Things weren't falling into place and that wasn't something that she was use to.  She liked everything to be neat and tidy, to have all of her ducks in a row so to speak.  And that was not how this was going. Callen wasn't supposed to have found out, she was not supposed to have gotten shot, things were not supposed to have gotten so out of hand.  She wanted to scream, to lash out at anything, anyone.  She wasn't being rational, but she didn't care.  She had never felt so helpless and incapable before.

Taking a deep cleansing breath she slipped off the dock and into the water.  The moment her head was submerged the world was silenced around her.  The deeper she went the more her head began to clear.  As her mind became sharp again she let her memories flow.  Images from the past months played through her mind.  And although everything was clear she was not able to put anything together, to put the pieces of the puzzle that were bothering her so much in place. Surfacing she swam back to the dock and climbed up.  

Standing on the dock dripping from her swim, she stared into the distance.  There were pieces she could not place into the puzzle but that stood out glaringly.  The first was the oleander in her hotel room.  Both the CIA and Project Chimera knew that was her calling card, but Pete had claimed that none of the other Specimen had been dispatched until he had submitted her refusal of the hit.  Had he been lying to her?  Had he been in on it all along?  He had claimed he hadn't found her until the night of the Bartlett case.  Could he have had eyes on her, on them, the whole time?

It would explain the oleander not only in her hotel room but also on the body of the dead Marine.  It definitely looked like it could be their work.  Killing an innocent to send a message was something they all had done, but how could she have missed it?  And why would Pete have lied to her and then still help her out with the files?

It might even explain her car explosion, although to what end they had in mind with it she again could not put together, unless someone had been trigger happy and had thought to try and take out Callen as he walked away.  It just didn't make any sense though and really wasn't a Specimen's style.  A car explosion was flashy, and messy and didn't guarantee that you would get your target when you planned.  Was it only another message, as she had told Hetty, or was she blinding herself to the truth, that they had been here much longer than she had realized and she had somehow missed the signs.

Oh she knew exactly how she could have missed the signs.  She could count a number of ways how she could have missed the signs, but the most glaring was that she simply wasn't paying attention.  She had been so hoping for a semblance of normalcy, that she had purposefully blinded herself to these things.  Cursing herself for her stupidity, she thought about her relationships with the team jeopardizing her judgment.  Not because of anything the team were doing but because she had been unable to separate her life as Reagan Faraday and her life as every other alias she had been.  Never before had she let anything cloud her to the reality of the truth.

She made her way back to the boatshed along the dock, and entered.  Kensi sat in the same chair Reagan had left her in, but Callen paced the floor from one side of the shed to the other.  Reagan said nothing as she stood dripping in the doorway.

"You're soaked," he stopped when he saw her.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," she bit out still looking for a fight.

Callen shook his head, and turned away.  Kensi stood and moved to check her bandage.  She was a little surprised that Reagan didn't brush her away, but stood silently and allowed her to check.

"I'll have to change the bandages because they're soaked but the salt water probably helped.  Does it hurt?"

"It's fine," Reagan dismissed her suggestion.

Callen whirled on her, moving across the shed and stood in front of her.  His voice was steady and calm when he spoke, "I'm done with this Reagan.  You are going to let Kensi change the bandage and then you are going to rest again."

"And who do you think you are telling me what I'm going to do?" she threw back at him raring to go at it.

"I'm your team leader."

"And how's that working for you?"

"And how's the sarcasm working for you?"

"Why can't you just leave me alone?  Just respect what I need to do and that I need to do it alone!"

Sam had walked in at the end of that and glanced from Reagan and Callen to Kensi.  He nodded to Kensi who followed him out the door to escape the line of fire.

"You signed up for OSP and all that comes with it.  We both know you did your research on OSP even if you didn't do searches on each of us.  You knew what this team was like before you made your decision."

"I didn't come here because of the team Callen.  I came here because it was the easiest way to find my parents murderer."

"You can lie to yourself all you want Reagan but we both know that is only part of the reason you came here."

"You don't know that!  I could have been lying to you, to everyone, all along about my intentions.  I could have been lying to you about everything including my feelings for you."

He stepped closer, "Prove it."

Before she could breathe his hands plunged into her hair and his mouth was on her.  This was a no holds barred attack.  He was holding nothing back and as her stomach dropped like free fall and her mind reeled, she was defenseless to prove him wrong.  Of their own volition her hands wrapped around his neck and threaded into his hair.  His mouth ravaged hers, his tongue stroking and dueling.  His hand cupped the back of her head while the other ran down her back and pulled her close so they were touching from shoulder to hip.

She kissed him back with the same passion and clung to him trying to move closer if it were physically possible.  And just as suddenly as he started, he pulled away, leaving a hair's breadth between their lips.  She breath came out in short staccato gasps, her heart thudded in her ears and she was sure he could hear it.

Looking deep into her glazed eyes he brushed a thumb across her cheek, moving a lock of hair, "Prove it."

At the two words her mind cleared and fire burned hotly in her eyes.  She slammed her hands into his chest making him take a step back, "I hate you!  How dare you use that against me!  How dare you..."

She railed at him taking swings that he easily parried until he grabbed her arms and held her still.

"You don't hate me Reagan."

The words were simple, and said in his sure easy way.  And it took all of the fight out of her.  She physically sagged in his hands and brushed her hair from her face.

"I can't do this anymore.  I don't know how to," she said softly as she sat down on a chair nearby.

He knelt down in front of her still holding her arms, "Do what?"

"This," she gestured to the boatshed, "I'm not sure I ever could."

"I'm not sure I'm following you."

"My life was always in order, my aliases pushed back behind solid walls, my purpose always clear in my mind.  And now nothing is in order.  I can't seem to separate the aliases from the real me.  And maybe that's because I'm terrified to find out who the real me is.  I can't separate the job from my personal life and I'm terrified that if I can't someone will get hurt.  My life is spiraling out of control and I can't pull the pieces back in fast enough to keep me from falling apart.

"I'm terrified of what I feel for you... of what you make me feel, and that you being with me is going to get you killed."

"And what is that Reagan?" his question was soft.

"What is what?"

"What is it you feel for me?" he cupped her cheek and brushed his thumb over her lips.

"I..." she started and then stopped.

She couldn't make herself say it.  She, the girl who walked into a room of Afghan terrorists and was the only one left standing in the end, could not summon the courage to tell him how she felt.  She was petrified to silence.  He cupped her chin and looked deep into her eyes, then softly laid his lips against hers.  The tears burned the back of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.  

"One day you'll tell me, and I promise to be there to listen."

"I don't know how to do this G.  I don't know how to go forward from here without being in total control."

"I know I'm your team leader but I'm also your friend.  And I'm done letting you push away the only people who can help you. The only people who care if you're alive to see the next sunrise."

"But what do I do?" she sounded like a lost little girl looking for someone to lead her home.

And there it was, the first time he had really seen it in the months they had known each other.  Vulnerability, her weakness, her Achilles heel, the one thing that could bring her low.  He knew it, because it was his weakness too.  And he knew that nothing he said would make it any easier.  But he knew he had to say something to her.

"You have to let go Reagan.  Take a deep breath and let go."

"What if I can't?"

"You can," it was said matter of factly, as if there were no question in his mind that it was so.

"I need time."

"Time is what we don't have Reagan.  What do you need time for?"

"I just need to separate myself from you," she saw the look on his face and knew it mirrored the panic in her chest as she said it, "That's not what I meant.  I mean right now I need you as a friend, as my team leader.  Everything else is making my judgment hazy and I don't trust myself.  I'm just saying I need time to step back from our... thing.  Just until this is over."

Her heart squeezed, and her lungs burned, but she knew it was the right thing to do; to take a step back from selfishly wanting him and focus on saving him.

"Is that what you want?" he asked softly, as though if he asked any louder it would become real.

"It's what I need... right now."

He looked down at their hands now clasped between them.  Blinking in the dark he nodded, accepting that she had made this decision.  
"So where does this..."

"G, I just need the distraction of what we could be put aside for right now, so I can focus on the matter at hand."

"I see," he whispered, slowly dropping her hands.

Reagan reached for him again only to miss his hands and come up empty.  She looked down at her vacant hands and stood.

"I... it's not..." she stumbled.

What was she going to say.  That is wasn't forever? She didn't know that, and what she wanted and what might be the inevitable outcome seemed two very separate things to her.  How could she give him hope if she wasn't sure there was any.  How could she hurt him any more than she already had?

"Hey, I get it Rae.  Just remember when you're ready to tell me I'll be there to listen."

She didn't get to respond because Sam returned at that point.  Callen walked over to him, they spoke for a few seconds and then Callen walked outside.  Sam moved to the chair Kensi had vacated earlier and sat watching Reagan as if she were a feral child, waiting for her to attack.  Reagan waited for G to return and after a few minutes she began to realize that maybe he wasn't coming back.  Perhaps he had gone to Hetty's to spend the rest of the night, or to one of the other agent's homes.  But what hit her the hardest was that he wanted to be anywhere but where she was.  The pain was almost physical as the thought shot through her mind and then her logical side began to take over.

Of course he wants to be anywhere but with you.  You just told him that the job came before him.  That in all actuality you are no different than those Specimen you despise.  That when it truly came down to it he was not enough for you.

The panic started in her lungs.  It became hard to breath and her breaths were labored and harsh.  Her heart felt like it was going to burst, the ache was deep and searing.  Her vision began to blur and color drained from the room.  She managed to give a strangled cry before she fell from the chair to her knees and started to gasp for air.

Sam was up from his chair in a heartbeat and at her side talking her through the attack.

"Deep breath and hold it in Rae.  Take a deep breath and hold it.  Pretend you are diving.  You've got to hold it.  You have no choice.  Come on Reagan take a deep breath and hold it!"

His voice was distant at first and then it finally broke through.  But it was easier said than done when her body was out of her control and she was fighting to regain it.  Finally her breathing became more steady even though it was labored and harsh.  Sam's hands on her shoulders led her to the bathroom and sat her on the closed toilet seat as he wet a hand towel with cold water and held it to her forehead.  She took it from him and covered her whole face with it.  Sam watched as her shoulders began to shake and then hoarse rasping sobs came out as she bent over and sobbed into the towel.  Sam bent down next to her and put a hand on her back.  He had no idea what had happened but from G's quick change of heart and Reagan's panic attack he could piece the puzzle together pretty well.

Her sobs finally subsided and she sat up taking the towel from her  face.  To Sam's surprise her face was dry.  He had truly thought she had finally broken down and let go, but perhaps she had held so tightly to the control for so long even this heart ache could not make her lose that steel like vice she had on herself.

She spoke first, "I'm sorry."

"For what?  Being human?" was he answer.

No sympathy for her, no coddling.  She wouldn't have wanted it any way.

"No, for having made you uncomfortable.  I'm sorry."

"Rae, I live with two women.  I've seen them cry before.  What makes you think you're so special?"

"Harsh," came her reply but she seemed to have pulled herself together.

"Would you like it if I gave you a bowl of ice cream and cried with you over it?"

She didn't smile as he hoped she would and he thought to himself that she had been in just as deep as Callen, "Why did you do it?"

"What was I supposed to do Sam?  String him along hoping for the possibility of a future for us?  I need to focus on saving his life right now, not be worried about hurting his feelings.  If it is meant to be then the pieces will fall into place and we will have a chance to be together when this is all over.  I can't offer him anything more than that and to me that isn't enough to offer him.  He deserves more."

"But he wants you."

He reached up into a cabinet over her head and pulled down a towel.  Handing it to her he took the wet hand towel and stepped outside.  She peeled the wet cold clothes off and wrapped herself in the oversized bath towel.  Opening the door she looked up at Sam.

"I may not be what is best for him.  What he wants and what he needs might not be the same thing."

He handed her a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt.  Closing the door she dropped the towel and pulled on the pants needed to roll the top a number of times to get them to fit.  As she pulled the shirt over her head she almost stumbled as his scent hit her.  The shirt had been laundered but her hyper sense of smell caught the remnants of him left there.  Bunching her hands in the front she put it to her face and breathed deeply.  It was sweet torture but perhaps she thought, she deserved it.  Stepping out of the bathroom she looked up at Sam who was leaning against the door jam with his arms crossed over his chest.

"So you've made your decision?" he asked as she slipped by him.

"I didn't have a choice."

"There is always a choice Reagan."

She glanced at him their eyes meeting for a moment and she nodded.  It was time she stopped hiding from her choices and decisions; time she started owning up to them and accepting her fate.

"You should try and get some sleep."

"I don't..." she stopped herself, knowing he was right and was resolute not to argue just for the sake of her control.

Walking over to the couch she laid down again and pulled the blankets over her.  She stared at the roof with its exposed beams and began counting the slats from one side to the other.  Over and over again she counted but sleep would just not come.

"I can't sleep," she whispered into the dark room.

"Try closing your eyes," she could hear the smile in his voice.

Turning her head she peered into the darkness to determine how he knew her eyes were open.  She couldn't see him so she knew that he couldn't see her but it made her feel safe knowing that he knew her that well.  Closing her eyes she tried to relax her body and remained quiet for a while, but sleep didn't come as quickly as she wanted and her mind began to whirl with doubts and questions.

"Am I a coward?" she whispered into the darkness.

There was silence for a moment before he answered, "Reagan, you are many things.  But a coward you are not."

"I'm afraid, Sam."

"Fear does not make us cowards.  Courage is the resistance of fear, the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear," he quoted Mark Twain.

She opened her eyes in the blackness, "What if I can't..."

She stopped not wanting to think about 'can't'.

"One day at a time Rae.  The only easy day was yesterday.  You know that."

She nodded although she knew he could not see her.  She lay silent and slowly sleep crept in to take her.  Her lashes fell against her pale cheeks and although her dreams were not sweet, neither were they the stuff of nightmares.  Sam sat silently in the dark watching her body twitch and the her eyelids flutter with her dreams.

She slept, of which he was grateful, but he had seen this sleep before in G.  The troubled sleep of a troubled mind.  He wanted to sooth her but remained where he sat.  It would do no good to let her know that he had seen what she had always kept secret.  So he suffered with her in silence until Deeks arrived to relieve him of his shift.

When he walked in Sam rose to meet him at the door.

"How is she?" Deeks asked peering over at Reagan.

"She's tossing and turning but no major nightmares.  I'm hoping she will remain asleep even if it is not completely restful."

"Kensi told me a little of what when down earlier.  Where's G?"

"He left.  Spending the night at my place."

"Any reason?" he turned back to Sam.

"You'll have to ask her when she wakes."

"Okay.  Anything I should know?"

"She's very vulnerable right now.  Take it easy with the humor."

Deeks smiled one of those sheepish smiles and nodded.

"I'll behave."

"I'll see you later then."

Sam spared another glance at Reagan and then headed out.  Deeks, always needing to be moving walked around the boatshed trying to get his own head screwed on straight.  The last thing he needed was to be blindsided because he couldn't make heads or tails of his own life at the moment.  He wasn't complaining, hell no he wasn't, but anything that had to do with Kensi was complicated and he was standing right in the middle of the hurricane.  Tired of pacing he positioned himself in a comfortable chair and crossed an ankle over the other knee.  Life right then couldn't get any more problematic than this, he thought staring at Reagan.  She was finally still for a moment and he breathed a sigh.  She and Kensi were two of a pair, plagued by their pasts, not willing to trust, prickly when they finally had to ask for help, and held their emotions in check behind their smiles.  Yeah he could see how he fell in with the two of them, he smiled and rested his head back on the chair.  What he couldn't see was how any of this was going to work out if Reagan wasn't willing to trust them and accept their help.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine. 
> 
> Thank you everyone for your reviews and please feel free to tell me exactly how you feel about a chapter, especially if you’re not completely thrilled. Your constructive comments help me become a better writer.
> 
> A little warning before you read. The section marked May 2002 is rated M. It’s a flashback of Reagan’s past and some less than savory things happen. If you choose not to read you will not miss anything except that history.
> 
> A soundtrack change for this chapter. I've listened to a couple of soundtracks to keep me in the mood but The Fray’s “Say When” spoke to me the loudest. I’ve never posted a whole song for you before but this one just needed to be posted. Please give it a listen because it will help you feel the mood. I also listened to Snow Patrol’s “Run” and “Chasing Cars”, and The Goo Goo Dolls’ “Acoustic 3”.
> 
> Please stick with me and I promise you will be rewarded in the end! Much Love!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see you there, don't know where you come from  
> Unaware of a stare from someone  
> Don't appear to care that I saw you and I want you  
> What's your name? 'Cause I have to know it  
> You let me in and begin to show it   
> We're terrified 'cause we're heading  
> Straight for it, might get it  
> You been the song playing on the background  
> All along but you're turning up now  
> And everyone is rising to meet you, to greet you  
> Turn around and you're walking toward me  
> I'm breaking down and you're breathing slowly  
> You say the word and I will be your man, your man  
> Say when and my own two hands  
> Will comfort you tonight, tonight  
> Say when and my own two arms  
> Will carry you tonight, tonight  
> We're coming close and then even closer  
> We bring it in but we go no further  
> We're separate, two ghosts  
> In one mirror, no nearer  
> Later on if it turns to chaos  
> Hurricane coming all around us  
> See the crack, pull it back  
> From the window, you stay low  
> Say when and my own two hands  
> Will comfort you tonight, tonight  
> Say when and my own two arms  
> Will carry you tonight, tonight  
> I come across you lost and broken  
> You're coming to but you're slow in waking  
> You start to shake, you still  
> Haven't spoken, what happened  
> They're coming back and you just don't know when  
> You want to cry but there's nothing coming  
> They're gonna push until you give in or say when  
> Now we're here, and it turns to chaos  
> Hurricane coming all around us  
> Double crack throws you back  
> From the window, you stay low  
> It all began with a man and country  
> Every plan turns another century  
> Around again, another nation fallen  
> Maybe God can be on both sides  
> Of the gun, never understood why  
> Some of us never get it so good, so good  
> Some of this was here before us  
> All of this will go after us  
> It never stops until we give in, give in  
> Or say when and my own two hands  
> Will comfort you tonight, tonight  
> Say when and my own two arms  
> Will carry you tonight, tonight  
> Say when and my own two hands  
> Will comfort you tonight, tonight  
> The Fray:: Say When

::Chapter 18::

She awoke to the soft snoring of someone close to her.  Opening her eyes, she blinked at the sunlight shining through the windows.  As her eyes adjusted to the brightness, she saw Deeks sleeping in the upholstered chair next to her.  

Her chuckle had him jumping to attention, "Some bodyguard you turned out to be."

Rubbing his hands over his face he mumbled, "You're not funny."

Sitting up, she peeled off the bandages to see the damage.  The wound looked as if it was about a week old.  Rotating her arm around from front to back and back to front, moving it up and down, she tested it, and although the skin was tight there was no pain.  One good thing about being a genetically altered mutant assassin, she thought derisively.

"What's on the agenda for today?" she asked; swinging her legs over the edge of the couch.  
"Hetty wants us all at OSP by 9:00 AM."

Reagan nodded, "How's Kensi?"

Deeks looked at her as if he was contemplating something, and not something nice.  She remained silent, giving him that trusting look almost no one could resist.  He finally rolled his eyes and let out a big sigh.

"Why can't you just leave well enough alone?  Things were fine before...  I mean... Damn Reagan, you really know how to stir up a hornet's nest," he ran a hand through his shaggy mane.

"Yeah, I'm your very own Lisbeth Salander," she said wryly and stood stretching her back and arms.

"That all depends on who had the dragon tattoo first."

Reagan made a face at him and swung an arm down slapping him in the back of the head, eliciting an 'ouch'.  He rubbed the spot and looked up at her still stretching.

"How's G?"

She stopped mid-stretch and almost growled at him, "None of your business."

"Wait, I'm supposed to open up to you, but you don't have to open up to me.  It doesn't work that way, Rae."

She sighed.  She knew that she could talk to Deeks.  He, of all people, would understand and not judge, but the hurt was still too raw.

"I did what I had to do.  What was best for him.  Let's just leave it at that."

He looked at her and they came to a silent agreement.  

Reagan walked to the window and stared out into the glaring light of day.  Things were different at night, softer, less harsh; it was easier to hide in the dark with only the moon to illuminate your sins.  Her mind was spinning with the things she needed to do and not one of those things was to get to OSP.  She turned slowly and watched Deeks put away the blankets and straighten up.  She wouldn't have pegged him for a neat guy considering the amount of sand he left in his wake, but as she watched she found it a comforting thought for some reason.  Her decision made, she stepped away from the window and stood next to the couch.

"I need a favor," she said, and waited for his reaction.

He stood up and looked at her, trying to decide what his answer should be.

"It's nothing big, but something I can't do myself."

"If I can..."

"I want to go home and shower.  Will you take me?"

"I'm supposed to take you straight to OSP.  Hetty won't be happy."

"She will understand.  And I will take the blame if she doesn't.  Please Deeks.  Except for the swim I took last night, I haven't showered and I feel disgusting.  Please."

"Why can't you shower at OSP?" he was trying his best to change her mind.

"Please Deeks.  I just want to go home and shower in my own bathroom, with my own towels, put on my own clothes.  You understand, don't you?"

She was playing to the detective inside of him, the one that longed for his own place when he was out on assignment for weeks at a time unable to break cover.  

Taking a good look at her, he understood her need for a shower.  She looked like a waif whom they had dragged in off the street and gave a warm bed to.  There were dark circles beneath her eyes and her skin looked thin and translucent.  She had changed her clothes last night and they hung off of her like sacks.

He nodded his assent, "Okay, let's go.  But we have to get to OSP by 9:00. I'm not getting on Hetty's redacted list."

A relief spread across her face and she grabbed her pile of now damp clothes and waited at the door for him like and anxious puppy.  He sighed knowing that he was going to catch shit for letting her do this but also knowing why she needed to.  Leaving the boatshed, they slid into his car and headed to her house.

After a quick shower, she slipped into clean comfortable clothes and stood in front of her dresser.  Opening a false drawer that hid just underneath the dresser top, she looked down into the green felt lined space.  Reaching in, her long fingers brushed against the tools that lay there.  As her fingertips floated over the gold plated steel wire of the garrote, her mind floated back to the first time she had to use one.

_May 2002_

_She had landed in Dubai three days before, and had been flaunting herself everywhere since.  She was staying at the Jumeirah Zabeel Saray, in one of their Imperial Suites and her target was the playboy son of one of Saddam Hussein's most trusted advisors.  His father was in the custody of the United States, but refused to give up information on the activities of Hussein.   They had asked, cajoled, ordered, demanded, and threatened to no avail.  And now it was her job to make good on their threats._

_Right then she was laying on a chaise lounge at the private pool in one of the Royal Residences.  Lying next to her was Izz Al Din Ta'anari, his hands trailing from her bent knee to the side of her breast.  She lay there staring out at the beach that was only a stone's throw away sparkling like diamonds in the light.  She was relaxed even though she knew what was coming.  Izz, as he preferred to be called, was throwing an exclusive party for 500 of his closest friends, and Aliena was to be his guest of honor.  It's too bad you won't be around to host tonight, she thought as she turned her head to smile at the man pawing her.  She smiled and was secretly congratulating herself for remembering to wear sunglasses because the smile never reached her eyes.  She stretched showing off her perfectly tanned and toned body in the thin gold wire she wore around her tiny waist and the almost nonexistent bikini bottom._

_"Today is a good day to die."_

_She remembers the quote from somewhere, but doesn't bother to try and pull the place from her memory.  It doesn't matter really; after all she's just a vapid, silly blonde who would never remember where she had heard that line before._

_Izz sat up looking at her curiously, " Now why would say something like that darling?"_

_She smiled up at him and ran a finely manicured hand down his bare muscled chest, "I just meant that this day is so perfect that if I died today it would be okay."_

_Lying came so easy to her that she didn't even miss a beat when he leaned over and shoved his tongue in her mouth and his hand ran up her side closing over a bare breast.  It wasn't long before the other people sitting around the pool began to discreetly leave the area, and both of their bathing suits were off.  It was one of the things she hated about him (one of the many things she hated).  He would take her anywhere the mood struck him and she, being Aliena, would simply comply with a smile. The sex wasn't even that good if she really thought about it, which she was not prone to do.  It really wasn't something she wanted to ever remember, but that was like asking the sea not to touch the shore.  When he was finished and climbed off of her she smiled at him and rose from the lounge._

_"I've got to clean up then maybe we can rest for tonight," she walked around the back of his lounge, where he lay panting, and put her lips against his ear._

_She began nuzzling it, using her breath, lips and tongue to distract him from her real purpose for being where she was.  Her hands unlatched the gold wire, from where it rested around her waist, and twisted it into a loop.  It was not made of gold although it was gold plated.  It was a steel wire she used as a garrote which covered as a belly chain._

_As he became obviously aroused, he turned his head and closed his eyes to kiss her.  She responded and once he was sufficiently lost in the moment she broke the kiss to drop the wire around his throat.  He opened his eyes in surprise but never got to open his mouth, as she tightened the wire and choked the life out of him.  She stood above him and watched silently as the life ebbed from his body, as his eyes first stared accusingly and then vacantly.  She had nothing to say to him. No parting words or sneering remarks.  He meant nothing to her and she felt that, by giving him her voice before he died, she was giving him that little bit of power over her; that little bit of emotion she simply didn't have since her parents murders and her life had become this, an endless game of dead eyes and blurry faces.  No they did not need her to ease their passing; they could make their peace with whatever god met them on the other side._

_She stared into his expressive eyes, watching until they went dead.  As he slumped over in the chair, she quickly placed the wire back on her waist and arranged him as though he were sleeping.  No one would be coming back for a while knowing his habit of taking her a number of times before they were both supposedly sated._

_She headed to the bathroom, making sure she passed at least 2 people as she did, so she could come up with some semblance of an alibi.  In the bathroom she ran the water and then stepped into the shower.  The water hit her skin and she cringed.  It was unfortunate that hotels regulate how hot the water can get because they don't want guests to burn themselves.  She quickly washed him off of her and then stepped out wrapping a towel around her._

_Leaving the bathroom she headed back out to the private pool and saw some of Izz's sycophants lounging around again.  She smiled at them and walked over to where Izz looked as though he was sleeping, his head fallen forward to rest his chin on his chest. Looking down upon him all she felt was confidence that she had done the job she had been sent to do and done it well.  There were no personal emotions for this man she had spent the last two days with, who had showered her with lavish gifts and treated her like a queen.  He was a threat and he needed to be eliminated.  She had done just that.  No questions asked, no emotions involved._

_"I'm going to head back to my room to rest for tonight," she touched his shoulder and said loudly enough for the others to hear._

_When she got no reaction she bent down and gave him a little nudge, "Izz I'm going back to my room."_

_Again no response, she looked over to the others to see if they were paying attention, and noticed that although they were pretending not to, they were quite away of the two of them._

_"Izz," she said in an annoyed voice, giving him a shove._

_His body flopped to the side almost falling off the lounge and exposing the angry red line around his neck.  Aliena opened her very blue eyes in shock, falling from her crouched position to her backside on the ground and let out a blood curdling scream that had not only everyone in the residence running but also a number of staff that were near the area._

_She sat there shaking and screaming while the hotel staff, the police, and the medics swarmed through the villa and eventually all over the grounds looking for the assassin.  It was an Oscar worthy performance if she did say so herself, although no one would ever get to see it aside from the few people that had found her immediately after she discovered Izz's dead body.  There were no cameras in the Royal Residences because so many of the guests wanted complete privacy while staying there._

_They had called her aunt, whom they believed was her agent, after questioning her briefly, and she had been back on a plane to Milan before the day was over.  The terrified model who's new boy toy had been murdered while she showered the remnants of their last time together off of her.  There were some whispers, in certain less than reliable tabloids, about the deaths that seemed to follow Aliena but most believed it was a crazy lovesick ex killing off any new men she became involved with._

_By that fall Reagan was reassigned to New York and Aliena suddenly disappeared.  Some people speculated that she was in hiding because of the death of this last man, others said that she overdosed on some exotic drug she had been playing with, there were even those that wondered if she had finally fell in with the wrong guy and had been murdered herself.  It was easier to let the conjecture stay in place than actually come up with a reason for Aliena to disappear so Reiss had not bothered to create a cover story._

Picking up the gold rope, she wrapped it around her waist, shuddering as the cold metal touched her skin. She had used the garrote a number of times in her career as a black ops government assassin, but, after her year in India, she had put it away and refused to use it again.  She never thought of the reason for that and would refuse to answer if questioned.

Picking up her brush she slicked her hair back, deftly twisted the sunshine blonde fall into a coil and then reached for the second item in the false drawer: her Kanzashi hair sticks.  These she had acquired during her yearlong stay in Japan. From first look they were simple, wooden hair sticks with intricately, carved blue jade beads on the ends.  But with the smallest bit of pressure just below the bead, steel pins slipped out of the wooden covers.  These pins were the length of her hand from wrist to the tip of her middle finger and where so sharp they could pierce through the temporal bone and into the brain.

They were both close range weapons, personal weapons, weapons you used when you could feel their breath on your cheek and hear their heart beating through their chests.  At least that was how Reagan always felt and although none of it had ever been personal to her before, she knew if she had to use these now it would be very personal.

"Hey, Rae, what's going on?  We've got 15 minutes to get to OSP and it takes 20 from here," Deeks’ voice from the living room tore her from her thoughts.

"Twenty the way you drive, but only ten the way I drive," she called back.  

Pulling her shirt down, she grabbed her socks and headed out to meet him.  She made her way down the hallway and stopped just before she entered the living room.  She stood in the shadows watching Deeks peruse her book shelves.  He was flipping through some of the hard cover books she had found at the flea market; lifting the lids of different boxes or decorative jars.

Watching him casually looking through her things she stopped and cocked her head to the right.  At one time she would have taken him down right there possibly broken a hand or arm to protect herself, but right then it barely bothered her to see him snooping in her things.  After all wasn’t that what family did, stick their noses into places they weren’t supposed to?  She smiled as she stepped into the room.

"You may find something you don't want to see or something that I can't explain if you keep snooping."

Deeks spun around looking like the cat that ate the canary.  He had the grace to blush but stammered, "I was just... it's not..."

Reagan waved a hand dismissing the discussion, "Forget it.  I just have a lot of stuff around here that is not completely... legal.  Let's get going."

Walking through the kitchen to the back door she grabbed her boots and headed out to his car barefoot.  

He watched her, trying to figure out what was going through her mind right then.  And he found that unlike Kensi, whom he could read like an open book, he could not read her.  Nothing; there was not one thing that he could get from her.  Slightly frustrated that he would actually have to ask her the questions that were going through his mind instead of being able to gage what her answers would be, he followed her to the car.  

"If you let me drive, we'll actually get there on time."

Deeks looked at her over the car, "Over my dead body."

"I can arrange that," she said, finally smiling for the first time that morning.

"You're as bloodthirsty as Kensi," he muttered sliding into the car.

"I guess that would explain the bite mark you're not successfully covering on your neck?" she reached a finger for the neck of his shirt.

He batted her hand away and gave his attention to the road.  
"Awww, are you angry with me?" she teased, "Maybe next time you should tell Kensi to bite you somewhere only she will see it."

Watching his face and seeing where his mind went she let out a laugh and looked out the window, "You’re too easy, Deeks."

He ignored her and managed to get to OSP with 2 minutes to spare.  Walking into the Ops center Reagan took in the rest of the team bathed in the blue lights of the room.  Everyone, except Callen, who was busy studying something on the table, made eye contact with her and smiled giving some form of greeting.  When he finally looked up and caught her eye all he did was nod and then look to Hetty who turned from consulting with Eric and Nell.

"Well, I was going to tell you the agents have set up surveillance around your house and it is safe to return, but it appears you've already done that," Hetty looked sharply at Deeks.

"It's my fault Hetty.  He took me home so I could shower and pick up some of my things."

Dismissing the trivial matter she focused on the more significant matter at hand, "One threat was eliminated last night as we all know.  There are two more Specimens out there and neither are less of a threat than Specimen 1 was.  We need to be aware of that threat while still working our pending cases.

"I took the liberty of bringing Mr. Callen up to speed about the contract out on his life.  I have Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones looking into who might have put the contract out.  I know that Ms. Faraday and the rest of the team will make sure that Mr. Callen’s safety is their top priority, but the show must go on and we have another case today."

As Hetty briefed them on the pending case that had come up that morning, Reagan tried her best to pay attention.

“Highly classified information on the new technology for the Trident Missile has been discovered in the hands of a South Korean national.  We managed to keep the initial information from making it to the South Korean government but we have not managed to find the leak within the defense companies employees.  This information cannot reach the hands of the South Korean government or any other government that is deemed hostile by the United States.”

“Mr. Callen we have an appointment with the director today.  Get your team together, you have one hour.”

The diminutive woman looked pointedly at each of her agents, turned and made her way down stairs to her office.  Reagan’s cerulean eyes followed her until she disappeared around the corner.  There was going to be a reckoning, of that she was sure, but when it came was entirely in Hetty’s court, she was the master of waiting for the perfect moment and then ambushing you.

Turning back to the team Reagan watched and listened as Callen laid out his plan to get inside the defense company and root out the source of the problem.  She didn’t expect to be part of this operation, especially after what happened last night and was caught off guard when G said her name.

“Yes?” she answered him.

“Do you speak Korean?”

“I’m not fluent, but I can communicate pretty well,” she answered him; reminding herself he was nothing more than her team leader now.

“Good, you are going to come in as my assistant.  William Atherton is the CEO of Titan Defense Industries and his personal assistant Julie Kim is Korean.  Perhaps you can get some information from her as to who might still have ties to home.”

“But wouldn’t Kensi be a better choice?” Reagan asked, not completely sure this pairing was wise.

“Kensi cannot speak Korean. And if this woman knows anything, she will be more open to someone she feels comfortable with.  Someone who speaks her language,” Callen reasoned.

Reagan nodded, acquiescing to his orders.  She was of the mind that most women opened up to a friendly face and a sympathetic ear, it didn’t matter what language one spoke.  But the last thing she was going to do was argue with him.

“Alright, Eric, Nell, I want you to pull up every bit of information on all South Korean employees of Titan Defense and also anyone who might be married or dating a South Korean.

“Kensi, Deeks, get down to the boatshed and find out everything you can from the guy we have in custody; how he got the information and from whom.

“Sam, Reagan, we are going to meet with Mr. Atherton and gain his assistance in our search.”

Everyone scurried to do what needed to be done but he called Reagan aside as they reached the bullpen.

“I’ll meet you two in the car,” Sam muttered realizing neither of them was paying attention.

Reagan stood in front of Kensi’s desk, fiddling with the clutter that covered its surface, waiting for G to proceed.  When he finally turned to her she felt like a child ready to be reprimanded by a teacher.

“You need to tell me now if you can’t do this job.”

Her hand froze in its descent to replace the paperweight she had been studying.  Slowly placing it on the desk she crossed her arms over her chest and met his eyes.

“Are you questioning my ability to perform my job?” she asked almost aghast.

“I’m questioning your ability to do this job after what happened last night,” he knew she was pissed but he was not going to take chances.

“I told you once that I’ll do the job no matter what.  You asking me that is simply insulting.  What happened last night has nothing to do with the job I have to perform today.”

Hetty walked into the bullpen to hear this final comment from Reagan.

“It doesn’t matter if Ms. Faraday can do the job or not.  I’m pulling her from this case.”

Both Reagan and G turned to stare at the small woman in surprise and confusion.

“Hetty we need…” G started.

“Mr. Callen, this is not a discussion.  Ms. Faraday is off the case.  I will not deal with any insolence in this matter.”

“Hetty can’t you at least tell me…”

“Ms. Faraday,” she ignored his plea, “will you follow me please?”

Although it was a question, her tone brooked no argument yet Reagan wasn’t known for keeping her mouth shut.

“Hetty what is this about?”

“Ms. Faraday, this is not a request.  You are needed elsewhere and the team will take care of this case.”

“Hetty!” she cried touching her shoulder.  
Hetty stopped, her head turned slightly glancing at Reagan’s hand on her shoulder.  Reagan pulled back her hand as if burned, rubbing it against her thigh.

“Hetty, please, I just want to know what this is about.”

Hetty turned to her, “Director Vance is waiting to see you.”

Reagan blanched, and took a step back from the older woman, “He’s here?”

Hetty nodded, “Now let’s not keep him waiting any longer.”

She turned and walked away leaving Reagan staring after her with a brick in her stomach.  Director Vance did not make the flight to LA just to say hello and he did not make the flight for trivial matters either.  Taking a deep breath she followed Hetty down stairs into her office where the Director waited for her.  He stood as she navigated the two steps up to Hetty’s domain.

Holding out his hand he greeted her.  Although his tone was light he did not smile, “Agent Faraday, this meeting has been too long coming.  Director Leon Vance. It’s a pleasure it meet you.”

“Director Vance, your reputation precedes you,” she took his hand with much more confidence than she felt.  This is the man who could rip everything that is solid in my life, right out from under me she thought.

“All good I assume,” he smiled at the stunning blonde.

Play the game Reagan, she thought to herself, play the game.  She lowered her eyelids to she appeared demure, a sweet smile played about her full lips bringing a pink flush to her cheeks and she laughed softly while retracting her hand from the directors.

“Could it be any other way?” she said softly her voice taking on a deeper timbre, slightly sultry.

Hetty watched the subtle change in Reagan and congratulated herself on the easily won cognac the director now owed her.  Reagan could charm, she gave the girl that, and Director Vance underestimated her on this one.  She had told him that there was no match for her newest agent but the director had argued with her saying that no one had ever taken him in.  She just wished she had this on video.  Her cough brought the directors head snapping around to her and a smile to break over his face.

“It appears I underestimated you once again Ms. Lange,” he laughed good naturedly.

Reagan looked from one to the other and could not find the humor in the situation.

“I told you she was the best,” Hetty made a small gesture to Reagan as she spoke.

“And I bow to your expertise in this matter.  I didn’t think there was an agent out there anymore that could take me in.  Congratulations Ms. Faraday, job well done.”

Dropping the façade, she frowned at Hetty and the director, “Well I might thank you for that if I had a clue as to what you were talking about.”

“You didn’t prep her?” Vance looked at Hetty, actually surprised.

“It would have been cheating if I had prepped her.  Our deal was that she would be able to do it without prior knowledge.  She just has the instincts for the job,” Hetty gloated slightly.

“Are you going to tell me what this set up is all about?” Reagan interjected.

“Ms. Lange made a bet with me that you would be able to ensnare me without me even realizing it.  Like Hetty I’ve been in the game too long to be taken in, but you managed to do it.”

Reagan raised her left eyebrow and turned to Hetty, “And this is why you pulled me off the case?”

“Obviously not Ms. Faraday. The Director did not fly all the way out here to make good on a bet.  You are the reason he is here and he wants to speak with you about the ‘situation’ we find ourselves in.  I have taken the liberty of inviting Mr. Sallanger to help with some insight.”

“Insight,” Reagan repeated.

“Yes Agent Faraday.  Ms. Lange had been keeping me up-to-date on the situation and I’m curious to speak to you about Chimera and a number of other things that are piling up,” Director Vance stepped in.

Reagan looked from Hetty to Vance and nodded in agreement.

“Mr. Sallanger has agreed to meet us at a more private location.  Shall we go?” Hetty held out a hand directing them to the doors.

Director Vance led with Reagan and then Hetty following.  When they got outside Deeks and Kensi were getting into Kensi’s car.  The look they threw Reagan was questioning but she simply shook her head and continued with the director and operations manager to Hetty’s car.  As the car pulled out Deeks and Kensi shared a look.  Deeks shrugged and slid into the car.  Kensi took another glance to where Hetty’s car had already turned a corner and then followed suit.

They drove to the Exposition Park Rose Garden and Hetty parked the car.  Pete was standing on the sidewalk waiting for them.  They greeted each other and then Hetty led them into the gardens.  They made their way, with Director Vance, Hetty and Pete making small talk and Reagan barely listening while she searched the area for a familiar face half hidden in the abundance of perfect blooms.

“Ms. Faraday?” Director Vance’s voice called her back to the moment.

Turning quickly back to the three of them, “I’m sorry I was…”

“Focused on something else?” Director Vance interjected.

“Scanning,” she finished.

“Sit Ms. Faraday,” Hetty motioned to a secluded bench they had come by.

“If it’s all the same to you I would prefer to stand,” she answered quietly.

Hetty nodded as she sat with Pete next to her.

“Is there a purpose to this meeting?” Reagan asked tired of the game being played.

“Reagan we have search extensively through every government data base for anyone with a first or last name of Reiss.  We came up with nothing.  Not a single name came up.  Are you sure that was the name you were given?”

Reagan looked from Hetty who had just spoken to Director Vance and finally to Pete.

“That was the only name I was given.  Reiss.  My parent’s spoke of him when they discussed the project.  It was never anything but Reiss.  I don’t have another name. What do you mean there is no record of him?  There has to be.  Pete you have to know who he is.”

Pete looked up at Reagan, his eyes wary, and shook his head, “I’ve never heard of anyone named Reiss.  Any assignment I have given to you has come through my superiors at the CIA.”

“No, that’s not true. This last assignment that brought you here was from Reiss.  The hit on Callen is not through the CIA,” she could feel the irritation rising.

“Reagan that envelope was given to me through my superiors in the CIA, no one else.  What was inside the envelope should have been from them.”

“But it wasn’t.  It was a Chimera missive.  Reiss’ signature was at the bottom.  So if the assignment was pushed through the CIA then Reiss has his fingers in more pots than we originally thought.”

“Where is the missive right now?” Director Vance asked.

Reagan looked down knowing the answer was not going to help her sound believable, “I destroyed it, as I do every missive from Reiss.  Leave no evidence.  It was one of our first lessons.  I’m sorry.”

“Reagan you need to understand, we can find no record of a Reiss and we cannot get any information of the government project called Chimera.  No one will even admit it existed,” Hetty tried to make her understand what they were working against.

“Existed? It still exists.  I’m proof; the other two remaining Specimens are proof.  Chimera exists.  I don’t know what else to say to help you believe me.”

“Reagan we do believe you, but this is so far above our pay grades even the Sec. Nav. Cannot get any information,” Hetty assured her, laying a well-worn hand on one of Reagan’s.

“My mother kept files of her work, on everything she did.  She documented everything.  I don’t know where any of that is though.  She never kept the files in the house.  The material was too sensitive and considered national security.  She wasn’t even supposed to keep her own copies but she did.  She told me she kept copies of everything.  She just never told me where,” Reagan reasoned out loud to no one in particular.

“Would Gibbs have any idea where your mother’s work might be?” Vance asked, causing Reagan’s head to snap up.

“You cannot involve him!” she burst out.

“Reagan if he has information that could help us discover who this Reiss character is and why he is sending his assassins after G, then he should be brought on board,” Vance reasoned.

“Please, if you really feel that he needs to be involved please make it a last resort.  After we have exhausted all other options,” she pleaded with them.

“My dear, we have exhausted every available option,” Hetty said softly.

“Then let me contact him,” she looked the all of them.

“Ms. Faraday, how do you think Agent Gibbs will react to someone he believes to be dead contacting him?” Vance baited her.

With a sigh he turned to study a perfect bloom, “Gibbs knows I’m alive, but you knew that already didn’t you Director?”

He shook his head, “I didn’t for sure until you just confirmed my suspicion.  I know you want him to remain apart from this because you want to protect him, but you need to understand, Gibbs is one of our most capable agents.”

“I do understand that Director.  It’s just that somehow everyone I care about ends up being taking from me.  I can’t lose him too.”

“We put ourselves in the line of fire every day Reagan.  It’s our job.”

“I know Director Vance, but if something were to happen to him because he was trying to protect me, I could never live with myself.”

Vance nodded in understanding, “Can you reach him securely?”

Reagan nodded.

“Then make the call.  I’ll expect you to report to me on the outcome tomorrow.”

She nodded again, “Yes sir.”

“Well, let’s get back to work.  I have agents who need an eye to be kept on them.  Mr. Sallanger, thank you for meeting with us and we will keep you in the loop if any information arises.”

Pete shook her hand, “Thank you Ms. Lange.  Would you mind if Reagan stayed for a moment.  I’m going to be headed back east tomorrow and I’d like to speak to her alone.”

Hetty looked to Reagan, “Miss Faraday?”

“Sure.  You don’t have to wait Hetty.  Pete will get me home.”

Hetty nodded and walked away with the Director in the direction of the car.  Reagan wouldn’t have made the decision if she felt she was compromised by being left alone with Pete.  Reagan turned and looked at Pete, shoving her hands in her jean pockets.  The action made her shoulders rise and hunch so it appeared as though she were protecting herself.

“Reagan…” he began.

“Why did you lie to them Pete?” she cut him off.

It was now his turn to shove his hands in his pockets, “To protect you Reagan.  Reiss can’t be happy you refused the assignment.  If he finds out you have people trying to dig up his information it won’t go well for you. He is a vindictive man Reagan.  He will not hesitate to retaliate against you.”

She kicked at a loose stone on the path, “Right now that is the least of my worries.  I need to keep Callen alive and Gibbs on the east coast.  And I need to know why Callen is a target.”

“All I’m saying is you need to be careful Rae.  None of us want to see you get hurt.  I hope you’ve placed some trust in that team of yours because from what I gathered from that little ninja woman, they all care about you very much.”

Looking at the ground she mumbled, “More than I deserve.”

Aggravated by this self-depreciating manner Pete grabbed her arm causing her to glance up at him, “You deserve a lot more than you give yourself credit for kid.”

Shrugged and glanced over at the rental car Pete that they had stopped in front of.  The flash of memory was so fierce and sudden that it had her staggering.

“Reagan!” Pete called out, reaching for her.

She shrugged him away, afraid of what she had seen.

“Reagan, what’s going on?”

“Was it you?” she stepped away from him.

“Was what me?”

“The bomb.  My car in the parking lot.  Was that you?”

“What are you talking about?  You’re not making any sense Reagan.”

“A month ago my car was blown up in a restaurant parking lot.  There was a car that matched this description exactly, sitting on the street that night.  It was gone after I came to from the blast.”

“Wait, you think I tried to kill you that night?  Reagan I didn’t get to LA until the week I found you on the beach.  That was weeks after the car bomb.”

Reagan studied Pete trying to determine whether he was telling her the truth.  With a sigh she backed down.

“They’ve been here longer than we thought,” she said quietly.

“You’re sure?”

She nodded, “One of the first cases I worked on when I got here was a dead Marine.  The case went cold but they left a sprig of oleander on the body.  It was a message for me, but I didn’t realize it at first.  Then my car, and now the hit on Callen, they’ve been here since I got here.”

“Why?” Pete racked his brain for a logical answer.

“Why doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Come on Kid I’ll take you home.”

They slid into the car and Pete headed towards Reagan’s house.  He watched her staring out the window, from the corner of his eye as they drove.  He was proud of her.  He always had been, but it was not something that you could say to Reagan.  She would only sneer at the sentiment and throw it back in his face.  But she was not the same Reagan he knew for all those years.  Not the same emotionally bankrupt woman who went through her bleak life alone and apart from the rest of the world.  No, she was not that.

“I’ll be leaving tomorrow at noon.  I just want to know you’re not going to do anything that will get you killed Reagan.”

She turned to him with a snarky smile on her lips, “You make it sound like I’m always doing something that might get me killed Pete.”

He chuckled, “Yeah ‘cause you’re so reserved and demure.”

At that she laughed, “You know I can’t promise I won’t get killed Pete.  But I promise to try not to!”

“Guess that will have to be enough for now.  But do me a favor when this is all over promise me you’ll think about leaving this and settling down into something a little less…”

“A little less?”

“A little less… death on the line.”

She laughed again, “I’ll think about it Pete.”

Pulling into her driveway she opened the door and moved to slide out of the car.  Stopping she turned back to him and cocked her head, “Take care of yourself Pete.”

He smiled, knowing how unnatural that must have felt for her to say, “I will kid.”

Reagan smiled at him and got out shutting the car door.  She waited for him to pull away and watched as his car disappeared around the corner.  With a deep breath she turned and went inside.  The last thing she wanted to do was make this call.  The last thing she wanted was for him to worry about her, or worse get on a plane and come out to LA.  She headed into the room she was using as an office and opened the closet door.  Pulling a box down off of a shelf, she opened it and pulled out a brand new phone.  It had already been activated although never used.  She walked back out to the living room and grabbed her keys and bag from the coat hook and then headed out to her car.  

Driving to Venice Beach she parked and began to walk.  She stared at the phone in her hand going back and forth in her mind trying to decide whether to call or disobey Vance’s direct order.  With her stomach in knots she finally stopped on a bench and dialed the number. She waited.

“Gibbs,” he answered.

Hearing his voice caused a knot to form in her throat, and she couldn’t speak for a moment.

“Hello?” he said again not recognizing the number.

“It’s me,” she tried to talk around the knot.

“I’ll call you back in 10 minutes,” and the phone cut out.

That was their usual conversation starter.  She knew he couldn’t talk while in the office so he would leave and call her back whenever she called him and he was there.  Standing, she whipped a tear away and began to walk again.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had talked to him.  It must have been sometime before Hawaii or around that time.  Almost a year ago and she hadn’t seen him in longer than that.  When her phone rang she paused before she answered.

“Hello?”

“Are you okay?” he sounded slightly upset.

“I’m fine, promise.”

She heard him sigh, “Where are you Reagan?”

“LA, NICS: Office of Special Projects.”

“So you’re the reason why Vance is out there?” she heard the smile in his voice.

“Now why would you believe that?” she smiled too.

“Just a hunch.”

“You knew I was out here.  Callen’s called you about me.”

“Yeah, he has.  I just wanted to make sure you were still there and not on the run again.”

“I’m here and I need to ask you a question.”

“Ask.”

“My mother’s work files.  I need to find them.  Do you have any idea where she kept them?”

“Yes,” he paused for a moment, “What’s going on Reagan?”  
“I can’t tell you Uncle Jethro.  Right now I just need the files.”

“Reagan,” his voice held a warning.

“Please trust me Uncle Jethro.  Director Vance and Hetty are both overseeing what’s going on.  There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Reagan,” again the warning was in his voice.

“Can you get the files to me?”

He sighed, “You know I can.  When do you need them?”

“Yesterday.”

Silence.  Reagan knew he wasn’t happy, but she also knew he was going to help her if he could.

“I’ll have them sent to you tonight.  You want the hard copies right?”

She smiled before she answered, “Of course.”

“Good.”

“Rae,” he stopped.

“Yes?”

“Burn the phone, and be safe.”

“I will.”

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

She could hear him chuckle, “Elephant shoes.”

She smiled but bit her lip to keep the sob from escaping.  When the phone clicked in her ear she let the sob go.  He hadn’t said that to her in years.  Gibbs had never been openly demonstrative after Shannon and Kelly were murdered but he use to make sure Reagan knew of his affection in his own way.  Before he would leave her as a child he used to say “Elephant shoes” to her.  The words meant nothing but he never had said it out loud.  He would tell her to watch and then mouth the words and when she watched it looked like he was saying “I love you”.  It had been a game to Reagan as a child but as she grew older and understood just what it took for him to say that to her she realized just how precious a gift it was.

Wiping the tear away she dropped the phone on the sidewalk and crushed it beneath her boot heel.  Picking it up, she dropped it into a trash can and walked away.  She couldn’t face going home right then so she continued to walk.  There were so many things flying through her head and she was having a hard time focusing on the matter at hand.  

For the rest of the day Reagan wandered around Venice Beach, trying to put the pieces together.  The growling of her stomach made her realize she had spent the entire day aimlessly trying to escape the confusion in her head.  Getting in the car she pulled her phone from her back pocket and turned it on to check the time.  Eight thirty, with three missed calls.  She pressed the screen to check on the calls, two from Sam, and one from Hetty.  Were they checking in on her?  As she pulled into traffic to begin the drive back to her house she flicked on the radio.  She listened quietly to Mick Jagger singing “Paint It Black” until the phone suddenly rang.  Checking the number she saw it was Pete.  Turning off the radio she answered.

“You can’t get enough of me, can you?” she said with a laugh.

“Apparently none of us can Bright Eyes,” the voice that responded sent chills through her.

“Where is Pete, Mason?” she growled.

“What, no hello for me Bright Eyes?  You know you always did have the most amazing eyes.  Although I understand your new friend Ms. Blye has some spectacular eyes too.  Two different colors I hear.  Perhaps I should pay her a visit and see for myself?”

Reagan knew he was trying to get to her by mentioning Kensi but she needed to focus.

“Where is Pete?” she asked again.

“You never did like to play my games, did you Bright Eyes?  You always had to stay focused on the prize.”

“Damn it Mason, where is Pete?”

She heard him chuckle and knew it was because he had gotten a rise out of her.  She cursed herself for giving him that satisfaction.

“He’s right here Reagan.  Why so worried?  You don’t have feelings for him Reagan, do you?”

“Why do you have him Mason?” she ignored his question.

“Reiss is not very happy with your friend Mr. Sallanger.  He was sent out here to give you an assignment and see that you followed through with it.  He didn’t complete his assignment and as we know there are consequences for failure.”

Her knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel while images of Specimen 2, Brad Wilson, and Specimen 5, Lindsey Randolph, flashed through her memory.  Oh yes, they had all witnessed first-hand what happened when someone failed to carry out one of Reiss’ orders.  She had told Hetty that they had been killed because of assignment’s gone wrong, and that was the truth although not all of it.  They had failed to carry out Reiss’ orders as expressed and he had made an example of them.  They were executed in front of the other Specimen as a lesson to them.

“No,” she whispered.

“Come now Bright Eyes, you don’t care what happens to him.  He’s only your handler.  They’re all replaceable.”

“No,” she said more forcefully.

“Awww, did you become attached to him?  Think he could replace your dead Daddy did you?  That’s too bad Bright Eyes.”

Reagan flinched when she heard the gunshot echo through the phone.

“NO!” she cried out.

“Looks like you’re going to need to get yourself a new handler Reagan,” she could hear his sneering smile through the phone.

“You unbelievable bastard!  When I find you I will kill you with my bare hands Mason.”

“Aww, threats don’t really become you Reagan,” he scoffed.

“That’s not a threat Mason.  It’s a promise,” she said softly and then killed the call.

Before she had time to think she dialed Hetty and in a monotone voice told her what happened.  By the time she reached the motel Pete was staying at, the entire team was waiting for her.  Rushing past them she headed for Pete’s room.  The sight when she entered would have made most people flinch.  Pete was zip tied to a chair and had been shot execution style through the forehead.  

Reagan stood in front of Pete and stared at him.  Sinking to her knees in front of him she started to fight with the ties that bound him, trying to release his arms.  Sam found her struggling, her breath coming out in gasps.  
“Reagan.  Reagan.  Rae, come on, leave it alone,” Sam tried to move her away.

“It shouldn’t have been like this.  Not like this,” she mumbled to no one.

“Come on Reagan; let the medics take care of him.  They’re here to take care of him.”

“He was a good man.  He didn’t deserve this,” she spoke quietly as if to just get the words out.

“We know my dear.  Now come out and let them do their job,” Hetty’s voice of reason had her finally leaving the room.

Upon exiting Pete’s room she came up face to face with Callen.  Everything in her wanted to step into his arms and bury her face in his shoulder.  She ached to have him hold her tight and tell her it was going to be okay.  But after last night she knew that this was not a viable choice and she could not expect that from him anymore.

“I’m sorry Rae,” he offered and moved as if to touch her but stopped.

Knowing she could not handle any more heartache she nodded, unable to speak around the knot in her throat. Callen knew that look, he knew those eyes that appeared to hold only shadows.  She was fleeing from the pain by closing herself off from emotion.  He wanted to reach out for her, to enfold her in his arms and protect her from this pain, but instead he dropped his gaze to the ground and let her walk past him in the protective embrace of his partner.  Sam passed her off to Kensi, and turned back to stand beside G along with Deeks.

“This is a message G.  This is their way of telling us they can get to anyone,” Sam offered his thoughts quietly.

“But why kill Reagan’s handler?  What does he have to do with a hit on my life?  I never met the man.”

“I have a feeling this goes a lot deeper than just a hit out on you G,” Deeks said.

“Yeah, but what are we talking about?  Just how deep and what is the real reason they’re out here?”

“Reagan?” Deeks asked.

“Are you suggesting Reagan is involved?  That she is orchestrating this whole thing?” G’s voice was deadly quiet.

Deeks looked shocked at the idea, “No way, Reagan would never.  I meant that they could be out here for her?”

“That doesn’t make any sense.  Reiss could have had her taken out numerous times before and not in such a public forum either.  She’s working for NCIS. She’s working with a team now.  Why not take her out when she was alone, when no one would have questioned her death.  If an NCIS agent is taken down all hell will break loose.  It’s just not smart, and it appears that this guy has played everything smart so far,” G explained.

“What then?” Deeks shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Whatever the reason is we need to get to the bottom of it and soon,” Sam added.

They all turned to watch Kensi slip into the driver’s seat of Reagan’s car and head out to take Reagan home.

“You think she’s going to be okay?” Deeks’ asked.

“She’s a mess but she’ll never let us know,” Sam shook his head.

“Ms. Faraday only just realized how much Agent Sallanger meant to her.  This is not going to be easy for her to deal with,” Hetty appeared suddenly.

All three of them looked to G expectantly.  He shook his head crossing his arms over his chest, “I can’t.  She pushed me away.  I can’t, no matter how much I would like to help her right now.  It’s got to be her reaching out.  If she does I’ll be there to catch her, but until then I need to sit back and endure the wait.”

Hetty nodded, “I believe that is the only choice.  Kensi is with her; let’s hope that Reagan will lean on her.”


	19. Chapter Ninteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters, but Reagan is mine. 
> 
> Okay here’s CH19! I really hope you like it. I knew that this was going to happen, but I didn’t know how difficult it would be to write. As you know already Reagan is hanging by a rope that is slowly unraveling from both ends. How much longer can she hold on before there’s nothing left to hold on to? How much longer can she do this on her own? Well you’re going to find out here.
> 
> A soundtrack change for this chapter. I heard this song on the radio driving Thing 1 to preschool and I was like OMG! This is exactly how Reagan feels! So here you are another Lifehouse song that fits the two of them perfectly.
> 
> Please stick with me and I promise you will be rewarded in the end! MuchLove!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A strangled smile fell from your face, It kills me that I hurt you this way  
> The worst part is that I didn't even know, Now there's a million reasons for you to go  
> But if you can find a reason to stay  
> I'll do whatever it takes, To turn this around  
> I know what's at stake, I know that I've let you down  
> And if you give me a chance, Believe that I can change, I'll keep us together whatever it takes  
> She said "If we're gonna make this work, You gotta let me inside even though it hurts  
> Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"  
> She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be, You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"  
> :Lifehouse::Whatever It Takes:

Kensi walked Reagan to her door and refused to leave when Reagan tried to turn her away.  She made Reagan change into sweats and a comfortable top, and started some water for tea.  Once it was finished steeping she brought the two mugs into the living room where Reagan waited silently.

“Want to talk?” she asked, handing Reagan the steaming mug of Chai.

“Not really.”

Sipping her tea, Kensi glanced at Reagan out of the corner of her eye, “How long did you know Pete?”

“He became my handler when I left Italy for New York.”

“So that’s been about 10 years now.  That’s a long time to have the same handler,” Kensi refused to let up.

Reagan shrugged as she sipped the warming brew, “I guess.”

“What kind of handler was he?”

“He was a handler.  Why are you asking all these questions?”

“Rae, you need to talk about this.  This was very personal,” Kensi rationalized.

“It was nothing.  Mason played a percentage and lost.  He thought Pete’s death would affect me.”

“Whether you want to deny it or not, you need to talk to someone.  You can’t go on bottling this up.  It’s going to tear you apart, Reagan!  Trust me, I know,” Kensi was nearly pleading.

“Why?  Why do I have to say anything?  I don’t want to talk about it.  I don’t want to think about it.  It’s over, and I’m done with it,” Reagan slammed the cup down on the coffee table and stormed into her bedroom.

Kensi realized she was going to get nowhere and sat contemplatively.  She had dealt with a lot when she was searching for her father’s murderer.  Yet she couldn’t even wrap her head around what Reagan was dealing with.  Everything told her to leave well enough alone right now, and try again later.  Grabbing the remote, she turned on the TV and settled in with “Fashion Star”.  As her head began to bob with sleep, she decided it was time to see what Reagan was up to.  Turning off the TV, she rose and headed in to Reagan’s room.  The scene before her had her pausing.  She had expected Reagan to be pacing, or cleaning her gun, or even sitting on the bed brooding.  The last thing she expected was to find her asleep, curled into a tiny ball with the covers pushed down around her feet.  Her hair was fanned out around her head, shimmering like a radiant halo.  She looked so peaceful lying there, but Kensi knew it was only a matter of time before the nightmares took over.

Moving to the bed, Kensi pulled the covers over her sleeping form and then lay next to her on the opposite side.  As she lay there, her eyes heavy with sleep, she thought back to the first time she met Reagan.  The girl who hid behind her glasses and severe hair, that kept them all at arm’s length and refused to trust.  She wasn’t that girl anymore.  She had become so much more than what she believed she was.  Kensi knew that Reagan saw herself as only an assassin and tried to suppress that part of her in order to try to find a normal life.  But what Reagan didn’t understand was that the team loved her because of what she was assassin, badass agent, friend, sister, lover… Well maybe lover.  She had never admitted to any sex between her and G but Kensi knew that if the tension was there it was only a matter of time.  As her eyes fluttered close her last lucid thoughts were of Deeks.

She woke to shuffling in the living room.  Glancing over to where Reagan was sleeping, she found an empty bed.  Throwing her feet to the floor, she crept out of the room and down the hall to find her.  The scene she came upon had her halting and her heart skipping a beat.  She could see Reagan, illuminated in the light that filtered in through the large windows.  Her profile shimmered in the otherwise dark room.  She paced between the couch and the windows, and the silvery glow bathed her in its light, glinting off of the gun she fiddled with.

Kensi stood holding her breath, unsure of what her next move should be when Reagan spoke.

“I know you’re there.”

She stepped out of the shadows, racking her brain for protocol on this situation.  She was drawing a complete blank and cursed herself for not having the presence of mind to remember.

“What are you doing?” she finally asked.

The gun caught the light again as she turned it over almost reverently.

“Have you ever been in a hostage situation before?” she raised the gun and pointed it in Kensi’s direction, “Ever sit with a gun pointed at your head, wondering which breath would be your last?”

Kensi shook her head, her heart in her throat.  Reagan lowered the gun, never intending on using it.

“He was a good man Kensi.  He didn’t deserve to die like this.  God, after putting up with me all of those years, he should have been sainted.  And Mason just cut him down, with no thought. I’m going to kill that bastard.  

“God, I don’t even know if he had a wife, or children.  How could I not know that?  He was my handler for 10 years, and I don’t even know that about him.  How selfish and inconsiderate am I?”

“Reagan, I don’t think…” Kensi tried to help.

“I was so self-absorbed that I don’t know if he had a family.  You know, I hated him.  Dear God he was the bane of my existence.  He always thought he knew what was best for me.

She laughed derisively, “Funny thing is, he actually did.  It used to burn me that he would be right.  I fought him every step of the way, for everything.  I gave no quarter.  And yet, he never asked for a transfer, or to retire.”

Kensi could see the tears glitter on her cheeks in the silver glow that pooled around her.  She wished there was something she could do to help Reagan through this, but she knew it was something Reagan needed to do on her own.  There was nothing Kensi could say or do to make Reagan’s emotional burden lighter.

A sob from Reagan had Kensi taking a step closer and then pulling up as she watched Reagan wipe the tears away with a swipe of her fingertips, the gun still held tightly in her right hand.

“For ten years he talked me down from the ledges.  He helped me up from the downward spirals.  And he did this by pushing, knowing all the time I would push back harder, never giving an inch.”

She finally looked up at Kensi, almost surprised that she was standing there, “For so long he was all I had.  And even though I hated every minute, I came to rely on him always being there.  And now, he’s gone.”

It was barely more than a whisper but it had Kensi moving.  Ignoring the gun, she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Reagan, holding on to her tightly.  With a shaky sob Reagan laid her head on Kensi’s shoulder.  They stood silently until Reagan lifted her head and stepped back.

“I’m sorry,” she couldn’t look Kensi in the eye.

“Don’t.  There’s nothing to be sorry about.  You cared about him.  How could you not after 10 years together?  Don’t apologize for being human.”

Reagan finally lifted her gaze to meet Kensi’s, and Kensi smiled, reaching out and rubbing her arm.  She managed a shaky smile back and looked down at the gun she was holding, as if she hadn’t realized she held it clutched in her white fingers.

“What were you going to do with it?” Kensi said, nodding to the gun.

“Nothing,” she laid it on the table, “I just needed to feel it in my hands.  To hold it, and remind myself that I have the means to do what needs to be done.  Remind myself his death will not be for nothing.”

“Come on Rae, let’s go back to sleep.  It’s been a long two days.”

Reagan shook her head, “You go.  I can’t sleep anymore.  Too many images come back to me when I sleep.”

“Then I’ll stay up too,” the resolve in her voice made Reagan smile.

“You’ve got to work tomorrow.  Get some sleep.”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask you what happened yesterday, but there wasn’t time.”

“Hetty and Vance pulled me from the case.  Apparently, after digging around for information on Reiss, they came up empty handed.  The man is a ghost.  And no one will admit Chimera existed either.  Not even Sec Nav can get any intel on it.”

“What are they going to do?  I mean if there’s no electronic footprint, even Eric and Nell won’t be able to find him.”

“I know, they’ve tried.  My mother used to keep records of everything she worked on.  She secretly documented everything and stored it all.  Vance had me call Gibbs to see if he would know where those files might be.”

Kensi started at Gibbs’ name.  She had worked with him only once before, on a case that had spanned from LA to D.C. and back, but like Callen, his reputation was huge and quite daunting for a then, junior agent.

“Gibbs?  Why would Vance have you contact him and not do it himself?”

“Gibbs and my father were best friends.  I grew up with him as part of my family.”

“Oh,” was all Kensi could think of, as she tried to wrap her head around the intricately woven fabric that tied Reagan to NCIS.

“I know most people are intimidated when they hear his name, but I knew him before his reputation was created.”

“So did he know where the files were kept?”

Reagan nodded, “He’s going to send them.  They should be at OSP tomorrow.”

“Didn’t he tell you where your mother kept them?”

“No, and I didn’t bother to ask either.  I’ve learned not to question him.  There is always a method to his madness, even if I don’t see it right away.  He had his reasons for not divulging that information.”

It was Kensi’s turn to nod, “I’m just trying to get my head around all of this.”

Reagan gave a derisive laugh, “Good luck with that.  I still haven’t managed to do it.”

“Are you sure you won’t sleep?” Kensi tried again.

Reagan shook her head once again, moving out of the pool of light, into the shadows like a shade dissipating into the night.  Kensi sat on the couch, curling her long legs underneath her and resting her elbow on the back.  She watched Reagan stand silently at the edge of darkness.  She appeared relaxed, but every so often she noticed a muscle in her jaw tense.  She wondered how much training it had taken for Reagan to remain so perfectly still.  She knew, with the possible exception of Sam, none of them had that talent.  God, Deeks could barely sit still let alone stand still, she thought with a sleepy smile.

The longer she watched Reagan stand there, staring out the living room windows, the heavier her eyes got.  It wasn’t long before she was fast asleep, her head rested on her arm.  Reagan glanced at her sleeping form and finally moved.  Grabbing the afghan from where it was thrown over the arm of a chair, she tucked it around Kensi, brushing a stray strand of hair off her cheek.

“There’s no rest for the wicked,” she whispered, as she took up her position once again, just outside of the light.

************************************

The next morning found Reagan in Hetty’s office, facing off to her supervisor and Director Vance.  She stood in front of them physically exhausted and emotionally drained, although she would never admit that to anyone.  Trying to hide it as best as she could, she waited for the interrogation to start.

Hetty took in her junior agent and wondered how she still remained on her feet.  Kensi had informed her this morning about what had happened the night before, and she was concerned with Reagan’s emotional and mental health.

“Miss Faraday, sit down,” her tone brooked no argument.

“If it’s all the same…” Reagan began.

“As I’ve told you before, that was not a request.”

Director Vance watched her sit warily down in one of the chairs.  He had seen most of his agents at their worst; shot, tortured, maimed, and beyond, but never had he seen one of them look as wretched as Reagan did at that moment.  She was fighting demons that only she knew and only she could fight.  She was putting up a good front and if she had been any normal person out on the street, he wouldn’t have looked twice to find any underlying unhappiness, but because she was one of his agents, and he was who he was, he always looked.

“Miss Faraday, I know yesterday was a very difficult day for you…”

“It was just another day in my life, Director.”

“No Miss Faraday, we both know that is not true.  A man you have been close to for 10 years was killed yesterday while the murderer had you on the phone so you could hear.  That is not just another day in anyone’s life,” Vance said, deciding that going easy was not going to get him anywhere.

Hetty tried not to wince as Vance lobbed that grenade at Reagan.  Hetty watched as Reagan stood, even though all the color drained from her face.  Forcing herself to remain silent and still she looked from Reagan to Vance.

His comment had hit home and Reagan had to summon everything left within her to keep it together, “Yes, Pete was killed yesterday.  It’s a hazard of the job.  He knew that and I knew that.  It happens, we move on.  Now if you will excuse me…”

Turning to leave, she made it down the two steps out of Hetty’s office before his voice stopped her cold.

“Reagan, I’m suspending you from active duty effective immediately.”

She turned, her mouth open slightly, and stared at him incredulously, “You can’t do that.”

“I can, and I have.”

“What?  Why are you doing this?  You can’t do this to me.  I need to work.”

“I didn’t say you wouldn’t be working Miss Faraday.  I’m suspending you from active duty, not desk duty.  Did you manage to contact Gibbs yesterday?”

Closing her mouth she nodded, not offering the information he was looking for.

“And?  Did he know where your mother’s files were?”

“He did,” was all she said.

Vance stared at her waiting, this time not allowing himself to be goaded into asking again.  With a resigned sigh Reagan finally spoke, “He said he would send it out last night.  It should be here this afternoon.”

He nodded, “Good, you will go through the files and find any references your mother made to this Reiss you’ve been talking about.  And collect any information that you can on who and what he is.  That will be your assignment while you are suspended.”

Reagan nodded, but didn’t leave.

“Miss Faraday, is something wrong?” Hetty asked.

“Am I being punished for something?  Is that why I’ve been suspended?”

“Absolutely not, Miss Faraday.  The Director and I both feel that with the stress you have been under, that some time out of the field might be what you need right now.  And no one knows your mother’s things the way you would, so you were our first choice to go through her files.”

“And once I’ve completed this assignment, I’ll be reinstated?”

“It’s not as simple as that Miss Faraday,” Director Vance interjected, “We are concerned for you mentally and emotionally.  Once you have finished this assignment we will evaluate you then and make a decision on reinstating you to full agent status.”

Reagan slightly reached out a hand, as if to catch herself from stumbling, but quickly dropped it to her side again.  Pulling herself together she nodded to both of them and turned, trying to escape as quickly as possible.  Blindly she headed for the bathroom and once inside, locked the door behind her.  Tears blinded her as she put her back to the locked door and slid to the ground.  The bottom had just dropped out from beneath her and she was spiraling with no help of surfacing.

Thoughts flew through her head, images of the past months with the team she had come to rely on; the team she had come to think of as friends.  Angrily she brushed at the tears on her cheeks.  No, she would not fall apart.  If Vance wanted to evaluate her once this assignment was over then fine.  She would pass his evaluation with flying colors.  Right then she had to focus on the two remaining assassins and finding as much information as she could on Reiss.  She had survived for 13 years as an assassin and this small hiccup would not cause her to think twice.  It was nothing in the overall scheme of things right then.

Standing, Reagan fixed her make up in the mirror and then found her way to the bullpen.  It was empty since the team was out of OSP working on the Trident Missile assignment.  There she waited until the package arrived.  When the courier arrived, she signed for the packages and then somehow got Hetty to agree that it would be best if she worked on the files from home.  After all there was no need for her to be in the office, especially since she could be no help to anyone.

For the next seven days, she worked in her office, papers scattered around her on the floor, searching for any reference of Reiss within her mother’s files.  And for the next seven nights she shadowed Callen whenever he was not home.  She refused to sleep until he was safe at home, and even when she finally fell into bed completely exhausted from the strain of spreading herself so thin, sleep was never peaceful.  Now new dreams haunted her nightmares; images of someone being shot by Mason, where the victim morphed from Pete to Callen.  Sleep became unbearable and she only succumbed to it when she no longer could keep herself awake.

The team had come to visit her during that week.  Kensi and Deeks, bringing dinner and their playful banter, to try and wrest her away from the files.  Sam, arriving with Lisa’s home cooked food and sage advice that she never listened to.  Nell, showing up with pints of ice cream and movies, to try and lighten her mood.  Even Eric had dragged her one afternoon out for a surf.  He had hoped that it would give her some peace being out on the water, but after the hour they had spent on their boards with Reagan mostly just floating there, watching the other surfers around her; she had thanked him and hurriedly returned home.

Her only focus was to find Reiss among her mother’s papers and to keep G safe.  Everything else was trivial and unimportant to her.  So when Sam informed her that he was taking G to a Lakers game that Friday night, she had begun to lay out a plan to shadow them.  It was a perfect place for one of the Specimen to try and get to Callen.  And she was going to do everything in her power to keep him alive.

*****************************

Sam drove down Figueroa towards the Staples Center, passing a number of lots that were still not completely full.  Callen watched though the rain spattered window, as they went by, with some confusion.  As Sam made a left onto Chick Hearn, throwing up water from a large puddle, and then another left into Lot 1 parking garage.

Callen finally turned to him, "You just passed five parking lots, that were still not full to come and park here?  Come on, man, you're gonna make me walk?  I thought this was supposed to be my night.  You know, get me out; help me forget my sorrows and all?  And you're going to make me walk?"

"We're around the corner."

"Yeah, but those other lots weren't full, and they were right in front of the center."

"I parked there last time."

"Last time... that was a month ago."

"It will be raining again by the time we get out of the game. Besides I like to switch things up."

"By making me walk a mile?"

"You better watch it or you're going to be crawling a mile instead."

"Just sayin'," G shrugged and followed Sam to the stairwell.

Reagan watched from the nondescript rental car as they disappeared, and then slipped from the car to shadow them.  She had mentioned to them that she was going to be spending the rainy night with Kensi and Nell, watching chick flicks and having drinks.  In actuality, she had no idea what either girl was doing.  As she scanned the crowd looking for Specimen 3, she tried her best to blend in with the mass of bodies heading into the Staples Center.  The sunshine fall of her ponytail swayed back and forth as she moved; the droplets of water on the leather jacket she had borrowed from Kensi glistened in the streetlights.  The aviator glasses hid most of her features as she moved closer to a group of college students headed inside.  

She watched as Sam fished the two tickets out of his pocket and hand one to G.  They moved with the crowd into the Center, and, as Reagan neared the entrance doors, she continued past and around the corner back to the parking garage.  She slipped back into the car and fiddled with her gun until she was sure the game had started and most people would be off the street.  Pulling out of the garage, she made her way to the lot across the street from the entrance of the Center.  There was a barrier at the entrance and she honked the car horn until she got someone to come to the car.

As she rolled down the window she removed the glasses and smiled up at the young Mexican who leaned in.  

“What can I do for you tonight?” his accent was thick as he leered at Reagan.

Pretending to be oblivious to his come on, she just prattled, “Hi, I’m picking up some people after the game and I’m really early, I was hoping I could just sit in the lot until the game got out.  I don’t need a spot, per say. Just someplace I could sit and be out of the way but be able to see the street.”

“Sure chica, how ‘bout you sit right here,” he made a lewd motion towards his crotch and his smile got even more lecherous.

Reagan gave him a smile just before she held her Sig to his forehead and raised her other hand showing her badge, “Unless you want me to shoot you in the head I would stop with your sleazy pick-up lines and move the barrier,” she bit out with eyes as so deadly he slammed his head against the top of the window as he tried to pull it out of the car.

She laid the gun on her lap, watching him scurry around moving the barrier, and rolled past him to find a perfect vantage point.  Driving around the lot a few times, she found a place for the car which provided her a perfect line of sight, but hid her from view.  Now, it was time to sit back and a wait, and she hated waiting.

Her head back on the seat, she barely saw the movement out of the corner of her eye.  Snapping up completely alert, she spotted Specimen 3, Mason Alexander, from her vantage point across the street.  He was walking away from the Center and her heart fluttered slightly.  Grabbing her cell phone she dialed Sam.

"Yeah?" came his voice.

"He with you?"

"Yeah."

The phone clicked in his ear.  He looked at the phone and then began to text.

"Who was that?"

"Wrong number," he hit send and looked over at G.

His phone beeped and he pressed it to view the message.

"Who's that now?"

"Lisa, wants to know if you're spending the night."

"What are we, in elementary school?" G laughed.

"Well are you?"

"Is Lisa making Sunday breakfast tomorrow?"

"It's Sunday isn't it?"

"Yeah I'm staying."

Hanging up, she shoved the phone into the back pocket of her jean and got out of the car, shoving her Sig in the back of her jeans waistband, and started out to shadow Mason.  He headed north on Figueroa and she followed at a safe distance, mentally thanking herself for wearing her soft Uggs instead of her usual heavy Frye boots.  She began to block out the blaring car alarm, the conversations that moved by, the general sound of traffic, as she tried to zero in on his heavy foot-falls.  Moving at a distance after him, her mind began to whirl with information.  Mason’s three enhancements were his eyesight, his intelligence, and reflexes.  He was an expert marksman, and he and Reagan use to compete heavily when they were children for the top spot.  Although he could shoot a mark from 500 yards away he did not have the strength or stamina that she and some of the others had.  I have to keep him close.  I can’t let him disappear to give him time to mark me and pick me off, her mind was whirling with strategies.  Coming back from her thoughts, she found herself at the edge of a deserted parking lot and Mason was nowhere to be found.  Whipping her head around she spotted a number of vantages points where he could be hiding, but no Mason, and she cursed herself for her stupidity.  As she went to take a step backwards to find some cover, an arm came around her waist on the left side and the other held a knife at her throat.

“Bastard,” she whispered.

“Hello, Bright Eyes.  It’s been a long time,” his face was close to hers, their cheeks touching, his breath heating her skin.

“Not long enough, Mason,” she said evenly.

“You always were a bitch, Reagan.  Too good for the likes of me, right, Bright Eyes?  Always thought you were better than all of us.”

“Your memory seems a bit fuzzy, Mason.  But then again you always wanted what you couldn’t have.  The number one spot, the best jobs, another guy’s girl.”

“Bitch,” he spit out.

Having thrown up her hands in surrender, she paused a moment before she grabbed his hand with the knife with both of hers, pulling down as she slid her legs open into a straddle.  Taking her left hand, she brought it up from under his right arm and smashed it into his elbow managing to dislocate it and he dropped the knife.  From there she brought her right arm up and jabbed him in the throat causing him to back up gagging.  Spinning, she pulled her knife from her sleeve bringing her arm around with the knife pointed towards her elbow and tried to slid it up under his ribs.

His fist came down hard on her hand causing it to go numb and the knife to skitter across the slick black top.  Landing in a puddle, the knife lay useless glinting in the moonlight and her hand stung with pins and needles as she tried to fight Mason with the other.  Getting his feet back underneath him he took a swing and connected with Reagan’s jaw causing her to stumble backwards and almost see stars.  With her hand now working again, she went back at him and brought her open palm up under his chin slamming his head up and allowing her to get another shot in at his ribs.  But even with that he was swinging blindly and connected with her ribs, most likely cracking one.  

Sucking in a breath and instinctively grabbing her ribs, she bent over allowing him to right himself and prepare for another attack.  Mason caught her off guard, coming up behind her wrapping one arm around her neck and the other behind her head, trying to cut off her air supply.  Her knife lay useless across the parking lot and she knew that he wasn't going to give an inch.  Grabbing the arm he had around her neck, she stepped to the side bending her knees and pushing her butt out, causing him to drop with her and to loosen his grip around her throat.  She slammed her elbow into the inside of his knee, hearing it pop and finally breaking the hold he had.  Putting two hands on his back she brought her knee up into his face breaking his nose and splattering blood everywhere.  Specimen 6 had taken over and she gave no quarter.  She had one focus: to eliminate the threat to G's life.  Her breathing was even as she grasped his chin with her right hand and the back of his head with her left.  He looked up at her, finally realizing that she was the last thing he was ever going to see.  

She looked down into his eyes, “I never relished my job, never thrilled in the kill like the rest of you did.  But this, this I’m going to relive every day for the rest of my life and revel in every detail.”

Pulling his jaw quickly to the right she then snapped it left releasing it.  She heard a satisfying pop and he crumpled to the ground.

Standing over his body, she stared at it for a moment while she absently rubbed her jaw where he had landed a right hook.  She had no fond memories of Mason. He had always been the outsider, the one pushing the envelope, always taking things a step further than needed. There was no emotional turmoil as there had been with Athena, even though it had been buried deep.  They had never been friends and, as Reagan looked at him, she had this satisfied feeling of ridding the world of another terrorist, even if he had supposedly on her side.

Sides.  She had found out early on that side's really weren't anything more than a fine line drawn in the sand, always shifting as the wind blew.  She had tried to justify the shifting, had pretended that it didn't matter, that what she was doing was for the greater good.  But, eventually she couldn't pretend any more, couldn't justify the blood on her hands, the lives she had taken for right or wrong.  It was one of the reasons she had gone to work with the CIA, and left the life of an assassin behind, undercover missions with little to no bloodshed.  Or so she had thought.  Stepping away from the body she pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed a number.  As the phone rang she began to walk away, slightly limping from the rib she was sure was broken from the upper cut Mason had gotten in.

"Hello?" Kensi's voice was foggy with sleep.

"Number two is dead."

"Reagan?  What's going on?  Rae?”

"Callen is with Sam, I can't call him."

"Rae, where are you?  Are you okay?"

"Please call Sam.  Tell him I'll meet him in the morning."

"What?  Rae, what does...   Rae?  Reagan?"

Taking the phone from her ear she killed the call and turned it off, moving quicker now.  The game was just letting out and she wanted to be far away before anyone discovered the body.  She refused to spend another night in the boatshed but she could not go home to her empty house and lonely bed, either.  Reaching her car she pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the freeway.  She drove for what felt like hours all over the county with no destination in mind.  But her mind was spiraling, going over and over these self-depreciating thoughts.

Nothing, she thought, I felt nothing.  No remorse, no regret, not even a twinge of guilt.  I snapped his neck without a single care, without even blinking.  He was going to kill you, came the little voice of reason, he was going to kill G.  She shook her head, I could have arrested him I could have just taken him in and been done with it.  But you know he would have been out eventually, Reiss would have pulled his strings and he would have been back out in a matter of days, you had no other choice.

I’ve become the monster I’ve been running from.  I’ve become one of them.  Of course you have, the little malicious voice whispered, did you really think you could out run who you are?  Who you were created to be?  You are as guilty as they are.  You have just as much blood on your hands as they do.  The greater good?  Who’s greater good?  Your’s?  Reiss’?  The government’s?  What about all those innocents, all of those people who you played God for?  What right do you have?  Are you any better than any of those criminals you eliminated?  

Her hands gripped the steering wheel, her heart thudded against her ribs so hard that she was sure if she lifted her top she would be able to see it.  Her eyes were dilated and beads of moisture glistened on her forehead.  She didn’t know how to stop the whirling, how to stop the spiral.  The first thought that came to mind was to find a brick wall or a sturdy tree.  More thoughts began to form, to take on their own will, and tempt her.  Shaking her head to try and clear it she continued to drive trying to escape herself.  When she finally stopped she wasn’t sure how she had gotten there, wasn’t sure if she would be welcomed, but she knew that it was the only place she could have gone.

Slipping from the car, she walked to the front door and stood there, her hand paused to knock.  She had been so calm while she had fought hand to hand with Mason, as she watched him die with the look of panic in his eyes as he finally realized that she had bested him. Why then was her heart beating as if it were trying to break out of her chest.  As she stared at the front door, she reached up and brushed a long finger against the shining metal of the door knocker.  Suddenly the door opened and she was pulling her hand back quickly, her heart fluttering against her ribcage.

“I…” she lost all thought as the flight response kicked in.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“So are you coming over?” Sam asked as they pulled out of the parking deck.

G sat there contemplatively but didn’t answer.

“Hey, you here?” Sam asked a little louder.

“I think I’m gonna head home tonight,” he finally answered.

“What’s going on, G?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve never pass up Sunday breakfast.  So what’s going on, G?” Sam said as he glanced out of the corner of his eye at Callen.

“I just need some time alone.  No matter where I turn, she’s there.  In my house, in my dreams, in my bed… I can’t get her out of my head.  It’s never been like this before, Sam, and I think I just need some time to sort everything out.”

Sam was quiet for a while, but then finally nodded, “Okay.”

“What that’s it?  No arguing, just ‘Okay’?”

“You want me to fight with you?  You want me to give you all the reasons that you’re never gonna get Reagan out of your head.  I could do that, G, but you’re not gonna listen, and if you think you need some time alone then take it.”

“What do you mean, I’ll never get her out of my head?”

“Come on, G.  Let’s face facts.  She was never just a one night stand to you.  The two of you had a connection that went far beyond the physical.  And she was the one woman who could make you angry.”

“Tracy used to make me…”

“Tracy might have pissed you off but you never let your temper get the better of you.  Reagan, on the other hand, makes you lose your temper.  She got under your skin, and that’s something no other woman has ever done.”

Callen sighed and looked out the window.  He knew Sam was right, he just wanted to pretend he was wrong.  It made everything so much easier if he was wrong.

“Listen, stop trying to analyze me and just take me home.  Maybe I’ll stop by in the morning for breakfast.”

Sam shrugged with a small smile, “Just sayin.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When he saw her, his smile fell, “Reagan,” his face showed surprise, but his voice held a hint of relief or perhaps she was just hoping she had heard it.

“I’m sorry, I just… I’ll go,” she was flustered and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks.  She turned with a sickening feeling in her stomach and dizziness.

“No,” he said softly and gently grabbed her hand.

The electricity leaped between them and both sucked in a breath, but neither broke the contact.  They hadn’t spoken personally since the night in the boatshed, which had been over a week ago.  He had been the only person who had not come by her house during her week of self-imposed isolation.

“Come in,” the slight tug on her hand had her turning and following him into his house.

She entered the living room noting that nothing had changed as he brought her to the couch and sat her down.  The shadows of the porch had hid the bruise blooming on her jaw and the blood splattered on her jeans, but the light in the living room was enough for him to see it clearly.  

“Is that yours?” he gestured to the splattered on her jeans.

“No,” she answered shaking her head.

She watched as his jaw tightened and he turned away walking to the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink?”

“No thank you.  I just…” she trailed off.

She felt safe as she took in the familiar room and listened to the banging he was doing in the kitchen.  When he returned with only a mug of tea she could imagine what he had been doing.  
“I would ask how you are, but I can see that for myself,” he motioned to the bruise and stood against the doorway sipping the steaming mug.

Standing, she looked down, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have come.  I’ll go,” Reagan turned to leave.

“Wait,” he stepped away from the doorway.

Reagan stopped, but didn’t turn back to him.

“Why did you come?” he asked softly.

She stood silently running through a number of lies she could tell him but she surprised both of them when she whispered the truth, “I didn’t know where else to go,”

She turned back to him.  Callen paused for a moment not sure exactly how to proceed.

“You could have gone to any one of them.  No one would have turned you away.  They are your team.”

“But I needed you,” came the honest argument.

“Why?” was the only thing he could say after that statement sent his emotions into a tail spin.  Emotions he had thought he had under control and locked away.

“Because I…” she began, searching for the answer to that question.  And when it finally came to her it sent her reeling from the utter truth of it, “Because I trust you.”

She said it so honestly, so simply, that they were both silent for a moment.  G expelled a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.  He knew just how much it took for her to admit that, and the feeling it gave him that she had finally said it, was almost as satisfying as if she had said the other three words he was patiently waiting to hear from her.

He put his cup down on the mantle above the fireplace and walked over to her, taking her hands.

“Sit, and tell me what happened.”

She shook her head, “I didn’t come here to debrief.  I could have gone to Hetty or Sam for that.”

She said it softly, sitting down, not looking for an argument.  
“Then why, Reagan?” he knelt down in front of her.  
Her deep blue eyes looked into his lighter ones, “I need to know that there is still something good inside me.  I need to know that there is something there worth redeeming.  To know that I haven’t turned into the monster I’ve been running from for 10 years.  To know that even with everything I’ve done, everything I still have to do, that I’m worth saving in the end.

“Because when this is all over and I’ve sold my soul, I need to know that someone thinks I’m worth fighting for; that I’m more than just my aliases and actions.  That someone cares,” by the last statement he could barely hear her.

“Someone?” he couldn’t help himself.

She sighed, “That you care,” she looked away.

He felt as if he had been on a train speeding out of control that suddenly hit a brick wall.  The feelings he thought he had begun to heal from were torn open all over again.  He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek just so he could feel the soft skin of her face.  She leaned into the caress craving his touch, needing the closeness.  His hand opened and cupped her cheek, his thumb gently brushing over the spectacular blossom of color that had bloomed from the hook she had taken.

She closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of his touch on her face.  They sat like that for a while each treasuring the closeness of the moment.  It was only when Callen felt the moistness on his hand that he noticed the tear that had slipped from her closed eyes and fallen down her cheek.  Seeing that moment of vulnerability, that complete breakdown of everything that had defined her, his heart broke.

“Oh, Reagan,” he whispered moving next to her on the couch and gathering her in his arms.

He could hear her soft sobs and feel the dampness on his shirt.  He held her close, stroking her hair and rubbing small circles on her back.

“Tell me,” he whispered.

Lifting her head she wiped her eyes like a little girl, sucking in a last sob, “Why do you do this for me?  Why do you keep coming back and picking up the pieces?  Let’s face it, I’m damaged, far more than you can ever imagine.  I’m a mass of shattered pieces held together by sheer force of will.  You have no idea about the things I have done.”

“Reagan, we have all done things we are not proud of.  It’s part of the job.”

“No!” she stood with a quick grimace and began pacing, “It’s not part of your job G.  It has never been part of your job.”

She stopped moving and lifted her hands slightly, staring at them as if she could still see the blood of each victim staining them, “So many… so many lives cut short, so many lives destroyed, and all because I played God.  I wasn’t defending myself; it wasn’t my life on the line.  I was simply given a piece of paper with a name and a photograph and told to eliminate the threat.

“Do you know how old I was the first time I killed someone?  Sixteen… I was 16 when I was given my first assignment, when I played the ingénue for a wealthy Arab whose money was funding Al-Qa’ida activities, when I slit the throats of both him and his son.  I can still see it, standing above them as their lives pumped out crimson onto the snowy marble floor, and I can remember feeling nothing.  Staring at them wondering, just how much blood could possibly still be left inside of them.  And I just stepped over them and melted into the city, disappearing without even a bit of remorse for their deaths.  My God, I couldn’t even find it in me.  They were human! They had family and people who loved them, and were waiting for them to return home! And I couldn’t even find a miniscule part of me that was repentant for what I had done.

“I can remember each and every one.  But the close kills are the worst, their eyes, staring out at me.  Some resigned, some horrified, but most with utter hatred.  And, each time, each pair of eyes, it was as if I were numb inside.”

“Reagan, that is a defense mechanism that your mind and body develop so you don’t break.  We have all done it before; bury the emotion until the job is done, until we put away the alias.”

She spun around in a flurry of shining hair and flashing eyes.  The woman before him was stretched taut, beyond the breaking point a mere mortal could bear and was ready to fly apart, shattering herself beyond the point of salvation.  He had been there before and had only held himself together because of Hetty and the team.  And just barely at that.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered as he watched all of the fight leach out of her, “I can’t pretend that all of this had not affected me, that this life has not damaged me in some horrific way.  I can’t pretend I haven’t become the monster.  I have.”

He couldn’t listen to her go on like this anymore, spinning faster and faster until she broke apart before his eyes.  He walked over and enveloped her into his body, praying to whoever would listen to help them both.  She laid her head on his shoulder and her breathing was unsteady and her body trembled from the effort of holding it all together for so long.

Gently rubbing her back as he would a terrified child, he whispered softly into the ear that was so near his lips, “You are not a monster.  You are not one of them.  You would not be here now, dealing with this guilt if you were.  You wouldn’t find the things you were forced to do so horrifying if you were one of them.  And you were forced, Reagan, I have no doubt about that.  Taking an impressionable, grieving child and creating an assassin was their goal, not yours.  You were just a child.  They might have made it look like you had a choice, but really, what other option did you have?

“Your parents were gone, they made sure Gibbs was out of the picture, and they played on a grieving child’s loss.  ‘Here is the life we can offer you, ridding the world of the evil that did this to you, that could do this to someone else.  Here is your chance for recompense.’  Don’t you see, Reagan; can’t you see how they used you, all of you?  Christ you were just a kid.  You should have been sneaking out with your friends, getting drunk, having your first kiss… not slitting the throat of a terrorist and his son after using your body to lure them into trusting you.

“Trust me, Reagan, please believe me… you are worth saving.  My God you are worth saving.”

Pulling back slightly, she looked up at him with eyes so blue and slightly puffy from crying.

“How do you know?” it was barely more than a whisper.

“I didn’t always work for NCIS.  I was a CIA operative before I came here.  I know the things you were given to do.  Perhaps being a man, I wasn’t asked to do some of the things you were, but I do know what they asked the female agents I worked with to do.  But, Reagan, we had debriefings and operational psychologists and a whole slew of people to help us deal with our job.  Who did you have, Reagan?”

She looked away from him and down at his shoulder.  Stepping out of his arms, she moved to the empty fireplace and stared into it as she began, “We were supposed to be genetically altered to have suppressed emotional reactions, especially to fear or pity.  I believed them when they told me this, what reason did I have to doubt.  It was only recently that I found information on the genetic modifications of each Specimen, buried in some of my mother’s old notes.  There were no emotional modifications done to three of the Specimen.  Specimen 1, 4, and 6 were not given that modification, but were told they had been.  They wanted to test the balance of nature versus nurture, to see if just the suggestion would cause the desired outcome to appear.  

She gave a strangled laugh, “I guess that’s why I’m spiraling out of control and don’t know how to deal with all of this.  It’s finally come to a head.  I never ‘talked’ to anyone because I never needed to.  I guess I always had Gibbs, but…”

“Reagan if you saw Gibbs once a year, that was a lot.  That is not what I’m talking about.  What about Pete?  Didn’t you discuss anything with him?  Wasn’t there someone you could talk to?”

“I am an assassin.  Who exactly can I talk to about that?  And as for Pete… he was just a nuisance.  There was no one, and it was fine.  It was all fine until I came here.”

She turned to look at him, her eyes bright again with unshed tears, her hands clasped tightly in fists to stop them from trembling, her bottom lip caught between her teeth to keep the sob bubbling up from escaping.  He could see the confusion and fear she was trying to hide and it killed him to see her like this.  The usual confident, strong willed women he had fallen for was crumbling to the floor, and in her place, was the 15 year old child who had been hiding behind the façade.

“Reagan, you are safe here and these things you are dealing with are normal reactions to what you have face over your career as an assassin. Come here.”

He held out a hand to her and she tentatively reached for it after a moment of hesitation.  Pulling her back into his arms he laid his lips against her temple.  He needed to hold her right then.  He really wasn’t sure why but everything in him told him to hold on and not let go until the sun was bright in the sky.

“Stay with me tonight,” he murmured against her hair.

Pulling back in a panic and tried to push him away, “Callen I didn’t…”

“No, Reagan, not like that.  God not like that!  Just stay with me tonight, let me hold you.  Let me help you fight these demons,” he touched her cheek and brushed his thumb across the silken skin.

She stared at him for a few moments, studying the face she had memorized long ago, and then losing the battle she had been fighting with herself she laid her head back down on his shoulder.  She could feel his exhale, and realized he was as nervous as she was.  This was uncharted territory for both of them, and neither wanted to take the step that would make it all come crashing down around them.  Gently he coaxed her with him into his room and rifled through his drawers as she sat silently on the edge of his bed.

“Here, get those off, shower and then put these on,” he handed Reagan the clothes.

She remained on his bed, silently staring at the pile now in her hands.  G watched her for a moment and then moved to help her up.  She rose and moved to the bathroom with his guidance.  He waited at the door expecting her to shut it.  She stood in the bathroom, holding the clothes he had given her and stared at him.  God, this was killing him.  Seeing her like this was tearing him apart.  All he wanted was to see her snarky smile, to hear her laugh as she threw a verbal grenade at him.  To see her like this, had him searching for ways to bring the old Reagan back.

“Do you need some help?” he wasn’t sure he was asking innocently, or with some intention in mind, but it didn’t matter because he got no reaction.

She just shook her head, watching him with those lifeless eyes.

“I’ll be right out here if you need anything,” he said, reaching for the handle and pulled the door closed.

He sat on his bed, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, and tried to decided what had to be done.  It was the hardest thing in the world to try and distance himself from her and look at the situation analytically.   He finally made the decision as to what needed to be done, and yet he wasn’t sure he could follow through with it.  He knew she wouldn’t be happy.  Not in the least.  She was going to fight him every aching step.

When she opened the door she looked diminished in some way, with her wet hair uncombed and his clothes hanging off of her slender frame.  He rose and led her to the bed.  She moved with him, and lay on the bed for him to cover her with the blankets.  She turned away from him on to her side and curled up, hugging herself.  Shutting the light he moved to walk around the bed and get in on the other side.

“No,” she called out.

“What’s wrong?”

“Leave the light on.”

“I’ll leave the bathroom light on.  Is that alright?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

Flipping the bathroom light back on he moved between the sheets and lay next to her, tentative to pull her close.  She made the decision for him when she moved closer and uncertainly reached out for him.  Pulling her close, he finally felt her relax against him and he released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.  It was that moment that he knew he would never get over her.  She had woven her intricate web around him and he was ensnared.

“I’m sorry I came here.  I know…” Reagan whispered.

“Shhh,” he laid his lips on her temple.

He held her close breathing her in, trying to hold on to her scent, to hold on to something of her that was solid.  He listened to her breathing slow and fall into the deep breath of sleep, and still he couldn’t let go.

He had no idea what had happened tonight to have brought her to his door, especially after a week of almost no contact.  But he knew, whatever it was, it had been her breaking point.  And that she had come to him when she hit bottom was not lost on him.  Neither was the fact that she had admitted she trusted him.  He knew, very well, just how difficult that had to have been for her.  Of course he did, he had been there before.

It hadn’t been easy to trust anyone after being on his own for so many years and honestly it hadn’t been a conscious choice.  It had just kind of happened, and it had been like a slap in the face when he realized it.  Of course, it had not been any sort of surprise to Hetty when he finally admitted he trusted her.  She had just nodded and in her acerbic way, told him to do his job and let her handle the rest.

Knowing he had to make the call, he finally moved away from Reagan and tried his best to leave the bed without waking her.  Making his way to the living room, he stood in front of the empty fireplace and pulled out his mobile.  Plugging the number in, he held it to his ear and listened to the ringing until a voice answered.

“Mr. Callen,” she answered.

‘She’s with me,” he announced and could hear an audible exhale on the other end of the line.

“Is she alright?”

“Do you mean does she need immediate medical attention? No, but she is not alright in any sense of that word.”

“How bad?”

“You need to bring Nate in and do it ASAP.”

“Bugger,” came the response.

“She’s hit bottom Hetty and it isn’t pretty.  She needs to talk to someone who can help her.  Her coming here was a start, but this is way beyond my abilities.  Besides…” he paused in his assessment.

Hetty waited but getting no answer she decided to wade in, “Besides, Mr. Callen?”

“I’m way too close to this.  I can’t be objective.”

“I see.  And you truly feel Ms. Faraday’s mental condition warrants me pulling Nate off of his assignment and possibly destroying any progress we have made?  There are other psychologists that she can speak to.”

“All I know is she needs to talk to someone, and I can almost guarantee she won’t talk to anyone but Nate. If she talks to anyone at all.”

Hetty was silent for a moment, contemplating every outcome before she answered, “I’ll make the call.  I can have him in LA by tomorrow afternoon.  Do you think that will do, Mr. Callen?”

“I think it’s better than the alternative.”

“Very well,” she agreed, “Oh and, Mr. Callen, take care of her.”

“Done.”

The phone disconnected in his ear, and he shut his down.  Walking back to his room he stopped at the doorway and watched Reagan sleeping.  The light of the open bathroom door fell across her face in shadows.  She looked peaceful right then but G wasn’t fooled.  He knew the nightmares would come, and now there were so many more she had to fight off.  He only hoped that he could help her before she threw him out of her life forever after tomorrow.  She was not going to be happy he had gone behind her back and called Hetty, but he remembered Gibbs’ Rule #18: It’s better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.  He just hoped she did too.

He had a deep feeling of dread that had nothing to do with tomorrow, though.  It nagged at the back of his conscious and try as he might to push it away it lingered.  He knew a storm was brewing and he had no way to stop it.  He just hoped that they could pick up the pieces after it tore their world apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::Thank you for staying with me through this insane journey. If you have a moment please let me know what you think so far. And if you have a prediction as to what is going to happen I’d love to hear it too!::


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own NCIS:LA (although I wish I did), but Reagan is mine. Well here we go. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it. Some people were supposed to appear in this chapter and others (Mr. DiNozzo) just showed up of their own accord, so please forgive me since I only write what they tell me to.
> 
> I want to thank you all who are still commenting and sending kudos, it makes me feel like I’m doing something right. Especially since you all began reading because of NCIS:LA and have kept reading because you have taken Reagan into your hearts.
> 
> Soundtrack change this chapter. Snow Patrol happens to be a favorite of mine and Thing 1’s also. You can’t imagine how thrilled I was to hear this very song on Smash sung by Katherine McPhee! It was an awesome rendition too!
> 
> Please review, writers are needy and I love to hear all of your thoughts on each chapter. It gives me ideas to move forward with. And thank you all for sticking with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll sing it one last time for you, Then we really have to go  
> You've been the only thing that's right, In all I've done  
> And I can barely look at you, But every single time I do  
> I know we'll make it anywhere, Away from here  
> Light up, light up, As if you have a choice  
> Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, dear  
> Louder, louder, And we'll run for our lives  
> I can hardly speak, I understand, Why you can't raise your voice to say  
> To think I might not see those eyes, Makes it so hard not to cry  
> And as we say our long goodbyes, I nearly do  
> Light up, light up, As if you have a choice  
> Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, dear  
> Louder, louder, And we'll run for our lives  
> I can hardly speak, I understand, Why you can't raise your voice to say
> 
> :Snow Patrol::Run:

:Chapter 20:

She woke slowly.  Her head felt groggy... fuzzy, as if she had drank too much.  She hadn’t drank too much last night, that she did remember, but what had happened?  Searching her brain for a memory nothing came to her.   Too tired to care right then she brushed the thought away, and trying to will herself to fall back into the sweet dreamless sleep, she snuggled into the warmth of the bed.  When an arm came around her, she tensed, still not fully aware.

“Shhh, it’s just me,” his voice whispered in her ear.

Gradually opening her eyes, she looked up into his sleep softened face and then buried her nose in his chest, breathing him in.  It was just a dream, she thought, it was all just a dream.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

“Mmmm,” she moaned, “I’ve got to pee.”

“Don’t be too long,” he growled softly in her ear.

She slipped from the bed with a light hearted giggle and headed to the bathroom.  He sat up watching her, slightly confused as to her mood this morning.  Something was wrong.  He heard the loud gasp first and then the crash.  

Reagan had walked into the bathroom with a light heart and an idea of getting back into bed and possibly letting G have his way with her.  She pushed the door to close it, and flipped on the light.  And then her gaze fell on the pile of clothes she had left in the corner.  The memories of the day before came flashing back to her in lurid detail, shattering her illusion of peace and causing her to gasp at the intensity of the images.  She stumbled backwards sending the metal garbage can tumbling over with a crash.  With her back against the corner she sunk to the floor trembling.

He bolted from the bed and was in the bathroom in a split second, to find Reagan curled on the floor behind the door.  There was no color left in her face, and her hands shook as if she were freezing, and as he followed her gaze across the floor he saw what had caused the gasp. There in the far corner of the bathroom where her clothes from the night before, blood spattered and crumpled.  Bending down in front of her, blocking her view of the clothes, he put his hands on either side of her face.

“Reagan,” he held on to her face, forcing her to look up at him.  He could see the panic in her eyes and knew she was looking for any means to escape this nightmare.

“It wasn’t a dream,” the words came out, but they were barely audible.

He nodded, not sure what was going on in her head.

“Everything, Pete, Mason, all of it… happened?”

“Yes,” he wasn’t sure what to say.

“I… I forgot,” she whispered incredulously, almost in shock of not remembering, “I woke up feeling groggy and fuzzy, and you were there next to me, and it all felt like a dream.  And I believed it had been some horrific nightmare until…”

She spoke more just to say the words than to explain.  Her eyes darted to the corner where the clothes lay piled.  G sighed through his nose.

“Until seeing your bloody clothes brought it all back to you.”

Looking back at him, she nodded slowly.

“Come on,” he said lifting her up gently and leading her out of the room.

Back in his bedroom, feeling a little more herself, Reagan began to pace.  She felt caged and needed to get out.  She had no time for breakdowns with Specimen 4 still out there.  She still had a ton of files to go through back at her house and could not afford this set back, even as minor as she felt it was.

“Reagan,” he said her name, but received no answer.

“Reagan,” this time more forcefully, and still nothing as she continued to pace.

“Reagan!” he yelled this time, finally getting a reaction.

Pausing in her frantic pacing, she looked up at him, “What?”

“I spoke to Hetty last night.  I let her know you were here…”

By the way his voice trailed off, she knew that he was leaving something out.

“And?”

“We spoke about you.”

“And?” this time her voice held a warning.

There was a line drawn firmly in the sand and she had a feeling he had completely crossed it.

“We both feel you need to speak with an operational psychologist,” he said, finally getting the words out.

Reagan stood motionless as his words sunk in.  No, he hadn’t crossed the line, he had completely obliterated it.

“You what?” she couldn’t believe she had heard him correctly.

G went to repeat himself, but she cut him off, “I heard what you said. I just can’t believe you actually said it.  What I told you last night, I told you believing you would keep it to yourself.  I came to you because I trusted you not to say anything,” her anger was palpable and he took a step back.

“Reagan, I didn’t…”

“No!” she cut him off again with the harshness in her voice, “And who do you expect me to speak to?  Some random person the agency sends in?  To open myself up to a complete stranger?  I thought you knew me better than that, but then again… I thought I knew you.”

The last was said softly and with regret and he felt as if she had stabbed him in the heart.  He wanted to apologize, to tell her he was wrong to call Hetty, and that she should just forget it all and continue the way things are, but he knew he couldn’t do that.  He knew she needed to talk to someone, and by letting her off the hook, she was going to continue the pattern of devastation until she tore herself apart.  And he also knew that this might be the end of them, but if he let it go, it might just be the end of her.  Right then Reagan was on a collision course and the direction she was headed was going to get her injured or worse, killed.

“Reagan, you do know me.  But I’m not going to sit around and let you destroy yourself.  You need to talk to someone,” he tried to reason with her.

“I’m going home.”

Before he could respond she stalked out of his room, and he found himself almost running after her to keep up.

“Reagan!” he called.

She made it out to her car and almost got inside before she was stopped by her ringing phone.  Looking at the caller she sighed and answered.

“Reagan.”

“Good morning, Ms. Faraday.  I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No.”

“Good, I’d like to see you in OSP later today.  Around noon if you would so kindly be there.”

“I can be there.  Is there something I should know?”

“It can wait.  And if you’ve made any headway with your mother’s files, please bring that along also.”

“Okay.”

“Good, I look forward to seeing you later today then.  I know the others will be happy to see you.  You’ve been missed.”

With that the phone clicked in her ear.  Reagan pulled it away and reached for the car door only to find it locked.  Looking up she found G standing in front of her with her keys.

“Look Reagan, I…”

“I can’t do this G.  That was Hetty on the phone.  Now that you’ve sicked her on me she wants to see me at noon.  I can basically guarantee that she’s going to push this psychologist thing because of you.  I need to go.”

She took the keys out of his hand and looked from them to him for a moment before she got into the car.

“Thanks,” she said as she turned the car over and put it in reverse pulling out of the driveway.

G watched her leave, never looking back, and immediately began to second guess himself.  It wasn’t something that happened very often, but since he met Reagan he has been doing it a lot lately.  Shaking his head slowly he turned back to the house.  No, he wasn’t going to beat himself up about this.  He was right; Reagan needed to speak to someone.  She needed to get this all out and by letting her pretend nothing was wrong, he was helping no one.  No, he had done the right thing, no matter what happened between Reagan and him.  His only thought was to help her, and if he had the chance he’d do it again.

Reagan tried to control her fury as she drove back to her house. She probably shouldn’t have been driving with her rib still throbbing the way it was, but there was no way she was staying with G any longer than she had to.  

How could he, she thought.  I poured my heart out to him. Told him things I’ve never told anyone and he took it and stabbed me in the back by calling Hetty and divulging all of it to her.  Tears stung the back of her eyes and she furiously rubbed them.  This was why she never trusted anyone.  This was why she refused to create relationships.  This was why she buried her heart and never let people close to it.

“Shit,” she cried, slamming her hand into the steering wheel.

She had been stupid, letting her heart overrule her instincts, and this just confirmed why she should always listen to her instincts.  Pulling into her driveway she sat in the car for a while just staring at the house.  Was it time to go, she wondered?  She still had to finish this assignment, and the last thing she wanted was to leave OSP and the family she had found there.  But if her own integrity was being compromised because of those relationships, perhaps it was time to move on.  Pushing the thought from her head, she opened the door and went inside to shower and get ready to meet Hetty at OSP.  She would deal with the rest when she finally knew what was in store for her later today.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

12:00 PM

Reagan walked into OSP glancing around, hoping to avoid any encounters with the team.  She passed the bullpen on her way to Hetty’s office and noted that it was empty.  Spotting Hetty at her desk, Reagan maneuvered the two steps up and stood before her supervisor.

“Thank you for coming in, Ms. Faraday.”

Reagan nodded and sat before being ordered to do so.

“How are you, Ms. Faraday?  And please don’t bother lying; we both know I’ll find out sooner or later my dear.”

Reagan’s lips thinned, “I believe you received the run down last night as to how I am.”

“Mr. Callen called me last night to let me know that you were with him and we didn’t need to search for your body.  I got a call from Kensi about 2 hours before you appeared at his house.  We found the body you so neatly left in the parking lot, but had no idea where you were.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s not something that comes naturally to you Ms. Faraday, is it?” Hetty lifted her tea cup and sipped at the steaming liquid.  Reagan noted that she had not been offered a drink.

“What?”

“Apologizing for doing your job.”

“I wasn’t apologizing for killing Mason.  I was apologizing for causing you to feel there was a need to search for me.  And no, it’s not something I’ve ever had to do before.”

“Yes, I know that.  And you are also not use to having to face the consequences of your actions either, are you, Ms. Faraday?” Hetty asked cryptically.

“Hetty, if you have something to say please be don’t play games with me.”

“Very well, Mr. Callen expressed concern for your wellbeing last night.  In fact he suggested that you should speak to someone about what you have been dealing with.  We both feel that it will be beneficial for you to speak with one of our operational psychologists.”

“Thank you for the offer, Hetty, but I’m fine.  G was simply being over protective.”

“Yes, but you see Ms. Faraday you have a choice.  You can either begin speaking to an operational psychologist of my choosing, or you will be suspended from NCIS indefinitely.”

Reagan showed no reaction to the older woman’s words, although her stomach had dropped to her feet and a knot formed in her throat.  Swallowing she sat up straighter.

“That’s not much of a choice,” Reagan said softly.

“No, it’s not, but it is still a choice.  Please understand, Ms. Faraday, I only want what’s best for my agents and when one of them is in trouble, I will do my best to protect them, be it because of an outside factor or even themselves.”

“And which are you protecting me from?”

“In your case, Reagan, I believe it is a little of both.”

“I don’t understand how you expect me to speak to a complete stranger about the things I have seen and done, Hetty.  I can’t do that.  These things are confidential and not something I have ever shared with anyone.”

Until last night, she thought.

“I understand how you feel, Reagan, and I don’t expect you to speak to a stranger about what you are dealing with.  It was actually Mr. Callen’s suggestion for me to bring in a specific operational psychologist.”

A movement from behind a pillar had Reagan glancing towards it.  I look of surprise came over her face and then a smile lit it up, “Nate!”

Rising, she moved over to him and reached up for a hug.  The tall man, looking tired and almost as scruffy as Deeks, enveloped her in his arms like a long lost friend.

Putting her down, he stepped back holding her at arm’s length, “So you’re still refusing to talk to me?”

“I can’t believe they dragged you back here.  How are you?” she asked, blatantly ignoring his question

“I’m good, what about you?” he smiled down at her, that soft smile that put people at ease and made them want to open up to him.

“I’m… fine.”

“Still stonewalling I see.”

“Still trying to get inside my head I see.  They drag you back here just for that?” she countered.

“I came back because I was told a friend was in trouble and needed my help.  Picking your brain apart is just an added bonus,” he said with a straight face.

“I’m not sure whether I should be insulted or flattered.”

Nate shrugged with a soft smile, “You pick.  Come on let’s go get a coffee.”

Reagan looked from Hetty to Nate, “Is that protocol for picking someone’s brain apart?”

Hetty stared stoically at them and Nate chuckled, “No, but it is for two friends who want to catch up.  Come on.”

With a last glance at Hetty, who subtly nodded her head, Reagan followed Nate through OSP to her car.  She headed to the Starbucks on the corner of Olympic and Figueroa, and found a table in a secluded corner while Nate ordered their drinks.

“You sure you don’t want coffee?” he asked as he returned with her Venti Vanilla Chai Latte and his Venti black coffee.

“Nope, hate the stuff actually.  Guess we’re going to be here a long time?” she eyed the size of the cups.

Nate placed his coffee on the table, dropped his messenger bag to the floor, and dropped himself into the waiting chair, “That all depends on you.”

With a sigh Reagan mumbled, “Of course it does.”

“Why don’t we start with something simple?”

“Nate, I don’t want to do this.  With you or anyone.”

“I’m your friend, Reagan.  We’re just talking about what’s going on in your life right now.”

She eyed him suspiciously for a moment and then gave a resigned sigh.

“How are things at OSP?”

“Complicated.”

“How do you mean?”

“You know them.”

“I do, and from what I know of you, it shouldn’t have been a problem.  You are the best at infiltrating even the most secure places.”

“Well, Kensi was a little hiccup in my plans but she came around eventually.”

“So then what’s still complicated?”

Reagan sighed through her nose, “G… We…”

“You and G got involved,” Nate stated.

Reagan looked up at him in surprise, “How…”

“Reagan, I’m a psychologist.  I’m supposed to see these things.  But what I don’t see is how this is a problem.”

Another sigh, “That’s just it.  I’ve never had relationships before.  Friend or lover, I made sure I never got involved so someone could never use that against me.  But coming here was completely different than anything I’ve ever experienced.  Working with a team, with a partner, doesn’t allow for you to be distant and apart.  I’ve broken my own rule and formed relationships with the team.  And yes, G and I got involved.  I tried to keep him at arm’s length but whenever we were together that went right out the window.  I was drawn to him, and somehow he was able to breach the walls I’ve erected and get inside.”

Reagan laughed scornfully, “And here is my point! I’m telling you things I told myself I wouldn’t discuss!  I’ve become too open, too trusting.  And it’s going to get someone else killed.”

“Someone else?  Who was killed?”

“It’s a long story,” she tried to end that conversation, not wanting to discuss something that was still so raw inside of her.

Allowing her to change the direction of the conversation he continued, “Sometimes being open is a good thing, Reagan.  It lets you experience things that otherwise never would have been available to you.”

“Come on, Nate, this isn’t High School.  I’m not some kid going off to college.  I’m a deadly weapon who has been kept on a leash for 13 years, albeit not a very short one, but still.  There are reasons I’ve never had relationships before.  First and foremost is the fact that I could never disclose who I really am and what I do to anyone.”

“I know it’s scary, Reagan.  Hell it’s terrifying to open yourself up to another person, to share a part of yourself, and lose that little bit of control.  But it’s one hell of a ride, whether you’re soaring or falling.”

Reagan looked down at her cup of partially drunk tea and knew exactly what he was talking about.  As frightened as she was to let G in, it had been an adrenaline rush to experience even that little bit of a relationship with him.  She simply couldn’t deny that.

“Are you in love with him?” Nate asked cautiously.

Reagan looked back at him, “What is love?  Scientifically speaking all it is is a chemical reaction in the brain, designed specifically to overwhelm logic and reason.”

“You don’t believe in love?”

“I didn’t say that.  All I’m saying is that love is a word, given to a scientifically proven reaction.”

“Then what are you saying Reagan? Sure love is a word, but it’s the connection we associate with that word that means something.”

“I’m saying that the fairy tales we are brought up on as children don’t exist.  True love doesn’t exist, happily ever after doesn’t exist, and if anyone says different then they are either deluding themselves or on drugs,” she said harshly.

“Why do you say fairytales don’t exist?”

“Because love is hard work and even if you try your hardest you aren’t guaranteed anything in the end.  Why subject yourself to that torture if you don’t have to?  Why give up that control when the majority of the outcomes aren’t favorable?”

“Do you love anyone Reagan?” Nate asked softly.

Without hesitation she answered, “Yes.”

“Do you love G?” he asked knowing he hit too close to home when he saw her face shut down.

Dropping her hands in her lap, she looked down and hesitated a moment.  Looking back up at him she answered, “No.”

Nate remained silent as he looked into her eyes.  He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but what he hadn’t planned on was discovering just how deep the hurt went.  He knew that Reagan could lie to him as much as she wanted, but he wondered just how long was she going to lie to herself?   Or perhaps he was wrong, (which if he admitted it to himself, he was, once in awhile) and she really believed what she said.  He had to take that into consideration with Reagan, especially since her whole life was one lie after another.

“Tell me about your parents,” he decided to change the subject.

“You know who my parents were.  You’ve read my file.”

Stonewalling again, he thought, “Tell me what they were like as parents.”

“My dad was retired from the SEALS but still worked for the Navy in a number of capacities.  He was the one always pushing me to do better, to be better, but I never felt like he wanted it more than me.  He never pushed if I resisted, but I was a driven child.  I wanted it as much as he did.  My mother was at work a lot.  But when she was home it was her time with me and she was a softer influence on me.  No calls, or running out to emergency meetings, at least not when I was young.  As I got older and could take care of myself it changed a little but they always made time for me, I was never pushed to the side because they had something to do for work.”

“Do you think you’re parents loved you?”

Reagan blinked at the question.  She had no idea how to answer that.  Considering the circumstances of her birth she might say no, yet they had showered her with affection and took care of her with the utmost diligence.  Had they come to love her once she had proven she would survive what had been done to her?  She had loved them before their deaths, and then hated them once she found out her history.  Her hate had quickly died, being replaced by guilt for her feelings.  If she thought about it now, and she tried not to because the pain was fresh every time, she loved her parents dearly and hoped that they had loved her just as much.  It was not something she had ever asked Gibbs about, because she was always afraid of his answer.

“Reagan?” Nate pulled her back from her thoughts.

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

Nate had noticed that some of the color had drained from her face and she fiddle with the lid of her cup.

“You don’t think your parents loved you?” he asked softly.

Not looking at him, for fear of showing him the agony in her eyes, she answered honestly, “I hope they did, but I don’t know.”

“Did they ever indicate to you that they didn’t love you?” he was surprised at her answer.

“I can’t do this, Nate.”

“You know Hetty isn’t going to change her mind about the gauntlet she threw down.  She means for you to get help dealing with everything that’s been happening.”

“I know, I just can’t talk about this,” she looked at him with tears glittering in her eyes.

Looking at her broke his heart.  He knew she would do anything in her power to stay a part of NCIS: OSP, especially because of everything she had done to become a part of it.  And for her to tell him that she couldn’t talk to him, knowing that it would be an end to her career at OSP, told him so much.

“Nate, I don’t want to lose what I have here, but I can’t talk about this.  I don’t know how and when I try it’s like I’m fighting with myself.  Everything inside of me is screaming to keep my mouth closed.  You have to understand, secrets are meant to be kept to yourself.  Gibbs’ rule, number four.”

“Gibbs’ rule, number four?  Are you talking about Special Agent Gibbs from D.C.”

Reagan nodded.

“What’s rule number four?”

“Best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself.  Second best is to tell only one other person.”

“And third?”

“There is no third.  And I’ve never broken this rule or any of the ones Gibbs taught me or that I’ve created for myself.”

“Well there has to be a solution to get what Hetty want’s and help you at the same time.”

Nate sat staring out the window, while he sipped his coffee.  Reagan watching him, feeling in parts devastated and angry, wondered if there was a way to save everything she had come to love and herself at the same time.  Suddenly his face lightened.  He grabbed his bag and started rifling around inside. Pulling out a college ruled 5 subject notebook and placed it on the table before her.

“And this is for my new desk job, because you can’t think of any way this could work and I won’t be going back to NCIS?” her snark surfaced and Nate was extremely thankful for that.

He smiled, “No smart ass, this is going to become your journal.”

She raised an eyebrow and laid a hand on the notebook, “My journal?  I don’t keep a journal.”

“It doesn’t matter.  What I want you to do is write it all down.  Everything, from the moment you can remember, right up until this conversation.”

“And this is going to help how?”

“If you can’t talk about it, you can still get it out by writing it down and giving me the journals.  But as opposed to diary writing or journal writing for one’s own pleasure, what you will be doing is writing about each event as it happened and giving your thoughts and feelings on the event also.  It will be time consuming but since Hetty has given you ‘time off’ I think this just might work and fulfill her demand for you to speak to someone.  In essence, when you write a journal, you write as though you are speaking to yourself or another person, real or imagined.  This allows you to take a step back and analyze your perceptions and actions, and it will allow for me to see deeper into those things you don’t feel you can talk about.”

Reagan looked at the notebook for a long time before she returned her gaze to Nate.

“Do you think you can do this?” he asked, his voice soft.

She rubbed her hand over the notebook while keeping her gaze trained on him, “I can try.”

“You will have to do better than that Reagan, but it’s a start.”

“Will you remain at NCIS until my ‘therapy’ is through?”

He nodded, “I believe Hetty wants me to stay until we are through.  I’m hoping I will only be leaving because we have completed her wishes and you are reinstated as an NCIS agent.”

“I hope so too,” she said quietly, turning to look out the window.

“Do you want to tell me about the last Specimen?”

Reagan’s head came back around, a look of surprise in her eyes, “Hetty?”

Nate nodded, “She caught me up on everything that has been going on of late. About the hit on Callen and the two Specimens you have already taken out.  She also told me there was one left.”

Reagan nodded, not wanting to speak about it.

“Come on Reagan; give me something to take back to Hetty.  Show her you are at least willing to try.”

Knowing he was right, she opened her mouth and tried to figure out what to say, “As children, I was closest to him, we were the most alike, and we used to look after Lindsey.  The others like to pick on her because she was the smallest and weakest of us all.  I think I had a little bit of a crush on him as we got a little older.  He was the most handsome out of all the guys in my opinion, but then I might be biased,” she chuckled.

“So you would say you have a soft spot for him?” Nate prompted.

Reagan shrugged, “I guess you could say that.  But if push came to shove would I kill him to save Callen’s life? There is no doubt in my mind that I would.”

“I see. Does it bother you that you feel this way?”

Reagan furrowed her eyebrows and looked thoughtfully at him, “I wasn’t supposed to be able to feel regret or guilt.  They told all of us that they had managed to genetically erase that from us Specimen.  But they lied, at least to 3 of us.  They were able to isolate that gene and deprogram three of the Specimen, the other three were left with that response but were told that it was removed; a science experiment really, to see the results of Nature vs. Nurture.  In the end I was one of the Specimens who was not altered in that area.  

“In the beginning the kills never bothered me.  I was saving the world.  I had found a way to make it safe for other children and their parents.  To right a wrong that had been done to me.  But as time went on and I began to question the motives of the people giving me the assignments, they began to catch up with me.  So I buried them and kept building bigger and bigger walls to keep them behind.  And now… Wait, how do you do that?”

Nate smiled at her, “It’s a talent.”

She had to smile at him.  He really was one of the sweetest people she knew, and one of the few she had met in her life who wanted nothing more from her than what he asked.

She chuckled, still looking at him with a little disbelief, “I know what you’re thinking.”

“Now you can read minds?” his smile grew wider.

This time she actually laughed, “No, but I know what you’re thinking.”

“And what is that?”

“If I managed to get that far, why don’t I just finish what I was saying?”

“Well?”

“The walls I’ve built are coming down.  It was slow at first, but it’s becoming more rapid the longer I’m with the team.  I can feel myself falling apart, and I’m afraid of what is going to happen if I do.”  
“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

“For trusting me,” he touched her hand that rested on the table.

“I’m not sure if I trust you or you just somehow managed to catch me off guard.”

It was his turn to laugh, “I’m going to pretend it’s trust.”

“Me too,” she turned her hand over in his and gave it a squeeze.

Reagan let go and took her last sip of tea, “I guess I should get started if I want to get reinstated before the New Year.”

“I guess so.  I should get back to Hetty and tell her the plan.”

“Do you think she’s going to be okay with this?”

“I think she will see the benefit of doing this, and with you showing that you’re willing to comply with her mandate, she will be willing to consider this as your treatment.”

“I hope so.”

They both rose and gathered their things to leave.  Reagan drove Nate back to OSP and then headed on to her house.  Walking up to the back door she had the notebook clutched in her hands.  Once inside she laid the notebook on the coffee table, dropped her bag next to the couch and headed to her room to change.  Stripping off her clothes, her hand brushed against the steel wire she still wore around her waist.  She hadn’t thought to use it on Mason, but it made her feel a little safer knowing she had the option if she needed it.  Pulling on sweats and a tee shirt, she made her way back out to the living room and sat on the couch.  Reaching for the notebook and she rifled through her bag for a pen.  Her stomach was in knots and her heart beat was erratic.  She could almost smell the fear emanating from her as she stared at the innocuous book in her hands.

You can do this, Reagan, she thought.  Just open the book and start writing.  It’s not like you don’t remember.  Just put the words down, get them out.  Once they’re gone they can’t hurt you anymore.  

Opening the notebook she hesitated for a second before she laid the pen on the page and it began to move almost of it’s own volition.  In her neat handwriting, the words poured out, as if she had   lanced a wound and was cleansing it of the disease that had been festering away just beneath the surface.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_June 27, 1998_

_I sat in the locker room, practicing my stroke and my breathing movements.  My mind was focused on the race ahead of me.  It was one of the last races of the school year and I was up against the leading swimmer in our conference.  Larissa Thompson had held the title from her freshman year and was now trying to defend it as a senior against younger swimmers like me._

_I was a freshman and no freshman could catch her, let alone beat her.  Actually very few people had been able to catch her.  But through the season I had quickly moved my way up to second in the conference and posed a huge threat to her title.  She had come off as if she wasn’t worried but I could tell by the look in her eyes that she thought of me as a threat.  I had practiced my ass off all year and knew that I had gotten stronger and faster than her.  But I was sure she had been in the pool all year too.  She was a world class athlete and it was rumored that she had hopes of going to the Olympics in Sydney in 2000.  If I could beat her I had a chance of qualifying for the summer Olympics also.  I knew she had gotten a scholarship to swim in college, but her focus was on leaving high school with her record unbroken._

_“Hey, Faraday, you ready?” Coach Williams called to me._

_I stood and nodded._

_“Good, get your ass out there and beat her.  She needs to be taken down a peg or two, and you’re just the swimmer to do it.”_

_I nodded again and smiled back at him.  Walking out of the locker room into the August heat my eyes immediately began to search the stands for my parents.  Twice I scanned the bleachers that surrounded the pool and found no trace of them. Anger burned in my chest.  They had promised to be here.  They had promised to make this race.  My father had known how important this was to me.  I spotted Uncle Jethro and gave him a small smile and a wave from my hand at my hip.  The knot in my chest released slightly but the anger still burned bright._

_Feeling scattered, I stepped up to the block and looked down at it.  Closing my eyes I began to focus that anger into my race.  Pulling myself up on the block, I took one last look around and with no sign of them I waited to hear the gun.  Visualizing, each stroke, each kick, each breath, I pushed that anger into moving faster.  With the anger fueling me, I was off the blocks faster than I had ever moved before, and had cleared half the length of the pool before I surfaced and began my stroke.  There was nothing besides me and the water.  The water welcomed me like an old friend and as I slid through its embrace I slowed my breathing so I only had to come up for air every 6 strokes. A difficult feat as a professional swimmer let alone for a high school freshman._

_When my hand finally touched the wall after 8 laps I rose up and turned only to find the closest swimmer was an entire pool length away from me.  My heart beat hard in my chest and the adrenaline that had been pumping through my veins began to subside as the high of the race began to wear off.  I pulled myself from the pool as the other swimmers finally finished and once again searched the stands.  Not seeing my parents sent my heart to my knees.  I had broken records for both schools, and possibly some Olympic records too, but my only thought was that they had missed it.  They had broken their promise and missed the most important race of my life to date._

_I sat through the rest of the races, with the anger roiling inside of me.  By the end of the meet I was fuming.  A friend, Melissa G, offered to drive me home and I sat in her car angry and pouting the entire time._

_“Hey Rae, what’s wrong?  You just annihilated Larissa and broke a ton of records! You should be soaring right now.”_

_“Yeah, I’m just thinking.  Sorry.”_

_As we pulled down my street, Melissa noticed the flashing lights of a number of different emergency vehicles surrounding my house._

_“What’s going on at your house?”_

_Lifting my head, expecting to see a number of my parent’s colleague’s cars, I gasped at the sight.  As Melissa tried to get closer she was stopped by a policeman._

_“Sorry Miss, this road is closed.  You’ll have to turn around and find another route.”_

_“But that’s my house!” I cried from across the car._

_“You’re Reagan Faraday?”_

_“Yes, what’s going on?”_

_“Just sit tight Miss, I’ll bring the Captain over to speak to you.”_

_My heart was thudding against my chest, and as he walked away I made the decision to get out._

_“Reagan, he told you to wait!” Melissa called._

_Ignoring her, I made a dash for it, down the long driveway and was only stopped by a young NCIS agent that happened to have the presence of mind to grab me before I was able to make it to the car._

_“Hey, you’re not supposed to be here kid.”_

_“I live here, where are my parents?” I tried to push past him but he had a good grip on me._

_“Hey, Phillips, I’ve got the kid,” he called over to another agent standing next to the completely torched car that I could not turn my eyes from._

_The man turned and made his way over to me, “Are you Reagan Faraday?” he asked._

_I nodded, “What’s going on?  Where are my parents?”_

_He glanced at the car and with the lightning fast speed that my brain worked at I immediately understood what he wasn’t saying.  My jaw dropped and I tried to step away from him.  The other agent held me firmly._

_“Honey, is there someone you can call?” the senior agent asked me._

_I nodded and as the senior agent walked away, the man who had me by the arm handed me his cell phone.  I reached for the phone, all the while my eyes glued to the still smoking car.  I dialed the number I knew by heart and waited._

_“Gibbs,” he answered._

_“Uncle Jethro?” my voice was shaky._

_“Reagan?!” he almost shouted._

_“Uncle Jethro?” I heard the younger man whisper._

_“Reagan, where are you?  How did you get this phone?”_

_“I’m at home, Uncle Jethro.  I got the phone from the NCIS agent that’s here with me.”_

_“Put him on the phone, now.”_

_I looked up at the handsome young man and handed him back the phone, “He wants to talk to you.”_

_He looked me with a little fear in his eyes but held the phone to his ear, “DiNozzo.”_

_He glanced at me and answered again, “Yeah, Boss. ‘Bout 5’5”, long blonde hair, pretty blue eyes, wearing a swim sweatshirt.”_

_“Okay, Boss.  I won’t let her out of my sight,” he answered and handed the phone back to me._   
_“Uncle Jethro?”I asked cautiously, confused by the directions._

_“Stay with Agent DiNozzo until I get there.  I’m serious Reagan, don’t leave his side.”_

_“Promise,” I assured him._

_“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he said and hung up the phone._

_“What’s going on, Agent DiNozzo?  Are my parents in that car?” I handed the phone back to him._

_Agent DiNozzo looked at me carefully and then put an arm around my shoulder and guided me away to the house._

_“Did you just finish a swim meet?” he asked me changing the subject._

_“Yes, and it’s okay to tell me.  I know they were in there.”_

_The full impact of what I was saying still had not hit me.  I felt like I was walking in a bubble where the outside world couldn’t touch me and what had happened to my parents was just a fleeting thought._

_He turned to me and put both hands on my shoulders and looked down into my eyes.  Before he opened his mouth I knew what he was going to say.  The tears started to form but I blinked them back.  He was speaking but I didn’t hear a word he said.  He had me sit down on the front steps of my house and sat with me.  I don’t remember how long I sat there with him talking to me, but when I saw my uncle walking down the drive I jumped up and ran straight into his arms._

_I could feel his strength wrap itself around me and I knew I was safe again.  I knew it was okay to finally break down and release the terror that had been building up inside me from the moment I saw the flashing lights in my driveway.  The tears began to flow and the sobs wracked my body until I couldn’t cry anymore.  He held me tightly and didn’t bother with false words of comfort.  I had known him too long for that and even though I was only 15 he knew I didn’t want lies._

_____________________________________________________________________________________

By 8 PM the notebook was full and she realized she had only finished with her childhood to the point of being shipped to Italy to live with her Aunt and Uncle.  Damn, she thought, I’m going to need a whole lot more notebooks.  Grabbing her keys she headed out to the office supply store to pick up more notebooks.  She realized that she could probably just use the laptop and then email Nate the files when she was done, but there was something cathartic about actually putting the words down on paper.  As if through the pen she was infusing them into the paper, never to be released again.  Back home she laid out all of the notebooks on the coffee table and uncapped the new Sharpie marker she bought.  On the cover of the finished notebook she wrote “Childhood”.  Taking the second she wrote “Italy”, the third she wrote “NYC”, and so on up until she reached the notebook that she wrote “LA” on.  There were a number of extra notebooks left blank in case everything didn’t fit into one.

Grabbing the one that had “Italy” scrawled across the front she began to write.  When she finally looked up as the last word was scrawled in the notebook the morning light was glittering on the front windows and the clock read 8:00 AM.  Twelve hours straight of writing, and she had only scratched the surface of what when on in Italy.  Standing and stretching, she reached for her phone which she had turned off.  There were a number of missed calls and quite a few texts from the team.  She scrolled through and noticed that one call & one text were from G.  Her stomach felt fluttery as she deleted the two of them and then sent off texts to the rest telling them she was fine and needed to be alone for the next couple of days to complete an assignment Hetty had given her.

She knew that it wasn’t going to stop the calls but it was the best she had for now, and the last thing she wanted was to have anyone show up here.  She was okay pouring her heart into the journals, while she was sitting alone with the memories, but she was afraid that someone else coming into this little haven she had created would cause her to stop writing and then she would not be able to start again.  She needed this time alone.

Reagan spent the next week isolated in her house.  She wrote like a woman possessed.  Having every memory locked in her head helped her with details and feelings anyone else would have otherwise forgotten, but it also made for a lot of writing since every memory was there in perfect detail.  Nate had been right, with every notebook she finished, with every memory she left on the page, she felt lighter, and the walls she had built, to keep them all hidden, could crumble to the ground because there was nothing left to protect her from.

She barely answered calls, giving the team abrupt answers to their inquiries, and assured Hetty and Nate that she was working as quickly as she could.  She didn’t speak to G, but she did receive a text from him that she actually read.

-Rae, Just want you to know that I’m not giving up or letting go.  When you’re ready you know where I am.-

Her finger rested above the delete button but she couldn’t make herself press it.  Her time alone had also helped her understand just why he had done what he did.  She had been on the edge and all he wanted was to bring her back and keep her safe, and by calling Hetty and starting this chain of events, he had helped her more than she ever imagined anyone could.  Yet, even with this new insight, she was still not ready to call him and begin to mend what was broken between them.  Stretching, she stood and looked down at the pile of notebooks on her coffee table.  It seemed a little surreal that her whole life fit neatly into 30 notebooks, especially since it had been such a messy life.  She’d drop them off at OSP tomorrow, so Nate can get to work picking her apart.  She smiled.

She felt so light and free that she decided to head down to the beach and go for a run.  It was late, but she had nothing planned for the night, so she changed and headed out to the car with the notebooks.  She’d leave them there so she didn’t forget to take them over tomorrow.  She looked at the clock.  Just after 10:00pm, she had enough time to go for a good run and then come back and shower and perhaps even pick up one of those books Nell had given her a while back.

****  
  



	21. Chapter Twenty-One

“How do you think she’s doing?” Deeks asked the other five members of OSP that were sitting at the table with him.

Lifting the bottle of beer, Callen tried to hide his reaction as he sipped.

“If I were her I’d be going crazy, sitting in that house all alone,” Kensi answered, as she tried to flag down the waitress.

“She’s got to be miserable.  But I think Hetty was right.  She needed to talk to someone.  She was at the end of her rope and barely hanging on,” Sam added, finishing his beer and placing it on the table.

“She answered my call this morning, and she sounded good.  She said she would see me soon,” Nell offered her part.

“What I don’t understand is why she doesn’t want any of us to come by,” Eric sipped at the last of his fruity drink.

“She didn’t want any of us in her head space.  She needed to be alone so she could do what she needed to do, without any outside interference,” G finally spoke.

They all nodded, agreeing with him.  When the waitress finally came over with the bill, they all paid their share and rose to leave.  Upon exiting the bar, Deeks turned to Kensi to offer some quip about her needing him to drive home when he spotted the face that was burned into his memory from the moment he studied the pictures of the three Specimens.  Pushing Callen behind him, he spun pulling his gun from where he had it in the back waistband of his jeans.

“Number 4,” he said loud enough for the others to hear.

Pulling their guns they all turned in the direction that Deeks was looking.  And there he was, his eyes trained on them.  And just as suddenly as he appeared, he managed to blend in with the crowd that was streaming outside the bar and disappear.

“Where’d he go?” Callen pushed out from behind the others, his gun drawn.

“Don’t know,” Sam answered, glancing around trying to spot him again.

“If what Reagan told us was correct then this would have been exactly when he would have made his move.  We’re in a crowd of people, it’s the perfect scenario from what she explained,” Kensi said, her gun still held firmly in her hands.

“Well then, why didn’t he go after Callen?  He was right there,” Deeks asked.

“If he didn’t go after Callen, then maybe Callen isn’t the target,” Sam reasoned softly.

Their eyes met and the same thought flew through their minds.

“Shit, where’s Reagan?” Kensi cried.

“She’s at her house,” Nell offered.

“Let’s go,” G said, and they all made their way to their cars.

They arrived at Reagan’s house only to find it dark and her car not there.

“Shit,” Sam said as they all got out.

G pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed her number, “She’s got her phone turned off again, it went right to voice mail.”

Kensi tried next and got the same result.

“Where could she have gone?” Deeks asked.

“Where ever she is, we can pretty much guarantee that she is armed,” Eric offered.

Five pairs of eyes turned to him and none of them looked relieved at his words.  He ducked his head and took a step back.  Kensi and Deeks turned to Callen, looking for his lead in the situation but he looked as lost as they were.  

“Okay, let’s think about this analytically.  When Reagan’s not home where is she usually?”

“With G,” was Deeks immediate answer.

Nell raised her eyebrows at him and blew out a breath, “Okay, I think we can safely rule that out.  Where else does she go?”

“With you or Kensi,” Sam supplied, “But again, safely ruled out.”

“For a run?” Kensi answered, questioningly.

“Surfing,” Eric stepped up with an answer.

“With the team,” G finally spoke up, “Since Reagan has become a part of this team she has been with one of us, if not more of us, almost all the time.  We were her family, and by leaving her alone when she demanded it, we might have failed her tonight.”

“You can’t say that, G.  Reagan, no matter where she is, or what situation she is in, can handle herself.  She was confident that she could take out the Specimen on her own and has proven that with the first two.  She’s not some green agent who will be taken by surprise.  She’s been doing this longer than any of us, and she’s the best at it,” Sam said, putting a hand on G’s shoulder.

G looked up at Sam, “So what are you saying?  Just leave her out there and pray she comes home alive?  Come on, Sam, we have to do something.”

“G, you have to face the facts, we don’t know where she is, we can’t get in contact with her and she has kept us at arm’s length for over a week.  Maybe we should just sit tight until we hear from her,” Sam said reasonably.

“We can’t run all over the county looking for Reagan.  What if she just went to the store and will be back in a matter of minutes,” Deeks reasoned.

“What if she’s caught off guard by Specimen 4 and is lying in a ditch somewhere?” Kensi argued.

“We could go over this for the rest of the night, but it won’t help Reagan, and we won’t get anywhere,” Nell once again looked at the situation analytically.

“So what do you suggest we do?” G asked.

“You need to go home and rest.  Deeks and Kensi can keep an eye on the house in case she returns.  Eric and I will head to OSP and see if we can locate her using Kaleidoscope.”

“Do you think it will work?” Sam asked.

G looked at all of them, “Well at least it’s doing something besides standing here.”

“I can’t just go home and sit there while she could be in trouble,” G said to Sam as they walked to the car.

“Look at it this way, what if she goes looking for you at your place and you’re not there?”

“Why would she come to my place? We’re not exactly on speaking terms right now.”

“Because, G, if she does meet up with Specimen 4, and she kills him, as I expect her to, she will need a safe place to go.  And if nothing is wrong and she is simply at the store or out for a run, then at least you can get a good night’s sleep, which is something you haven’t had in awhile.”

G shrugged, “I guess you could be right.”

“You know I’m right.”

“You know I’ll never admit that.”

Sam just chuckled as the got into his car.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jogging up to her car, she was panting a little, but felt better than she had in weeks. Her head was clear and she could see a future stretching out before her.  It was the first time that she didn’t look into the future and see the black abyss.

“Reagan!”

As she reached for her car door, his voice stopped her.  Turning quickly, she froze.

“Thank God, I found you.”

Unmoving, she watched him move closer to her.  He held his arms out to her as he approached.

“Are you okay?  I’ve been looking for you.”

Her heart beat hard against her chest, and she tried to control her breathing.  As he came up to her, his hands touched her arms and he stepped in close.

“Thank God you’re okay,” he whispered.

She looked up at him her mind whirling and simply stared.  This was completely surreal, and not in the least what she had expected when she met him again.

“You are okay right?” he asked again.

“What are you doing, Greyson?” she whispered.

“I’m here to warn you.”

“Warn me?” she was so confused, and yet she was at war with herself.

“Reiss.”

She looked up into his green eyes and memories of their childhood together came flooding back to her.  Their friendship, their inside jokes, their protection of Lindsey, their attraction, and most of all their connection beyond all else.

“I know about Reiss, and the others,” she whispered trying to focus, she could feel a pull inside and started to fight it.

“You know?” he seemed surprise.

“I was sent the assignment too.  I refused it, and knew he would send someone else to do it.”

“Have you seen Athena and Mason?” Greyson asked.

Reagan nodded, feeling the pull even more, and this time she let it take her, feeling a subtle shift inside.

“Where are they?” he asked slightly confused.

“On their way back to Reiss,” she said cryptically.

“What?  Why?”

“Because they’re dead,” came her quiet answer.

“Dead?  You killed them?  I got here too late.  I’m sorry, Reagan.  I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”

He pulled her into his arms and held her close.  Resting her head against his chest, she relaxed against him.

“Did they hurt you?” he asked.

Looking up at him again she smiled, “Just a little bruise here and there, nothing to worry about.  I heal quickly.”

He looked down at her and moved his hands from her waist to her face, “God, you’re so beautiful.  You were always so beautiful.”

His hand moved up and pulled the two wooden sticks from her hair, handing them to her so he could untwist the shining curtain and send it streaming down her back.  Reagan’s fingers played with the hair sticks as he stared reverently down into her face.

“I’ve never forgotten how you looked in the moonlight,” he leaned in to kiss her.

Letting her lashes flutter down she lifted her face to him, her hands resting on his chest.  And suddenly the cold muzzle of his gun was pressed against the side of her neck.  Her eyes flew open as if in shocked surprise.

“That’s why killing you, is going to be so hard,” he whispered, truly looking distraught about what he had to do.

“Then I guess you shouldn’t be so upset,” she said softly.

A frown marred his smooth brow just before Reagan slid her hand up and caught him in the side of the throat with the Kanzashi hair sticks.  She missed the jugular but she hadn’t been going for the kill this time.  Taken off guard from being stabbed, she was able to knock the gun away from him as she stepped back and drew hers from the back waistband of her pants.  She fired three shots and watched as he hit the ground.  Her whole body shook as she tried to slow her breathing.  She felt the subtle shift again and finally realized that no matter how much she wanted to live her life hiding from what she was; it was never going to happen.  She finally understood that in order to be who she was meant to be, she needed to embrace every part of herself.  

Still trembling, she moved closer to kick his gun away, and leaned down grabbing his chin to make him face her, Number 4, Greyson Todd, her first kiss one summer at camp.  His green eyes were fixed on her as he grimaced and tried to breathe.

“You should have killed me,” he gasped out.

“I need answers,” she said.

“There’s nothing to tell you.”

“Greyson, do you really think I believe that?”

He looked up at her.

“Why were you sent after G. Callen?”

“We weren’t,” he said through clenched teeth.

“It's too late for your lies, Greyson.  It's over.”

“I’m not lying, we weren’t sent after G. Callen.”

“I was given the assignment, Greyson, I saw the target.”

“No, Reagan, that was the assignment you were given.  We weren’t sent after him.  It was just a decoy, he was just going to be used as bait,” he coughed, bringing up some blood.

“Bait?  For wh-“ Reagan stopped.

The pieces began to fall into place as her mind whirled.  If they weren’t after G and he was just being used as bait then there could only be two possibilities, they were either after Hetty or they were after her.  And since there had been no attempts on Hetty’s life, that narrowed it down considerably.  But she still didn’t believe her own reasoning.  Why, was the question she kept coming back to? Why was she the target?

“He sent you after me?” she whispered in disbelief.

Greyson tried to nod, his breathing even more labored, "You were the target all along.  He needed you out of the way.  You were the only one who had ever escaped.  You were his greatest triumph and his greatest failure.  You started putting too many of the pieces together.  You were finding out too many things about what he had done, and who he really worked for.  Leviathan wanted you out of the picture and Reiss needed you out of the picture.  Just like they needed your parents out of the picture.

"That's why you were the first to be placed.  You're parents knew too much.  They were a liability to him and Leviathan.  They needed to get rid of that risk.  He sent us in to rig the car, but he was the one to detonate the bomb.  And now he sent us after you."

Her mind was reeling, for all of this time they had known and they never said a word, never felt any guilt or remorse.  Never gave her the peace she had been searching for.  But then again, would it have brought her peace?  Or would it have steeled her resolve to eliminate each and every one of them.  At this point it really didn't matter, there was only one left and she vowed that she would find him and kill him just as he had done her parents.  And then something else came to her.

“Why?  Why would he send you after me on your own?  He knew that none of you could take me out alone,” she pondered the riddle.

And then the horrid truth washed over her.  She wasn’t the only target.  He wanted all of them gone.  He wanted them erased.  He was covering up something and they were his last liability.

“He set you against me. If any of you managed to kill me he would have turned you on each other.  Either way he would have been rid of us all, one way or another.  He knew that if he sent each of you out here on your own, to terminate me that I wouldn’t hesitate to defend myself.  He wanted me to take each of you out.  That’s why he didn’t send you in as a team.  He planned for me to finish each one of you as you showed your faces.  It was all a well devised plan.  But that still leaves me.”

“He won’t stop, Reagan,” she could barely hear him.

"But what about your parents?  What about all of your families?  They would know," she said naively.

"He had them killed.  Once we were moved to our handlers control he removed the 'excess baggage' as he called it.  You're now the only one left," another cough and more blood.

“He’ll come for me next, but it won’t be a single person.  He’ll send in a team.  It would be easy enough to have me declared rogue once I had killed all of you.  And anyone in the way will be collateral damage,” she reasoned in a whisper out loud.

Greyson managed to reach for her and grasp her hand.  She looked down at his bloody hand holding hers.

“You were my first kiss,” he could barely whisper.

Reagan squeezed his hand, feeling the wall she had built when this all started crumbling, “You were mine.”

“Yeah, but for you it was just a kiss, for me it was earth shattering.  I never forgot that kiss Reagan, and no one has ever measured up.”

“Greyson, we were twelve,” her voice was soothing as she tried to give him some comfort.

“Doesn’t matter, you were it for me.”

“And to prove it, you tried to kill me?”

“We were given orders,” he coughed again and more blood appeared at the corner of his mouth.

And for Reagan that said it all.  For them, orders came before everything, before friends before family, before lovers.  They were all programmed, brainwashed that way.  All of them except for Reagan, because her father had taken refused to let Sector get their hands on her as a child.  She hadn’t had the same education as the others.  They hadn’t had the chance to brainwash her like they did the others.  She had been lucky to have some semblance of normalcy.  Ultimately, it had saved her life.

Looking at Greyson, remorse washed over her, like a wave dragging her down into the dark depths, for his impending death and the deaths of the other two assassins.  She would still have done the same thing but she knew they had just been following orders.  She knew that when they had received those orders they had signed their death warrants.

“I’m sorry, Greyson.  I’m so sorry.  If I had known…  If I had figured it out earlier.  It’s such a waste.”

“Just do one thing for me, Reagan.”

“Anything I can,” she leaned closer to hear him.

“Live.  Make sure that in the end you’re the one walking away from this whole thing.”

"I need a location.  All I have is Reiss.  Can you tell me where he is?" she gripped his shirt.

He was barely able to whisper, and Reagan had to lean in close to hear his answer.  Sitting up she looked back down at him, "I promise, Greyson.  I promise.”

She leaned in and placed her lips on his, kissing him gently and felt him exhale for the last time.  Tears pricked the back of her eyes but she blinked them back as she rose.  With one last look at him she slid into the shadows and disappeared into the night.   

_____________________________________________________________________________________

An incoming text brought both Kensi and Deeks alert and fishing their phones from their pockets.

“Reagan,” Kensi said with some relief.

“Me too,” Deeks said checking his.

-Specimen 4 removed.  I’m fine.  Got to go.-  Kensi read out loud.

“Exactly what mine says,” Deeks said looking up at her.

Kensi’s phone suddenly rang.

“Sam,” she told him before answering it.

“Kensi,” she answered.

“Yeah, we both got the same text.”

“Okay, we’re on our way.  Are you telling G?”

“Okay, see you there,” she said hanging up.

“What’s up?”

“Sam wants us to meet at OSP.  We’ll be getting the call for the body soon and he doesn’t want to bother G with this,” she relayed the message.

Deeks nodded starting the car, “Okay, let’s go.”

“Thank God this is over,” Kensi sighed.

Deeks couldn’t agree with her more.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

She silently slipped through the back door, her Sig clutched tightly in her hand.  The light was on in the living room at the front of the house, and she glided on silent feet, to see if he was there.  The room was empty, but as she entered the hallway she noticed the door to his bedroom was ajar. She moved down the hallway to the door and pushed it open.  The light from the living room made her a silhouette in the doorway.  She didn’t make a sound but he rolled over and sat up staring at her.

“Reagan?” he asked.

Without a word she moved into the room and crawled on to the bed, dropping the gun on the floor.

“Reagan, where have you been?”

He was sitting up and he reached out for her.   She took his hand and let him pull her to him.  They were so close he could see her eyes and the anxiety in them that mirrored his.  Her legs straddled his with her knees bent under her as she sat on his lap.

“Reagan, why are you here?  I thought…”

“I need you,” finally came her husky reply.

Her mouth was on his before he could think.  She clung to him as she kissed him urgently, trying to crawl under his skin.  His blood pounded and his mind reeled.  Since their first kiss he had imagined Reagan coming to him like this, imagined her being the one to initiate instead of her always running away, imagined her wanting him just as much as he wanted her.

Her kiss was frantic and desperate.  Overwhelmed, he pulled back placing both hands on the sides of her face.  He tried to see her features in the darkness but the light from the hall wouldn’t allow for that.  He moved to get up but she held on to him tightly.

“Reagan, what’s wrong?  I’m just going to shut off the light,” he tried to untangle her from him.

“Please don’t leave me, G.”

“Rae, I’m just going to the doorway.  I’ll be back in three seconds.”

Slowly he managed to remove her hands from his arms and she watched as he went to shut the living room light, as if she were afraid he would disappear.  She didn’t know why she needed to touch him, needed to feel the life flowing through him, but she did.  Right then it was the only thing that felt real to her.  The only thing that felt right.  She reached for him as she felt the bed dip under his weight.  He reveled in the fact that it was her finally reaching for him in the dark, but the part of him that was always an agent knew there had to be some reason.

“Reagan, why are you here?  I thought you said you needed time alone until it was over.”

She clung to him, her arms wrapped around his chest as he lay her down on the bed.

“It is,” she whispered.

He remained silent knowing that there was more.

“Do you remember the first person you kissed?”

Unsure of where this was going, he paused before he answered, “Yes.”

“Me too. Well of course I do but…” she paused unsure of her voice and tenuous feelings, “  He was the final assassin…  I just… I just killed him.”

At that he had no idea what to say.

“And you know?  I wasn’t sorry.  I didn’t flinch when I pulled the trigger and shot him three times at point blank range.  Do you know why?” she sounded slightly hysterical.

“No,” he whispered.

“Because I thought he was sent to kill you.  And you have come to mean more to me than anything I have ever cared about before.

“I tried my best to stay away.  To pretend I was apathetic to your charm, but I failed miserably.  And as I stood over him, looking into his eyes, remembering that moment all those years ago, I realized that... I want a future.”

“Reagan, what are you talking about?”

“Shhh, I don’t want to talk about it G.  Please, just know that it’s over and you don’t need to look over your shoulder anymore.”

“Thank you,” he leaned in and kissed her softly.

She sighed into him, and molded her body to his, “Please, G.”

It took him a few second to understand what she had said.  And even then, he actually didn’t believe he had heard her right.

“Reagan…”

“Shhh, don’t think G.  We’re not guaranteed tomorrow.  I want to stop being in control all the time.  I want to stop wondering “what if”.  But most of all I want to stop regretting.  Please, G, help me do that.”

Her words hit him hard and he wanted nothing more than to fall in to her.  Pulling her down with him he buried his hands in her hair as he kissed her deeply.  Running his lips across her cheek to the spot on her neck just below her ear he whispered her name.  As frantic as they both felt everything moved very slowly.  She took her time as she ran her hands under his shirt lifting it as she explored every inch of his skin, her fingers leaving fiery paths wherever they touched.  And with each fleeting touch he sighed her name against the heated skin of her body.

Finally she pulled it over his head and laid her lips over the pounding pulse of his throat.  He moaned deep in his throat and he pulled her shirt off.  She ran her fingers over each scar that marred him, as her lips followed setting his body on fire, while claiming him as her own.  He made easy work of her bra next and sat back to take her in.  With a deep sigh he laid his lips on her shoulder as he worshiped her with his hands.  As he his hands traced paths all over her body, his thumb grazed over the tightened bud of her nipple as he passed.  She arched into him and sighed against his mouth.  

Their movements became frantic as clothes were torn away from sweat slicked skin.  When they were both divested of their clothes Callen rolled, pulling Reagan underneath him.  They had slept like this so many times it had almost become commonplace, but tonight their every touch set the others skin on fire.  Each kiss had their hearts racing and their breath coming out in gasps.  The heat pooled at her core and she could feel the pressure of him there.  Rolling her hips and parting her thighs slightly she invited him closer.  Pushing gently but not sure of what she wanted he paused, using all of his will not to take her right then and there.

“G,” she whispered against his throat.

She wrapped her arms around his chest, and her legs around him.

Pulling back he looked down at her, taking in her face, every curve of her body, every scar and mark that had been left on her over a career of being an assassin.  He ran his hands over every part of her, claiming her for himself.  His lips laid soft kisses on each scar and mark.  Each touch elicited a soft moan that escaped her lips.  Each kiss had Reagan gasping his name.

“Are you sure?” Callen whispered against her shoulder.

She leaned up and look deep into his light blue eyes, “I have never been more sure of anything in my life.”

She cried out as he slid into her liquid heat, knowing that this was how it was meant to be.  He sucked in his breath as her tight sheath enveloped him and groaned deep in his throat knowing that this was exactly what he had been searching for.  She let him lead, needing to feel cherished and wanted, and she savored each touch, each kiss as if it were her last.  And pressing at the back of her mind, even as she tried to push it away, was the thought that this was.  This was her last moment with him. The last precious memory she had needed to make before she disappeared from his life forever.  As a tear rolled from the corner of her eye she wondered if it was from the heartbreaking sweetness of the moment or the utter despair of it having to end.

She was frantic for release but didn’t want this moment to end and when he pulled back to slow down she didn’t complain.  But finally there was no turning back for either one of them and with one last stroke he pushed her over the edge into that spiraling free fall as he came with her.  And for the first time in her life she just let go, allowing the sensations to take her where they will, and held onto him tightly as if he were a tether to the earth, without which she would break apart. Their cries were muffled against each other’s skin as their sweat slicked bodies collapsed against the other.

As the first rays of sunlight started to shimmer over the horizon, Callen wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.  She snuggled into his warmth as he let out a long sigh of contentment.  She could hear the beating of his heart beneath her cheek, like a death knell, beating each second away. She could hear as his breathing began to slow into a steady rhythm of sleep and she tried to move closer to him.  

Pulling her tighter to him he nuzzled closer to her ear, knowing for whatever her reason was, she needed this tonight, and also knowing, finally, that it was exactly what he wanted.  He had, for so long, pushed away relationships.  Had been unable to give every part of him to something so elusive as love.  And now that he had found her, he was stunned at how easy it had been.

“Rae?”

“Mmm?”

“I need to…”

“Shhh,” she stopped him.

“No, seriously…” he murmured barely awake.

“Sleep G.”

They were silent for a few minutes and Reagan thought he had finally fallen asleep. He rolled keeping his arm tightly around her and he sighed again.

“I love you.”

She froze.  It had barely been a whisper, and she wasn’t even sure she had heard it; actually she tried to pretend she hadn’t.  But no matter how hard you try, there is just no fooling yourself.  She knew she had heard it, just as she knew he would still wake up to an empty house in the morning.  She could not take the chance with his life.  And if that meant breaking both their hearts in the process, then so be it.  She could deal with a broken heart; she could not deal with his death.

Tears stung the back of her eyes as she slipped from the bed and slid back into her clothes.  No matter how much she had wanted to say it back, she knew doing so would only be cruel.  She could not give him what those three words promised and to say them to him would only make it harder for her to leave.  

Her top had been wrapped inside his tee-shirt and smelled of him.  As a last thought before she walked out of his life forever she grabbed his tee-shirt and held it to her face; sunshine, his cologne, and that smell that was innately him, soap and skin.  There were a few things she needed to do before she disappeared and she needed to hurry now.  She hadn’t planned on staying with him for the entire night, but every time her brain had told her it was time to leave, her heart asked for just a few more minutes.  Grabbing her gun and moving to the bedroom door, she turned one last time to watch him sleep.  She could feel her poorly patched heart splintering into a thousand pieces once again.  She hadn’t been able to tell her parents and there would never be another chance if she didn’t say it now.  It didn’t matter that he was asleep; it was more for her than anything else; a cathartic conclusion to help her move on.

“I love you, G.  More than I could ever realize,” she said.  Blinking against her stinging eyes, she left as silently as she came.

It was barely more than a whisper but the last pieces inside of her broke and leaving everything she was inside that room, she turned and faded into the gray of the morning like a ghost fleeing from the sun.   It was time for her to disappear completely.  Cut all ties, and keep those she loved safe… from herself.  She knew what she needed to do and how it all had to go down.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Callen woke slowly, unable to remember a night where he had slept so well or a reason he had to wake up as happy as he was.  Reaching over to pull Reagan close, his hand brushed against cold sheets.  His eyes opened and he listened for a few moments.  No sound, nothing at all.  His heart skipped a beat as he slipped out of bed and tugged on his clothes.  She couldn’t have, he thought, not after what they had shared last night.

He turned in a circle looking for his shirt but it was nowhere to be found.  His heart sunk a little more.  She had always been stealing his shirts when she woke up in the morning.  Grabbing one out of the drawer he pulled it on as he moved quickly through the house looking for her.  He called her name once but knew there wouldn’t be an answer.

Without shoes he ran to the car and headed to her place.  There was a little part of him, deep in the back of his mind that knew she wouldn’t be there, but the rest of him was hoping she had just gone home to shower because she had nothing of her own at his place.  God had it been two months since he had found the searches she had run?  In some moments it felt like forever and in others just yesterday. Tires screaming into her neighborhood he slammed on the breaks as he pulled into her driveway.  The black Audi TT convertible she usually drove was sitting in the driveway.  His heart jumped at the sight.  Throwing open the door he ran to the back door and tried the handle, locked.  Then he heard a car pull up to the front of the house.  He ventured around the house again to see Kensi and Deeks getting out of the SRX.

“Hey,” Kensi said studying him for a second.

“Where is she?” Callen looked around as if she was going to get out of the car too.

Deeks looked around confused, “Callen, why are you here?  Where is Reagan?”

“She’s not with you?” he asked completely dazed now.

“Callen, why would she be with us, what’s going on?  What are you doing here?” Kensi put a hand on his arm to stop him from moving.

“She… we… last night…” he tried to explain as his world completely fell apart.

“Is the door open?” Deeks asked.

“Not the back,” Callen offered.

“Come on I’m sure she keeps a key somewhere,” Deeks headed to the back door.

He reached the door and rattled the knob, when Kensi and Callen reached him.

“Reagan would never leave a key somewhere,” Kensi told him.

“Don’t worry,” Deeks said pulling out his iPhone, “I’ve got an app for that,” he smiled and smashed his phone through the pane of glass nearest to the lock.

Kensi snorted and smiled but Callen gave no reaction, as if he were not there.  As Deeks reached in and unlocked the door, Kensi looked at Callen concerned.  He hadn’t looked this bad when he had walked out on Reagan weeks ago, but now he looked like his world had come crashing down around him.

Walking into her house they all felt a little like intruders although at one time or another they used to come right in no knocking necessary.  The kitchen looked untouched and everything was in its place.  They walked into the living room from there and Kensi had to smile.  She remembered when Reagan had dragged her into that Pottery Barn store, showed the woman the catalogue pages she had with her with everything marked off and told her to deliver it to her address, then whipped out one of those black cards with no limit, made the payment and walked out.

Looking around what she had dubbed ‘The Catalogue’, she checked to see if anything was out of place.  A box on one of the bookshelves that flanked the fireplace caught her eye.  Pulling it down, she opened it up.  

“Guys,” she called to them.

Deeks and Callen peered inside only to find a box full of licenses, passports, visas, and other identification all organized except for the things lying on top.  It was her California driver’s license along with her NCIS badge and identification.  
“Shit,” Deeks whispered.

Kensi felt her stomach sink.  She wouldn’t, she thought.  Not unless it was totally necessary.  Not unless one of them were in danger.  Looking from the box to Callen she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

“Callen, when did you see Reagan last?”

He looked up at Kensi but didn’t really see her, “Last night.  She came to my place late; I was already a sleep when she snuck in.  We… I fell asleep around 5am.  That was the last time I saw her.  When I woke up she was already gone.”

Kensi took a deep breath.  Tying up her last loose end before she disappeared, she thought to herself.  That lump in her throat was getting tighter.  She looked up quickly when Deeks called them from the bedroom.  Walking past the office she saw that all the computer equipment was still there but the files that had been strewn all over the floor were gone and when she entered her bedroom she found everything as if Reagan was going to walk in any minute and laugh at them for worrying.  

But they all knew that wasn’t going to happen.  And Kensi knew that whatever Reagan was running from it had to be life or death.  That knowledge didn’t soften the blow or the fact that the one woman she had thought of as a sister hadn’t even told her she was leaving.  Sure she knew that it was probably for her own safety but the hurt still stung like a bitch.

“Where do you think she is?” Deeks asked.

“She’s gone,” Callen said in a dead voice.

“Well yeah, but she’ll be back soon.”  
“No, Deeks, Reagan’s not coming back,” Kensi said softly, “Callen, what did she say to you last night?”

“She said her job was done.  That she killed the last assassin and I didn’t have to look over my shoulder anymore.”

Kensi nodded, “She did.  She didn’t say anything about leaving?  Nothing about needing to protect us?”

He shook his head, “No, just something about wanting to stop regretting.”

Suddenly Callen’s phone rang.  He stood for a minute staring at it, before Kensi took it and answered it for him.

“Eric, its Kensi.”

“Kensi? Is Callen there?”

“Yeah, so is Deeks, what’s up?”

“Hetty wants you back at the Mission now.  Something’s up.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there as soon as we can.”

The three of them got in Kensi’s car and took Callen home so he could dress for the day, and then headed to the Mission.  When they reached the ops room Eric, Nell, Sam, Nate and Hetty stood there waiting.

“Thank you for getting here so quickly,” Hetty said.

She looked diminished somehow.  Even with her small stature she had always dominated a room and had this aura about her that exuded control, but this morning something was missing.

“I’m sorry Hetty; we had to make a stop at Callen’s place before we came here.  It’s been a long morning,” Kensi tried to explain.

“Well it’s going to get even longer,” she said, “I received a phone call this morning that was quiet upsetting.  It came here to the Mission. Eric, can you play it?”

He pressed a key on the computer and her voice filled the room.  Callen visibly jerked at the sound then froze.  Sam noticed and laid a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

“Hetty, its Reagan.  I’ve got to… go.  We’ve talked many times about this day, and every time I had hoped it would never come.  I wish things were different, but it would be too easy for him to use anyone of the team against me, and that would be my breaking point.  Thank you for the chance to work at NCIS.  You have no idea how much this job has changed my life.

“You know me, Hetty.  You know everything about me, and you know that I wouldn’t do this unless it was absolutely necessary.  I wish there was more time.  Time for me to say good bye the right way, but there isn’t.  I’m out of time and I can’t wait any longer.  So please forgive me for saying good bye this way.  

“Hetty, thank you for always leading me in the right direction, even though, sometimes, you had to threaten me to get me there.  I will forever be grateful for your friendship and mentoring.

“Nate, you asked me to write down everything I could remember, to purge myself of that life I tried so hard to leave behind.  You know, I think it might have worked.  So I’ve left you a little gift on your desk.  The notebook you gave me was not enough, so I took the liberty of adding more.  It will be extensive reading but it is very interesting.  Please understand that everything in those notebooks is highly classified and if revealed, can pose a lot of trouble for you, but I wanted you to have this information.  I hope you learn to understand this girl who wasn’t meant to live and fought her damnedest to make sure she did.  I’ll miss our morning conversations over coffee.  I still hate that stuff.

“Eric and Nell, how can I thank you for taking me in and letting me step on both of your toes in the beginning, when the team dumped me on you two.  Your tolerance quickly turned into friendship and it helped me get through those early days. And we all know they were rough. (There was a little humor in her voice)  I wish I had something to give you that expressed my gratitude but all I have are my home computers.  Hetty can let you in.  They are all yours. Divide them between the two of you and enjoy them as I never have.

“Sam, my big brother, my protector, my friend. I have never met another person with as pure a heart as you have.  I know I made you want to save my ass and kick it all at the same time, but I want you to know that in the 13 years I’ve been on my own, never have I come as close to my father as when I spent time with you.  My gift to you is his Medal of Honor.  You’ll find it in your desk.  Please keep it safe for me.  After all, if you could survive dealing with me, I think you deserve it!

“Deeks, oh what to say to you, my partner in crime.  You have certainly made my life sublimely insane.  I was given my big brother 29 years too late and only had a few months with him.  I just hope we managed to create enough mayhem to satisfy the gods of mischief.  I will not only miss your humor but your love.  Take care of Kensi for me.  She may seem tough but underneath she’s just as broken as we are.  My board is in your locker.  Take it out once in a while for me, even if it is pink.

“Kensi, my dearest sister,” they could hear her voice break a little and Kensi put her hands over her face and turned to Deeks.  He put his arms around her and didn’t care who saw them this intimate.    “If I could have chosen a sister for myself, the fates couldn’t have sent me a better one than you.  I know that things were not perfect between us at first, and I know that right now if I were standing in front of you, you would probably try and beat the shit out of me for pulling this crap, but I want you to know that I needed to do this to protect you.  Don’t say it.  I know.  You don’t need me to protect you.  But guess what sister dear, that’s what we do.  We protect each other with our dying breaths.  I’m leaving a piece of myself here for you, (her voice broke) in the top drawer of your desk. Please wear it for me. I love you… sis.

“G,” she whispered her voice barely audible now, “God G.  I still have so much to say to you, so much to explain.  And if I had all the time in the world I don’t think it would be enough to explain what you have done to me.  I hope you know that you are what makes this the hardest decision I have ever made.  And you are also what makes it the only decision I can make.  But please know that I’m doing what I have to do to keep all of you safe.  It’s the least I can do for what you have given me.  I will cherish the only happily ever after I was given, for the rest of my life.  Please remember me fondly because you will always be in my heart and mind.

“Good bye.”

The line went dead, and no one moved or spoke.

“Eric also found this video from a bank downtown this morning.  Eric, please.”

Video started playing on the screen and it took them all a minute to realize they were looking at Reagan.  She signed a number of papers sitting at the desk with the bank employee and then gave her a halfhearted smile.  The woman got up and Reagan waited looking straight ahead obviously knowing the cameras of the bank were on her.  The woman came back with a single sheet of paper and laid it on the desk in front of Reagan.

“What is she doing?” Nate asked.

“She cleaned out every one of her accounts except for her inheritance trust from her parents.  Transferred it to an untraceable off shore account in the Cayman Islands,” Hetty answered.

They watched as Reagan picked up the paper and turned to leave.  As she walked out she stopped and turned to the camera she knew was watching her and gave a sad smile and a final wave.

“The last visual we had of her was at a used car dealership.  She bought a Lexus convertible and then we were told she headed north.  That was the last time anyone had contact with her.  The car was found in Nevada in the driveway of some unsuspecting construction worker with a note that the car was his and thank you for the use of his truck.  The truck was found dumped on the side of the road in the middle of the desert on Route 40.  She has officially fallen off the grid.”

“We need to find her.  We need to put all our resources to work to find where she went,” Callen suddenly came out of his lethargy.

“I will not allow it,” Hetty said with finality.

“Wha?  Hetty she’s in trouble, we could help her,” Deeks stepped in.

“All of you need to listen to me right now.  Reagan left in order to protect all of us.  You know some of her story but not all of it.  I have taken the liberty to make each of you a copy of her file so you can understand exactly who and what Reagan is and why she did what she did.  Talbot Reiss is still out there and will not think twice about using any one of us to get to her.  Under no circumstances will any of you go after her.”

“Hetty we’re a team.  We won’t just sit back and let her deal with this herself.  It’s not our way.  It’s never been our way,” Kensi argued.

“And yet I am telling you that under no circumstances are any of you to proceed with this half assed idea you all have in your heads.  I’m saying this for your safety… and hers.”

Kensi looked at Hetty and found it hard not to argue even though she knew exactly what Hetty was talking about.  To go after Reagan would not only put their lives in danger but would put Reagan back in the sights of the man trying to kill her.  She dropped her head and remained silent.

“Do all of you hear me?  Reagan wouldn’t have done this unless there was no other choice.  That, I do know.  And I also know that Reiss is still looking for her.  To go after her would just put her back on his radar.  It would put her back in danger.  That’s something I’m not willing to risk… even to get her back.”

And with that Hetty headed down stairs and disappeared into her office.  The six of them stood looking at each other.  Finally Deeks spoke up, “We aren’t going to listen to that order, are we?”

“Not on your life,” Sam answered immediately.

“Nope,” Kensi said.

“No way,” came Eric.

“I’ll get a search started right away,” Nell offered.

They all looked to G, who was staring off at something none of them could see.

“We have to keep this from Hetty.  She’ll shut it down the second she hears what we’re doing.  We can’t involve anyone else; otherwise it will get back to her,” G finally said to them.

“We’re on our own in this one,” Sam said softly.

“And that’s just the way I want it to be,” he mumbled as he walked out of the room and into the shooting gallery.

 


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I've had the week from hell, and it's only Wednesday. I can't remember the last time I posted so I'm going to do so tonight. I'm hoping you're enjoying this ride. I think the next few chapters are some of my favorites.

“Hello?” a man’s voice answered the phone.

“It’s me,” the soft, female voice answered.

“Where are you?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Are you in trouble?”

“No.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Why did you call?”

“I need your help.”

“Name it.”

“I’m going to send you a name.  I need you to find out everything you can about this person and get it to me.   I’ll send you a P.O. Box to send me the information.  Once you send it, consider the box burned.  No internet, no landlines, once I finish this call, this number will be burned.  If I need you, I will get in touch with you.  But otherwise consider me dead.”

“You’re running.”  It was a statement not a question.

“He’ll stop at nothing to get to me.  He wants me dead.  I won’t let him use you or them to get to me.  If I disappear then he has no reason to go after you.”

“What’s your plan?”

“I’m going to find him and kill him.”

“He’s a ghost.”

“So am I.”

“Will you let me know you’re okay?”

“You know I can’t do that.  I’ve been on too long already.  I’ve have to go.  Will you do those things for me?”

“You know I will.”

“Thank you.”

She killed the call, quickly she texted the name and P.O. Box to the same number and then pulled the phone apart crushing each piece beneath her booted heel.  Tossing the pieces in the trash can, she moved to stand in front of the mirror.  It didn’t matter how many times she had to do it, saying good bye to herself was never easy.  She studied the numerous supplies that littered the counter of the motel bathroom.  She loved being blonde and secretly gloated that she was naturally, the color that so many women tried to get with a bottle of peroxide.  But being blonde was too glaringly obvious when she was trying to blend in.  She had tried black once, and only once.  She didn’t have the skin coloring to have black hair, and forget red, she would never do that.  It reminded her too much of Shannon and Kelly and that just hurt.  So she usually went dark blonde or a shade of brown when she needed to lose herself.

Picking up a box she studied the color and rejected it, as she did a second and a third.  Too light, too red, too close to black, there was an excuse for each color she picked up.  Pushing the boxes to the side she began to rifle through the colored contacts strewn across the counter.  Opening one set she put them in and then blinked to clear her vision.  With a wry smile she looked at herself.  Oh yeah, she thought, these would looked great if I was headed to Forks, Washington.  Taking them out she chose another set, a dark chocolate brown this time instead of the golden amber she had just discarded.  Blinking she studied them.  They might work.  Grabbing the last remaining box of hair dye she hadn’t rejected, she opened the package.  She worked quickly and after thirty-five minutes and a hot shower she returned to the mirror to check her reflection.

The woman staring back at her although so foreign, looked so very familiar.  A knot formed in the back of her throat and her thumb brushed against her naked right ring finger.  She never imagined just how hard it would be, and just how much it would hurt.  Fluttering her eyes, to fight the tears that were burning them, she removed the dark brown contacts and replaced them with another.  Looking again at her reflection she was satisfied with how she looked.  There were still some things that needed to be changed, and there was going to be the wait to receive the information to the P.O. Box, but that would give her time to get her affairs in order before she moved on.

As she stared into the mirror her thoughts began to drift to the past and she had to shake herself to focus again. You broke rule number 11, she thought derisively.  When the job is done, walk away.  She had never even thought about this rule before, it had just been a given in her mind.  But now things were different, and walking away had never been more difficult.

“Stop it!” she said to her reflection, “You did what you had to do.  It’s over, move on.”

Turning away, she moved to the spare bed in the room.  Laid out neatly on the hideous bed-spread were her tools, her mother’s files and the new paperwork she had gotten.  License, social security card, passport, credit cards, everything she needed to become someone else.  The only thing missing was a picture.  She had done this so many times it was commonplace to her, an old routine that she could perform in her sleep really.  But never before had it been so difficult to do.

With a sigh she dropped the towel she had wrapped around her and pulled the old t-shirt over her head.  As it passed over her face, the barrage of his scent almost sent her to her knees.  Lying on the second bed, she curled up into a tight ball, and twisted her hands in the fabric.  Closing her eyes, she buried her nose in the shirt and like every night since she had left, pretended he was there next to her, his arms wrapped around her, keeping the nightmares at bay.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

:Los Angeles:

He looked around at the other agents in the room.  Hetty had given them their orders for the new case and had gone back to her office to make some calls.  They had been searching for 2 weeks now with nothing to show for it.

“I think we need to call in some favors,” he said softly, after being told by both Eric and Nell that the searches on any of her old aliases had come up empty.

“Who do you think we can call that won’t put the search up on Hetty’s radar?” Sam questioned, wracking his brain for an answer.

“What about 5-0?  She lived in Hawaii for a number of months, maybe she went back there,” Kensi offered.

“Eric, can you get them on the phone?” Callen asked.

Picking up the phone he dialed the number G gave him and then put it on speaker phone.  The 6 of them waited while the phone rang.

“5-0, Detective Williams,” Danny answered the phone.

“Danny, it’s G. Callen.  How’s it going?”

“Hey, not too bad here, how ‘bout you?”

“I need to call in a favor.  We’re looking for someone and we think they could be in Hawaii.”

“Suspect?  Not another Romani gypsy is it?” he chuckled.

“Well she’s a gypsy, but not Romani.  And no she’s not a suspect.  She’s someone we’re trying to find and protect.”

“Okay, gimmie her name and we’ll start a search on the islands.  I have to tell you though, even though we're a small island chain there are a lot of places to hide.”

“There’s just one thing.  This has to be kept totally off the radar.  No one can get wind of this investigation.”

“Can I ask why?”

“She’s in hiding.  The guy who’s after her is looking to kill her and if he gets wind of where she is, she’s as good as dead.”

“Got it, what’s her name?”

“Reagan Faraday.”

He could feel his heart contract as he said her name.  It literally felt like it was being pulled from his chest whenever he heard her name or thought about her.

“Reagan Faraday?  What does this woman look like?”

“I’m texting a picture to you right now,” Eric spoke up.

The line was silent for a moment until they heard Danny whisper, “Shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Sam spoke up.

“I know this woman?” Danny asked.

The team exchanged confused looks.

“How do you know her?” Deeks spoke up finally.

“She lived in Hawaii for a while.  She’s a writer and was working on her new novel and needed to do research.  We invited her to shadow us.  She was a quick learner, and actually helped solve some cases that almost led to some dead ends.  We all became pretty close to her before she returned to the mainland.”

“Why did she leave?  Do you know?” G asked.

“She was headed to California to finish her novel and work on the publicity.  She actually just came back for a weekend not long ago.  Why?  What’s going on G?”

“Danny, the woman you know as Reagan Faraday doesn’t exist.  Reagan Faraday is a Special Agent for NCIS, and before that worked for a covert government group called Project Chimera.  I can’t get into details on Chimera, but Reagan Faraday is not who you think.”

“Alright I’ll start a search for her, but when you find her there are some things she has to answer for out here,” his voice sounded slightly annoyed, “Hey can I let the team in on this?  I know McGarrett will be on board to find her, they were close when she was here.”

His words struck Callen hard, and he had to look away in order to cover the anguish his eyes disclosed.

Seeing that G was not able to finish the conversation Sam stepped up, “Thanks, Danny, we really appreciate your help on this one.  We really want to find her and make sure she’s safe.”

“No problem, I’ll call if we get any hits.”

“Thanks again. Bye,” and Eric killed the call.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that she knows the 5-0 team?” Deeks threw out there.

“Because Reagan has managed to infiltrate so many places it’s almost scary.  Thank God she’s on our side,” Sam answered.

Noticing G was not recovering well from the phone call Sam sent Kensi and Deeks to the bullpen to start research on their new case and then took G to the locker room to talk.  Sitting on the bench G put his elbows on his knees and folded his hands between them.  He stared at the floor between his legs and didn’t say a word.

“I know this is hard, but you’re the team leader.  The rest of them are looking to you.  If you fall apart, this is over.  If you fall apart, they will fall apart.  Reagan leaving, was hard on every one of us, you most of all.  But you, out of all of us, need to push these feelings aside; you need to be strong for them.”  Sam stood over him wishing he could do something to make his partner feel better.  But he knew that only time would heal this wound and that no matter what Hetty ordered or Reagan had pleaded G was not going to stop looking for her.

He didn’t answer for a moment and when he did Sam was completely taken off guard, “Maybe we’re doing the wrong thing by searching for her.  Maybe my need to find her is only going to get her killed.”

Sam stared down at him and put a hand on his shoulder, “Our need to find her.  In the short time she was with us she became family G.  It’s not just you who wants to make sure she is okay.  We all do, even Hetty, although she will remain staunch in her ruling.”

“But what if Hetty was right?  What if us going after her is what gets her killed?”

“Why are you second guessing yourself?” Sam had never seen him so unsure before.

He finally looked up at Sam the pain and anguish he was feeling written on his face, “The conversation with Danny made me realized that there is so much about Reagan I don’t know.  So many secrets that she keeps hidden.  Some she’ll probably never reveal to me.  So what makes me think that going after her is what I should be doing?  I don’t know Reagan, not really.”

Sam sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “You’re in love with the woman, G.  You know everything you need to know about her.  And you know that the decision to go after her is the right one.  Sure she may be pissed at first, but she can’t hide forever.  And she’s better off facing this guy with us backing her up, than alone.”

“I’ve been second guessing myself since I met Reagan, Sam.  I simply don’t know what to do any more.”

“What does your gut tell you, G?”

He sighed, running his hands through his short hair, “It’s telling me to find her, Sam.  To find her and protect her from Reiss and herself.”

Sam look straight into Callen’s eyes, “Then let’s find her.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

:Washington D.C.:

He looked at his phone after it beeped and frowned.  Why would she choose there to set up her new life?  He wasn’t going to question, she had been doing this for almost half her life and she was the best.  Walking into the office from the elevator, he snapped his phone shut and stopped at the last desk in the row.

“McGee.”

The Special Agent looked up at his superior and tried to judge his mood by the look on his face.

“Yeah Boss?”

Gibbs bent down and scribbled a name on the notepad sitting on his desk, “I need you to get me everything you can find about his man.  It needs to be kept completely silent.  The only other person you can discuss this with is Abby if you need her help.  But if you can do it alone, then do it alone.”

“Um, sure, Boss.  When do you need it?”

“Yesterday.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Well sweetie, what do you want me to do?" the woman asked, with a Midwestern accent.

She glanced up into the mirror and finally met the woman's eyes, "Cut it."

The woman blanched and ran a hand through the full length of her hair, "Honey are you sure?  I mean, you know how long it takes to grow to this length.  And it really is so lovely."

"Cut it," she said again, her eyes never leaving the woman's face.

The woman stared back at her, slightly taken back by the intensity of the order.

"Well sure sweetie, if you really want me to, but most women would give their soul for hair like yours."

Looking away she mumbled, "I already have."

The woman frowned slightly down at the back of her head but lifted the heavy fall of hair and held the scissors ready to cut.  She just didn't feel right about something and as she made the first cut she only took off a few inches.

When she heard the raspy sound of the scissors slide open, she closed her eyes.  She felt the woman lift her hair and the slight pull just before the metallic snick.  She imagined that she heard the soft fall of the hair as it hit the ground.  Opening her eyes she looked back into the mirror.

"More," she said.

Again the metallic snick and another few inches fell to the floor.

"Again," she ordered.

The woman lifted her hair but no sound followed.  She opened her eyes and stared at her again in the mirror.

"How short are you thinking honey?" the look the woman gave her was almost her undoing.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  Her heart was breaking with every harsh sound of metal against metal, and she was sure once she got back to the motel room she would spiral into a horrible place if she didn't reign herself in and think clearly about what she was doing.  Looking back into the concerned face of the woman she finally answered.

"Mid-back."

As the woman's face lightened, she felt more sure about this necessary decision than she had only moments before.  Looking away she let the woman go about her work, and when she finished blow drying and removed the cape she finally looked into the mirror.  It was done.  Her heart sank as she stared at the stranger looking back at her.  Hello, she thought.  I don't know you but I hate you already.

"Is it okay?" the woman asked slightly panicky.

She nodded, "It's fine."

She followed the woman to the register.

"That's forty for the cut and blow dry," the woman announced.

She pulled the requisite money from her jeans and handed it to the woman.  Fishing in her pocket again she pulled out 10 hundred dollar bills, and pressed them into the woman's hands.

"Thank you, and now... forget you ever saw me," and with that she turned and left the small salon.

The woman stared down at the money with an open mouth.  It would take her over two months of cutting hair to possibly make half of this money.  Glancing back out the front plate glass windows onto the main street of the little town.  She had no idea who the girl was, but if she wanted anonymity then it was the least she could do for her after she had placed this gift in her hands.  She just hoped that whatever it was she was running from, never caught up to her.

Back in the dingy motel room Reagan began to pack.  Everything was in place and it was time to move on again.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Thunder rolled through the empty open loft echoing against the bare floors and walls.  She shifted slightly as she felt the vibration move through her.  Standing at the huge wall of windows, her shoulder leaning against the molding that surrounded them, she looked out over the busy street.  Running a long finger against the pane of glass, tracing the path of the raindrops, she came away with a filmy grime covering it.  Her back was to the open loft that encompassed the whole top floor of the older building, the soft hum of the computers set up on a folding table did nothing to soothed her.  Watching the street below, her mind wandered.

Things were different this time around.  She was different.  Where before she never minded watching the world from above in her tower, like an evil queen plotting her schemes, now she wanted to be down on the street, in contact with those tiny ant like people.  She wanted to walk hand in hand with someone through the park, as they took in the stunning gown, mother nature donned before the winter set in.  She wanted to window shop with friends and then go for lunch at an impossibly expensive place, just to laugh behind their hands at the uptight socialites in their Chloe outfits and Manolos.  She wanted to throw on a sweater and go apple picking with them.  She wanted everything that her life never allowed until she had moved to NCIS.   And, now she found herself, compelled to find human contact, to search out something that will fill the hole their absence had left.

With a sigh she shifted and pushed away from the window and turned to take in the spacious area she now lived in.  The long tables of computers crouched between 2 pillars, facing an extremely large flat screen TV that  in the middle of the almost empty room.  There was a queen sized mattress sitting on the floor and an upholstered Queen Anne wing back chair faced on an angle at the TV.  So bare compared to her little house in LA.  She had only bought the basics.  In the Spartan surroundings, it was easier to reminded herself that she had a mission to complete, and that she could not afford to be distracted by clutter in her home or her life.  She walked back to the computers that blinked and scrolled through databases that were so secret and secure that no one should have been able to crack them.  And she couldn't take the credit for doing that.  With a smile she mentally made a note to have her "uncle" give his agent a big kiss for her.  The file he had sent her had been so in depth it had taken her days to study it all.  And now it was time to plan, not throw wishes to the wind.  The thunder rolled through the loft once again reverberating off the walls, washing over her like a wave pulling her down.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

:Los Angeles:

He put his hand into his pocket and fingered the key that was there.  Sliding it out, he opened the door and walked in.  His fingers trailed over the granite island counter in the kitchen, while he took in the empty room.  Walking silently through the living room, he glanced at the afghan thrown carelessly over the ottoman.  Memories of the nights they had spent wrapped in that blanket, curled together on the couch, flooded his mind.  Reaching out a hand, he steady himself against the nearest wall.  He had no idea why he did this to himself, but it was like a compulsion to come here.  He was drawn to the house like a moth to a flame.  

It didn't matter how many times he stepped foot into the empty house, he always expected to see her.  He always expected her to casually walk into the kitchen in her panties and his shirt looking for a glass of water, to hear some snarky remark coming from the bedroom.  But the only thing left was her scent.  As he neared the bedroom it overwhelmed him.  That tropical flower and beach scent that always seemed to float after her.  Entering her room he closed his eyes against the memories.

He would bury his nose in the crook of her neck because the heat of her body made the scent powerful there.  He would breathe in and try and capture the smell, to hold on to it like a lifeline.  Walking to her dresser he picked up the orange tinted bottle and removed the lid.  Lifting it to his nose he breathed deeply.  Tears burned at the back of his eyes as he replaced the cap and put the bottle down.  Opening her top drawer his fingers ghosted over the clothes she had left there.  Lifting a silk camisole, he held it to his face and leaned on the dresser for support.

He was losing it, he was sure of that.  There was no logical reason for him to be here.  There was no logical reason for him to come here as often as he did.  Sure, he tried to reason that it was to keep an eye on the house, but he knew the truth.  Damn it, the team knew the truth.  This was not him.  He never got like this.  Especially over a woman.  "She got under your skin, and that’s something no other woman has ever done,” Sam had said to him.  His partner had never been more right than when he uttered those words.  

He'd tried alcohol, he'd tried working out in extreme, hell, he'd even tried yoga just to get Sam off his back, but nothing had worked.  She was there, her smile, the way the sunlight lit up her face, the way her eyes would crinkle at the corners when she laughed really hard, the tiny beauty mark just below the corner of her right eye, the way she would bite her lower lip when she was concentrating, all of it was stuck in his head, and try as he might he couldn't make it go away.

Dropping the top back into the drawer he closed it and made his way back to the kitchen.  Locking the door behind him he walked around front to his car.  As he came around the corner he stopped short spotting his partner leaning against his car door.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

"Making sure you're okay," came the answer.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Cause I've followed you here every time you've come."

He wasn't sure whether he should be pissed or slightly ticked off, "You've been following me?"

"Yeah, and if your mind were in the right place you would have known that G.  But it's not, and you're not, and I get it.  It's okay to hurt.  It's okay to miss her.  It's even okay to be angry.  But eventually you've got to make a choice."

"Yeah, and what's that?" he asked warily.

"You've either got to let her go, or you've got to go find her."

With a sigh he moved to lean against the car next to his partner, "I never thought it would be so hard."

"None of us ever do," Sam said putting a hand on G's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments, and kudos. They are literally my life blood. I truly hope you are enjoying the ride. It's a bumpy one from here on out. I'd love to know what you think! XO Blonde


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own NCISLA or any of its characters but Reagan is mine.
> 
> This was a difficult chapter to write originally. When I was able to sit and write, no one wanted to cooperate with me. But here we are, and although it was written in pieces, I really think it pulled together nicely. Please enjoy. We are nearing the end and things are still heating up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far away from where you are, These miles have torn us worlds apart  
> And I miss you, Yeah, I miss you  
> So far away from where you are, Standing underneath the stars  
> And I wish you were here  
> I miss the years that were erased, I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face  
> I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me  
> Yeah, I miss you, And I wish you were here  
> I feel the beating of your heart, I see the shadows of your face  
> Just know that wherever you are, Yeah, I miss you  
> And I wish you were here  
> :Lifehouse::From Where You Are:

Los Angeles

    The Mission, although full and busy, seemed too quiet.  Since she had disappeared, there had been a pall hanging over OSP.  The team tried to make it through each day by focusing on the next job, the next cover.  Each in their own way was hurting from her absence, and in typical fashion they internalized their pain and distanced themselves from each other.

    It had been 6 months since she had gone off the grid, and out of their lives, and not one day went by, that the giant hole she had left seemed to get any smaller.  There was nothing to even go on, she had taken very little with her.  That video of her in the bank had been the last image anyone could find of her.  From that day the trail went cold.

    God only knew how many aliases she had that the government didn't know about, let alone the fact of how easy it would be for her to get a new one with her contacts and the amount of money that was at her disposal.  It was quite possible that she had a number of aliases waiting for just this reason.  Eric and Nell had searched every day since she had vanished, trying to find anything that might lead them to her whereabouts, with no luck.  Once again, Reagan Faraday had become a ghost.

    The four team members sat quietly in the 'bullpen'.  It was early and neither Eric nor Nell had called them for a case yet.

    "Milan," Deeks threw out there.

    "No," Kensi shot it down.

    "She hated her life there," Callen agreed.

    "Hawaii?  She always said she needed to live near an ocean," Deeks tossed out another one.

    "5-0 have had a search going since we called them and have come up with nothing," Sam shot it down this time.

    "China? She was fluent," Deeks tried again.

    "I don't see a tall, blonde haired, blue eyed woman blending in there," Callen reasoned.

    "What if she changed..."

    "Deeks!  Drop it... please," Kensi shouted and then lowered her voice.

    He did, which just went to prove that so much had changed since she had left.  He moved behind her and put his hands on her shoulders gently massaging them.  She leaned into him and closed her eyes.

    And suddenly they heard Eric yell from ops, "GUYS!"

    No whistle, no appearance, not even Nell.  They flew up the stairs and stopped short as they  entered.  And there she was, bigger than life, splashed up on the touch screen.  She had cut her hair to the middle of her back, dyed it a chestnut brown, and was using green contacts.  She wore a wool beret and was bundled in a coat with a bag thrown over her shoulder.

    "Oh my God, she's alive," Kensi breathed first.

    "Where?" was all Callen asked.

    Nell turned around, "New York City."

    "Damn it, of course!" Sam said, "The one place where you can completely lose yourself and no one will ask any questions.  She lived there for two years on assignment."

    "Well, that would explain why there are pictures of her splashed all over gossip blogs.  No one knows who she is but she's getting headlines for being with the hottest 'it' boys of the moment.  I found out that she's living in a privately owned building on the Upper East Side," Eric offered.

    "Who owns the building?" G asked.

    "It's owned by a shell corporation," Eric hit a few buttons and brought up the information.

    "And who owns the shell corporation?" G asked.

    "We're still trying to figure that out.  All we've been able to get is that it is a company based in Russia under the name Volchista.  Everything else is confidential and heavily encrypted.  Someone didn't want anyone to be able to hack into the database."

    "She-wolf," Callen muttered.

    "That sound just like Reagan," Kensi said.

    "Something's not right," G whispered, more to himself than anyone else.

    They looked at him, trying to figure out what he already knew.

    "You gonna share with us?" Sam asked finally

    "This is sloppy.  Having her face splashed all over the gossip rags, when she's supposed to be off the radar, it's not like her at all.  Reagan is a professional, she has been doing this since she's 15, this is just careless.  What is she doing?  Unless..."

    "Unless?" Kensi prompted when he stopped.

    "Unless she found what she was looking for, and is trying to get Reiss to show his hand by placing herself as bait."

    "Has she lost her mind?  Reiss isn't going to go after her by himself.  In fact, he probably won't go at all.  He'll send his goons in, and a lot of them.  She doesn't stand a chance against everything that will be coming at her," Sam finally lost his cool.

    "But what if that's the plan?" Kensi whispered.

    The team turned to her, the worry showing on their faces.

    "What if that's what she wants to happen?  If they bring her in, she has, for all intents and purposes, found Reiss," she reasoned.

    "But that's suicide!" Eric exclaimed.

    "That's Reagan," came Callen's rejoinder.

    "She can't do that," Nell argued.

    "She can, and she will.  She will do anything to make sure we are safe. To make sure G is safe," Kensi said.

    "Eric, Nell, get as much information on her as you can.  The rest of you come with me," Callen gave the order and walked out of ops.  

    The five people still left in the room, glanced at each other with wary looks in their eyes, but moved to follow him.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

New York   

    Breathing in the crisp air of the end of autumn, she walked the last couple of blocks to the loft she was staying in.  She loved the city at this time of year, it was unfortunate that she had to keep reminding herself that this time around.  The tree would be going up soon in Rockefeller Center, The Radio City Music Hall Spectacular was the show to see, and the windows of the stores would be dressed to the nines for the parades of people.  But none of it made her happy anymore.

    Pulling her coat closer around her neck she glanced behind her, constantly on guard, constantly watching everything around her.  What she was doing was a necessary evil.  After going through everything that her "uncle" had sent her, she knew exactly what her move needed to be.  It had taken her five months to go through all of the information, all of her mother's papers, and put everything in motion.  But when everything was finally ready, she wasn't sure she was.  What she needed to do, in the grand scheme of things, would have barely caused her to blink before, but now bothered her more than she wanted to admit.  Reagan glanced again over her shoulder and moved to cross the street and enter her building.

    She stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the 10th floor.  As it lifted her to the floor she pushed the thoughts threatening to overwhelm her out of her mind.  Stepping out, with her keys in her hand, she quickly opened the door and closed it behind her.  She had an uneasy feeling as she made her way down the small hallway.  Silently dropping her bag next to the wall, she slipped her hand into her coat and secured her gun.  Sliding it out she held it down with both hands.  Her instincts were screaming for her to stay where she was and let them come to her, but she knew that wasn't going to be the way this went down.  Stepping out of the hallway into the opening that would lead her into the sprawling loft it took everything in her not to raise her gun and shoot.  She was not blind in the blackness as most people would be.  Her eyesight was better than that, but even with that advantage she could not see anyone.      Stepping down the two steps into the room she moved slowly and silently, her finger pressed against the trigger.  Stopping for a second she heard a footfall behind her.  Before she could even spin to fight, a black cloth bag was pulled over her head.  She felt the needle pierce the skin of her neck as she lashed out with the gun in her hand, hearing a satisfying crunch before the fuzziness took over, and the last thing she remembered was the gun sliding from the fingers she couldn't control any more.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Los Angeles   

    She tapped her fingers impatiently against the cell phone sitting on her desk.  A frown sat perpetually on her gnome like face.  The text she was waiting for was now twenty-five minutes late.  It had never been that late before.  Come to think of it, it had never been late at all.  The text had come at 10pm every night, until tonight.

    Her other hand fiddled with the silver tea spoon that sat in her cup.  She was unable to drink the now tepid brew that normally soothed her rattled nerves.  Sitting there, staring at a phone she knew was not going to beep, was futile.  Picking the phone up and sliding it in her pocket, she stood and headed out of her office and up the stairs.  She knew where they were and what they had been doing for the last few days, and she had turned a blind eye to it all.

    As she entered the ops room, six heads turned simultaneously and all were wearing guilty expressions.  She stood silently for a moment taking each of them in, one at a time.  They all had the grace to look away as her gaze fell upon them.

    "I see the Hardy Boys are at it again, and this time they've dragged the rest of you in too," she crossed her arms over her chest.

    "Hetty, it's not what it looks like," Deeks tried to cover.

    "So you're not secretly planning on storming New York City, to kidnap Miss Faraday back?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

    "Um... okay, so it is what it looks like, but..."

    Raising a hand, she stopped him from going on, "Save it Mr. Deeks.  I've been on to you for the past few days.  And you're too late."

    "What?" Callen finally spoke up.

    "I said, you are too late.  Miss Faraday is gone."

    "Gone as in she left, or gone as in she went out and will be back later?" Eric asked.

    As Hetty went to answer him, Callen cut her off, "I think the more appropriate question is, how do you know?"

    She inclined her head to acknowledge he was right.  What she was going to tell them would not be easy, but there was no other choice now.

    "I have been in contact with Miss Faraday since she left us six months ago."

    "How do you mean contact?" G challenged her.

    Hetty sighed, "Before she left she contacted me.  She told me her plan and asked if I would act as her handler.  I didn't have much time to decide, she was going one way or another.  She has check in with me every night at 10pm via text message.  Tonight the message never came."

    She watched as they all looked at the clock, noting it was now 10:45pm, and as Callen visibly paled.

    "Could she have been late tonight?" Nell asked with hope in her voice.

    "Reagan would never have been careless like that," G answered.

    Hetty shook her head, "No, she was very careful until recently, and I believe that is because she discovered a way to get to Reiss."

    "So she is using herself as bait," Kensi reasoned.

    "Against my express wishes, yes, she was," Hetty nodded.

    "Why would she do that?  If Reiss wants Callen dead then it won't matter to him if Reagan is all of a sudden back on the radar," Nell asked, confused and unable to make two and two equal four with the information she had.

    "The hit on Mr. Callen was a decoy, setup and given to Miss Faraday to hide the real target," Hetty explained.

    "And who was the real target?" Deeks crossed his arms over his chest and leaned a hip on the table.

    "She was.  The government was becoming suspicious of certain unsanctioned hits that had been made on high profile people, and were about to close Chimera down.  Reiss would have been brought in for questioning and very possibly extraordinary rendition would have occurred, because of his crimes against national and foreign government figures.  He was cleaning house to cover his tracks, and Reagan was the last loose end."

    "Then we need to get her back," Sam announced.

    "Miss Faraday expressly asked that we not get involved, aside from me acting as her handler."

    "And are we going to follow those wishes?" G looked at her pointedly.

    "Mr. Callen, there are times I give my agents enough rope to hang themselves, and there are times I need to save them from themselves.  Bring Miss Faraday home, and use any means necessary."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Somewhere in New Jersey

    She started to come to, and could barely open her eyes.  She heard a moan.  It sounded so far away, that she didn't realize it came from her at first.  Forcing her eyes open slightly, she winced at the bright white light shining on her.  She ducked her head and turned it to the right, trying to block the glare with her hair that hung in her face.  As her eyes adjusted, she began to make out black human shapes just beyond the light, hidden in the darkness.  She had been interrogated before, and her mind processed what was happening clearly. She could see three shapes through the lights, and as she adjusted her position she realized that she was zip-tied to a metal arm chair.  She stilled as she heard soft footsteps behind her.  Leather soled dress shoes, she thought, judging by the softness of the noise.  She felt a man's hand touch the back of her head, and run the length of her shortened hair.  She knew what was coming next, and didn’t flinch when the hand grabbed a fist full of her hair and jerked it backwards, making her lift her face.  Then she felt his breath on her neck and ear.

    "I liked it blonde so much better.  It suited you," his voice whispered to her.

    Even groggy from the medication they had injected into her, she knew that voice.  She didn't move as he walked around in front of her, and stood blocking most of the light.  He was in shadow but easy to make out.  Lifting her eyes only, she glanced at the man.

    "Hello 6.  Remember me?" the all too familiar voice asked.

    Reagan gritted her teeth and said nothing to his taunt.  6.  That was what he always called her.  And she truly believed that when he said it he didn't even give her the courtesy of using the word, six.  No, she was merely a number to him.  After all, she was merely a means to an end to him.

    Blinking to clear her eyes more, her gaze roved slowly over his face.  She studied the blurry features that accompanied the very recognizable voice.  She really didn't know what she had expected, horns and a pitch fork maybe, but not the well dressed, striking looking man she was faced with.  As the blurriness faded, she was able to study him from beneath her brows.  His hair was white, cut close to his head, and he was clean shaven.  He had a distinguished looking face, and piercing blue eyes that could delve into your soul.  He wore a grey suit and white shirt opened at the neck.  She would have said he was attractive but the sneer he wore on his face made any such attractiveness disappear.

    "Reiss," she sneered, looking up into his eyes.

    "So you do remember me?" he laugh quietly, "It's so nice to see you again, 6."

    "I really can't say the same," she growled.

    "Oh come now, you have nothing nice today to your father?"

    She wanted to wipe the smirk off of his face, "You are not my father."

    "No, not in the genetic sense, but I created Chimera and in turned created you."

    "You are a sick man," she raised her chin in defiance.

    "You say sick, I say skilled.  I found an opportunity and took advantage of it.  If it weren't for me you wouldn't be alive."

    "And all of those people I killed for you, would be."

    "You're not regretting that now are you?  God, the irony," he chuckled, "The girl who can't forget, regrets all of the people she willingly killed for her revenge.  How that must haunt you."

    "Bastard."

    "Name calling... I think you're above that, 6.  Come on, show me that famous temper.  Get out of those ties.  I know you can do it."

    Reagan looked down, her hands straining at the plastic ties holding her to the metal chair.  No, that was what he wanted.  He wanted her to struggle, to put on a show for him. So he could smile and gloat at the creature he created.  Letting her hands rest on the arms of the chair she sat back and stared at him.

    "Not going to get a rise out of you?   No matter, what I want is more important than you getting angry."

    "And what is that?"

    "You're mother's files."

    It was Reagan's turn to smirk, "How's it feel to want?"

    "I will get those files, 6, either with your cooperation or without.  The choice is yours."

    "You can do your worst, but you'll never get the files."

    "And why is that.  You don't think I can make you tell me where you hid them?"

    "No, because they're not hidden.  I destroyed them."

    His face blanched white but he showed no other emotion at her announcement.  She mentally patted herself on the back for that little victory, knowing she may not get many of them in the position she was in.

    "You destroyed them?"

    "After I read them, I destroyed them."

    "You destroyed them.  Do you realize what you destroyed?  Those files were history.  They were the biggest advanced in genetics in  a century.  And you destroyed them because of a childish grudge."

    "No, I destroyed them so you couldn't build an army of genetically enhanced assassins. That wasn't my mother's dream, it's yours Reiss.  And I'm disinclined to give you what you want."

    "Bitch!"

    "Now who's name calling?" she smirked.

    His fist swung out and caught her on the temple, knocking her head to the side, her hair falling across her face.  She knew there would be a bruise, but it was a small price to pay for making Reiss lose his temper.  She could feel his eyes on her as she started to laugh.  It was soft at first and slowly got louder.

    Reiss' eyes widened and then narrowed.  He knew she had gotten to him and her laughter almost pushed him back over the edge.  Flipping her head so her hair fell away from her face, she looked up at him.

    "I didn't know you got your hands dirty, Reiss.  I always thought that's what we were for."

    "You will give me the information I want.  I'm a patient man, 6, and you heal very quickly.  This could take a very long time.  Trust me, 6, I will get what I want eventually," Reiss said.

    Reagan watched him turn and walk to the folding table that was stationed about 5 feet from her chair.  Resting on top of the plastic table was a battery charger.  It was at that moment Reagan realized the cables coming from the charger were attached to the chair she was sitting in.  Shit, she thought.

    "Now tell me, 6.  Are you going to share your mother's work with me or do I have to pry it out of you?"

    "Go to hell," she growled.

    Reiss smiled, "Oh, we'll both be in hell before long."

    He placed his hand on the dial and turned it on, sending a wave of electricity through the chair into Reagan.  Her body shook as she bit down hard to keep from screaming.  The current was turned off, and she sat panting in the chair. Her head hanging slightly.

    "Now, perhaps you are more willing to help me."

    Glaring up at him from beneath her brows she growled, "Go. To. Hell."

    With a smile he turned the dial again, this time higher than before.  Reagan's body shook and she couldn't keep a strangled yell from escaping her lips.  When the current was turned off she sat there panting.  Hearing Reiss chuckle had her temper rising.

    "Oh, 6, it hurts me to see you like this.  You were supposed to be my perfect Specimen.  You were supposed to be the one everyone of them aspired to be.  And now look at you.  Tied to a chair, being tortured by the very agency that created you.  And all because you can't follow simple directions."

    "You don't control me any more Reiss," she hissed out.

    "Oh but I do 6, I do.  I will always be there, the one you're always looking over your shoulder for.  The one you'll always be on the run from.  I control you, because I created you."

    "Not if I kill you," she said between gritted teeth.

    Reiss let out a hollow laugh, "Kill me, you're tied to a chair being tortured, and you're going to kill me?"

    "I won't give you what you want, so why don't you just kill me now?"

    He sneered, "Now why would I do that?  That would be too easy, and not as much fun."

    "I've never been much for following directions, Reiss.  What makes you think anythings changed?" she challenged.

    "Do you really think that I believe you are the only one with your mother's information.  Do you really believe I trust you.  You're not stupid 6, someone else has that information.  You wouldn't show back up on the grid without some plan in place first.  And I can take two guesses who has it.  

    "Did you give it to your 'Uncle Jethro'?" he sneered watching her reaction.

    She glared at him but otherwise remained impassive.

    "No?  Of course you would want to protect him.  Keep him out of this whole thing, like you've been doing all along."

    Her eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he noticed the imperceptible movement.

    "Oh yes 6, you didn't think I knew about your meetings?  You didn't think I had someone watching you at all times?  Silly girl, but it was no matter to me.  He was just another piece I had to use against you.  But you didn't leave the information with him, so it has to be that little woman you worked for out in California."

    Reagan tried to keep her emotions under wraps but with the drugs they had given her and the electric shocks she was not as strong as she believed.  Her reaction showed on her face and had Reiss smiling.

    "So it was her.  She's not as easy to get to as your Uncle, but no matter, my teams can infiltrate any place in the government.  They can get to her."

    "No!" she bit out.

    "You know what I am capable of!  You know how far my reach goes!  You chose to underestimate me once again!  Now, you have a choice.  You can give me the information yourself, or I will get it from her."

    Reagan glared at the floor, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.  She was at a loss, did she hold her ground with the knowledge that Reiss would go after Hetty once she was dead, or did she give up the information to save her mentor.  In her head she went over every scenario she could think of and each ended with her dead but Reiss unable to get to Hetty.  Closing her eyes she took  deep breath, resigning herself finally to her fate.

    "You'll never get to her," she bit out.

    "Again you underestimate me, 6.  I can get to anyone, anywhere."

    Reagan smiled, "Even if you could get to her, she would never give up the information.  I may be almost impossible to break but she is impossible to break.  You will never get anything from her.  You'd have better luck with me."

    Reiss paused, unsure if she was bluffing or being completely honest. He hated being toyed with, and Reagan was the only one who was able to play games with him.  With a frown, he decided to teach her a lesson.

    "I'll take your answer as a no."

    Raising the voltage up to twice what it had been he watched with his arms crossed over his chest as Reagan's body bowed out of the chair, only held there by the restraints, and she screamed out the pain.  Turning it off, she fell back into the chair, her head hanging, her hair covering her face.

    "Check her," he looked to one of the guards standing close to her.

    The man stepped close to her and reached out to feel her pulse.  Dropping his hand, he turned to Reiss and shook his head.  Reiss nodded to the second guard, who moved to a small metal brief case.  Unlatching, it he lifted a syringe and moved to where Reagan was sitting completely still.  With a force that rocked the metal chair backwards he stabbed it into her chest depressing the plunger as it entered her heart.  The adrenaline coursed through her body, shocking her awake, causing her to gasp and pant from the pain and near death experience.

    "You see, Reagan, killing you will get me nothing.  But torturing you, although it may not get me the information, will bring me immense pleasure.  You know you are the only one who broke away from Sector?  And I believe it your father's fault.  He started to become soft once you were born.  He forgot that you were never meant to be a daughter... you were meant to be a killer.  He lost sight of the mission for Chimera.  The other parents never did.  And in all the test groups that were created, all over the world, it was only you who questioned.  It was only you who found a conscience.  It was only you who became a liability to the agency that created you."

    Reagan look up at him, feeling vague and barely there, but she was able to understand what he was telling her.

    "There are others?" she whispered.

    He walked toward her with a sneering smile on his face, "What?  You think your group of six were the only test subjects?  Do you really believe I wouldn't create more Specimen groups after the success I had with yours?   I placed them all over the world.  Not all met with the same success, but some did.  It was really a shame that I had to terminate the program here in the States.  Now you're the last.  It's going to kill me to destroy you, it really will.

    "You know you truly were the perfect Specimen until you found a conscience.   You were amazing to watch when you were being trained.  It was like poetry come to life.  The grace and poise you showed even at 15, was beyond anything we imagined could be accomplished without years of study."

    "Sorry to disappoint you," she bit out.

    "Oh, 6, you were never a disappointment.  Everything you have done has always been a study in contradictions.  You’re killing ability paired with your conscience.  Your deceit paired with your loyalty.  How could you ever disappoint?"

    "If you're planning on taking me to death, please just kill me now.  I will never give you what you want," Reagan croaked, her voice strained and hoarse.

    "It's no matter anymore, once you're dead I'll have your body brought back to Chimera and my geneticists will take you apart piece by piece until they find out the DNA match that will create me an army of Specimen just like you.

    "Well, not like you.  A better version of you.  One who will... behave herself.  One who will do exactly what I want."

    "Fuck you," came her gravelly reply.

    Again Reiss turned up the battery charger, Reagan's body bowed out of the chair, her scream echoed through the empty warehouse until he turned it off.  She collapsed back into the chair, trying to catch her breath. Reiss studied her and noticed her lips were moving.  He moved closer and put an ear next to her mouth.  

    "What did you say?" he whispered to her.

    She said it again, barely a whisper but he could hear her, "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry my hands aren't free right now to kill you.  And if I knew you were going to talk me to death  I would have brought a knife to cut out your tongue.  So turn it up... the last one tickled a little."

    Her speech hit a nerve and Reiss saw red, "When I'm done with you, you're going to be begging me for death."

    Her head hanging she looked up at him from beneath her brows, "The only thing I'm going to be begging for is that someone will cut off my ears, so your voice isn't the last thing I hear, before I die."

    Lashing out again Reiss caught her mouth, splitting her lip.  Another fist caught her across her forehead.  She caught the flash of a ring, and knew he had opened up a gash on her forehead.  As warmth began to drip down into her eye and over her cheek, she threw her head back for him to see the damage he had caused.

    "I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone before.  I've regretted most of the things I've done for Chimera, but I will relish killing you."

    "Bitch."

    "What's wrong? We can be honest, can't we?  The thing you created is someone I pretend isn't there.  She's someone I lock deep, deep, down inside and never show the people I love, because if they knew the truth, if they even could imagine the truth… they'd hate me.  But here, in this place, we can be honest, right?"

    "Are you ever honest , 6?  Even with yourself?"

    "I know what I am, Reiss.  I'm a monster.  I'm the thing that lurks in the shadows, preying on fears. I know there is evil inside of me and you put it there.  But what about you Reiss?  Are you ever honest with yourself?"

    He looked at her with pure hatred in his eyes but remained silent.

    "Go ahead, Reiss," her voice was faint but strong, "one good hit will take me out for good.  Why not just put a bullet in my brain?"

    Disgusted with himself, he turned away and spoke quietly with the men standing around watching.  When he finished, Reagan watched, through one eye, as he headed for the door.  Gathering up enough strength, she called out to him, "What, leaving so soon?  Lose your taste for torture.  You never could finish what you started, could you Reiss?  That's why you killed them all.  Clean up the mess so you don't have dirty hands when the government comes asking questions.  Isn't that right Reiss?"

    He turned back to look at her but said nothing.  He simply stared for a moment and then nodded to the man standing next to the battery charger.  As he walked from the warehouse, Reagan's scream followed him into the darkness, like a banshee foretelling a death.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Somewhere in New Jersey

    Sam and Deeks, crouched just outside of the warehouse, were taking point, with Kensi covering them as sniper.  Callen crouched with his back against the wall, trying to control the trembling of his hands. They knew she was here, Eric and Nell had confirmed an image of her body, but what they could not tell him, from the lifeless form that was zip tied to the chair, in the middle of the abandoned warehouse, was weather that body was alive or dead.  No, he mentally shook himself, I cannot think about this now.  I need to stay focused, I need to protect my team, and make sure we get Reagan out, even if we are only retrieving her body.  The thought made the world spin, and him to need to swallow back whatever was still in his stomach.

    "I've got two men in with her, and a third at the door.  Unless there are some I'm completely missing, that's not much if a detail for someone as dangerous as Reagan is.  Unless..." Kensi left the last word hanging in their ears.w

    "Unless they're just  guarding her dead body, waiting for us," G finished.

    "It doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter if there are 20 guys hiding in there waiting for us to show our hand.  Reagan is one of ours and we are going to get her back," Sam announced, with steel in his voice.

    "Alright, guys, you've got a green light to go in," they all heard Eric's voice loud and clear in their earwigs even though he was on the other side of the country, in ops with Nell.

    Kensi looked through the scope once again and adjusted slightly, "I'm a go."

    Sam and Deeks nodded to each other and glanced at G.  He looked both men in the eye and nodded.  Deeks stood and primed the shotgun he was holding. Aiming it at the doorknob, he fired.  The door blew inwards, knocking down the guard standing there.  Sam turned the corner with his gun raised.

    "Federal Agents! Don't move!" Sam yelled as he and Deeks entered the abandoned warehouse.

    Before the guards could lift their guns, Sam and Deeks had taken them out, while Kensi took the third guard, who had just gotten back to his feet, out of the equation.  Callen follow Sam and Deeks into the warehouse protecting their backs.  As they assured the three guards inside were dead, the three of them turned to the inert body only held in place by the ties around her wrists and ankles. Getting a better look, they saw what had been going on and each blanched at the sight.  Reagan was strapped to a metal chair, her hands and feet tied to the arms and legs so she could not break contact with it.  At the base of the back legs, jumper cables were attached running from the chair to a battery charger on  a nearby folding table.   

    "Oh my God," Deeks let out a breath and looked at Sam, who met his eyes with concern.

    They let G take the lead, and followed at a distance walking backwards, still scanning the room for potential threats.  G moved to the chair, kneeling at her side and yet not touching her.  Her head dangled forward, her hair in dark, sweaty, limp strands, hung around her face and shoulders.  He wanted to brush it away but was afraid of what he would find beneath.  She didn't move or even twitch periodically, to give any indication that she was still alive.  Her wrists were bloody from where the zip ties cut in to her skin while trying to get away.  He didn't know what to do.  He could see no rise and fall of her chest.    

    Disconnecting the jumper cables, he threw them as far as he could away from the chair.  Pulling his knife from his pocket he opened it and made quick work of the ties on her wrists and ankles.  He knew he had to do it, but his heart felt tight in his chest.  Reaching out a shaking hand, he lay his fingers over her pulse point.  His heart constricted even more and tears pricked the back of his eyes.  He felt nothing.  Applying more pressure to try again, he still felt nothing.  And then suddenly it as there.  The faintest flutter against his fingers but it was there.

    "She's alive!" he called to the others.

    Rising he took her face in his hands, finally brushing the hair away.  The sight before his eyes stopped him short.  Not only had they tortured her, they had beat her too.  There was a bruise blossoming on her right cheek bone in bright colors of blue and purple.  Her bottom lip was split and the blood that had seeped from the wound had crusted down her chin and throat.  There was another bruise swollen on her left temple that had already moved from the blue and purple stage to greens and yellows.  A cut across the right side of her forehead just above her brow was deep and not healed like the one on her lip.

    "Jesus Christ, Reagan, what the hell did you let them do to you?" he whispered, holding her face gently in his hands.   

    "Come on, Reagan, wake up!  Wake up, Reagan!  Come on, Rae, come on!  Damn it, Reagan!  Open your eyes!" his voice started out forceful and ended yelling and shaking her.

    He was trembling as he pulled her body out of the chair and into his lap.  Deeks moved to take her, but the hand Sam put on his shoulder brought him up short.

    "Don't do it, Reagan!  Don't you leave me again!  Don't you dare die on me, Reagan!  Don't go where I can't find you," he pleaded with her.

    Kensi ran in and stopped short at the sight.

    "Oh my God!" she whispered, unable to take her eyes from the bruised and tortured creature she knew was Reagan.  Deeks snaked his arm around her waist, turning her away from the sight, to face him.  Holding her close he whispered softly in her ear.

    "She's going to be okay Kens.  She'll be okay," he said, praying it wasn't a lie.

    Kensi buried her face in his shoulder, praying to every god she knew of, that he was right.

    There was no response from Reagan.  Pulling her close, G rocked her lifeless body, whispering things the others could not make out.  The team let him sit with her for a few moments and then Sam stepped in.

    His dark hand looked huge against her deathly pale throat.  The faint flutter of her pulse told him she didn't have much time.  Bending down he forced G to look at him.  

    Dark eyes stared into light, and Sam finally spoke, "We've got to get her to a hospital, G.  It's her best chance."

    Knowing he was right, but completely without hope at that point, G nodded.

    "Come on, give her to me.  Let's get her there as quickly as possible.  Come on, G." Sam coaxed him.

    Not wanting to let her go, but knowing he could barely move, he let Sam slip his hands underneath her.  G shifted to let Sam take her body, and just as he moved his arms to let go, he felt her hand that had laid draped over his shoulder tighten on the back of his shirt.

    He immediately tightened his grip on her and called her name.  The hand squeezed tighter and he could see movement behind her eyelids.  Calling her name again, he watched as her eyelids fluttered and finally, slowly opened.  A tear escaped and traveled down his cheek.

    "G?" the hoarse question came out barely audible.

    "I'm here," he whispered, brushing his thumb over her cheek.

    Her eyes fluttered closed but her lips moved as she tried to speak.  G leaned close to try and hear her.

    "You shouldn't be here," came her faint argument.

    Pulling her close, he whispered against her ear, "I'll always come for you Reagan.  Always."

    Getting no response, he stood with Sam's help and headed to the car, followed closely by Sam, Kensi and Deeks.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

University Hospital Trauma Center, Newark, New Jersey

    Walking into the hospital room almost brought him to his knees.  She looked so frail and battered lying among the stark white sheets of the hospital bed.  The tubes that were administering antibiotics and a number of other medications to keep her comfortable and sedated, and wires that were monitoring her heart rate, made him flinch.  He had only seen her face when they had found her, but now with her arms lying bare except for the bandages on her wrists, he could see the torture she had been subjected to.

    Standing next to her bed he reached for her hand, but pulled away as a nurse entered to check her vital signs.  The young woman glanced from Reagan to him.

    "You won't hurt her if you hold her hand.  The doctor has her sedated until the worst of her injuries heal more," she told him.

    G nodded but kept his hands in his pockets.

    "Hearing your voice might help too," the nurse stopped and said, as she was leaving.

    "You said she's sedated," he looked from the nurse to Reagan.

    "She is, but she can still hear you.  And it would be good for her to hear familiar voices.  It might help with the dreams, and it does help with the healing."

             "Dreams?" Gabriel asked, slightly confused as to how this woman knew about Reagan's dreams.

             "From the anesthesia," she explained.

    G nodded again, "Oh, right.  Thank you..."

    "Katie," the pretty brunette smiled and left.

    He turned back to Reagan and gently slid his hand under hers, curling his fingers softly, so as not to hurt her.  He heard the familiar, stealthy, footsteps enter the room behind him, but kept his hand where it lay.

    "She did what she thought was best," Hetty's voice came at last.

    "Putting herself in harm's way is not what was best.  Leaving the security of the team was not what was best.  It floors me that someone as intelligent as she is would think that, and it astounds me that you went along with it," he said, his eyes never leaving Reagan's face.

    "I could have refused her, but then she would have been completely lost to us.  I made a choice Mr. Callen, and sometimes, try as I might, I cannot see beyond the choices I've made."

    He knew she was right but he wanted someone to blame and right then, with Reagan unavailable, he chose Hetty.

    "That's not good enough.  She could have died.  He could have killed her out right and not tortured her."

    "He would never.  She is his he greatest accomplishment.  What her mother accomplished with the genetic manipulation that was done has never been recreated.  Reiss wants the formula, which is now only in Reagan's head.  He would never kill her because the formula is his goal.  She made sure she had leverage."

    "How is it you have all of this information?" G finally glanced at her with a frown.

    With a hefty sigh Hetty folded her hands in front of her abdomen, "Reagan sent me all of the files that her mother kept after she had gone through them.  It was her safety net.  If she failed to check in and we couldn't get to her in a reasonable time, I was suppose to release the information to the public.  It would have brought down Chimera, and in turn Reiss.  Once the government discovered that Reiss had gone rogue, they would have hunted him down to control the political mess that would have ensued."

    Callen finally turned to Hetty, his face a mask of anger and grief, "Six months... you knew for six months where she was, that she was alive, and not once did you think that it would have helped to tell us... me, she was alive."

    "I knew if I told you she was alive that you would never stop looking for her, and it was one thing she was adamant about.  She wanted a clean break.  She wanted all of you to go on with your lives.  It was the only thing she made me swear on, the only thing that was a deal breaker."

    "Go on with my life?  Is that what you call what I've been doing?  I've been barely living these past six months.  I now understand why people disappear and are never heard from again.  Damn it, I promised myself that I wouldn't get involved with a woman, because I have nothing to offer her.  No past, no present, and certainly no future.  And yet, Reagan, was able to somehow get around every defense I set up.  She was able to peel back all of the layers and find the only thing about me that was real, and she dug in and I was lost.  Everything I had promised, everything I swore I'd never do, was just forgotten because she got me.

    "I've walked around like a ghost for six months, and the whole time just one word from you would have changed all of that.  Every time I turn around you are keeping something from me.  How can I continue to trust you when you don't trust me?"

    He was livid but hurt, and needed to get it all out.  Hetty stood silently and let him attack her knowing that  in part she deserved what he was saying.  She kept her eyes on Callen allowing him the time to finish saying what needed to be said.

    "Because I made her lie to you," came the soft but strong voice from the bed.

    Both sets of eyes quickly turned to the bed and found Reagan watching them.

    "Good to see you awake, Miss Faraday," Hetty inclined her head.

    "It's good to be awake," came her hoarse reply.

    "Do you need anything?  The nurse said the doctor had you sedated," Callen moved closer.

    She met his eyes but her face didn't soften, "My metabolism eats up the medication.  I'll be fine."

    They stared at each other for what seemed like hours but was only a matter of seconds in reality.  Hetty quietly let herself out of the room, and shut the door behind her, leaving Reagan and G alone amid the beeps of the monitors.

    "You shouldn't have come," Reagan repeated what she had said in the warehouse, "The situation was contained, the damage was limited... and now what?"

    "Reagan..." he tried to reason with her.

    "You just gave Reiss everything he wanted."

    "You were in danger."

    "I was lost, Gabriel.  I am lost.  You sacrificed yourself for a dead woman," she sighed.

    "No!  You are not dead.  We can still..."

    "Just stop.  This is so you.  Always have to do the right thing, can't ever be selfish. Righteous, noble Gabriel.  You just had come find me and expose yourself to this psycho.  Like you're some kind of martyr.  Why can't you just be selfish for once?"

    "You think I can't be selfish? This is the most selfish thing I've ever done. I did this because I had to see you one last time, even if I was killed.  Even if it put the team in danger.  I did this... because I love you."

    Looking away from him she shook her head in denial, "Don't say that.  Don't," she moaned.

    "I don't have a choice."

    "You have no idea who I am, if you did... you could never love me."

    "I know exactly who you are."

    "There is evil inside of me, Gabriel."

    "Perhaps.  Perhaps that is a part of you.  But that is all it is... a part.  It's not all of you.  And that's what I love... all of you."

    His hand reached over and caressed her battered cheek.  At the touch, the jolt of electricity jumped between them and instead of pulling, away as she normally did, Reagan leaned her face into the warmth of his palm.

    "I never wanted it to be like this.  I never wanted you involved."

    "It's too late for that.  It was too late the moment I shook your hand that first day in ops."

    "Reiss is still out there, and now he knows about you.  I don't know if I can do this anymore."

    "You need to finish what you started.  You can't go on running for the rest of your life."

    "What if I make it worse?"

    "How, how could you do that?"

    "Sometimes you try to do the right thing and you just cause more damage.  I have doubts."

    "About what?"

    “It's about this... quest, to revenge my parents, and what it could cost me.  I can't lose you, again, I won't, and if that seems selfish well... I never said I was perfect…”

    Callen cut her off by closing his mouth over hers.  The kiss was soft, but the promise it held spread heat through her body making her ache for more than just sex.  Her free hand came up around the back of his head and her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck.  It had been a long time since she had been held.  A long time since she had curled up at night wrapped within his arms.  As he gently slid his arms around her, trying his best not to hurt her, a tear slipped down her cheek.

    "You're not going to lose me.  And you're right, you never said you were perfect... I did."

    She let him hold her for a moment before she whispered, “The devil doesn’t always come with a red face and horns.  Sometimes, he comes disguised as everything you desire.”

  "I'm going to die, Gabriel."

    Pulling back he looked at her face, "No, the doctors said you were going to be fine," he soothed her, "It's just going to take a while before you're back to yourself."

    She closed her eyes and shook her head sadly, "What I mean is, I have to die G.  It's the only way this will end.  The only way that you will be able to take Reiss down.  If I'm gone, then there is no reason for Reiss to come after you.  If I'm gone, then he can't use you as leverage against me.  And that would be the only thing that would break me."

    As what she was saying dawned on him, anger took the place of concern, "There is another way Reagan, there is always another way."

    He stared at her and saw the resignation in her eyes.  He moved to say something else but it was cut short as the nurse walked in.

    "Miss Faraday, we didn't expect you to be awake for a day or so.  How are you feeling?" she hurried to Reagan, checking her vitals and  her eyes.

    "Like I was run over by a truck.  How do I look?" she joked with the nurse.

    Katie laughed, "Like you were run over by a truck."

    Reagan finally smiled softly and with a little pain.

    "Will you excuse us, sir.  I'm going to have the doctor come and check her and we will require privacy," she said to G.

    He waited a moment, for Reagan to contradict her request, but she remained silent.  He met her eyes and she held his for a moment and then looked away.  Knowing he had lost this round, he turned and walked out of the room.  He was not going to accept the fate she had decided was hers, but he also knew that arguing with her was an effort in futility.  Finding the team in the waiting room, not far from Reagan's door, he jerked his head for them to follow him, and kept walking to the elevator.  The remaining three team members rose and followed.  They entered the elevator first and Callen brought up the rear.  As he turned to face the closing doors, he crossed his arms over his chest and uttered one phrase to the rest of them.

    "Plan B."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Looks like we are coming to the end of this long road we've been traveling on and I want to take a minute to thank all of you faithful readers, and all of you who have only just discovered this tangled web of mine. Your thoughts and comments mean so much to me so if you have a moment please review! I'd love to hear from you!-


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we've made it here. I truly hope you've enjoyed this ride. It's been such a joy for me to stretch my writing 'legs' and hopefully grow as a writer during this process. And I have all of you to thank for this incredible journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody's got a dark side  
> Do you love me?  
> Can you love mine?  
> Nobody's a picture perfect  
> But we're worth it  
> You know that we're worth it  
> Will you love me?  
> Even with my dark side?  
> Dark Side :: Kelly Clarkson

::Chapter 24::

Reagan pulled a brush through her dark hair.  Grasping it with her free hand , she winced, but breathed deeply through the pain, twisting an elastic around it into a ponytail.  After the last twist, she dropped the brush into the sink, trying to will away the burn in her still raw wrists.  

It hurt to hold her arms over her head for any extended period of time, and if she stood too long she became light headed.  She never realized how much she relied on her genetic enhancements until she no longer had them, even if it was for a short period of time.  

Glancing in the mirror, she cringed at the image that stared back at her.  Her lip was healing and had not needed stitches.  The bruised on her right cheek had faded to a shadow, the one on her temple was gone.  The cut across her forehead was stitched and hidden under white steri-strips.  She was pale and the dark hair made her look even more so.  The green contacts had been removed, and her own cerulean eyes watched warily from the glass.

After 4 days, the hospital was finally releasing her into Hetty’s custody.  There had been a few times she thought that staying in the hospital, bad food and all, was a better option to facing Hetty's wrath.  It wasn't going to be pretty or go easy for her.  But in the end, she knew it was only because that was how much Hetty cared.  Hearing the door open, she picked up the brush, and ventured out of the bathroom to see who had come for her.  She stopped short when she found Callen and Sam standing just inside the door, both looking grim.

Slowing her steps, she paused before she reached them.  She looked from one to the other and swallowed heavily, the adrenaline already coursing through her body.

"Is something wrong?" she ventured to ask.

"Not from the government's point of view," Callen answered.

"What does that mean?" she asked, taking a step away from them, her breathing becoming quicker.

Callen looked at her but remained silent.  As he reached for her, her face and demeanor seemed to shift, letting him know that she was going to protect herself no matter what.  Turning her around, he placed one hand cuff gently over her wrist, so as not to hurt the healing skin beneath the gauze.  Taking her other arm, he cuffed that one much the same way, careful of her wounds.  Turning her back around, he handed her off to Sam and walked out in front of them.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice sounding slightly panicked.

"SecNav has decided to negotiate with Reiss.  Apparently, they have come to an agreement.”

Reagan craned her neck to look back at Sam, who had spoken.  

“Why is the government negotiating with a terrorist?  And what does that have to do with me?” she questioned warily.

“You… are the bargaining chip.  Reiss wants you, and in exchange, he will destroy everything that links the government to Chimera Project.  The President wants to make sure that his ass is covered.  He doesn’t want the sanctioned assassination of political leaders ever to be traced back to him or the government.”

“That impossible!  Even the President can’t bargain with someone’s life!”  Reagan cried.

“After much debate on the legitimacy of your human rights, the consensus was, that being the result of an illegal genetic experiment, the Specimen will not be granted human rights.  That they are, in fact, not entirely human, and therefore cannot expect the same rights a human would. The council has decided that, because of the illegal nature of the Chimera Project, the results of said project, must be destroyed as law dictates.”

"What?!" she cried, her eyes wide with disbelief," No!  Sam, you can't do this!"

Not looking at her, he answered, "It's out of our hands now, Reagan.  Apparently you were a small price to pay for their collective safety"

She began to struggle, pulling against him, twisting and bucking against the restraints, with no care for her already damaged wrists.  Sam grabbed her upper arms from behind, as Callen turned to see what was going on.  Using the leverage of Sam's strong hands gripping her, she kicked out catching Callen in the chest.  He stumbled backwards, but Deeks reached out and steadied him.  Sam never lost his grip while Reagan thrashed in his arms.  Suddenly they all heard the click of a gun and discovered Callen with his Sig pointed at Reagan.

"Callen," Kensi said.  Her voice held a warning.

Deeks put a hand on her shoulder to stop her from moving.  She stilled, but watched him warily.  Reagan had stopped fighting, but she was not resigned to her fate.

"Do it." she growled through her teeth.

The occupants of the floor, were flooded into the hallway, or peering from their doors, gaping at the commotion.  Some had out their phones, and were snapping pictures or taking video.  The five team members were acutely aware of their surroundings.

"Do it, G.  Shoot me.  It would be more humane than what he will do," Reagan spoke to Callen.  "At least give me that.  At least let me die a clean death.  If you do nothing else, at least give me that," she started to plead with him.

His face a mask of stone, he stared at her, looking into those eyes that had captivated him from the beginning.  Without a word. he slowly lowered the gun and turned away.

"No!" she cried out, "You can't do this.  G!  Please don't do this.  If you cared for me at all..." she began to pleaded.

But her pleas fell on deaf ears, and as Sam led her to the bank of elevators following Callen, Kensi and Deeks, the adrenaline that had begun to pump through her veins, exploded into a vicious surge.  When the elevator doors opened Callen, Kensi, and Deeks stepped aside and let Sam and Reagan on.  Reagan turned expecting them to follow, but they simply watched as the doors closed on them.

Looking up at Sam, she began to talk to him, "Sam, please don't do this.  If you give me over to him, I'm a dead woman.  He'll torture me and then kill me.  Please, on everything honorable that you are, just snap my neck now.  Tell them I fell fighting you.  Anything, but please don't give me to him."

He refused to look down at or answer her.  His eyes remained trained on the elevator doors, and didn't move until they opened into the parking garage.  At that point, she suddenly became silent.  Exiting the elevator, a black SUV was waiting for them.  The door swung open revealing a man in a dark suit with sunglasses concealing most of his face.

"It seems like you are a very valuable asset, Miss Faraday.  The President of the United States thanks you for your service to your country," he said cryptically to her, moving aside to let Sam put her in the car.

With her arms pinned behind her back she sat between Sam and the stranger with two more dark suited men in the front seat.  Glancing at each, she finally focused her gaze out the front window and tried to block everything else out.  At the point she knew the only way out, was to move forward.

____________________________________________________________

As the elevator doors shut, the three remaining agents stared at them.  The deep, rich voice from behind them, had the three of them turning around to find Hetty standing there.

"Well, that was something," she indicated the still buzzing hallway behind her.

"We were doing the job," Callen countered.

"And you did it well.  Miss Faraday is in route to the drop off point.  The three of you will need to get there before Reiss, and have the area secure.  We cannot take any chances that something goes wrong with this exchange.  It must go completely according to plan," she reminded them.

"Did anyone tell Reagan that?" Deeks remarked disparagingly.

"Miss Faraday's instincts are to fight back when she's cornered.  She would never go quietly.  I know that you are not entirely thrilled with this mission, but there are times we must do what our government asks of us, even if we find it difficult... or distasteful.  

“Unfortunately, collateral damage is usually part of the outcome, and we cannot let our emotions cloud our judgment.  The government needed a way to contain the fallout of the Chimera Project, and by making this deal with Talbot Reiss, they are able to do that.  Miss Faraday knew the risks of the course she took."

Their faces remained impassive as they nodded in agreement.

"You all know how this needs to be played out.  I expect you all to follow the plan with no exceptions.  This little show for the camera's was a necessary evil, but there cannot be another one.  The government wants this little mission to go down undetected. Cover our tracks and keep our heads down."

The three listened silently and nodded.

"Good.  Mr. Callen.  A word with you before you head over to the warehouse."

Kensi and Deeks glanced at him, then turned and headed into the just opening elevator.

Callen crossed his arms over his chest and focused on Hetty.

"How are you, Mr. Reynolds?"

"Fine," was his quick reply.

"I understand that this may be difficult for you, knowing the relationship you had with Miss Faraday.  I myself am not entirely comfortable with what we are about to do, but we are bound by our oath to our government, to comply with the ruling of the President.  Yet, I cannot send you on this assignment until I know that you are able to fulfill this mission with the utmost certainty.  I cannot have you ruining the outcome because you are unable to separate your personal feelings for Miss Faraday, from your professional duty.  

“So tell me, Mr. Reynolds.  Will you be able to do what needs to be done, or should I have you remain here, while the others take care of this operation."

He remained impassive for a long time. Staring at her with a frown caught between his brows.  He was at war.  He knew what had to be done, knew that there was no way around this, yet he still couldn't resolve himself to the task.  As a federal agent, he was bound to serve his country and by doing that, hand Reagan over to Reiss, but as a man who loved her, he truly wasn't sure that he was able to do it.  He needed to focus.  Reagan had made it very plain that her mission, her crusade, came before everything else.  He needed to remember that and keep it close.

"Mr. Reynolds?" Hetty interrupted.

"She is simply collateral damage.  She showed me, in no uncertain terms that she had no problem walking away from me.  I will do my job to the best of my ability, and any and all personal feelings will be put aside."

Hetty looked at him surveying his response, to his agitation and mood.  She didn't believe him, but she knew that if she benched him he would find a way around it and end up at the warehouse anyway.  Possibly ruining the operation in the process.  After all, Reiss expected Callen to be handing over Reagan.  If he didn't show, Reiss might become spooked and the fallout could be disastrous for the government.

She sighed, "Mr. Reynolds, I hope you will not make me regret this decision.  Go with your team.  And please, bring them all back in once piece."

After a moment Callen nodded, turning to walk to the bank of elevator doors.  Hetty watched him go, second guessing herself the whole time.  It was not something she ever did, and it didn't sit well with her, but she knew with no uncertainty that he needed to be there.  She just hoped that he would be able to complete the task that was set before him, because the alternative spelled disaster.

The three CIA agents had left Sam with Reagan, at the SUV, to do a recon of the abandoned warehouse.  They wanted to make sure that there were no surprises.  Now they stood outside with Sam, waiting for her to emerge.  Slowly, her hands still cuffed behind her back, she slid to the edge of the seat and allowed one of the CIA agents to help her out of the vehicle, into the glaring light of midday.   Blinking, she glanced around, taking in everything.  Across from her she noticed a river, partially frozen.  It was bordered by scraggly bushes and trees that stood out in sharp relief against the white of the snow covered view.  It must have flurried overnight.  

On the other side of the river she could see a number of other buildings in much the same condition as the one behind her.  Turning, she glanced past the SUV to the building that had been her prison.  She had never seen it from outside.  It was a dilapidated building, with windows so covered with grime and dirt that you could no longer see through them.  The white paint was peeling from the cinderblocks and weeds had overtaken the parking lot where it had begun to crack.

With a sigh, she squinted in the sunlight.  "Here we go again," she mumbled to herself.

The CIA agent handed her off to Sam and watched as he led her to the door.  Reagan walked next to him, her heart in her throat, the closer she got.  The memories of the 48 hours she spent in this very warehouse were vague but terrifying.  Sam stopped, before the door, and turned her away from him.  She heard the click of the handcuffs as he removed them from her wrists.  Gingerly rubbing her wrists, she looked up at him in confusion.

"Hetty ordered that you be un-handcuffed upon the exchange.  She wanted you to meet your fate with dignity.  She believes that you will accept your hand and play it accordingly.  But if you decide to run or fight me, I'll cuff you again," he looked down at her.

His eyes were sad but his face was resolute.  He had made his decision and would not be swayed.  He was an honorable man, but he was also a Navy SEAL.  His loyalty was first to his country, second to her.  As it should be, Reagan thought.  Dropping her gaze and her head, she allowed him to lead her into the warehouse.

Inside was dark and barely warmer than outside.  The only light coming from the broken square panes of glass in the windows.  The smell overwhelmed her first, and the shattered memories invaded next. She had undergone torture during the time she had been an assassin, but what she had faced here, had been terrifying compared to anything before.  She could not control the tremor in her hands, as Sam led her to a spot in the center of the warehouse.  Glancing around, looking for cover and escape routes, she found there was nothing.  They had made sure that there was nowhere for her to go, and nothing to save her.

She stood tall, not giving any indication of the gut wrenching fear she was feeling.  Never before had she felt like this, but, logic spoke, never before had she knowingly awaited her death.  Sam had his hand wrapped around her bicep, and could feel the slight tremor that she couldn't mask.  He wanted to ask if she was okay, but knew it was a pointless gesture.  No matter how she was feeling, he knew she would not accept his help, he was the enemy now.  Life was black and white for Reagan, there were the people she could trust, and the people she couldn't, and now that they fell into the latter category, she had already cut her losses.  There was no going back.

They stood in silence, the noise from outside, the only distraction in the otherwise silent world within the warehouse.  After 20 minutes Reagan could feel her legs begin to tremble, the effort to stand was becoming too much.  At 25 minutes the door opened and Callen, Kensi and Deeks walked in, their guns drawn and on their guard.  Seeing everything as it should be, they stowed their guns and moved to where Sam and she were waiting.  

"When is Reiss due?" Sam asked, as they flanked him.

"Twenty minutes from now," Callen said, glancing briefly at Sam, then around the warehouse again.

Reagan stood with her head down, not looking at any of them.  The sense of betrayal burned in her breast.  This was one of the reasons she never got close; never formed bonds.  It was too easy for someone you loved to turn on you; to betray everything, in the name of God, country, and even money.   But she couldn't dwell on that.  She needed to form a plan to get out of there, and in the condition she was in, it wasn't going to be easy.

Her muscles were crying out in protest at the length of time she had been standing, but she made no move to shift her weight or even sway slightly.  It was a matter of pride, she knew, and she was hanging on to what threads she had left, with every ounce of her being.  And then suddenly he was standing there in front of her.  

His scent overwhelmed her first.  That clean male scent that was uniquely him, pervaded her senses and brought the memories along with it.  Closing her eyes against the onslaught, she heard him shift closer and felt his warm breath on her ear.

"You knew this was inevitable.  From the very beginning you knew your path would lead to this.  And it has… because you made it so.  You created your own self fulling destiny.  It could have been different, you know," he said softly, his breath against her cheek caused her to flinch away.

Finally looking up at him, she shook her head slightly, "It could never have been different.  This was the way it was meant to be."

"You always have to be right don't you?  Always have to make decisions for everyone else?  Well this time the decision was made for you.  I just hope you can live with that... for as long as you have left."

His eyes were ice cold as he said the last, and it took everything inside Reagan not to flinch away from the tangible anger she could feel emanating from him.

She looked away, trying her best not to answer him, but that was just not her, and even in the position she was in at that moment, she couldn't resist the urge to fight back.

"Bastard," she bit out.

He stopped for a second, taken back at the anger in her words, and it was a second too long, "Your father doesn’t even know you exist.  And the one who does… hates you."

Her words dripped with venom and struck him to the core.  He had no idea where that came from, perhaps from the darkness she kept locked down inside of her, but the words had hit their mark and left him wounded.  Reagan glared at him from beneath her brows, and felt the push at the back of her conscious. Closing her eyes, she made a final decision.  If this was her last few minutes on earth, then why fight to keep the darkness that was inside of her hidden.  It bubbled to the surface and pushed its way into the forefront of her mind.

“I may not know who my real father is," Callen countered, "But at least I do know, my mother didn’t create monsters.  Do you think your parents looked at you and saw a perfect little girl, or the creature your sainted mother created.  The precious little daughter, the light of her daddy's life, or the vile killer, who doesn't discriminate between killing a terrorist or a child, that she would become?"

Reagan gasped in anguish.  Unable to control herself any longer and pulling the last bit of strength she had out of her, she lunged for Callen, her hands clawed and aiming for his throat.  He stepped back quickly, and Sam's hand on her arm had her pulled up short.  Unable to hold herself upright any more she collapsed to her knees, only held there by the strength of Sam's grip.

"Well, not exactly how it was supposed to happen, but it still had the same effect," Sam said, aside to Callen, "Deeks, get me that chair."

Sam dropped Reagan into the chair, leaving Deeks and Kensi to watch her and then walked over to where Callen was pacing.

"G, you have a mission to complete.  Focus on what's important.  Fighting with her..." he trailed off.

"I know...  I just thought if I..."

"I know, but you don't have a choice G.  We were given orders and we have to follow through.  There's no going back now.  I don't have to remind you what could happen if we fail.  I need to know you're okay.  I need to know you've got my back if things go south.  And right now I don't know that."

Looking at Sam, he nodded and turned away from them all.  Sam was right.  He needed to focus on what was to come, not on verbally wounding Reagan.  Facing the door, he stood staring at the dust motes floating in the sunlight that managed to find its way through the grime.  Sam was right he needed to focus,  he needed to clear his head and stop thinking.  

Sam walked away to deal with Reagan, but kept glancing over his shoulder with worried looks at Callen. He had spoken to Hetty last night, after she had come to them with the news that had been handed down from Vance.

"Do you think he can do this, Mr. Hanna?" Hetty asked him, her gaze piercing him, putting him on the spot.

He held her gaze and thought for a moment before answering, "I don't know.  In all the time we've been partners, I've never seen him like this.  He had a strong connection with Reagan, and I honestly don't know if he can separate himself from that.  Even after everything that's happened, he still wants to believe that there was something besides revenge, behind  her going rogue.

"He's angry with her.  More angry than I've seen him in a long time.  But I don't know if that anger will be enough to fuel him through this."

"And what do you think needs to be done to get him through this? What can I do to express  to him, just how important it is that this operation go without a hitch.  Mr. Reynolds has always been the less steady of you two.  I always know how you will react to almost any given situation, but Mr. Reynolds is less than predictable.  He's the one I worry about, and in all honesty, I am worried about him Mr. Hanna.  Very worried."

"Let me think on this Hetty.  I know G can be unpredictable sometimes, but I'm sure we can figure out a way to get him through this without compromising the operation," Sam frowned, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You have till noon tomorrow to come up with a plan, or I will be forced to pull Mr. Reynolds from this assignment," Hetty warned him before turning and walking away.

Sam watched her go, while his brain kicked into overdrive, trying to think of how to get Callen through this without Hetty pulling him from the assignment.  Then suddenly he blinked, realizing that the answer was staring him in the face.

Looking away from Callen and back to Reagan, he studied her, as she glared at him.  For as much as she had become part of their mismatched family, she was still a formidable opponent and he did not want to test just how far she would go to save herself.

Leaning down and getting in her face, he spoke, "I don't know what that was, but I don't imagine it will help your case with the team any, if you alienate everyone who cares about you."

"Me alienate you?!" she snarled, "Don't you think it's the other way around?  People who care for you, don't hand you over to the man who wants to kill you.  You talk about being a traitor to your country... but what about being a traitor to your friend?"

Her words were said softly but they wounded, as she knew they would.  He frowned and turned away from her.  Everyone looked to the door as they heard it scrape open, and watched as Reiss walked through.  Reagan could do nothing to prevent the shiver that went through her body at the sight of him. Callen moved to meet him in the center of the warehouse, and Deeks and Kensi moved to stand in front of Reagan who was being helped to her feet by Sam.  As Reiss' eyes lit upon her, he gave a snake like smile, and she could feel her stomach turn, as dizziness overtook her.  

She felt Sam's hand tighten slightly on her upper arm, and glancing down at it she took a step to the side, breaking the physical bond.  She couldn't hear what Callen and Reiss were saying, but by Callen's body language she could tell Reiss was being his 'charming' self.  The longer she watched the more her heart began to race.  She could feel the surge of adrenaline running through her veins.  She began to glance around once again, looking for any means of escape.

As Callen turned to retrieve her, her eyes lit upon Deeks gun tucked in the against his back, in the waistband of his jeans, not entirely covered by his blue plaid shirt.  At least ten scenarios ran through her head before she settled on one.  Rolling her weight to the balls of her feet, she waited, thinking through the plan once more, looking for problems.  She found none.

It all happened so quickly, that Reagan already had pulled Deeks's gun from the back of his jeans, and was moving to the side, the gun pointed at Reiss, before any of them could react.  She didn't turn as she heard Sam and Kensi pull their guns and call her name.  Her gun was trained on Reiss, whose hands were in the air, but her eyes were on Callen, as he aimed his gun at her.

"Reagan!" she heard Deeks call warningly, but his voice sounded so far away.

As she watched Callen, everything was breathtakingly clear, every movement shockingly sharp and vivid.  Her brain was processing everything and going over every option while she stood there.

"Drop the gun, Reagan," came Callen's calm, rational voice.

She shook her head slightly, shifting her weight from the ball of one foot to the other.

"You know I can't do that," she called to him.

"Shoot her!"Reiss cried.

Callen glanced over his shoulder at Reiss and then immediately back at Reagan.  "There is no way out, Reagan.  No matter what you do, there is only one outcome."

"He needs to be stopped, G.  He needs to answer for all of his crimes.  You can't just let him go.  I can't just let him go!"

"And what?  You will be judge, jury and executioner?  It's doesn't work that way, Reagan."

"He cannot be allowed to walk free.  And if I'm the only one who can see that... then yes.  Move out of the way, G."

"No!  Drop the gun, Reagan.  Drop it or I'll have to shoot."

At his words, she could feel her heart squeeze tight in her chest.  She knew why he said it.  She had even expected it, but to actually hear the words, broke something inside of her.

"Shoot her damn it! What are you waiting for?" Reiss yelled again.

"Shut up," Callen threw over his shoulder.

Turning back to Reagan, he finally looked into her eyes, and what he saw there, brought him up short.  Fear stared back at him from the deep blue depths.  He couldn't move, could barely think.  In all the time he had known her, fear was the one emotion he had never seen her display. And now finally seeing her succumb to it made his resolve waver.

"Please, G... don't..." she could hear the pleading in her voice but didn't care anymore.

He blinked and steadied his gun, "Don't?  Don't what?  Don't do this to you?" he sneered.

She felt as if he had just slapped her.  Her voice came our tearful, "Don't do this... to us."

She heard Reiss chuckle softly at her plea, and the urge to put a bullet in his head was overwhelming.

He took a deep breath before he answered, "There is no us..."

His voice had been soft, but the barbs had hit home.  He had managed to pierce her heart.  Her breath came out in gasps as she blinked away tears.  Nothing could have prepared her for those words.

"I will ask you to put down the gun one last time.  If you don't, I will take you down," he warned her again.

Still holding her Sig steadily, she studied Callen.  She noticed a slight tremor in his hands, and a war going on behind his stoic visage.  He was wavering.  He couldn't bring himself to do what he was threatening.  She knew this couldn't go on forever, and there would be no more opportunities for her.  With Reiss hidden behind Callen, and Callen unable to finish what had been started, she was left with no choice.

Looking directly into Callen's eyes, her mouth made out the words but no sound came, "I'm sorry."

Before she could think, she reacted.  And though it was over in a matter of seconds, to Reagan time had almost stood still.  Shifting her hands slightly, she let off a shot, catching Callen with a burning graze on his shoulder.  Before she could take another breath, he had gotten off two shots, catching her in the chest and causing her to stumble backwards.  She heard her gun clatter to the ground, and as she glanced down she watched as two points of red began to blossom on her white shirt.  Unable to breathe, and eyes wide in disbelief, she fell to her knees.  With everything still moving in slow motion, and pain radiating from her chest and abdomen, her now oxygen deprived brain began to blur the images around her.  Her eyes immediately went to Callen. She could barely make him out through the blur, but the blue of his eyes was the last thing she saw before everything went black and she finished her descent to the floor.  

Callen watched, his heart constricting but no emotion showing on his face.  He almost hadn't been able to do it.  He almost blew the whole exchange because he couldn't separate his feelings for her, from his job.  He knew she wasn't breathing as she fell from her knees to the filthy, stained floor, but he was helpless to do anything now.  Turning back to Reiss, he watched as the man dropped his hands, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

"Well, I guess I should thank you for saving me the trouble.  I'll be on my way now."

And with that Reiss turned and headed for the door.  He took two steps before he heard the click of  a gun behind him.  Turning slowly he saw Callen with his Sig pointed at his chest.

"What's this?  I have a deal with..." Reiss started.

"I don't care if you made a deal with God, or Allah, or Buddha.  You're not walking out of here to destroy anyone else's life," Callen's voice was soft, but deadly.

He looked from Callen to Deeks and Kensi, who had moved to flank their team leader, their guns also aimed at Reiss.

"Looks like prison orange is going to be in season this year.  Not sure it's your color though," Deeks said deadpan.

A small smile lifted the corner of Reiss' mouth.

"You really think you're going to get away with this," Kensi said slightly surprised.  She was use to criminals who thought they were smarter than the government, but she had never come across anyone who was as cock sure as Reiss was.

"Oh I don't think... I know.  Now either shoot me or put your guns down, cause I'm leaving."

Callen didn't move, his gun pointed directly at Reiss' heart, "She may have been expendable to you, but she was family to us."

"More's the pity.  You didn't know her very well then.  6 was no one's family.  She must have never shown you what she hid deep down.  I told her once there were monsters out there.  At least she understood I was talking about her."

Callen's face hardened at what Reiss said. It was too close to what Reagan had said to him in the hospital 4 nights ago.  Had she been told this all her life? Was this how Reiss had kept control of her, of the rest of them?  The click of the gun had him turning to seek Kensi's Sig pointed at Reiss's head.

"Kens," he said warningly.

"I'm not going to let him speak ill of the dead.  It's not going to happen," she said through her teeth.

"Such loyalty to someone who lied to you.  Who deceived you," Reiss said scathingly.

"She never..." Kensi challenged.

Callen gently placed a hand on top of her gun, stopping her tirade, and slowly put pressure on it until she brought it down, "He's not worth it.  We did our job, now let him go."

Kensi's glance almost had him rescinding his decision, but in the end he dropped his own gun and took a step back.

"You're free to leave the building," was all he said.

Callen followed him at a short distance, still unsure that his decision was the right one.  As Reiss opened the door and stepped out into the late afternoon sunlight, the satisfying sound of more than 60 guns being trained on him, could be heard echoing through the warehouse.

"On the ground, hands behind your head.  Talbot Reiss.  This is the CIA.  You are under arrest for crimes against the United States and her citizens," a voice, over a bull horn, called out.

Reiss raised his hand and glanced over his shoulder at Callen.

"She was right," Callen said, "you need to answer for everything you did to her, and the rest of them."

He watched as two agents ran up to Reiss, turning him around and cuffing his hands behind his back.

Looking at Callen, Reiss sneered, "I still got what I wanted in the end.  She's dead, and with her went the last trace of Chimera.  There is no way the government can make any charges stick now."

Looking at the ground in front of him, trying to hide a wry smile, Callen glanced over his shoulder as two figures came out of the shadows behind him, and had Reiss blanching white.  Moving slowly around Callen, and into the sunlight, a very much alive Reagan, cradled in Sam's arms, stared at Reiss.

"I believe that is called a checkmate," Callen said softly, not bothering to look at Reiss.

Reiss could do no more than stare at her, and as Reagan watched, she could see his carefully created plan crumbling down around his head.  Too tired and injured to speak, she held his eyes for a moment, her face stoic and contemplative.  Then, as if she had finally solved the final clue of a desperately difficult puzzle or the pattern on a chessboard had been revealed to her, her face cleared and softened.  It was over.  The man who had killed her parents was now in custody and headed to some extradition country, and she could finally stop running.  Her life was now her own, to do whatever she wanted with.  With a soft sigh, that only Sam had heard, she turned her face away from Reiss and hooked a feeble arm over Sam's shoulder, training her gaze off into the distance where the paramedics were waiting to take her back to the trauma unit she had only left a few hours before.  Reiss was now a memory, and she had no more strength or energy to think about him.  It was finally over.

____________________________________________________________

1 Day Later

She heard his voice through the fog of the medication the doctor had given her, for the pain.  The two shots Callen had taken, at point blank range, had broken her ribs, although luckily hadn't ruptured anything vital.  She had been shot before, but never had the pain been so severe.  Her body had been so badly damaged from the torture, that the she was very lucky the only thing the two shots had done was break her ribs.   The medication the doctors gave her brought the screaming fire down to a low burn, but it also made her groggy and disoriented.

When the door opened, she tried to sit up, but could barely raise her torso on shaky arms.  Fighting Sam, had caused her healing wrists to open up, and she now had fresh gauze wrapped around them with strict instructions not to use them unless it was an extreme emergency.  And quite honestly, she didn't know if she could do that.  

He stood at the door for a moment before he walked the short distance to the side of her bed.  His face was blurry, but the well loved frown, that always sat between his brows, was there as he looked down at her.

"Do you ever follow directions?" he growled, but she could hear the fear behind it.

"Follow directions?" she asked confused, unable to follow his question because of the drugs.

"Rule number 15..." he ground out, trying to hide the anxiety he was feeling, from seeing her so helpless.

"Rule 15?" she tried to raise her hand to her forehead, confused and not use to it.

"Always work as a team," his voice was softer this time.

"I... I just wanted to protect them," her husky voice was full of emotion.

"And who was going to protect you?" he countered.

"I don't..." she started, and then stopped, knowing how ridiculous she would sound saying it.

"You do. God, Reagan, I never thought I'd ever see you come to this.  And to know that you let it happen. To know that you let Reiss do this to you, when you had the means to escape.  When you had a team that would have helped you bring him down."

"I did it to protect them.  To keep them safe," she protested, trying to raise her voice but not succeeding.

"But that's just it, Reagan.  You're always making decisions for everyone else, out of some mistaken idea that they need your protection.  And look... look where that's gotten you now.  Do you know how terrified I was to come here.  I had no idea what I would be walking into.  When Hetty told me Reiss tortured you and then Callen shot you twice, at point blank range, I expected to find you in a coma.  Even when she told me that you were recovering nicely, and you'd make a full recovery, I didn't believe her.  All I could think of was that I was going to lose you too.  After everything I've lost: Shannon, Kelly, your parents, Franks, I don't think I could survive losing you too," he admonished her, with tears in his eyes.

She turned away, unable to face what he was saying.  Unable to deal with the emotions she was seeing, from the man who had always been so stoic..

"I'm sorry," a sob bubbled up, "I'm so sorry."

She was unable to hold the next one back too, until her sobs became a deluge.  The panic, and fear she heard in Gibbs's voice had broken the dam, and she was unable to stop herself from giving in to her own fear and relief.  She felt his strong arms wrap around her and pull her into his chest.  She lay, helplessly sobbing in his arms, as his silent tears fell into her hair.  He held her tightly, but she didn't complain.  The knowledge that she mattered was worth every ounce of pain she was feeling.

As her sobs began to subside, Gibbs lay her back down on the hospital bed and gently brushed some stray strands of hair out of her face, "I have to say, I don't like you as a brunette."

Reagan gave a watery smile and reached for his hand, needing that physical contact.

"What is going to happen to now?" she asked, needing to know.

"Reiss is being transported to GITMO.  Then he will be sent to some extradition country, so the government won't have to deal with the repercussions of having had a terrorist within the United States Government."

"What about me?" she asked softly.

"What about you?" Gibbs looked at her.

"What does the government plan on doing with me?  I mean, I'm the last of the Specimen from Project Chimera, and the only one who knows everything that happened.  Plus, all of that information is now imbedded in my memory.  What does the government plan on doing with me?"

"You are the daughter of a highly decorated Navy Admiral and the government's leading geneticist, who was thought dead for 13 years.  Only to come to find, you had been kidnapped by Reiss, who kept you locked away, as he tried to use your talent for remembering every fact, to discover your mother's top secret genetic research on gene enhancement for military purposes, so he could sell the information to the highest bidder.  

"You were discovered only, because he was going to use you, to barter for your mothers files.  The CIA set up the whole operation in order to capture Reiss and rescue you.  They discovered you tortured and left for dead in the warehouse, once they took Reiss into custody.  Or at least that's what civilians, and anyone whose pay grade doesn't  rank high enough, will be told."

"There will be no rendition for anything I did?" she asked, extremely tired but needing to know her fate.

"The only thing the President asks, is that you keep any military secrets you might know, from either your missions under Reiss, or your mother's files, in the strictest confidence.  If you can agree to that, then you have been given an absolute pardon and your life back."

Reagan laid in the bed and tried to process everything Gibbs was telling her.  She had been given her life back twice that day.  Once when Reiss had been taken into custody, and now again, that the government was willing to overlook the transgressions from her days as an assassin.  She knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth, and all she wanted was to quietly disappear back into obscurity.

Sighing deeply, she seemed to sink down into the bed, "So what do I do?"

It had been a long time since she had looked to him for advice, but he was glad to see that she still trusted him.

"Well, first thing you need to do is recover.  You'll come home with me and work on that.  For as long as it takes," his tone told her he would not take no for an answer, so she simply smiled.

"Do you think Vance will let me have my job back?" she asked and then widened her eyes as another thought came to her, "Do you think Hetty will?"

It was his turn to smile, "I've already talked to Hetty and she is ready to take you back as soon as I deem you're ready.  Vance is going to be our stumbling block.  I've managed to set up a meeting with him in a month's time."

"A month?!" she cried.

"Reagan, no matter what you say, or do, you are not going anywhere for at least a month.  And he was willing to agree to the meeting as long as you adhered to me overseeing your recovery.  Otherwise it was out of the question.  If you want back into NCIS, then you'd better toe the line and follow the rules!"

"You mean your rules," a smile lifted the side of her mouth slightly.

"Exactly."

She chuckled and yawned deeply.

"You should get some rest," Gibbs took her hand and squeezed it gently.

"I have a whole month to rest apparently, it can wait a few more moments.  We haven't seen each other in a long time."

Gibbs smiled at her for a moment and then his frown was back.  He studied her intently until she became uncomfortable.

"What?"

He waited a heartbeat before he answered, "Are you sure you want this life, Reagan?  I mean you have a way out.  You have the chance to live a normal life, finally.  Why wouldn't you jump at the chance to get out of all this?"

A soft smile played about her mouth, "Because... Everything, and everyone that I love is part of this life.  What would I do with myself if I couldn't do this?"

Gibbs nodded, completely understanding her answer.

"And how do they feel about you coming back?" he asked and watched her features become uncertain.

"I don't know.  I think they understand why I left.  They understand my reasons for what I did.  But what we had before has been damaged.  And that is going to take time to heal.  

“It will be a long while before they trust me again.  It hurts, but I understand that only time will heal the rift that what I did caused," she said thoughtfully.

"And G?" Gibbs pushed a little more.

Reagan fell silent and turned her head away from him.  The last thing she wanted was for him to see the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.  She knew that she had irrevocably ruined what she and Callen had, and she wasn't sure that anything would repair that.  She hadn't seen him in the day and a half that she had been back in the hospital, although the team had assured her, the wound she had given him had been treated with some peroxide and gauze.

She knew that peroxide and gauze was not going to help heal the damage she had caused.  And it certainly wouldn't help heal what had been broken.  She knew they could never go back, and the simple thought of it cut her to the quick.  Even after everything that had happened, after all that had been said and done, she wished she could look into his eyes one more time and explain everything to him.  Even if it changed nothing, just to be completely honest with him would be a huge relief to her.

Gibbs brushed her hair from her face and smiled sadly at her, "You haven't seen him since the day in the warehouse?"

She shook her head, unable to answer.

"Give him time," he said, and brushed his hand over her hair again.

She silently reached for him.  He stayed with her, holding her hand until she had fallen back into her medicated sleep.  He left quietly, shutting the door without a sound.  Turning to head to the elevators, he nearly fell over Callen, who had been lurking in the hallway.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Beating herself up for everything that happened. Slowly healing," Gibbs answered.

"Will she be okay?  I mean... back to herself?"

Gibbs nodded, "In time, if she lets herself heal, the doctors say she'll make a full recovery.  The skin on her wrists might be scarred because of the damage and she'll wear a tiny line above her eyebrow, but otherwise there should be no lasting effects."

Callen nodded looking relieved.

"Is this what you do?" Gibbs asked.

With a look of surprise, Callen stopped his shifting, "What?"

"Come here, and wait until she is sleeping to check on her?  She told me she hasn't seen you since the warehouse.  Why are you torturing yourself... and her?"

Shaking his head he answered, "I need to know she's okay, but I'm not ready to see her yet.  And she's not ready to see me.  There is a lot we need to say to each other and here is not the place it should be done."

"She wants to come back to NCIS, but she thinks that staying in DC is the best option."

He frowned, "Her home is in LA, why would she transfer to DC?"

"She doesn't want to make you uncomfortable.  She'd give up LA for you," Gibbs announced slightly unsympathetically.

He watched as Callen's face hardened and it was obvious he had made up his mind about something.  

"Don't leave it until it's too late."

Callen looked at him and nodded once.  Gibbs studied the younger man for a moment, and then satisfied, he continued his walk to the elevators.

Callen turned and watched him disappear behind the closed doors and then moved back to the only door that mattered in his life right then.  He watched her from outside the long window in the door, keeping silent watch over her.  He took in her pale face and the dark hair that now showed light roots.

He didn't know what to say to her.  Didn't even know if she wanted to talk to him.  Christ, he had shot her, point blank in the chest, how would they ever get past that?  He didn't care that she had agreed to the plan, or that she had been wearing body armor to protect herself.  He had shot her.  

Lifting his right arm, he winced at the tender pull his healing skin gave him.  Okay, so she had shot him too, but only because she had seen him wavering, and knew he couldn't do what he needed to.  She had known he would react purely on instinct if he was shot at, and took the chance.  The chance with her own life.  Without a care for her own personal safety, she placed herself out there for the rest of them.  There would never be another woman like her and he knew that if what they had could not be repaired, no one would ever measure up.

Leaning his head against the glass panel he stared hard at her and finally noticed the tears that had created wet paths down her cheeks.  Even now, sleep was her enemy, revealing the things that she hid deep down and never let anyone see.

He stood there well into the night.  A silent sentinel, watching over her, guarding her from the monsters that were still out there, even if, perhaps, he were one of them.

____________________________________________________________

10 Days Later

"How about some food?" Gibbs looked over to where Reagan had stopped her packing to stare out the window of the loft.

She had been released from the hospital 3 days before, and returned home to pack up her things in order to return to DC with him.  There wasn't much to pack but Sam, Kensi and Deeks had created excuses to stopped by over the past three days to 'help' her.  What they hadn't said, but she had completely understood, was that they were checking up on her and were trying to make it look like a casual visit.  She had been grateful for the distraction but it was obvious to each of them that the person she wanted to see, was the only one who hadn't shown up.  

Her smile was weak, and her usually witty banter and snarky comebacks were lack luster.  They hadn't spoken to Callen about their plan to visit, knowing that anytime Reagan had been brought up, he had ended up walking out of the room.  It hurt them to see two people they loved, hurting so much, but they also knew that the only ones who could heal the rift were the two who were afraid to do it.

"I'm not really hungry," she answered absently, not turning from the view.

“You need to eat,” he tried again.  

She didn’t respond.

Gibbs sighed.  She had lost a considerable amount of weight in the hospital and standing in front of him now, he could see just how much.  Her appetite was nonexistent, and she only forced herself to eat when Gibbs became angry with her.  She had tried a little harder in the hospital because her leaving there had hinged on the doctors making sure she was going to gain the weight back.  But once she was released she had stopped trying.

Reagan finally looked at Gibbs, the tears glittering on her dusky lashes, making her eyes look like blue orbs of shimmering crystals.  He stepped closer to her and affectionately laid his hand upon her cheek.  His thumb brushing away the tear that threatened to fall.

“Was it worth it?”

The bubble of a sob caught in her throat and all she could do was nod around the swell.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”  Her voice was wet with tears.  “I had to.  I had to protect him.  No matter the cost.”

“Even losing him forever?” Gibbs asked, voicing the truth that she was hiding from.

Reagan bit her lip to quash the sob, and nodded again.  Caught by the sun, the tears flared on her pale cheek.  Turning from him, she moved away from the comfort of his warm hand.  Gibbs sighed silently, watching.  He was doing everything he could for her.  But he, of all people, knew there was nothing he could do to heal a broken heart.

Unable to hold it back any longer, the sob bubbled up and escaped her lips.  Dropping into a crouch, she curled in on herself, pushing her fist to her chest.  Another sob escaped.

Gibbs moved to his niece, wanting to comfort her but unsure of what to do.

“Reagan,” he said softly, trying to express the pain he felt for her.

“Why does it hurt so much?” she wept, one fist pressed against her heart, the other held over her mouth to stifle the sobs.

Gibbs finally laid a hand on the golden crown of her head.  “Because it was real,” came his whispered response.

“If this is love, I do not want it.”  Her tears flowed freely now.

“There is nothing that can be done for a broken heart.  Eventually you will learn to live with the pain, and it won’t hurt as much.  Eventually it will become an ache that you can forget for a while.”

They stood there for a while, before Reagan allowed him to help her to the chair that sat in front of the windows.  

Gibbs bent over her and placed a kiss on her forehead.  "I'll be back with dinner."

He headed out and she heard the door click shut.  Some people might find it strange that she felt comfortable in the loft that she had been kidnapped from, but it had become a haven to her when she had gone off the grid, and the night she had let herself be taken held no fear for her.  Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind.  She'd been trying to do it for over a week now with no success.  He was always there, just in the back of her conscious, making it almost impossible to push the memories into the shadows.  Nighttime was the worst, when she had nothing else to think about, and her defenses were at their lowest.  

Blinking, she forced her mind to go blank.  Reagan brushed the tears from her cheeks, never taking her gaze from the grimy window.  She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, even though she wore an oversized cardigan style sweater over her black leggings and tunic top.  She was cold.  She seemed to always be cold now.  

She heard the door open, but didn't pay it any mind, believing it was just her uncle returning.  She knew she was wrong, before he even entered the room.  The scent of citrus, fresh air, and him flooded her senses, drowning her in memories.  She was spent, and had no defenses left to protect herself.  Her heart was so broken already, she did not think she could bear this confrontation.  But try as she might, she could not find it in her to want him gone.  

He crossed the room and stood next to her without making a sound, as if he  needed the silence as much as she did.  She did not turn to him, nor he to her.  She had no idea how long they stood there together.  What felt like hours, in reality, could only have been minutes.  One million things went through her head that she wanted to tell him.  Truths, lies, and everything in between, but she remained silent.  Locking it down before she could make things any worse between them.  Just being next to him was enough, she told herself.  Just his being there was enough.

They both gazed out the window.  Each focused on a different point in the outside world, that neither actually saw, as they contemplated their futures; their next steps without Chimera and Reiss hanging over their heads.  With a sigh, Reagan broke the silence.

“I didn’t think you would come.”

“I didn’t think I would either.”

"G, I... I need to..." she stumbled over the words.

He glanced at her and turned slowly, moving his hands from his pockets to across his chest.

Pulling her sweater tighter to her, as if it were armor that could protect her, she glanced down at the soft Ugg boots that covered her feet.

Looking down at the floor also, he answered, "You don't have to."

"Yes, I do.  I need to explain.  About... the things I said... back there."

He waited, studying her face, trying to commit it to memory.

"I.. I didn't mean it."

Callen cocked his head, studying her for a few seconds more.  "Yes, you did," he returned.

Reagan shook her head, trying to find the words.  "I said some... unforgivable things."  Tears began to form in her eyes.

"Yeah, but... you had to.  It was the only way to get us through it.  The only way to get me through it."

"I… I shot you!" she cried.

He took a step closer to her, reaching out and gently turning her face to him.  "And I shot you.  We have to do things, every day, that we regret.  You didn't say those thing or shoot me because you don't love me.  And I didn't say those things or shoot you because I don't love you.  Because I do, Reagan.  I love you.  And I'm not going to stop saying it until you finally believe me.  I'm not going to stop saying it until you believe you are worthy of love."

He ran his hands from her cheeks into her hair, gently pulling her closer to him.  When his lips met hers, he could feel all of the tension and strain leave her body.  She leaned into him with a sigh and answered his kiss with one of her own.  Her arms slowly inched their way around his neck as her fingers found their way into his hair.  Her eyes had fluttered closed as their tongues danced. Neither sought dominance, neither tried to pull away.  They were content to revel in the softness of the moment.  A softness that neither of them were used to in their lives until now.

Finally breaking away, Reagan buried her face in his neck, breathing him in, as a tear slipped down her cheek.  Lifting her face slightly, she looked out of the window behind him, as the sun tried it's best to shine through.

"I can see my future again," she whispered tearfully, into the shell of his ear, "It's been a long time, but I can finally see it again."

He held her tight, his arms wrapped around her back, pulling her close.  He was afraid of the answer but he knew that the question had to be asked.  "And do you see me in your future?"

It's was little more than a whisper but it cause Reagan to still and pull away from him.  Her eyes met his and she gave a sad smile, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"That depends entirely on you," came her soft, husky reply.

With a smile and a sigh, he pulled her close again, burying his face in the fall of hair that hung over her shoulder.  He knew that second chances didn't come around very often, and when they did you needed to grab hold of them with both hands.  And he planned on holding on to this, until they had to pry it from his dead fingers.

"Where do we go from here?" he whispered, after holding her for a while.

Looking up at him, she shook her head, "I don't know.  I’ve never been here before.”

He smiled down at her.  “Me either.”

“I need you to understand something."  He suddenly became serious.

She blinked up at him.  "Okay."

"I want you to know… that no matter where you are… no matter how far you go… I will always find you.  Always."  His light blue eyes bore into hers, seeking her soul.

She pulled away from him slightly, her eyes locked with his, her face a study of seriousness.  "Do you promise?"

He smiled at her finally, "I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that, you know."

"I have no doubt," he chuckled, as he leaned in and kissed her smiling mouth.

 


	25. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, we have reached the end. I had intended to continue Reagan and G's story, and did begin, but life and my original work got in the way. I hope you enjoyed the journey. If you are interested in another Reagan and G story, let me know. I'd love to hear from you and what you thought of this, my freshman foray into writing. And who knows, these two may threaten me into finishing the second story! Much love. -Blonde

Washington, D.C. - Five Weeks Later

Her arm was tucked in his, and she walked close to him, their sides touching, as if she was still afraid that if they weren’t, it would all go up in smoke and he would disappear.  They had never been able to do this before; even their meetings had been covert and tense when they were apart. But today, walking down the street in D.C. she finally felt free.  They talked, their heads close together, soft smiles shared and laughter heard.  I have so much to make up for, she thought.

She had never been to the NICS offices in DC.  Christ, she had never walked through the streets in the open, since she was a child.  But today she could skip through the streets, singing on the top of her lungs, and the only notice she would get, is from passersby thinking she had escaped from the asylum.  Yet, as she walked along the street, she still glanced around, looking for escape routes, looking for people following her.  

She couldn't help it, it was ingrained in her being.  And, she also knew that she had been followed.  She had been followed from when she had left Gibbs house the day after she had arrived.  The car was dark, American made, and nondescript.  Someone without her skills would never have noticed, but she was an exception in most things.  

She had been in D.C. for over a month now, and the same car kept showing up no matter where she was.  The windows were tinted, so she could never see the driver, but judging from the different driving techniques, it was not the same person driving every day.  

As they neared the entrance to NCIS headquarters, she spotted the car once again.  It was an over cast day, and she finally was able to catch a glimpse of the driver and passenger in the front seat.  When she saw who it was, her stomach dropped in free fall, and her confident stride faltered for a moment.  Gibbs noticed and asked her if everything were okay.  She nodded and assured him that she was fine.  Pasting on a confident smile she asked him to wait inside the lobby so she could make a quick phone call.  He agreed, and glanced around one last time before entering the glass doors of the agency.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

He watched as she almost floated down the block, her hair once again sunshine blonde. Half the length he remembered, but it still lifted off her shoulders when she walked.  She was graceful, with the weightless gait of a dancer.  He had watched her for a long time, and knew every nuance of how she moved.  He played with the phone sitting in his hand.  And suddenly it rang causing him to almost drop it.  He didn't recognize the number.  Pressing the screen, he lifted it to his ear cautiously.  It was a brand new burn phone and only a select few had the number.

"Hello?"

"Boo!" the very sexy female voice said, and the phone went dead.

His head snapped up and there she stood at the door of an office building, facing him with her thousand kilowatt smile blinding him, her hair wind tossed and her phone in her hand.  She gave a little wave and walked into the highly secure building.  He sighed, dropping the phone to the floor, and his head back on the seat.

"I told you she would know," the distinctive voice of his partner came from the back seat.  

He chuckled, "I know."

"Then why did we come if you knew she would make you?" a third male voice came over their earwigs.

"Are you... really?!" this time it was a female voice over the earwigs, and he knew she was not speaking to him.

"I made a promise."

"To what?" his partner asked, "Eat bad fast food, and hang out in a car for four weeks?"

Another chuckle, "No."

"Then what was it?" the male voice over the earwig asked.

"I promised that I would always find her, no matter where she was, no matter how far she went.  I would always find her.  And I intend to keep that promise," he put his hands behind his head with a satisfied smile.


End file.
